Hiding methamphetamine addiction from boyfriend and thoughts on confession

[crystalmathew]

This is my first post. Please accept my apologies if I'm in the incorrect forum or if I'm annoying.

I'm a straight female in my early 30s and he's in his mid 20s - 4 years my junior. Before we started seeing each other and eventually falling in love I was unapologetically single for a year, making up for the 7+ years that made up my first and rather dull relationship.

In that summer during my single life I was looking for cocaine one night (feeding my already existent upper addiction) and remembered I talked to a fellow on tinder that mentioned he used speed. To be honest I didn't really know what "speed" was. But I did know that it was a stimulant and that maybe - just maybe! - he could hook a girl up. Well, he didn't have blow, but said he had something "much better." So off I went to meet a complete stranger to get high on crystal meth for the first time. I have been an addict ever since.

A few months later I started seeing my now boyfriend who I love deeply. In our ~1.5 year relationship not a time period of longer than a month has been spent with me clean. It has caused me at times to be reclusive without explanation, has made me pick fights and obsess over the nuances of our conflicts, and has caused me to deny initiations of intimacy with him because I'm at the tail end of a binge and I have no energy.

I told myself I would stop the use once we were established, but I have not been able to.

I am scared of the relentless power of this addiction and think I need help and I want my love to understand what is happening to me. But I am far more terrified of the prospect of losing my boyfriend, who already has trust issues, because I have lied to him since the very beginning or our relationship.

What would you do? Would you confess?

 

[zephyr]

Yes I would but realise when you do that when you say you have this addiction you have to mean you will quit and include him in any counselling etc.

Because if you tell him and say you want to quit but dont mean it then that would be another lie.

He might be suspicious anyway but this addiction explains a lot of things that has happened.

He might leave. Thats his call. He might use this against you in the future to win fights. That is not acceptable.

So tell him if you feel ready to quit. Its a lot easier.

Quitting isnt really that hard. Go to gp. Get advice. Seroquel and a short script of valium and a week or two off work. But staying off is hard. Cut all ties. Talk to a counsellor or us here.

Ive not been able to hide my addiction from partners and my boyfriends have been addicts. Im single now and plan to stay that way as I dont want an addict bf or a judgemental one.

You might lose him but might not. No one is perfect. A lot of people can forgive anything.

Good luck!

Xxx