JimBobWho?
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2023
- Messages
- 45
I have been surfing the blue light forms since early year. Been an addict since 2010, mainly street smack, anykind as long as it blasts my opioid receptors. Quit gas station H December 19th of 2015. Instead of going on methadone or suboxon after requiered detox, I QT'ed it, suffered from end of December to end of February. Decided to get on the Kratom as maintenance, mainly because if I binge on it (and i bindge, on everything but food), I won't quit breathing (unlike od'ing on methadone, right dudes...). I recently said fuck it on 8/22/2023 and quit the Kratom too, went to the wilderness with 7 days ration food, and lasted 14 days, traveled 80 miles by kayak and foot. The withdrawals were there, mild to moderate, nothing like the good old days man, though I began to remember things... though, and my depression came back with vengeance. Some background now, 8 years from my middle age, history of being a booze hound, psychonaught, weed eater, DOC opiates stronger the better. Became curious in drugs at age 13 starting with Dyph, DXM, DMT from yopo, salvia, anything fond and etcetera. Begin smoking weed at 14, and cigs at 15. Started drinking at 15 years. Now currently, married happily with one daughter, hiding my past from my family. Lost my son back in October 2022, which really pushed me over, but kept off the hard shit because well its to damn hard to get it now, I moved from the city to small farm town, and Kratom kept me sane. Anyway, it's been 22 days clean from any opiate. Noticed I'm drinking a fuck ton, have no idea how nobody noticed. Today, no booze, took small amount of phenibut 200mg to kill the shakes. Still consume weed like it's water, mostly at night due to obvious reasons. Still feel depressed, still aching, but at least I sleep 3 hours a night. My God, I don't know what to do. I just keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing... I'm doing the right thing. Fucking never again, EVER so help me God. But man, do I Jones daily holy shit... thinking maybe NA, but reading the threads here and my God, you guys and gals really care and support each other, haven't seen anyone talked down at or berate. So here I am BL, after over a decade I got an account on a burner email, cuz God knows the people I know should definitely not know! Am looking forward to the communion. God bless. Much love brothers and sisters. Stay strong, I'd rather die then go back, but man do I hurt. Still love drugs, and drugs are bad mkay...
