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TDS How come i realize every day that i need to stop but i can't?

Lysergic_Dreams

Lysergic_Dreams

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 11, 2018
Messages
22
I've never dealt with addiction in my life. I wouldn't even consider myself addicted (and i do realize the first step to solving addiction is to admit that you are), but i feel as if im more dependent that anything. Its never to a specific drug, just anything that will make me feel not sober. I realize i have some things going on in my life right now that could easily turn me into deep addiction, but im currently im college and the stress is getting to me more than i ever thought it would. instead of doing anything i just get high. its like a habit i cant get out of, i try to do homework. im like "damn this is hard" and i immediately start smoking lots of weed. Im prescribed adderall but even with that i cant stay focused at all, i just trail off and find ways to abuse adderall itself, which i do more than i really should. I recently got ahold of xanax because of my self proclaimed social anxiety, despite it working absolute wonders as in the fact that i can finally make friends and talk, i know that if i ever stop taking drugs ill probably have to be hospitalized. I know this is a common occurrence but i really never thought about it. My doctor basically says that i'll be fine but he doesn't realize im a 19 year old kid who is basically always trying to get high.

My question pretty much is, am i at the point where i should consider N/A or rehab? The drugs im doing barely have a negative (I say barely because i don't really notice them, im kinda high all the time) im floating through life pretty easily now, and i feel bad for people on here who are genuinely struggling every days, but does this seem like a problem that should be stopped before i basically grow older and move on my own? I keep using the excuse that these are coping skills for college but im starting to think, after the xanax which stilll works for me, that im gonna go a deep down path mixed with the depression i have on top of this.
 
Hi,
You are young and your brains are still developing so what kind of effect do you think using drugs as a coping mechanism for your current life situation will have for the better non-drug related coping skills you could learn?

I mean that it was even hard for me to unlearn to use drugs as a coping mechanism and learn better ways although I started doing drugs often and then daily when I was 26 years old.

When I started to use I didn't realize any negative consequences for years and when I did and asked for help I had dug a huge hole to crawl out from but I haven't had reached to rock bottom yet.

There is no need to hut rock bottom to start realize the negative consequences and seek for help after admitting a problem.

I think that as you are asking whether you have a problem you already know that you either already have a problem or are still progressing towards a problem.

Maybe you could write a list of pros/cons of your current drug use and if you still think you get positive effects out of drug use you could think about some worst case scenarios and how to prevent them from happening and most importantly what to do if those happen?
 
I am a high functioning addict that has never hit the proverbial rockbottom. However, at 42 years old, over the last year I have hit a spiritual bottom of sorts... and I am thinking very critically of my use and misuse of drugs and alcohol. My addictions have never cost me family strife, jobs, legal trouble, etc... but something inside me is telling me to clean up, get healthy, or I will start falling apart.

It is a challenge and a struggle to say the least. I have only recently started going to meetings, however I am not sober. It's a process.
 
MrRoot said:
There is no need to hut rock bottom to start realize the negative consequences and seek for help after admitting a problem.

I think that as you are asking whether you have a problem you already know that you either already have a problem or are still progressing towards a problem.
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I think you're right, I shouldn't have started off the post claiming im not addicted. I asked some of my close friends and my brother if they think i am and they agree i have a problem. My ability to realize the shitty state that i can put myself into has diminished throughout the years. I'm in college now but i'm failing miserably on my first semester. Whenever i think about this stuff i just try my hardest to numb myself with drugs if that makes sense. It's most likely at the point where i need to catch it early and seek therapy, thank you guys very much by the way. Opening up and talking about this stuff even if its with strangers helps me realize shit about my life. I also realize you guys aren't my therapists, so i apologize for spouting all this stuff.
 
Everything from this point is getting worse, i may have said this but the amount of drugs im consuming is fucking ridiculous at this point. Its a fucking money hole too. I woke up today and thinking that, because last night i would have 20 bars in my stash but i check and theres fucking 5. i have no memory of this shit. It really pisses me off mostly cause im just mad at myself for it, not that i dont have that many drugs left just that i could let myself do that. Im so confused how i lost all those bars.
 
Hahah the old "where'd all my bars go" mystery. Hint- you ate them. I've been there as so many of us have. You have some really good insight into your use, and sound like you want to make a change. I'll be dead honest with you and tell you straight up, you think you have it all together and you are being sneaky, but if you are taking bars and doing drugs like you say you are- the whole fukin world can tell. Go talk to a counselor at your school or in the county building in your town and tell them you want help. You may need to be medicated, which is why you are seeking out different meds. A doctor can help you, if you want to help yourself. Just take it easy in the benzoz, they are a slippery sneaky son of a b---h. Do you have a family member you can ask to dispense your medication to you daily? So you don't have to worry about abusing your scripts, and running out?
 
And p.s.- I flunked out of college doing almost exactly what you are right now: that was 6 years ago. Now I'm like $50k in debt and going nowhere: I kick myself constantly for fucking up college/loans. This is your chance to have a life, make good money and enjoy life comfortably: once you make it, you can indulge and enjoy yourself/drugs with friends in a recreational way. See a doctor/psyco and take your meds as prescribed. Don't throw away this opportunity you won't get it again. Peace man
-another drugged up dropout
 
just joined today but ive been reading comments off the site for a coup weeks now. anyway i saw your comment & the way you're living your life right now is the same way i lived mine. straight out of high school went to college but all i could think about about was getting something to get high off of, no matter what it was. like you i didnt want to focus on the school work i had & then drs didn't give adderall, etc etc for adhd because of the fact you just never much heard about it. i am now 52 years old & have nothing to show for it, well i wouldnt actually say nothing i do have my family still thank god. i ended up dropping out of college & ever since became addicted to anything i could get my hands on, its been one thing after another the biggest & worst move i ever made was getting into the methadone program & staying waaaay longer than i ever should have. i got into it to get off of heroin but even in the program i ended up relapsing back on it a few times. after going to the methadone clinic for 14 years straight i had them to put me on a financial taper because i'd lost my job & really couldn't afford it anymore & so tired of worrying about it. but its where they take you down 5mgs a day & i was on 70mg reg dosage. i took my last dose april 6th, 15mgs & never went back & me missing my methadone dose for anymore than 2 days over 14yrs is a record. i have not relapsed back to heroin or anything else either. i think about how much better off my family might be right now financially if i had stuck with college & hadnt been addicted to everything out there, & yes i was also addicted to valiums & xanaxes for a while too. i am going on the end of my 3rd week now clean from all of it & trying to get my llife back on track & have even decided to go back to school to be a computer technician. bottom line is i am 52 years old now & i saw your post. honey please don't throw your life away the way i've done because i know where a road of drugs takes you & thats to a whole lot of illegal drama to the very end of your dreams & quick. i was always the cool person that never knocked anyone for doing what they wanted to do while doing my own thing & i still wouldn't knock anyone. i dont know if addiction runs in your family or not, it did mine, but if it does it makes it a little harder on the person but it doesn't have to be if you can get the help you need to overcome your addictions & whatever else you may have going on in your life. my dad was a bad alcoholic/pill addict. at 6yrs of age i watched my father stand in front of his family & shoot himself in the head. luckily the bullet missed his brain by a hair but growing up i saw & endured alot of things i shouldn't have so i do know about all the issues. probably alot more than i should. but i beg you to please get some help honey. dont throw your life away & if you want to chat or msg me anytime please feel free. i hope this helps you.
 
been there so many times. wake up to whatever hungover drug from the night before w not a pill left to show for it & started out w shitloads. gotta watch those bars dude & basically any other benzos. they're not as plentiful as they used to be & theyre are alot of people that will easily talk you out of em especially when your eating them like candy & they know this too. the more you eat the waaay less you'll remmber. also thats a good idea from one of the others, if you have a family member that could keep them & give them to you on a limited amount & if you decide to get off, & you really should, taper the dose down slowly to 0. if your dr won't do it, & dont see why he wouldn't, have someone you trust to help you with it because those benzo withdrwls are a real bitch when you do it cold turkey. but whatever you choose please start soon. become a success & then you can pretty much do what you want but for now concentrate on college & not drugs because this will be the only chance you get. please don't fuck it up like i did. the drug thing can come way later if you sill need it too when your making all that money from becoming such a success. you know you may even want to look into seeing if there may be some sort of substanse abuse counselor at your college. just an idea.
 
Lysergic_Dreams said:
Opening up and talking about this stuff even if its with strangers helps me realize shit about my life. I also realize you guys aren't my therapists, so i apologize for spouting all this stuff.
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Have you looked at the videos of the woman who gave xanax to the friendly monkey and it attacked (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioYeKlpTSLc)? It is a good example of how benzos can turn a good monkey(person)bad! I hope you can get off these as the WD is pretty shite iirc.
 
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Two things used to make my otherwise kind son act mean: alcohol and benzos.
 
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