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Heroin

I

istilplayrunescape

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
23
I have been messing with heroin a lot lately. I cannot give a exact amount of time because I am responsibility free and have been in a long fog from this bender. It was about a half gram a day, then I stopped with the help of subs and on day 3 felt good with no subs. Stupid me went back for another undefined amount of time and the last week I was using I really wanted to stop.

We have a family vacation to south Carolina I figured that's a good opportunity.

So during this new bender I started using a gram per day and the last few days I would use a little less (have some left over the next day).

I bought a final gram for the 14 hour car ride (not withdrawing in the back of a mini van) and it was gone with 4 hours left (I credit that to stopping for the night). The last hour of the car ride is when withdrawls began. I brought subs. Not many. 1 in total. (8mg) or less.

I start breaking little tiny little (0.25mg) parts to snort and remember friends mom saying to stick under tongue. Although tiny peices snorted always worked I tried the tongue and it works too. I kept taking some until I felt better probably 0.75mg in.

When we arrived I felt great for about 4 hours after the subs. But you can tell by looking at my face I am sick.

Day 1 in south Carolina- searing back pain, subs won't help that, for the most part they have stopped the sniffles tears that just happen and the sweats and chills. But searing pain. Night comes and I cannot sleep. I eventually go from the bed to the floor and lean up again the wall until someone wakes up at 330am. We stay up til 5 then go to the only dunkin around here and I go back to laying in bed. I look at the clock it's 6:49 am. I look back at the clock it's 10:50. Some sleep!!!

Now I am in day 2, over 36 hours in. I stayed using the extremely small doses of sub. It feels like I have been here a week but it's only really the first day. This morning after sleeping I felt nice! Hit the water and everything, then when we went for lunch I told my mom I needed to go back and lay down, im sick.

I have a bunch of hydrocodone but I never take them even in withdrawl, I never have. Always thought they were kind of gross. But today on the bed I took 20mg of hydro. I couldn't help it. I've only got 2 more full days here in sc then im going back. Im scared I can't help but use....

Main problems, I still love heroin, I still love it and want it so bad but I want to be free. I sit at the bathtub and cry about what I've done to myself.

Another problem is I can afford it, I don't have to steal ot anything I have a good job with my dad who owns sucessful company's. I sometimes want nothing more but to get some H and go hit the video games after a long day. It's roofing. Everyone in roofing has these drug problems.

I know the vicodin will reset my wds some but not totally. And I am feeling good now but I know that's just for some hours. Even with the low amount of subs I am feeling ok (why is that).

I want to he clean I want to be, but if I were home right now I would be buying dope.

Oh yeah and I know I am bordering full blown addiction and soon it will be a financial problem. As of now I can easily take care of what I need to live and have a bunch of heroin. But I know that won't last. I really want some right now I can't stop pacing. Im glad im in the middle of the south but im.scared to be leaving soon.

I've already caught myself looking up people who have been in trouble for dope around here and finding them on Facebook thinking about messaging them. But I haven't I think it's too much trouble im just telling myself it's not worth it. Fuck man. I think I just needed somewhere to say all this. No one in my life has the slightest idea except obviously the guy who sells it to me.
 
Hey man it sounds like you are aware how close to the edge you are.

I understand those feelings, I still have feelings of nostalgia when I think about my early days of using smack and that was over 20 years ago.

Have you ever thought about the maintenance program?

Maybe that is completely unnecessary but maybe it will save you a whole lot of pain.

It sounds to me like you are standing right at the edge of the abyss, don't let it swallow you man.

Wishing you all the best mate.
 
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Try Kratom. Toss & Wash megadoses every couple hours. Eventually you will have to pair that back as well. It will fix you up pretty good. You will have your sleep, be able to function. Problem is it acts as a placeholder for your addiction and tolorance. You will have to deal with that later in as I said. You'll be okay.
 
heroin feels great. but it will consume your entire life and you will have nothing else in life besides heroin eventually. You will either die or eventually become so sick of the stress of having to do heroin every few hours to survive that you will finally quit.

You have to get to that point first to actually have the desire to quit unfortunately. Quitting before you've lived shit life for a few years is very very hard...that the boat you are in. And I always had a good job and money while doing it....but the stress and life relevolving around opiates was what finally just wasn't worth getting high anymore
 
Every addict on here will urge you to quit while you are ahead and tell not to travel this road. It's completely not worth it and will become the heaviest albatross you can't even imagine. Unfortunately, most people have to learn the hard way. Most people have to live that hell before they're ready to give it up. I sincerely hope you aren't one of them. Do yourself a favor and run the other way.
 
My3sons said:
Every addict on here will urge you to quit while you are ahead and tell not to travel this road. It's completely not worth it and will become the heaviest albatross you can't even imagine. Unfortunately, most people have to learn the hard way. Most people have to live that hell before they're ready to give it up. I sincerely hope you aren't one of them. Do yourself a favor and run the other way.
Click to expand...

Do this. Stay safe.
 
You do have a fairly large habit, which is a con, but you haven't been doing it that long, which is a pro. You say you love heroin and want it bad, that means you're psychologically addicted, this only gets worse over time! The claws of the psychological addiction will only dig deeper, and deeper! That's why I'll agree with the above posters and say quitting while you're 'ahead', is a great idea.

Buprenorphine is much stronger than heroin, hence why a small dose was able to hold you.
The vicodin will keep your wds at bay as well, so if you run out of suboxone, you can take them to prevent WD symptoms. If you take more than a couple, utilize a cold water extraction. You don't want to consume more acetaminophen than you have to.

When you get back home, look for NA meetings in your area. It might serve you beneficially to let your family know about your situation too. Maybe even see a therapist, there might be a root problem that is causing your use, but bottom line is you're going to need a support system to get clean, and you may even need professional help. Also there are a few forums here on bl that may help too; 'sober living' and 'the dark side'.


Good luck bud, keep us updated!
- Hopeless Soul
 
Hi it's the third day now. I feel a lot better I slept 6 hours. I still have some symptoms. Im for sure going to look for meetings but I am nervous about the idea of telling my family. Maybe just my mom. We will see. I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I actually flushed the rest of the vicodin. I still have about 4 mg of bupe left. I really want to quit more than I want to use. Im not going to buy any when I get home I was just in so much pain yesterday. I got a bunch of otc stuff didn't work at all.

Im pretty sure the feeling decent and sleeping is thanks to the subs. I took the vics yesterday around 1 something pm and at 1 in the morning I was nervous to take subs because of the percepriated wds. But I was feeling so awful and in pain that I took my biggest at once dose of about 0.5mg and I went to sleep until about a half hour ago.

When I get home im going to look for groups. Im going to try this time at sobriety in silence and I'll think about telling my mom, but if I slip up I certainly will be telling her.

There are reasons I got into using but it would be much to get into today on here.

But last night my nasty case of rls (whole body was restless not just legs) and sweats and aches was taken care of by the sub.

This morning I feel normal-ish. I think about how I don't want to get dope again. I feel like maybe I should call up my dealer and tell him something that may make it so I can't see him ever again. Even though he is a decent guy. (Really for a dope dealer he's an ok guy)

What I really think I want right now is to go back to using on occasion like I once did. But im going to use all my willpower to never under any circumstances get a bag.

Sorry for the length. So im on day 3. Surely not as intense as day 2. I actually slept at around the 50 hour mark.

This is about the farthest I've ever been. Always on day 3 I feel a ton better, and usually I wake up on day 3 and it's been almost 10-12 hours since I've taken a puny part of a sub, so for some reason I usually grab a bag. Each time I suffer through the shit just to get a bag on day 3. But this day 3 I cant! So I am very excited to see how I feel without the subs.

Thank you everyone. I will keep updated.
 
Be careful which OTC meds you take while in wd, specifically benadryl. It will exacerbate rls symptoms.

Of course the feeling and sleeping good is attributed to the subs.. It's a powerful opioid, and will stop opioid WD in it's tracks. But that being said, don't think that you're out of the woods of WD. WD symptoms will rear their ugly head again, as soon as you stop taking the subs.

We all have our reasons and root causes for using, that's why I suggested a therapist, or a psychologist, to address these issues. Getting over heroin addiction is a monumental task, so therefore you're going to want to utilize every resource available! Getting into a suboxone program may be highly beneficial to you. It will keep the cravings at bay, and most programs require participants to see a therapist, so you'd be getting two birds stoned at once.

I'd suggest calling/texting your dealer and telling him you're quitting for good, then deleting his number.. You say you want to go back to only using on occasion, this is called 'chipping', I would highly advise against this practice! Every heroin addict has tried this, and 99% of the time it leads right back to everyday use!

Also an alternative to a suboxone program, is getting the vivitrol shot. It's a chemical (naltrexone) that blocks opioid's effects. So even if you buy a bag of dope, it won't get you high. It lasts up to a month, and you don't have to endure the long drawn out WD symptoms that suboxone creates..


- Hopeless..
 
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dude i am in the same type of high impact labor field has you, fkng sux, i too provide myself relief with opioids/opiates...i've been using them for 19 years, started taking vics when i was 16 then started taking percs, morphine, then oxy came out and i just fell in love, now (for about 3-4 years) i balance chipping and popping for my relief......i cant tell you if you should not use or use thats to big a decision for me to make for someone else....i know stims (at least speed) CAN work wonders for opiate withdrawl, i used speed for roughly 15 years constant yet sporadic use and i would always notice when i was withdrawling that it would make me feel better, but stims are not an option for me anymore has i can not afford to lose one nights sleep (too many sleepless nights i guess) so they may not be for you either.....i can tell you that i have been through withdrawls more times than i can count, and that for me, as long as i use AS RESPONSIBLY AS I CAN that i dont have to suffer through them nine times out of ten nowadays, but i earned it and it was not easy.....someone once told me for everyday i spent high(on opiates) i needed to spend one day sober...maybe thats a start for u, if like me, opiates are a neccesisty and not an option anymore........ man good luck whatever the choice!........dont frown on the idea of substituting one painer for another, it works for me and even if i had a prescription from a doctor is there no way that i would just stick to one opiate/opioid for my relief(always gotta keep a rotation going, they say variety is the spice of life ;-)), the key for me, is the idea of use as responsibley has i can. and those subs, they work every so often but just feel like a k2 version of a real drug to me so i just try not to take them except in rare occasions few and far between. you say that substituting vicodin for h will reset your withdrawls, that is not the way it works for me, i can be on one thing(hydro) coming off and not feeling that good and take something else(oxy) and still feel bad from running out of the one but still get relief from the other( i know it sounds strange) if i use one substance that is weaker (say hydro) and then i use something stronger(morphine), those negative effects from the going without of the weaker substance are almost totally negated and if i use a sufficiently slow taper i wont go through withdrawls AT ALL.....now if im at the top of the food chain(stonger....u know BOY) and i gotta taper to something weaker i always save the rest of my stash for the end of my day and take it so i can get a full nights rest and i mean has much sleep has i can then the next morning i get up and take the weaker painer(say oxy or hydro) and start my taper then and i can rock steady a few days and be feeling pretty alright dont ever try and throw a weaker opi at a stronger opi and expect it to do jack shit the same day u always gotta get that sleep(and once again i cannot stress enough AS MUCH SLEEP HAS YOU CAN)then start the weaker the next day.
 
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I've been taking seriously tiny doses of sub (0.25-0.5) mg every 4 - 6 hours as I would feel wds coming on. Last one was just about 12 hours ago. Im almost halfway through day 4! Im hoping they don't come back as they were before
 
Guys how do you do this. It's been 26 hours since last sub and FUCK NO
I am so depressed that the sub didn't get me over the withdrawl but instead put it off.

Now im going to be home in 12 hours and I can't get using off my mind. Shits dripping from my nose I can't get comfortable I cannot sleep.

My main reason for using is extreme sleeping problems. Almost to the point where I could be put on disability. Doctors and mom can't help me. Well I keep switching docs. I've got en like 6-8 hours of sleep cayse of WD this week but in all honesty I don't get much more anymore. I can sleep fine after a nice line of dope (I only sniff)

My life hurts
 
lucidsdreamr said:
quitting before you've lived shit life for a few years is very very hard...
Click to expand...

qft

If you have any hydros left take em and try to sleep, but the best thing you could get are some benzos for sleep but if you can't source them find a doctor to script you some clonidine, just be honest and any doc should script it for you, whether its a PCP, a psych, or at the ER. If you can get over the WDs you should see a doctor about your insomnia, get some mirtazepine, trazadone, or ambien at most, don't end up taking benzos long term for sleep, won't end well.

If you are out of hydros you can get some loperamide and take like 20mg every hour until you feel OK. It'd be best not to take any more opiates but at this point anything is better than going and getting more H.
 
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Coolwhip said:
qft

If you have any hydros left take em and try to sleep, but the best thing you could get are some benzos for sleep but if you can't source them find a doctor to script you some clonidine, just be honest and any doc should script it for you, whether its a PCP, a psych, or at the ER. If you can get over the WDs you should see a doctor about your insomnia, get some mirtazepine, trazadone, or ambien at most, don't end up taking benzos long term for sleep, won't end well.

If you are out of hydros you can get some loperamide and take like 20mg every hour until you feel OK. It'd be best not to take any more opiates but at this point anything is better than going and getting more H.
Click to expand...


Flushed them all because when I was on the sub I was like "he'll yeah!" But then I realized I was just going to wd anyway and here I am almost at the 30th hour without subs it's not as bad as it really seems but dude I just know when I get home soon im getting some dope. I need it to go to sleep NOW. This is going to go on until I get everything I need to get done done with sleep then eventually including getting off dope, or until I just kill myself. Each time I don't sleep for days on end around night 3 or 4 to kill myself is always a constant thought
 
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