Help?

[SpaceMildo]

It's been 11 months since it all started, I was born with an addictive pre wire i got told so far i'm only 15 but life is a hellish place my brain just doesn't stop working? I can fight the addiction, I'm aware enough to understand it i feel like lifes just become a place where every single move you make comes with hours upon hours of thought that's uncontrollable and once that's got it's the need and want for another hit, Top tell you the turth i just need someone to talk to? I want to understand more, It's like like lifes become hell it's interesting "The mind of an addict" Lifes just full of lies.. Waiting and wanting to be told

 

[RDP89]

What have you been using if you don't mind me asking.

 

[SpaceMildo]

Started with weed, Mum told me to stay away.. i now see why moved quickly onto codeine and trammadol then took a turn for the worst onto methadone a few times and then Dextro meth fucking pophan i abused that for months on end
Weeds been the worst of them all, it was like my stepping stone for just wanting to not live a life sober or needing some kind of fucking drug in my to function not mentally i mean physically

 

[RDP89]

What do you mean by "not mentally i mean physically"?

 

[SpaceMildo]

To tell you the truth i'm not sure myself, I just feel like a fucking zombie.. Like Serious this shits taken over my life i'm a different person everyday i can't even get up in the fucking morning, I can't make the choice to have an education anymore i need the motivation and energy drugs give me to get off my ass and do it? Do you get where i'm coming from there


To tell you the real truth, I don't really know what a lot of things are? I just think i do, I spend so much of my time thinking and being alone Sometimes my brain battles with itself and tell me it's not the addiction it's justt being alone? I don't even fucking know anymore, Lifes just full of lying to the ones you love and the ones you want to love you not that a give a fuck nothing matters when you need your next high, Sometimes i feel like a fucking heroine addict the way i talk and feel about my drugs and dosing, Did i mention anxiety too? Yeah that killer weed anxiety is killer hahaha, When i say i spend time alone.. I mean so much time alone my anxiety has a personalty and character to itselfs talks to me every fucking day, we're friends though i feel sometimes if you're nice to addiction it's nice to you and sometimes it works in my favor there just so much shit floating around in my head i don't really know anymore,

 

[Wassup024]

You know I was the same did all that plus more all by 15 yeah you young but don't worry man we all have our guilty pleasures I'm currently 18 smoke meth do dxm and more life's life do what u do if you think you need help get help it's your life you control it keep your head up

 

[herbavore]

One of the things that is hard when you are 15 is that it is hard to tell what is normal depression/confusion of transitioning from childhood to adulthood and what might be being caused by the drugs you are taking. One thing that is certain is that your developing brain does not need the chemical upheavals you are putting it through. What would you think about maybe trying to find a recovery group of people your own age?

 

[SpaceMildo]

@Wassup024, Yeah i'm sure there are a lot of people that were on more then i am now, I have questions for you hahaha, I mean yeah it's not just drugs i'm doing.. It's the choices i talk myself into

 

[SpaceMildo]

yeah i get that, I was thinking about it last night.. I've spent time ruling out what's what.. I think when i feel like i'm a different person everyday is to do with just growing up and a lot of.. Just fucked shit you know? Everyone i'v talked to has said the teenage years are the worst, But depression? I don't even know if i feel depressed really.. it's just regret and why the fuck did i do that? and the thought of what i've done to people and the stress i've put on them is more depressing then being addicted to drugs, Sometimes i like being addicted.. I don't know if it's me or just my brain trying to trick me into thinking my addiction isn't that bad and i should keep doing drugs? I don't know really there's a lot of things i have questions for.. But really sometimes i just have to be in the right mood? I don't know if mood is the right word for it i don't feel like i have moods anymore.. It's the talking to myself i feel now if you kinda understand that statement? I feel like someone will, Fuck knows lifes a bitch sometimes and it sucks how it doesn't ease up on you like people do

 

[Moreaux]

When I was your age I couldn't quiet my mind which also meant I seldom slept. I started drinking at 16 and was a full blown opiate addict by 17 (prescriptions), ironically I waited to until I graduated high school tontry weed because I didn't want to damage myself as everything else I did was legal so it was safe (*eyeroll* at my stupidity at the time). I lived in active addiction until my mid thirties and have only be sober now for almost three years.

It sounds as if you have an underlying issue and the drugs are not helping, and seldom do for mental illness. Your best bet is to see a professional to try to pin point what is going on with you as mental illness frequently presents in adolescence. You don't have to feel this way everyday and life doesn't have to be a struggle. If you get help now you will begin to feel better sooner, though there is no immediate quick fix - it will take some time so try to be patient.

 

[RRJ31337]

Just wanna let you know that your not alone man. I'm 24 and going thru the exact same thing. Started with pot, ended up doing alllll sorts of shit. Eventually ended up shooting coke , heroin, smoking crack but the Only thing I can't put down is the weed. I'll go a couple of days without it and finally cave in and then feel so ashamed. That shame would project itself outwardly as anger twords everyone. I too spend many hours alone in my room, most of the day.

I know it sounds hard , hard as fuck but as an introvert myself, the Best cure I've found is simply hanging out with a few good friends having a good time. Just chilling hot boxing , eating, tv whatever.

I've managed to quit smoking pot a few short times and what I've realized helps stave off the cravings to smoke is keeping yourself constantly occupied doing something you enjoy doing. That should help those little bastard voices in your brain stop spewing negativity. The first few days are the worst but once you go about a week you should be straight. Its hard man I know, curently trying to silence that demon myself. Just know your not in that battle alone.

If you do manage to quit and still wanna smoke, try and limit it to early day once a week. I fucked around and smoked every night since I was 16 now it's so hard to sleep without it. But what I Can tell you is after about a week of abstinace from it that anxiety will slowly start to go away.

Good luck man

 

[SpaceMildo]

Not being able to put the fucking weed down man. I feel you there sometimes i question what's worse? Heroine or weed fuck physiological addictions man, Yeah i mean it all doesn't sound that hard i bet it's easy, I used heavy emotions to stop smoking for a good week and 6 days, Smoked again i started sweating.. like ever where.. I have a girlfriend who helped me stop for a good week and 6 days.. But i started again and haven't told her bloody sneaky rat i am, Man can't we all just battle this together as in like a fucking ring and shit WWE? Because fuckkk my impulse is shittty as fuck i don't see myself stopping, Drugs give you the ability to predict the future guys i'll tell ya that now.
Today i was gonna try stop but i found myself picking up gray moldy weed from under my bed and scraping keif off ziplock bags with a razer blade.. FUCK.

The anxietys always been there and i've accpted that weed has X'ed it by pie. Yeah the sleep man i can't sleep either but the nights are the best for me i love them for some reason, They're all i can really remember to really

Are you still using? What is addiction like once you hit adulthood?
I don't think i'd be able to limit it at all i'd just.. slowly start smoking everyday without being aware of it and before you know it you're back to square
one

 

[SpaceMildo]

Underlying issues? I'm not sure i tend to think about that a lot too but i don't want to self diagnose myself haha i've already done that with ADHD hahahaha still think i have it to tell ya the truth, yeah i remember thinking i'd be fixed stright away.. But i wasn't.. I didn't even feel that fixed at all it was more like.. Okay i can control my impulse a little better but i want to kil lmyself still kinda deal, it's really hard to single out feelings, Like really fucking hard sometimes i struggle a lot with it and sometimes i can just. Talk and talk and talk and talk. Fuck knows seriously fuck know, I've started to give up to tell you the truth i know how to live life addicted to drugs, It kinda makes me feel good i can look after myself now learnt a few crafty things i'll most likly use later on in life too. But that good doesn't outweight this hell. To tell you the truth right now at this very moment, I don't feel upset abou anything or angry.. I just.. Dull you knoww?

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Yeah, lots of lies. Culture is built on the big lie according to Ernest Becker. (Denial of Death) It's hardest by far on those that can feel how it could have been different.

 

[RRJ31337]

It's weird dude when I hit 17 every weekend was beans, coke or Molly with friends. Did that too I was like 22. Now i get cravings for drugs right around friday and Saturday night. It's not an addiction just a craving, like I'll put in an order for something and the dealer won't come thru and it's just "oh well" but if i run out of pot it's a crisis lol.

One thing I can tell ya man is don't make doing hard drugs a habitual thing cause even if you don't get addicted, a certain time of night might roll around and you'll say "something's missing.. Oh! I'm usually fucked up by now" cause that cycles a bitch to break

 

[SpaceMildo]

I'm like that now, I know? Like wtf has pot got in it actual.. i fucking love the shit but i don't even feel good sometimes.. like now i'm stoned as fuck i'v been buzzin and comin down since 10:00Am today and i just i've felt like shit the whole time? I just want to kill myself like actually die only time i've felt good was when i was talking in the rain with a t shirt on.. Such a good feeling at night so fucking relaxing on ma way to pickup some goodshit i guess i can kinda be happy about that.. This stuff smells so fucking good, Pure female.. orange hairs everwhere... Fire bud lol, But yeah nah i can just see myself doing harder drugs ay.. I'm in it for the buzz and when i went through DXM.. Wowe fucking hell i swear that's the hardest shit ever man. Who fucking knew though...