Mid 40s Married Father of 5 here. Been exploring and searching my whole life. Always eager to alter my reality. Pill addict for 10-12yrs with a short hiatus to try H , back to pills and recently discovered snorting powdered fentanyl. A lot of stories in the news about the dangers on Fetty but with my pill addiction and high tolerance it made sense financially. About a month ago started a half hearted attempt to quit and get back on subs. I say half hearted cause I have been essentially Subing it maybe 2 or 3 days of the week and sneaking behind my families back the other days of the week. I have had a few instance of throwing up after nodding out and know this can lead to serious consequences. I have been to rehab . I have seriously tried AA, therapy , etc. I know the end result of my fentanyl use can't be good. Looking for any feedback you guys have had. Really don't want to lose my job, get arrested, my wife, cause my kids more pain. Ho Ho Merry Xmas!!
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- Thread starter Csethc772
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herbavore
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It sounds like everything you have tried in the past is just scraping the surface of something deeper. You know where you are headed and you want to stop. That's all good. But saying, "I already tried AA, therapy, etc" to no good effect means that you have got to go deeper. So many important things in life (family!) get shafted because we operate on these old personal habits--like running away from difficult emotions or even just from boredom with our routines. It's crazy but I think we all fall into it even when we risk losing something so important to us. A friend of mine carried his son's picture in his pocket and trained himself to get it out every single time he had a craving. At first it seemed almost trite and meaningless--but he invested in it and took the time to make a conscious choice instead of an impulsive choice and that made all the difference.
Are you happy in your life in general? Lives can come to resemble huge tangled traps when things get pushed under the rug. We waste a lot of time blaming circumstances and other people and bad childhoods but in reality we have a choice every single moment to choose to free ourselves from whatever is causing us deep pain by trading the old habit of running from it for a new way of doing things: sit with it, question it, explore it, try to see it from different angles and then take small .practical steps to put it in your past.
Are you happy in your life in general? Lives can come to resemble huge tangled traps when things get pushed under the rug. We waste a lot of time blaming circumstances and other people and bad childhoods but in reality we have a choice every single moment to choose to free ourselves from whatever is causing us deep pain by trading the old habit of running from it for a new way of doing things: sit with it, question it, explore it, try to see it from different angles and then take small .practical steps to put it in your past.
It's hard to comprehend the full weight of the potential consequences until it really happens. I think it's important to consider how you would feel about yourself if you ended up getting locked up and couldn't see you family, or how your family would feel if they had to call an ambulance because you overdosed.
Always carrying around secrets is incredibly burdensome as well.
Ultimately no one other than yourself can give meaning to your life. Things like rehab, AA, and management therapy are there only to aid you, they are not cures. I believe that addiction is a disease, but we also choose how we deal with the disease. Similar to diabetes, we can make changes that minimize the symptoms and allow us to live fulfilling lives, despite the condition, or we can give into destructive habits and allow the disease to progress and control our life. There is no magical cure that will remove your cravings for opioids, but there are things you can do to help minimize and manage the cravings.
Hopefully you can do what is best for you and your family before things get worse or serious consequences come about. Personally, it took spending time in jail for me to understand the full weight of my decisions. I wouldn't recommend it, but it really is never too late to make a positive change in life.
Always carrying around secrets is incredibly burdensome as well.
Ultimately no one other than yourself can give meaning to your life. Things like rehab, AA, and management therapy are there only to aid you, they are not cures. I believe that addiction is a disease, but we also choose how we deal with the disease. Similar to diabetes, we can make changes that minimize the symptoms and allow us to live fulfilling lives, despite the condition, or we can give into destructive habits and allow the disease to progress and control our life. There is no magical cure that will remove your cravings for opioids, but there are things you can do to help minimize and manage the cravings.
Hopefully you can do what is best for you and your family before things get worse or serious consequences come about. Personally, it took spending time in jail for me to understand the full weight of my decisions. I wouldn't recommend it, but it really is never too late to make a positive change in life.