Help! How to take my adderall as prescribed!?

[littlesmg88]

(EXTREMELY lengthy post with so much detail but PLEASE read!)
I've been on adderall for 13 years since I was diagnosed with ADD, depression and anxiety (I'm on meds for those as well).
My prescribed dose had at one point been as high as 30xr once daily followed by 15xr in the afternoon.
Over the years different doctors lowered my dose saying it was due to being on it for so long and needing to be on it probably for years to come. I first experienced with occasional binging, then after my highest dosing regimen was cut down and I found it didn't work as well and doctors refusing to make it any higher I just started dosing myself with what I found worked as far as mg per day. It's gotten out of hand. I am currently on 20xr once daily and 10ir in the afternoon. I run out in 2 weeks-go through horrible deprivation for a few days, then go back to being lazy until another 2 weeks is up and I get a new script.
I've realized my motive behind my multiple self-dosing. Before I was educated otherwise; I used to take an adderall everytime I felt like I needed a "kick" a "push" a "jumpstart" on moivation. (Motivation to accomplish anything from doing a load of laundry to cleaning the entire house etc). But I then learned motivation can't be cured by pills.
Why I dose so often: 20 adderall xr wears off in 4 hours. So I take 2 or 3 total a day to get things done.
I do not do it to "get high" however in the past it used to give me a euphoric feeling when first taken but I havn't had that feeling in over a year.
I have tried taking some days off but it seems to immediately start my "withdrawl" if I don't take it.
(My withdrawl which happens when I don't take adderall/when I run out is non-stop sleeping for 5 days due to extreme fatigue despite taking things such as amino acid supplements and vitamins)
In my opinion I have the least amount of self control of anyone. So I don't know what else to do.
But I'm tired of this habit and wish I could get it straightened out. And I would like to know again what it's like to only take my medication as prescribed.
My medication does help me when I take it properly. I do not wish to eliminate it from my life.
I know I cannot talk to a proffessional about this issue because I know they will no longer allow me to be prescribed this medication.
It's a vicious cycle that no matter how crappy I feel after taking my last pill, regretting taking so many, but when my script comes I don't care.
I have journaled my feelings especially the day I take the last adderall: telling myself how much I regret taking that extra pill so that maybe if I read it I would remember and avoid it but in the end once I get my next prescription I repeat the process all over.
I have made 10% progress so far. I use a daily pill organizer and ration out my pills as soon as I get them according to my schedule.
This month I am trying to take less during the week on the days that I work all day and allow myself more on the days I have off (so that I can get things done at home).
I don't know what else to do! PLEASE HELP ME! Thank you!

 

[Raysu]

There are pill organizers you can buy online that double as safes and dispense the dose it is set for at the time you designate. They are designed as reminders for the elderly, to prevent tampering and keep them safe from kids, and some even notify a doctor or family member if a dose is skipped (those require a subscription to work as intended but the device is still useful for dispensing in a schedule). This is a suggestion if you don't have a parent/spouse/sibling/etc. who can manage it for you and give you doses around the clock as they are scripted. Keeping your mind busy also is key in preventing the clock-watching anxiety and urge to take more. Having a good bedtime routine, regular daily exercise also is important. Meditation/prayer helps focus the mind and encourages self discipline. And if the dose you feel is insufficient then be sure to tell your doctor ASAP so it can be adjusted accordingly.

 

[Ilove2nod]

I take Adderall too. I know it can be a real bitch having all those pills in your possession knowing you can take as many as you want anytime you want when you first get them filled, until you have no more and run out way too early! I don't have this problem so much with my Adderall as I do with my klonopin, or did. I have taken klonopin for years and when I started taking them I would act irresponsible with them and take way more than I was prescribed, mainly I think because klonopin after taking a few gives me this "i don't care about anything" feeling and after I would take a few I would just keep taking them whenever I had a new script then I would run out early or have to take like 1/4 of my normal dose for a week or so before I could get more from my doctor and my pharmacy would fill another script for them. It got so bad I had to have my mom hold them for me. Once I did that I was fine, and learned to control my self, and now I am much more responsible with my meds than I was. Because I know if I over do it and take more than I am scripted its gonna suck when I run out and cant get anymore and have to go without them, just ask a reliable family member or someone you trust to hold them for you! it will help.

 

[littlesmg88]

-I do try to not look at the clock but I'm constantly monitoring/aware of how I'm feeling & when I feel like it's wearing off I check the time to see if It's been long enough to take another one. More often than not atually the clock says it hasn't even been 4 or 2 hours yet.


-I take more because when it wears off I "crash"- I feel burnout, tired & I need to keep going (ex: at work)

-I thought about buying the time lock pill organizer but honestly I know I'll find a way to cheat it.

-I live with my parents but they arn't an option because I don't want them to know my "secret" about I use up my prescription in 2 weeks. My dad can always tell, mostly because he himself was an addict and alcoholic. & I have to keep my meds hidden or on me at all times because he's stolen my pills before.
-I am WAY too scared to tell my doctor. I just know that she will be angry and discontinue prescribing me adderall if she finds out I abuse them. Besides, every monthly visit with her for the past 3 years I put on an act like everything is fine and my meds are working etc.
I know that she'll be like "you have been lying to me."


I know that only I myself am in control of all of this. But that's my biggest problem. I've even been looking up books to teach myself self-control and willpower. If I had those two things I'd be fine!

 

[beastbox]

I take Adderall too. I know it can be a real bitch having all those pills in your possession knowing you can take as many as you want

Yea... I can't take that feeling. I would find a way in.

Should probably try to get a job trying to crack safes for a company like liberty.
All they'd have to do is roll a bottle of 30s in and tell me they're mine if I can get to them.

...

 

[Sobrietysucks]

Dude I just got a refill and I told the pharmacy to only give me 5 dollars worth of pills. just tell them "how much pills can I get with 5 bucks?" A month and I'll e tempted to use all of them just to get my moneys worth.

My mom snitched to the doc that I was acting psychotic bipolar. so he cut me off dexedrine but I still got myold Adderall press refill lol he forgot so I've been using that. I have to go back to my doc and perform damage control eventually. Adderall come down is hella Wack.