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Heroin heres why i am really never doing heroin again

E

e92

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
229
some people here already know exactly the point im trying to make, others dont.

i had just over a year clean from heroin, and them bam my girlfriend and i break up and what do i do? typical me looks for an escape. since plane tickets home to my parents cost about a thousand dollars this time of year, i just cant swing that right now.

so i remembered a much cheaper way to run away and its called heroin.

i wanted to forget her, and i totally did. it really helped me the first day. (yesterday)

but today before i used, during work, i really missed her. i wanted to write an emotional letter about her (for myself because i like to write) when i got home... but i picked up first. so i got home and did some lines i figured id write better.

a few lines of heroin and i dont give a single fuck anymore about her or our break up or getting back together or the letter i was going to write, nothing. i dont care wether or not she will call me i dont care about the letter i dont care about seeing her i dont care about anything in my life currently

opiates, ESPECIALLY heroin, percs and vicodins are nothing IMHO but heroin and things like that are life ruiners and soul robbers, i finally understand why.

i dont give a fuck about a single thing at all right now, and i want to. its NOT NORMAL TO NOT BE SAD and heartbroken over your first love who you've dated for 2 and half years and broke up with literally 72 hours ago.

now i am not new to this shit, ive been unfortunately using opiates on and off for exactly 6 and a half years and now i finally understand and am finally quitting for a good for a legit reason and just just because "youre not supposed to be doing heroin"
 
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
 
d1nach said:
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
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my life is very much has that diversity, its just taht i take losing somehing like this very hard. you completely missed the huge point i was making it seems like..
 
d1nach said:
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
Click to expand...

QFT. Great post
 
e92, good on you man, we're emotional beings making us quite unique, it's wise to understand the importance of feeling these emotions. Sounds like you've grown my friend well done. ?
 
Heroin addiction is like... you don't care about anything, but you care about the fact that you don't care about anything.

you just don't care enough to do anything about it
 
d1nach said:
If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
Click to expand...

so true. amazing advice i wish i had heeded earlier and i still find difficulty in adhearing to
 
d1nach said:
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
Click to expand...

Well said
Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose.
C.S. Lewis
Click to expand...
 
e92 said:
my life is very much has that diversity, its just taht i take losing somehing like this very hard. you completely missed the huge point i was making it seems like..
Click to expand...

I think everyone here gets your point. It's oxy for me not H. Congrats on finding a true reason to walk away from the mind numbing effects. Those mind numbing effects are exactly why some of us use or abuse drugs. Stay strong!
 
d1nach said:
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
Click to expand...

Excellent post.

OP, you made a great personal discovery. Best of luck embracing life - all of it.
 
d1nach said:
If your life has nothing other than some girl that's everybit as much of a problem as heroin. Girls come and go and if your entire foundation is some girl your still building your entire life on quicksand. You should have skills, hobbies, friends, interests, passions, ECT so you feel sad about loosing a girl you love but not emotionally bankrupt because you put all your effort into her. If you put all your effort into one thing it doesn't matter if it's heroin, a girl, or world of Warcraft eventually your life will collapse because you don't have the diversity to withstand loosing one thing
Click to expand...
you did make a good point but like i said, my entire foundation is not based on a girl. i dont let anything or anyone be the source of my happiness. in a healthy relationship, the two parties need to be already happy and being together just needs to add more happiness. you're saying you need to be happy with yourself and well grounded in order for a healthy relationship.

and while i do agree with all this, you make it seem like i am not allowed to feel sad and feel like shit that my girlfriend left me over some bullshit i yelled at her about when i was drunk. so yeah it is disappointing.

my problem is; is i always look for a temporary escape. because i have a hard time dealing with hard time alone and that is something that i am working on personally. drugs are never the answer, they are only masking an already existing issue.

i texted her after it happened, and the day after. she ignored me. then i finally called her. no answer. i texted her again saying please just answer, i just want a word. i told her i will change my life not just me but for the both of us. i put my cards on the table by telling her i still love her and i still want to be with her and that i will never give up on us no matter the hardships we have endured. she said she's happy for me for attempting to change my life, and that she cares for me and that she loves me.... but she said just needs some space right now.

so i put my cards on the table... she knows what i want. i'll give her all the space in the world but now the ball is totally in her court. i will respect what she needs right now (space) and let time do its job. she knows where to find me.
 
There's a big difference between feeling sad over a loss and being unable to be by yourself. I'm not trying to be a smart ass so forgive me if I come across like that I am trying to help but I have autism so things come out wrong. But you say
" dont let anything or anyone be the source of my happiness." Which sounds like what you want but in reality your happiness appears dependent on your girlfriend (anyone) and as soon as she left you immediately needed a new source heroin (anything). I'm sure part of it is I'm probably alot less sensitive then normal people to attachments. But, I think in a healthy relationship if it ends it can cause sadness but shouldn't cause a unbearable sense of being alone because if being alone is unbearable then how could someone decide if they should be in the relationship. Like, i am sure she's very nice but imagine she wasn't if being alone is unbearable anything is better than that.
 
E92 you've always been one of my favorite posters here. If u ever need me feel free to PM me I'm always checking my BL account even when I'm not posting all the time.... I totally understood your OP though. Life is meant to be felt and there is beauty behind some of the sadness.
 
Life is painful, unfair and unjust. Most people, I feel, will give into malevolence before they will benevolence. If life were all love, sunshine and dancing in the May showers, I would definitely say that there's no place for Opioid use. I take no moral standing on the issue, as the world is not a moral place, at least by my standards.

I do agree with your sentiments though OP. Is it wrong to deny our emotions?
 
It is pretty normal man. I went through the same thing (fell in love with my first girlfriend, who i dated for like 4-5 years) and its what made me want to use again. I hope everything works out man, there are plenty of girls out there. "If she's 1 in a million that means there 37 of her in California"
 
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