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Recovery Here I go again...

Yeah in a way, once I’m done puking sometimes it feels oddly satisfying. Still sucky, but oddly relieving somehow too.

Sounds pretty horrible man. How are you passing the time? Movie or something interesting on TV?
 
No I’m just laying here in the dark under a mountain of covers and sweating profusely and freezing to death. I have a dog under the covers so that helps with the warmth
 
Hey aifhl,
Hope you were able to get some rest, or better yet sleep. For me theres nothing worse than not being able to sleep in bed. Id rather get up and do anything other than lay there sleepless.

And yes, Ive always found relief in puking. Its like the climax of a crappy movie, hopefully theyll both be over soon . I also find it relieving emotional, but that might be a condition from years of psychedelic use..

Also... I can relate to wanting company. And ive actually found reprieve in the cats at my new place.

Anyways man.. hang tight.
Try to find some peace in the little moments today, after all thats what life is all about - the little moments.

Much love.
toc
 
Yeah I didn’t want to leave the warmth of the mound of blankets I was under so I stayed put. I’m still in the clammy shaky phase but my mind seems clearer today. I did break down and take more Librium than I’m supposed to take but I was in such discomfort I couldn’t help myself. I basically had a series of short catnaps but that’s better than no sleep at all. I can’t tell if it’s me or my ex keeps the house freezing all I know is I can’t seem to get warm
 
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God animal therapy is the best. I'm so glad to hear you have a pooch to at least help distract you a little bit.

Sending you good vibes aihfl, hopefully you notice them sooner or later <3

How are you doing this morning? Are you able to keep anything down in terms of food or gatorade or something today? A small bit of something would probably help you feel better, just as long as you're able to keep it down. Perhaps some gatorade or something to hydrate you that is sweet and tasty.
 
I managed to eat some fruit and yogurt and had a big bottle of Gatorade. Still having periodic bouts of nausea and I just can't get warm. The lack of sleep is catching up with me though.
 
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Well I thought I'd be better today. Yesterday I said fuck it and thought I'd detox the old fashioned way (which I've done umpteen times before) with controlled drinking. Got home, couldn't fall asleep so I took 50mg of Librium. Holy moly big mistake. With the long half life it hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I'm going to go get my Ativan script filled. It's much more manageable with it's much shorter half life. I'm starting to get my condo cleaned up as well and I've started laundry. It's just going to take days to get over this. I used to get over benders in a day or so but that's just not in the cards anymore.
 
Nice, lorazepam is super helpful for people detoxing from booze. Just keep being safe and taking good care of yourself aihfl <3
 
It didn't help that my appetite had come back and I had a big Mexican dinner and woke up with painful indigestion during the night. I should've stuck with my original dinner plans which was Shake Shack although I don't know a greasy burger would have treated me any better.
 
Try and focus on eating more fruits, veggies (any veggies are good, but especially leafy green stuff like spinach, kale and broccoli) and either whole grains (unprocessed oats or brown rice) or complex carbs (rice and beans). It will help you heal a lot faster and be much easier on your system than greasy or super sugary food.

Something that is super helpful and also very easy is also taking more fiber. Eat a high fiber cereal at least once a day like Kashi Autumn Harvest (basically mini wheats without as much sugar and lots more fiber). You can also take a fiber supplement like psyllium. More fiber and a good bit of h2o will really help you bounce back. It actually makes things a lot easier.

Ginger tea is also super helpful when it comes to detoxing. As is milk thistle supplements (specifically for those detoxing off gabaergic substances that are hard on the liver).

Keep your head up aihfl, you’re getting there, slowly but surely! <3
 
TPD, you're advice is just about always spot on. I had a kale salad lunch at Tropical Smoothie and between that and the Ativan I feel a shit ton better. I got a lecture from the pharmacist about taking an excessive dose of 50mg of Librium but I told her I was looking at my third night of crippling insomnia and was at the end of my rope. In fact, I'm pretty sure 50mg of Librium is what I got every time I was admitted to an inpatient detox.

I also finally picked up my contacts at Costco optical, and then a weird thing happened. My front bumper has been busted for a while due to a drunk driving episode and this guy who fixes dinged up cars for Enterprise rent a car offered to fix it for $450. He popped it back into place and fixed the cracks with a blowtorch. All I have to do is get touchup paint. I paid him $500 since that would have been my deductible. It goes to show what a racket insurance repair shops are. He had it fixed within 45 minutes. It's ridiculous it would have taken a shop probably a week.

I'm not firing on all cylinders but I feel like I'm starting to turn a corner. I found a miniature bottle of wine and I poured it out, a historic first.
 
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Congrats on ditching the wine, man. Must be something in the air...I just tossed part of a bag of methamp down the toilet. :\
 
^nice simco, I doubt that methamp use would have made anything easier for you. Definitely good you don't have to deal with it.

I don't really have an issue with methamp, and frankly don't like it very much, but it's really nice to have when I'm doing a long distance bike ride or need to pull an all nighter. That said, I'm glad I don't take it often (or at all really), because it's sooooo incredibly hard on my body/mind. Not a forgiving drug.

aihfl, it sounds like you're continuing to forge ahead and making progress. Keep up the good work! It's slow going sometimes, but you're definitely making progress moving in the right direction. Please let us know how we can help provide you with higher quality support <3
 
Its always nice for me to get car stuff checked off my list of to dos... Always so expensive (by the time i get to taking it in).

Nice working riding yourself of the wine. That was never an easy thing for me to do. So I think you should be proud of yourself for sure!

Keep on keepin on brother.
Much love <3
 
Thank you TOC. I think this is the first time I've dumped any kind of alcohol down the sink. These first few days have been so miserable I just had no desire to go backwards. I didn't even have to think about it. Which like I said I'm pretty sure is a first. Thank you for the encouragement.

Ok, I've been using benzos to detox and also to help me sleep. Ativan makes me far more comfortable than the Librium, but with both benzos I end up at some point waking up wide awake in the middle of the night and it's frustrating as hell. Does anyone else have an issue with benzos disrupting their sleep? I ended up having to take a doxepin to fall back asleep but it was my last capsule. Or maybe more is less when it comes to benzos? Maybe I should have taken 1mg Ativan instead of 2? Anyone have any experience with this?

Well, I'm happy to say that I got everything done that I needed to today. I went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on fruit and the type of frozen meals TPD would approve of (vegetarian Indian dishes) dealt with my homeowners insurance for the burglary that happened two months ago, and rescheduled my appointment with the pdoc. Still not feeling 100% but that's ok, I'm functioning. Also took a propranolol this afternoon instead of an Ativan and it alleviated my anxiety while I was out and about. It feels good to be getting shit done especially under these circumstances. Also found another full miniature bottle of wine. Didn't want to even touch it this time to even empty it down the sink.. I sent it straight down the building's garbage chute into our trash compactor.
 
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aihfl said:
Ok, I've been using benzos to detox and also to help me sleep. Ativan makes me far more comfortable than the Librium, but with both benzos I end up at some point waking up wide awake in the middle of the night and it's frustrating as hell. Does anyone else have an issue with benzos disrupting their sleep? I ended up having to take a doxepin to fall back asleep but it was my last capsule. Or maybe more is less when it comes to benzos? Maybe I should have taken 1mg Ativan instead of 2? Anyone have any experience with this?
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My wife extracted information from me under duress about my benzos. After all she is a the real deal when it comes to modern day Nazi's. The DNA proves it lol. I did compromise with her so I can get one indian 2mg clonazepam at 9 pm. Better than having her throw them a way.....again. That's all that really matters to me now anyway. They help me sleep with the bupe PAWS still lingering. If I had control of them it would be like a 3 day party with me ending up having to find a good divorce lawyer.
 
Well, I actually feel like I'm running on all cylinders again finally. I feel a little drugged - again, I woke up with a start wide awake in the middle of the night and took some doxepin but I made myself coffee for the first time in forever and a bowl of grits, the first time I've cooked in months. Figured grits would be easy on the stomach. Hopefully this mildly drugged feeling will wear off in a few hours. But the brain fog is hopefully gone for good. I'm just going to limit myself to one Ativan tonight before bed unless I start to feel really panicky and even then I think I will try propranolol first.

On a funny note yesterday I was sitting outside a Publix grocery. I hadn't shaved in weeks and showered in days and an employee asked me if I was "hungry" lol. I told her I was just waiting on a prescription but the first thing I did when I got home after putting another load of laundry in was shower and shave.
 
aihfl said:
Well, I actually feel like I'm running on all cylinders again finally. I feel a little drugged - again, I woke up with a start wide awake in the middle of the night and took some doxepin but I made myself coffee for the first time in forever and a bowl of grits, the first time I've cooked in months. Figured grits would be easy on the stomach. Hopefully this mildly drugged feeling will wear off in a few hours. But the brain fog is hopefully gone for good. I'm just going to limit myself to one Ativan tonight before bed unless I start to feel really panicky and even then I think I will try propranolol first.

On a funny note yesterday I was sitting outside a Publix grocery. I hadn't shaved in weeks and showered in days and an employee asked me if I was "hungry" lol. I told her I was just waiting on a prescription but the first thing I did when I got home after putting another load of laundry in was shower and shave.
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Haha that's funny in a twisted way. I would of been like hell yeah can I have some sushi? Lol I spent way too much money at Publix the other day though. It's so easy to drop a 100 bucks just buying necessary stuff
 
Glad to hear you're on the mend and continuing to do better aihfl! Really and truly amazing work! :)

p.s. those individual frozen things from TJ's are indeed something I approve of ;) Nothing beats fresh leafy/green veggies, but those Indian meals are pretty fucking good as far as premade/process meals go. And iirc they're super tasty.
 
You know CJ what’s really funny about that is when I lived in a fleabag apartment near downtown Orlando I used to hang out with homeless guys drinking tall boys out of a paper bag behind the closest convenience store. I haven’t done that in over two years but ironically this is the first time anyone has actually offered me a meal!

Publix is pricey but I go there anyway because most every time I go to Trader Joe’s there’s something on my list they don’t have and I end up having to go to Publix anyway
 
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