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TDS How Do You Deal With Loss

Lil'LinaptkSix

Lil'LinaptkSix

Moderator: H&R, TL
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This question is aimed at those you love/care for (really) be it a person, "pet", car, favorite shirt etc.
Something/someone you are "attached" to.

Myself: I don't take it very well... at all. It does something inside of my being that is super painful and can put me in a "depressive" mood and sometimes can make me manic.
Some it doesn't bother as "life goes on".

Just wondering how others deal with loss.
 
6am-64-14m said:
This question is aimed at those you love/care for (really) be it a person, "pet", car, favorite shirt etc.
Something/someone you are "attached" to.

Myself: I don't take it very well... at all. It does something inside of my being that is super painful and can put me in a "depressive" mood and sometimes can make me manic.
Some it doesn't bother as "life goes on".

Just wondering how others deal with loss.
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I totally feel ya man. I lost my brother on June 24th of arteriosclerosis. Was so sudden. 3 months later and the pain is just as bad now. He was 63 and to me not old at all. Some days the depression is so bad I just dont want to do anything or see anyone. Surprisingly, my drinking hasnt increased, maybe 2 beers a day as i used to suck down a 750ml bottle of vodka a day, so I'm glad of that. I just wish I could see him for just one more day.
 
Lost my brother while I was doing time in the late 80s.
I cry when I think of him as I miss him sooooooo fuckin much.
Man I wish I could just sit down and have a few minutes to chat with him.
Sorry man. It doesnt get any better (ime) but does lessen as years pass.
 
I don't deal with it very well. It's taken me years to get over losing my father, and honestly still don't think I'm really there yet.
 
The two losses that affected me the most were my best high school friend, who died when I was a sophomore in college. The next year I met a girl who swept me off my feet and made an honest man out of me..... less than 3 years later, she died in a car wreck 6 months before our wedding.

One of the things that helped me the most was getting a kitten a week after my fiancee's funeral. I held on to that cat for 18 years until she died from chronic kidney disease complications a year ago. But while she was alive, she literally gave me something to live for.

I know this sounds cheesy, but another thing I did after my fiancee died was start playing guitar. Its amazing how much art that pain and loneliness can inspire, but it really did help me. I even asked a psychotherapist if she thought whether writing sad songs inspired by my late fiancee was a good idea. She said yes and so my homework began. After going through some manic phases in my life where I wrote more songs than normal, I am now stable on my meds and am sitting on over 150 original songs. The challenge has been making albums out of them. And although I think I've gotten over the hump of writing songs directly inspired by my former fiancee, I have been able to find inspiration in other places.

Not saying any of this will help any of you. Just sharing what worked for me and kept me alive, not to mention stays in half a dozen mental hospitals and psych meds and therapy. Oh yeah, and cannabis. That's helped a lot.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
The two losses that affected me the most were my best high school friend, who died when I was a sophomore in college. The next year I met a girl who swept me off my feet and made an honest man out of me..... less than 3 years later, she died in a car wreck 6 months before our wedding.

One of the things that helped me the most was getting a kitten a week after my fiancee's funeral. I held on to that cat for 18 years until she died from chronic kidney disease complications a year ago. But while she was alive, she literally gave me something to live for.

I know this sounds cheesy, but another thing I did after my fiancee died was start playing guitar. Its amazing how much art that pain and loneliness can inspire, but it really did help me. I even asked a psychotherapist if she thought whether writing sad songs inspired by my late fiancee was a good idea. She said yes and so my homework began. After going through some manic phases in my life where I wrote more songs than normal, I am now stable on my meds and am sitting on over 150 original songs. The challenge has been making albums out of them. And although I think I've gotten over the hump of writing songs directly inspired by my former fiancee, I have been able to find inspiration in other places.

Not saying any of this will help any of you. Just sharing what worked for me and kept me alive, not to mention stays in half a dozen mental hospitals and psych meds and therapy. Oh yeah, and cannabis. That's helped a lot.
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Thank you for sharing your story. Im so sorry for your loss, you are a strong person. Animals can really add companionship for us. I love cats too. I have 4!
 
6am-64-14m said:
Lost my brother in 87 but if I think of him I still break down. I have a half brother but he is a "golden child" and we do not and have not communicated in decades (I tried but....)
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Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. And I'm sorry to hear that you don't have a relationship with your half brother.

FWIW I don't have a relationship with my psychologically abusive dad. After years of gaslighting our whole family, my mother finally mustered the courage to leave him 20 something years ago. Now my brother and I no longer speak with him. Sometimes radio silence is better than acting like you care about each other.

And it's not to say I don't "want" to care about my dad. It's that every time I've tried to care about him and called him on the phone, I've talked to him and gotten burned. So now I just don't call him. It's almost like I've been mourning his death even though he is still alive and living in our old house.

:violin:

Sorry to make most of this post about me and not you. Typing all that has honestly helped me process some things I have not thought about in a while.
 
xaddictx said:
Thank you for sharing your story. Im so sorry for your loss, you are a strong person. Animals can really add companionship for us. I love cats too. I have 4!
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Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss as well.

Cats are great! Although, the last year my cat was alive I had to give her subcutaneous injections of saline fluid to keep her from dehydrating to death due to kidney disease. It was traumatic for both of us and I'm not sure if I could go through that again. I hope your cats remain healthy and live long lives.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss as well.

Cats are great! Although, the last year my cat was alive I had to give her subcutaneous injections of saline fluid to keep her from dehydrating to death due to kidney disease. It was traumatic for both of us and I'm not sure if I could go through that again. I hope your cats remain healthy and live long lives.
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Thank you so much. And take care.
 
I don't think anyone ever REALLY and completely 'gets over' someone dying if that person truly mattered to you.
You learn to get used to them not being there and you get on with your life, but you never stop missing them.

And it still hurts even if it's a good end, even if you've been expecting it for years, even if they died not a day before their natural time, and even if that person themselves was ready and willing to go.
All the above holds true for my grandmother, who died in 2017, having lived to a full century, and she went peacefully after a happy life. Best anyone could wish for. Yet I still miss her and still cry sometimes because when you love someone, you just want that ONE. more. day.
 
PS I irrationally get saddened when I see conkers. She always used to collect them on autumn walks in the park with me. We'd both stuff our pockets full and then fill a dish with shiny brown conkers and enjoy the gloss and the feel of them.
She called them 'hand - flatterers' which is about the best way I can think to describe one.

.. So the memory also makes me happy. I think it's always that bitter - sweet thing. You're glad about the lovely times you had with someone and then BECAUSE they were such good times it stings more that they're no longer with you.
 
I just lost my 17 year old daughter to and overdose and I cant handle this shit Im angry at her adoptive parents and for no one doing anything. I begged her to come live with me as im older now i had her really young thot i was giving her everything i didnt have but i begged her to come up but i dont have the money shes accustomed to and now shes gone!!!!
 
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