I have been trying unsuccessfully for 13 months to taper off of Valium 22.5mg.
I am holding at 19mg for the past 6 months because even making that much of a reduction was unbearable.
I am now disabled unable to work and have lost everything.
I have a Master's degree, moved to NYC when I was 23 and lived there for 12 years and was in a band. I traveled the world, I feel that Valium has taken all of this away. I have suicidal ideation currently.
I have been to 6 psychiatrists, an addictionologist, and a neurologist as well as twice on the verge of entering detox only to have the insurance fall through at the last minute (perhaps a blessing in disguise).
The current Psychiatrist I am seeing is an older man, he is absent minded but genuinely cares and has not force me to reduce my dose of V however after some months with him I have only shown a 5% roughly improvement in symptoms.
I fear the continuation of Valium is a ticking time bomb. He prescribed me trileptal for tremors, Lamictal for glutamate, mirtazapine for sleep which I currently take.
He also has prescribed gabapentin which unfortunately makes me feel like utter shit yet he is insistent on that and clonidine as tools I am not using that would help. I have a fast metabolism and tolerance build up.
I have tried 2 other things before seeing him, switching from V to Klonopin equivalency, and the other experiment being phenobarbital one dose for one day. Each time the doses wore off I had an insane rebound response to each.
The Phenobarbital was prescribed by the neurologist as the best method for tapering Valium because of the half life and I take it 3x a day for the past 2 and a half years.
The psychiatrist I am working with now is continuing to spend each session doing psycho analysis and saying that my childhood trauma and PTSD are the main culprits in addition to the 5 other disorders he claims I may have which I believe are mere bi-products of Benzo Withdrawal.
He is essentially saying "take 10 meds, you have trust issues, you have this and this.." over and over and it leaves me in a hopeless state. the other issue being there are no other psychiatrists in my state that will see me, they are either booked or have an extremely long waiting list, so essentially I feel I have run out of options and am stuck with no other options but to continue with this current Psychiatrist with underlying feeling he isn't helping.
He is adamant that he can help but my lack of trust is getting in the way. For example, he prescribed me 3600 mg of gabapentin and says if I take that high of an amount I will achieve a steady stream and avoid any negative experience and can taper after (he also believes gabapentin helps heal GABA which based on everything I've read is not the case.). He is an older man and set in his ways.
Long story short after feeling utter despair today I was taking something off the shelf and found the bottle of Phenobarbital sitting there from 6 months ago (30 mg). I feel like I am almost at the "fuck it" phase and maybe I should just go for it and try again.
What do you guys think? Sorry for being longwinded, I know I've posted before, but you guys are the best. Thanks so much again! Peace and Love.
Jonathan
I am holding at 19mg for the past 6 months because even making that much of a reduction was unbearable.
I am now disabled unable to work and have lost everything.
I have a Master's degree, moved to NYC when I was 23 and lived there for 12 years and was in a band. I traveled the world, I feel that Valium has taken all of this away. I have suicidal ideation currently.
I have been to 6 psychiatrists, an addictionologist, and a neurologist as well as twice on the verge of entering detox only to have the insurance fall through at the last minute (perhaps a blessing in disguise).
The current Psychiatrist I am seeing is an older man, he is absent minded but genuinely cares and has not force me to reduce my dose of V however after some months with him I have only shown a 5% roughly improvement in symptoms.
I fear the continuation of Valium is a ticking time bomb. He prescribed me trileptal for tremors, Lamictal for glutamate, mirtazapine for sleep which I currently take.
He also has prescribed gabapentin which unfortunately makes me feel like utter shit yet he is insistent on that and clonidine as tools I am not using that would help. I have a fast metabolism and tolerance build up.
I have tried 2 other things before seeing him, switching from V to Klonopin equivalency, and the other experiment being phenobarbital one dose for one day. Each time the doses wore off I had an insane rebound response to each.
The Phenobarbital was prescribed by the neurologist as the best method for tapering Valium because of the half life and I take it 3x a day for the past 2 and a half years.
The psychiatrist I am working with now is continuing to spend each session doing psycho analysis and saying that my childhood trauma and PTSD are the main culprits in addition to the 5 other disorders he claims I may have which I believe are mere bi-products of Benzo Withdrawal.
He is essentially saying "take 10 meds, you have trust issues, you have this and this.." over and over and it leaves me in a hopeless state. the other issue being there are no other psychiatrists in my state that will see me, they are either booked or have an extremely long waiting list, so essentially I feel I have run out of options and am stuck with no other options but to continue with this current Psychiatrist with underlying feeling he isn't helping.
He is adamant that he can help but my lack of trust is getting in the way. For example, he prescribed me 3600 mg of gabapentin and says if I take that high of an amount I will achieve a steady stream and avoid any negative experience and can taper after (he also believes gabapentin helps heal GABA which based on everything I've read is not the case.). He is an older man and set in his ways.
Long story short after feeling utter despair today I was taking something off the shelf and found the bottle of Phenobarbital sitting there from 6 months ago (30 mg). I feel like I am almost at the "fuck it" phase and maybe I should just go for it and try again.
What do you guys think? Sorry for being longwinded, I know I've posted before, but you guys are the best. Thanks so much again! Peace and Love.
Jonathan