oxygirlinct
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 4, 2015
- Messages
- 59
I know this is going to be an annoying "woe is me" type post, so feel free to stop reading.
I'm a 24 year old (so I hear) fairly attractive young woman. My long-term boyfriend is 31 and he is very physically attractive (although very modest). I've been feeling like a needy puppy, begging for sex or any type of intimacy for a long time now. We've been together 4 years and at the beginning things were amazing -- round 3, 4, 5, hours upon hours and it was obvious it was mutually enjoyable. This started at college, so of course I don't expect things to be that way now. Things are SO far from that now that I wonder how that was ever physically possible for him. I can't even remember the last round 2 we had, the last time we had morning sex, the last time we spent all day hiding from our responsibilities because we just couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. He missed the SUPERBOWL one year for goodness sakes.
After graduation, we both moved back in with our parents and for several years our sex life took a steady decline, of course. While I wasn't a fan, I was understanding and dealt with it. However, it seemed even when we had perfect opportunities, he'd make excuses not to take advantage of them. (FYI He has severe anxiety and OCD so sometimes that played a role "is that my mothers car?" etc etc) Yet, on occasion, I'd get a rise (hehe) out of him by sending sexy texts or pictures and we'd even go so far as to rent nice hotel rooms so we could be intimate. We would have a good time, but still he could not last long (I know that could have to do with the frequency of sex but I'm sure he masturbated) and sometimes he didn't really seem to be as considerate as he used to. I used to get the royal treatment and he enjoyed every second. Now it's like a chore after he comes taking care of me. It was all very confusing to me. Meanwhile, sex went from awesome, passionate, hours upon hours, to basically premature ejaculation. He's a considerate guy so it's always "did you come? did you come?" and, if not, he seems to feel obligated (not hot if it feels like he's not enjoying it anymore) to go down on me. Sometimes even if I do come, I don't feel satisfied. Men and women are different...sometimes I'll be on the edge of a second orgasm and if he knows I've come once it becomes completely irrelevant. Female blue balls. I began touching myself and telling him how hot he got me that I was nearly about to come twice but seeing his reaction killed it for me.
We talked about getting our own apartment and talked about how we'd be naked all the time and I'd be "all over him constantly" (because he considers me to be the sexually needy one, of course). We've fought before about how i have "too high of a sex drive" and "expect too much" and put too much emphasis on sex. I think this is NOT the case..I'm happy to have sex once a week, whatever, life happens. But I have needs and I don't understand why he doesn't. (I know he does...I've gotten some sexy videos and texts...its very confusing) We had sexy conversations, fantasizing about what it would be like. We've gotten the apartment and in over a month have had sex only about 3 times (1 was one of the first nights and 2 of which happened because I just got really high, felt confident as hell, and just had my way with him). But I just can't take it anymore.
Not only is it rare that we have sex, but when we do he lasts no more than a few minutes. I feel like I've tried to communicate with him about this in a very non-judgemental way so many times. I've tried things, made suggestions, used positive reinforcement to boost his confidence, I just don't know. Last night was one of those 3 times and tonight I really wanted to get intimate because I'm still feeling a little sexually frustrated from my unfinished business from last night. To be fair, he stayed up far too late and has work early in the morning. But we spent hours on the couch watching movies where I tried to cuddle, touch him, whatever..and he's more interested in his laptop or somewhat apathetic. Before bed, he asked if I wanted to spoon for 5 mins before bed so I took this as an opportunity to get a serious makeout sesh in..telling him how much I love his lips and how I'd missed kissing him. I felt him getting turned on (I was only wearing panties and he's a total ass man) but, of course, rejection because he has to wake up early. It takes the man no more than 5 minutes to come anyways. I'm not sure if (like many other things in his life - like job prospects - he feels like he's just not good enough or not going to fulfill the role properly so why even put in the work and potentially leave me unsatisfied??)
I'm becoming frustrated to the point of tears. I don't think it's me - physically nothing has changed. He says it's not me. I know he's not cheating (I know many of you are skeptical, I would be too, but he's not) He says he thinks the fact that he's not been going to the gym like he used to plays a role. He's very insecure in many aspects of his life right now and feels powerless/like a fuck up and maybe this is just another area. Maybe he feels like why try because it's not going to be good enough? (Would make sense considering his learned helplessness in all other areas).
But we have so many other issues in our relationship to work through that if we can't even manage to have good sex once in a blue moon, I feel like I'm destined for misery (already am). I have an opiate problem and sometimes cheat to give myself the confidence I need to initiate and do all the right things, which makes it all the more frustrating when I'm essentially rejected. I shave my entire body, coat myself in $50 lotion, perfume, sleep in the panties I know he likes...it's like I'm incapable of seducing my own boyfriend. He's fucked as far as getting a good night's sleep goes anyways, whats another 5 minutes?
I can't handle this feeling of rejection anymore. Not to mention I'm a very sexual person and so that in itself drives me crazy. AND trying to stay sober during this...I'm just losing my mind. I just want to feel wanted, attracted, pursued.
WHY DOES HE NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
Sorry, thanks for listening. I don't want to be a cheater to such a loyal, honest man -- but this is only one part of the dysfunction going on and I'm just feeling all alone and now to top it off I'm sexually frustrated and essentially begging my boyfriend to touch me. It's distracting me from very important thing I have going on in my life career-wise. I just need to know if anyone has any insight. I'm completely (and have been for nearly 4 years) willing to research this and to try what I can, but it seems like there's nothing I can do.
I'm a 24 year old (so I hear) fairly attractive young woman. My long-term boyfriend is 31 and he is very physically attractive (although very modest). I've been feeling like a needy puppy, begging for sex or any type of intimacy for a long time now. We've been together 4 years and at the beginning things were amazing -- round 3, 4, 5, hours upon hours and it was obvious it was mutually enjoyable. This started at college, so of course I don't expect things to be that way now. Things are SO far from that now that I wonder how that was ever physically possible for him. I can't even remember the last round 2 we had, the last time we had morning sex, the last time we spent all day hiding from our responsibilities because we just couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. He missed the SUPERBOWL one year for goodness sakes.
After graduation, we both moved back in with our parents and for several years our sex life took a steady decline, of course. While I wasn't a fan, I was understanding and dealt with it. However, it seemed even when we had perfect opportunities, he'd make excuses not to take advantage of them. (FYI He has severe anxiety and OCD so sometimes that played a role "is that my mothers car?" etc etc) Yet, on occasion, I'd get a rise (hehe) out of him by sending sexy texts or pictures and we'd even go so far as to rent nice hotel rooms so we could be intimate. We would have a good time, but still he could not last long (I know that could have to do with the frequency of sex but I'm sure he masturbated) and sometimes he didn't really seem to be as considerate as he used to. I used to get the royal treatment and he enjoyed every second. Now it's like a chore after he comes taking care of me. It was all very confusing to me. Meanwhile, sex went from awesome, passionate, hours upon hours, to basically premature ejaculation. He's a considerate guy so it's always "did you come? did you come?" and, if not, he seems to feel obligated (not hot if it feels like he's not enjoying it anymore) to go down on me. Sometimes even if I do come, I don't feel satisfied. Men and women are different...sometimes I'll be on the edge of a second orgasm and if he knows I've come once it becomes completely irrelevant. Female blue balls. I began touching myself and telling him how hot he got me that I was nearly about to come twice but seeing his reaction killed it for me.
We talked about getting our own apartment and talked about how we'd be naked all the time and I'd be "all over him constantly" (because he considers me to be the sexually needy one, of course). We've fought before about how i have "too high of a sex drive" and "expect too much" and put too much emphasis on sex. I think this is NOT the case..I'm happy to have sex once a week, whatever, life happens. But I have needs and I don't understand why he doesn't. (I know he does...I've gotten some sexy videos and texts...its very confusing) We had sexy conversations, fantasizing about what it would be like. We've gotten the apartment and in over a month have had sex only about 3 times (1 was one of the first nights and 2 of which happened because I just got really high, felt confident as hell, and just had my way with him). But I just can't take it anymore.
Not only is it rare that we have sex, but when we do he lasts no more than a few minutes. I feel like I've tried to communicate with him about this in a very non-judgemental way so many times. I've tried things, made suggestions, used positive reinforcement to boost his confidence, I just don't know. Last night was one of those 3 times and tonight I really wanted to get intimate because I'm still feeling a little sexually frustrated from my unfinished business from last night. To be fair, he stayed up far too late and has work early in the morning. But we spent hours on the couch watching movies where I tried to cuddle, touch him, whatever..and he's more interested in his laptop or somewhat apathetic. Before bed, he asked if I wanted to spoon for 5 mins before bed so I took this as an opportunity to get a serious makeout sesh in..telling him how much I love his lips and how I'd missed kissing him. I felt him getting turned on (I was only wearing panties and he's a total ass man) but, of course, rejection because he has to wake up early. It takes the man no more than 5 minutes to come anyways. I'm not sure if (like many other things in his life - like job prospects - he feels like he's just not good enough or not going to fulfill the role properly so why even put in the work and potentially leave me unsatisfied??)
I'm becoming frustrated to the point of tears. I don't think it's me - physically nothing has changed. He says it's not me. I know he's not cheating (I know many of you are skeptical, I would be too, but he's not) He says he thinks the fact that he's not been going to the gym like he used to plays a role. He's very insecure in many aspects of his life right now and feels powerless/like a fuck up and maybe this is just another area. Maybe he feels like why try because it's not going to be good enough? (Would make sense considering his learned helplessness in all other areas).
But we have so many other issues in our relationship to work through that if we can't even manage to have good sex once in a blue moon, I feel like I'm destined for misery (already am). I have an opiate problem and sometimes cheat to give myself the confidence I need to initiate and do all the right things, which makes it all the more frustrating when I'm essentially rejected. I shave my entire body, coat myself in $50 lotion, perfume, sleep in the panties I know he likes...it's like I'm incapable of seducing my own boyfriend. He's fucked as far as getting a good night's sleep goes anyways, whats another 5 minutes?
I can't handle this feeling of rejection anymore. Not to mention I'm a very sexual person and so that in itself drives me crazy. AND trying to stay sober during this...I'm just losing my mind. I just want to feel wanted, attracted, pursued.
WHY DOES HE NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
Sorry, thanks for listening. I don't want to be a cheater to such a loyal, honest man -- but this is only one part of the dysfunction going on and I'm just feeling all alone and now to top it off I'm sexually frustrated and essentially begging my boyfriend to touch me. It's distracting me from very important thing I have going on in my life career-wise. I just need to know if anyone has any insight. I'm completely (and have been for nearly 4 years) willing to research this and to try what I can, but it seems like there's nothing I can do.
