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Advice How do you decide whether to have children or not?

I got pregnant while using the Today sponge. It was not planned. I wasn’t sure he’d be happy but he was. My husband was gone working overseas after she was born, leaving me to raise our little girl. We divorced when she was 4.

I got pregnant with my 2nd husband. He was halfway through the door due to numerous flings, affairs, one night stands and a huge blow habit. He was also taking steroids and would choke me out or throw things at me. I definitely didn’t want to have a baby with him. I got an abortion, and I never told him I was pregnant. Sometimes I think of the abortion and I’m not sad, given life’s circumstances. I would’ve been tied to my abuser for life.
 
When you have a child, prepare yourself that even through divorce, you cannot get really rid of a toxic parent.

I’m forever tied to my 1st husband and though he has been married for several years, his family still invites me to go places with them. I can’t say the new wife is happy with me around.
 
@Fiori di Bella

If I was in your situation, I wouldn't hang around with my ex's new partner. If I was in her situation, I wouldn't like you being around either. Why not just do split custody and see your kids on your days?
 
We have one daughter, I have no other kids. She’s in her early 20s and is moving in a month to the PNW for grad school. So there are no custody issues.

I don’t hang out a lot with my ex in-laws. But I do accept any invitation that appeals to me; I think it’s better to have a united front for the sake of my daughter.
 
n3ophy7e said:
I have always felt like I was born to be a mother. Ever since I was 17 years old I have been "clucky" for a baby, and have even been pregnant a few times. However rather than just flippantly follow through with those pregnancies simply because I have always wanted children, I was also very sensible and very seriously considered my circumstances at the times I accidentally fell pregnant. The first 2 times I found out I was pregnant, I had been drinking VERY very heavily and using a lot of different illicit substances, with very poor nutrition. So I opted to have the pregnancies terminated (both were at about 6 weeks, very early on). The 3rd pregnancy miscarried on its own.

Now I am 36 years old, in a stable, loving relationship, my partner and I are both 100% sober and clean of all substances, we are emotionally stable and financially responsible, and we have decided that we want to share each other's genetic material and make some children. Thus my partner and I are now actively trying for a baby :)
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Update:
I'M PREGNANT! 😃 <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Thank you lovely! I've had a couple of horrendous weeks with sickness, but I feel great atm :)
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The worst part of that sickness is that the nausea is so unpredictable and sudden. I kept soda crackers on my nightstand that I’d eat before I got up, through week 13-14. After that, there was no more am sickness.
 
Audiobook said:
Congratulations!!
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Thank you! :)

Fiori di Bella said:
The worst part of that sickness is that the nausea is so unpredictable and sudden. I kept soda crackers on my nightstand that I’d eat before I got up, through week 13-14. After that, there was no more am sickness.
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OMFG I was soooo sick last week, I kept thinking to myself "WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE CHILDREN?!!! THIS IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE!!" :LOL:
But I feel completely fine now.
 
Perforated said:
I’ve lately been thinking about having another kid. Despite it being 10 years since the last one and the fact I have no girlfriend. I see what I did not do well in raising my first two and still desire the full tight knit family experience and the project of raising kids right to take on the contemporary world.

I’m sure it’s just at the level of fantasy. But you never know. May dating range starts at about 35 so it’s not impossible I could meet someone who wants one.
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10 years isn’t too bad of a gap. I have a 13, 10, 8 and 3 year old. First 3 boys but my little girl is my life.
 
I personally don’t think you come to a decision you either know you want kids or you don’t. It’s like being gay or straight to me, you just know It.
 
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