Hello Mr. HPPD

[jugger]

Hey guys,
first I want to apologize for my bad english, Im from germany, 21 years old, m and a college student.
I want to tell you my HPPD story.
I microdosed for 6 weeks 1p-LSD. First I tried 12,5ug, after 2 days 12,5ug again and then the next day 25ug. On the 25ug microdosing day I observed my accurate my surrounding to get aware of optical changes. I saw very very low some fractals, but only when I concentrated for it. The next day at the school I obersaveted my vision again to be sure that the fractals were from this 1p-LSD and not from my imagination. I cant see anymore fractals but what I saw was a very fast flickering over my eyes. I tought it was maybe a long afterglow but this static didnt go away.
Okay whatever, I accepted my new vision, maybe it will goes somedays away.
But after 2 weeks of noticing the visual snow I get a very bad ringing in my ear when I lied in my bed - Tinnitus. The next day I forgott the ringing but while the lecture I noticed this ringing again. It was only present when I focused it.
But after 3 days the ringing got louder and it freaked me out. I dont knew from what I got this tinnitus - maybe from hearing loud music?
After 2 days I consumed 100ug of 1p-LSD. This trip was okay, nothing special but after the peak my tinnitus got so worse, it freaked me out again. I cant say if it was a bad trip, I were able to controll myself but this loud ringing was very annoying and painfull.
So I cant sleep and the ringing was constantly loud and I got anxiety and depressed about that.
I said loudly to myself that this shitty ringing will not affect my good life and it get a bit better. But this day I smoked a very strong sativa weed, got a 1p-LSD backflash and this ringing got louder. Anxiety came back and the sleep after that was very unsatisfying.
The next days I cant ignore this tinnitus even in a loud enviroment, I got really depressed but I tried to continue to chill with my friends.
I spend nearly my whole time in forums to get informations of tinnitus and how it can be caused. Then I stumbled about visual snow and that this VS sometimes goes with tinnitus hand in hand.
And after discovering it, I get aware from hppd in forums.
Then I spend my whole time researching for hppd and maybe for a cure. I read horror storys bout big halos, tracers, afterimages, depersonalization/derealization and shit. I hoped that I never get these things.
But after a few days I noticed big halos around street lights, starbursts round cars and low afterimages from light sources or pictures with a white/black contrast. But nothing what affects my in my life, the tinnitus maybe.
Also I accepted my new sense and hoped to get used to this tinnitus.
I also researched for cured persons who had hppd but I mosly find posts about people where there hppd get worse and increased monthly till they werent able to live there normal life.
I get anxiety and depressed again that I will be one of this person, my whole life stands in question.
I dont know if my hppd increased after I were aware of halos, afterimages, starbursts etc.
I quit smoking weed and smoking. I reduced my caffeine consumption about 70-80%. The last I smoked weed was that backflash trip, for 3 weeks.
I drink alcohol very seldom because I practice bodybuilding.
Nowadays I accepted almost my new awareness, I dont get anxiety and no depressions. I can smile like ever.
I accept it too that my conditions are able to getting worse, whatever I cant stop it.
I get used to my tinnitus, I only be aware maybe 10-20% daily of this ringing. - My doctor said to me that I have a excelent hearing, like a child. So Im able to hear frequenzes who only kids are aware of them.
I think Im a strong person, because I overcome a most of my anxiety and depressions wihtin several weeks.

Positive effects:
-The world looks like me more 3d, I would say more beautifil.
-Music feels more intense, I can hear out every little pitch
-Im self-esteemer because I realized how I can easily overcome such changes in the life.

My consumption patterns were following:
-Smoked nearly everyday max 0,25-0,5g weed, seldom more and almost only joints. In patches I overdosed it but only seldom I get panic from it. Mostly nausea.
-Had only 3 times full MDMA experiences - never overdosed. Maybe once (with reroll) but the sideffects were overseeable. Never had a mentionable fuck up in the after glow, I would say that I liked the afterglow because it was very chill. I had always a pause from 3 months between the rolls.
-Off and on I had speed but the most of this were shitty quality, in patches I combined it with weed.
- consumed 3 times within 2 moths mushrooms, 1. 1,5g - 2g and last 2,5g but that last mushrooms were not so potent I think.
- 2 times 1p-LSD. The first time with 100ug, I had a wonderfull experience, not very visual but a nice experience. The second time within the beginning of my hppd.
- Once I smoked synthetic cannabinoids and accidentally overdosed it because I underestimated the potency. I had a very dissociative, shizophrenic horror trip. I think that i digest it mostly. I dont get anxiety when I think about this horrortrip.
But I think, that this induced my HPPD. After 2 weeks a friend of me made me aware of the weird sky, It looked for me like a LCD-screen. I get aware of this LCD like sky 2 weeks after that too.
After the OD, I reduced my weed consumption to only once a week because it were so trippy when I smoked too much.
- 2 times xanax
- Off and on opiods like tilidin and codein, maybe once in 1 month.

As you can see, my consumption patterns never gets to the extreme. Safer use were my rule and never consumet amounts of psychedelika.
I noticed that I were not so receptive on psychedelika like my friends, they got more optics and freaked more out than me, the ones with a more moderate dose too.



But i got a few questions for you, it will be nice when you can answer it.

1. Can I still get derealization/depersonalization from nowhere?

2. When I apply pressure on my closed eyes I see some CEV. Is this normal or only thank of HPPD?

3. Can I never ever consume psychedeliks or MDMA?

4. Anyone here with tinnitus? If "yes", how do you live with it, what helps you?

5. Is the consumption pattern before, stress and anxiety, responsible for the duration of the recovery?

6. Can I consume opiods without delaying the cure?

Thank you for reading.

 

[Memantine]

HPPD and tinnitus are alike in a way. They are both 50% neurological and 50% psychological.

I suffer from unilateral tinnitus(caused by an acoustic trauma) and from mild HPPD due to the use of hallucinogens/dissociatives and cannabis at a young age.

What i can say is this. When i first noticed my HPPD symptoms i thought i ruined my brain. And because of that i got secundairy psychological issues like depersonalization/depression. But after i quit taking hallucinogens the HPPD improved over time. 4 years later i still have a sort of psychedelic perception 24/7 but it doesn't bother me anymore. 9 our of 10 days i don't even notice it anymore. If you can disable your psychological reaction to the HPPD you will notice very big improvements in your symptoms.

I would cut back on the psychedelics if i were you. Other types of drugs don't really cause any problems in my experience.



As for the tinnitus, after an acoustic trauma i got T. It made me stressed out and depressed till the point were i became suicidal. Over the last 3 years my T improved just a little bit. What keeps me up is the knowledge that it will improve over time and that i can "train" myself to disable my limbic reaction to the noise in my head.


So here are the steps you have to take to deal with tinnitus:
1. Accept the fact that you have it
2. Practise to stay calm while you hear your T. Keep your breathing slow and your heartbeat low.
3. Practise you focus and concentration(for instance try to read a text in silence and pay attention to the text you read, not the sound you hear).
4. Believe that it will improve over time and that one day mankind will find a cure to this disorder.

 

[jugger]

Thank you for your response Memantine.
The tinnitus dont bother me anymore, sometimes its getting anoying but I dont get anxiety from the anymore. I discovered that I can controll very well myself and with calming. When I get aware of a worsening of visual symptoms I accept it. I think with this level of visuals the life is more beautifull, the colors are more intense than before and cant look away from the nature. As long I functioning like ever with this visual. Big ass starbursts or tracers are not so "hoped-for".

In the last time I felt sometimes a pressure and burning like feeling in my head. Sometimes I get very light headaches too, but nothing bothersome. While intensive sports like weight training I dont feel a worsening. And its not anxiety related. In the past I get the burning in the head while light panic attacks because of the tinnitus. But now its more a pressure.
I can deal with it but my fear is to get brainfog.
Im in the middle of the learning phase for my exams and can´t affort to get "dumb" because this subject is hard enough.
On and off Im calculating in my head complicated computing task, to confirmate that I didnt get brain fog.

Memantine, are your visual symptoms are all away?
What symptoms did you have at your hppd "yourney"?

 

[Memantine]

Most of my symptoms are gone. Only colors look a bit fake and it seems as if i can't see very sharp anymore(not because there is something wrong with my eyes).

Doors and walls used to virbrate and breath violently, all the people i saw had very bright halos around them and usually i could see random figures move over the wall when i was sitting in class. Also it was sometimes hard to estimate the size of objects. And the tracers ofcourse.

 

[MyExcuse]

Almost 11 years ago, I developed what I personal felt was HPPD (not truly clinical because I could still function).

Over time, even through continued psychedelic use, it has diminished. There was a time, maybe 5 years ago, when I was using quite a bit of DMT daily. This triggered a swath of untoward effects and social inability truly living up to a clinical diagnosis of HPPD.

This subsided over the following year and currently the only time I get severe symptoms are during stress.

I still get random visual disturbances and minor auditory distortions, but the walls don't breath anymore and the floor is steady. Lights aren't blinding at night and I can actually see moving objects without huge trailing.

Time. Don't stop your practices. I don't believe HPPD is truly cumulative. Dose and frequency will induce it, but I think it goes easily into remission,