You sound in a position at least remotely similar to me - when I first became dependant on heroin I was desperate to avoid a maintenance script as I have come across very few individuals who have managed to move on completely. As I always found it relatively easy to detox from heroin (uncomfortable but short lived, at least from a physical perspective) I got caught in a roundabout of detoxing, then relapsing sooner or later as I never learned how not to start using again. Although I know any control I thought I had over my use involved a certain level of self delusion, I still managed to have long periods (4 years at one time) when I managed to occasionally 'chip' without having a full blown relapse, which enabled me to continue working for the majority of the time but everyone knows that once you have had a full blown habit, occasional use is impossible to maintain in the long run before something tips you back over the edge and due to the kindling effect of the drug, it only takes a bad week of heavy use to be back at square one.
So, the last time I relapsed I threw my hands up and surrendered - after struggling on and off for 10 years I accepted that I would never become tottally drug free without help and approached my local DSP with a view to accepting a bupe script despite never using it I perceived it as being easier to disengage from than methadone. However, despite having relapsed into physical dependency again my use was relatively minimal, as I left my job once things started getting bad again (for self preservation purposes).
This resulted in me running out of money very quickly and when I approached services I was only using the bare minimum of street gear, along with AH - 7291 to stop getting sick. But the doctor, determined to stop me using street drugs altogether prescribed me a therapeutic dose of methadone to block the effect of any 'on - top' heroin. It worked in so far as it reduced my use of street heroin by approx 90%, but has left me unable to drive or work since I started treatment 4 years ago.
It is the longest period of continuous physical dependency I have ever had on poppies and probably due to a combination of the drugs effects and the inactivity it has encouraged I am now a useless person who has turned into exactly the type of chronic maintenance junky I tried for years to avoid to be. After being on 70mgs methadone daily for 2 years, I managed to reduce it down to 16mg over 15 months or so but in trying to reduce too fast too quickly upon reaching the lower doses I relapsed back into street heroin use again 6 months ago and have also developed a worrying benzodiazepine dependence during the same period. After having the dose put back up to 40mls I am now in the 'sweet spot' where I am able to get by on my prescription but am still able to use regularly, continuing to inject.
My use is so chaotic again that I am making incomprehensible tl;dr posts such as the one above, due to having smoked a rock of crack with my morning coffee (it was 6 am in the UK when I awoke and got the pipe out.
Long story short, if long term poppy use has robbed you of your mojo then another extremely potent, full agonist opioid is unlikely to help. The only way I ever have a chance of actually wanting a life back is to detox before getting a proper psycho - therapy based rehabilitation.