Tapering Help - Opiate WD - Desperate for advice

[pettycash]

hey - just saw you've updated this thread - haven't had time to read through yet, but seems like you are doing great ! i will read through and give a more thorough reply (if needed) this weekend

 

[determinedmom53]

Hi All - big news to update - turns out the Tramadol really was doing something after all so to anyone who is taking that as a comfort med please know that it may feel like it's not doing anything because there is no "feel" of it doing anything but it is in fact - doing something. After I ran out I was still taking one or 2 a day. Last Thursday I took my last 1/2 pill and within 24 hours I felt like total crap. I mean I've been worn out, exhausted and still freezing or sweating all the time but I've felt like I've had the flu since then. Yesterday was a week. Today I am up but still in my jammies. I went to the store and felt like that was a huge thing. If I had meds I would have put in a 10K by now.... ugh. BUT - I feel okay. I'm tired but I never threw up or anything. I am taking about 3 showers a day - still. It sure feels like it's taking a long time but it's good to know it's over. I have an annual in a few weeks and it will be the first time I've told my doc I stopped taking the meds. I want to tell him what a jerk he was for prescribing them in the first place but I should have known better. I still think wistfully about how nice it would be to be pain free and have energy but I'm determined and know I will never go back. I do have some kratom and a little mj which I have never tried before but I am probably going to toss it. Neither of those things will help me at this point and all I can see is it will slowly get better over time and with any luck I will start getting my energy back soon. Please God let me get my energy back soon. I've already used every excuse in the book for work these last few weeks so I need to get back in the swing of 12 hour days and non-stop stuff. For now I am happy. Happy I'm done, happy I don't have to think about it any more, happy I'm not counting anything or thinking constantly about how much I have taken, how long till my next refill, happy, happy, happy. And really tired... but still happy. I will keep checking in every so often and let you know when (or if) I ever start feeling normal again but for anyone still battling this issue I have one thing to say - Stopping is totally worth it and not as hard as it sounds. Yes - you will feel crappy for awhile but even though I am still in the middle of crappy I wouldn't change a thing. I can 100% honestly say that if someone handed me a pile of pills today I would toss them in the trash and not think another thing about it. This was the best decision I have made in the last 3 years and I will never go back. I never want that life again no matter how bad the rest gets - those crappy pills only make things worse. At least for me. If anyone is still reading I'm still here - still doing okay and still determined. No going back. Ever.

 

[determinedmom53]

Pettycash - I just spent the last 2 hours reading through a bunch of threads including my own and realize now what a big help you have been. Thanks for your posts and time and thanks for checking in. Every time a person responds or says something I'm encouraged to stay the course. As I re-read my posts I realized I was pretty anxious about this whole thing and didn't need to be. I know it helped to freak about every little detail but in the end I think determination was the only thing that really worked. I made up my mind and that's it. I know for certain that I could say no. Now that I'm on the other side I feel confident I will never go back. I wish the past me could see the current me and know that. Yes I still feel crappy but as you said - 3 - 6 months. I'm really just getting started. I love that this platform exists and that it helps so many people. What a great place. Oh and I do have some other news - my hubby knew I was on pain meds of course and he's no dummy. He knows I quit taking it and is 100% behind me and has told me how proud he is of me. I even told my kids I was feeling crappy because I quit taking my pain meds so even they know a little about what's going on and I don't feel as isolated as I did before. It's nice to be able to tell the truth and not make a big deal out of it. More later.

 

[Sixxam]

You are an inspiration mom53. I came here last December 28 to quit my massive hydromorphone addiction. It's been one bumpy road, and u don't know if it ever ends. But I find myself back here reading and cheering for you all

 

[determinedmom53]

Six - hang in there - it's actually easier that you think it is. I spent 2 years reading in here before finally making the leap. There was only one thing that made it work for me and it's in my name... determination. (and having no access to more for those first few days). I have more big news, I have Celiac Disease. SO it's highly likely my Celiac has affected a lot of this since it's basically killing me from the inside and the pain meds were masking it all that time. Now I'm so stressed about dying from C and I can't hardly be bothered to think about meds. In fact yesterday I found a stash in my purse and I tossed the pills into the trash without even a moments hesitation or consideration. I really didn't even think about it until later in the night. Crazy. I do think I am starting to feel a little more normal. Brain fog is lifting and the entire OCD process of waking up - counting pills, staying on schedule, etc - has completely gone. I don't think about it at all which is weird. I spent so much time obsessing over it I thought it would hang on longer but now that it's not part of my life I'm not thinking about it at all. And I have OCD... Whatever the reason - monkey gone. Woo Hoo. Now I have a new monkey of trying to live gluten free. Good grief Charlie Brown.... My doctor said it was bad and if I didn't make major changes I would not make it for another 10 years - maybe not another 5. Talk about something to get your mind of meds.... Lifes a B. My only advice is my only tool - be determined and have no way of taking it back. If you do that you will make it! Good Luck everyone!
Dmom

 

[determinedmom53]

Hi to anyone still reading. I'm trying to check in at least once a week and tomorrow is one full month. Really longer since I tapered to just about nothing at the end but it feels pretty good to have a milestone. I feel fine and still don't think about it anymore. It's amazing how distracting that all was and in spite of my current issues I still don't want it. Never will again. I'm having surgery in a couple weeks and am trying to figure out pain meds in recovery. I've decided if it's needed I am only taking 3 days worth and that's it. I don't even want that but c'mon - we need to be real. I do miss having a pain free life but I don't miss anything else and feel relived to be done with it. Frankly, I feel over it. I will keep checking in for all the BLers that saved me and inspired me. My new challenge of living healthy and surviving the next thing will be my new distraction and I will post again next week or sooner if needed. Power to everyone.

 

[pettycash]

Oops sorry - I don?t frequent blue light as often as I once did. So glad to hear of you are still crushing it. Always happy to lend an ear and share my opinion / experience.