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HELP We all know it's those closest to us that may harm us

R

Runtoparadise

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
1,268
Ten years ago, my then boyfriend was a junkie. I had zero tolerance as I was a new mum. He since has reformed, although I've held him at arms length.

Then I became a chronic pain patient, for a long time I took my meds as prescribed, but have struggled especially the last 12 mths. It's been over ten yrs since we first met, he drinks a lot, but no longer shoots up.

My problem is that he thinks he knows so much better where I'll end up. Whenever I've given him the benefit of the doubt, or even answered his calls, he is dark, pessimistic, & cruel.

He has zero friends left, from ODing or otherwise, but is intent on making my life miserable. I'm damned if I ignore his calls & damned if I answer.

Quite recently he proposed marriage, (lack of brain cells), as I have given him no reason to think we were anything more than friends, if that.

I need to get him out of my life, but blanking him doesn't cut it. He will continue to call/turn up, & threatens suicide when I don't "comply".

So fellow BLs, where do I turn, I'm in tears writing this,- I've had the police remove him once before, when he was laying into the brick wall of my house. They removed him with bleeding fists, I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thx,

Rtp
 
Don't really know what to say. The only remotely practical solution I can think of would be some for of court restraining order.

The emotional blackmail and threats of suicide I imagine are just that....threats. Usually if people want to commit suicide they just do it, they don't use it as an emotional threat and actually mean it (usually that is.....obviously I don't know this guy or what he'll do).

If he's making your life that much of a misery (which it sounds like he is) then I don't see what option you have bar the legal route as I imagine getting him to listen to reason is pretty much out of the question...

Best of luck <3
 
Thanks England,

I already have a restraining order, but that doesn't seem much in the circumstances. It's a difficult situation & not one that can be settled easily. Thank you for your msg, I'm upset& anguished atm, your words give me hope❤️

Rtp
 
Thanks, I'm truly upset tonite. I can't sleep on case of Him cmng by, it's an awful predicament. And I'm just so sad ..
 
sounds like he is abusive and has dug his claws into your mind over time.

threatening suicide? let him. sounds like manipulative ploy in context of restraining order

cut all contact.

restraining order will need more enforcement.
 
^Agreed. And don't let him project his failures onto you. Your struggle is yours - a decent friend should lift you up, not kick you while you're down... I'd expect more from an ex-junkie. Stop throwing him a bone, he's lost his 'benefit of the doubt' privileges. Block his number, block him on facebook, or myspace, or AOL (or whatever) and call the cops when he shows up. Pity goes a long way, but even the fattest teet runs dry if you milk it hard enough.
 
Just curious is he the babies father?

Do you have any male relatives around?

Get a gun or video surveillance on the property, show the courts video footage of his shananagins and get the freak locked up. Otherwise who knows what he'll do when hammered. Do what you gotta do for the baby and start weaning down in the medication if possible but don't try and do everything at once because it won't end pretty.

Don't let this dude make you feel like a prisoner in your own home. Good luck hun
 
Thanks guys,

Surveillance may be the option. Unfortunately he has the knack of knowing when we are or aren't home & leaves surprises,- especially in my mailbox.

This is not due to any routine, as I don't have one.. Despite not living in my area he is surprisingly clued up on my movements. Which would suggest he's passing by at least daily.

He's not the father of my child, I was just unfortunate enough to live next door to him when we moved to this town.

Thanks again for your responses,

Rtp
 
Do the follow (in no specific order)

1 - set up a cheap security cam... record his actions... point it at your mailbox... as it could be a legal issue for trespassing on someone's mail.
2 - When he threatens suicide... tell him to do it. Sorry, at this point - he's death is not your problem. As long as he thinks he has a life with you (for some odd reason) - then he'll keep coming back.
3 - Check into stalker laws. You need something stronger than a restraining order (I forgot the term) - in which *IF* he comes within distance of your home or contacts you - then he goes to jail.
4 - Consider him a danger to your life, period. Its possible he's homicidal...
5 - Consider moving... yeah, its a hassle. But the problem with today's inter-connection with facebook and such - it means, he can track you down through friends.
6 - document everything.
7 - record his phone conversation and messages. Make sure you say "STOP CALLING ME! This is harassment / court order, I will contact the police."
8 - if he has family (mom / dad) contact them, tell them the situation... that he is to stop. They may not be aware.

Unfortunately, you're dealing with a dangerous person with mental instabilities and not connected to reality. Thus, if the police cannot help (they are there to handle things AFTER the crime). - you'll need a gun, some training and be prepared to kill him if he enters your home. You will need to protect you child.

You may check with the police with your local laws. Let them know that you NOW have to own a gun because there is a crazy person who you have reported.... over and over again.

Also, call the police on him EVERY single time he comes to your home, even if you are not there. You are creating a history. Document time, date and action along with re-action. Thus, if/when you go to court - you have a log-book, you can show WHY you had to kill him for your safety. Try to stay on the right side of the law... as you are allowed to defend yourself. I don't like guns and violence, but I will kill a person before he hurts my kids.


You owe this person, nothing.
 
So the dick came by tonite.. Called twice & when I didn't answer decided to taunt me. Trying to enter via my garage, then whistling, that distinct junkie whistle with no front teeth. Pacing around my property. The cops have just left, but of course he was long gone..

Motherfucker,

Rtp
 
What are the terms on your restraining order? Are you calling the police each time him breaks them? I know they can seem useless and unhelpful but you still need to be calling them each time so its on record.
 
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