Sex Having sex wasn't that special

[Survival0200]

For most of my life I had dreamt of being able to have sex with a woman one day. When I was finally able to do it, it wasn't that special. I was a bit disappointed: this was it?

I was able to do it with a woman I love and care.

Have others here been disappointed after their first time?

I'm a bit late with these things, like the guy in the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. xD

 

[arrall]

First times are usually far more clumsy, anxious, and awkward than special.

It’s usually your 2nd or 3rd or 4th time where you aren’t so anxious and sort of know what you’re doing that things start to feel more special and fun.

 

[n3ophy7e]

For most of my life I had dreamt of being able to have sex with a woman one day. When I was finally able to do it, it wasn't that special. I was a bit disappointed: this was it?

I was able to do it with a woman I love and care.

Have others here been disappointed after their first time?

I'm a bit late with these things, like the guy in the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. xD

The first FEW times I had sex it was quite underwhelming. Both my partner at the time and I were very young and completely inexperienced and this was abundantly evident in the quality of the sex. So much fumbling, repeatedly missing the hole, apologising, clumsiness and just not feeling sexy at all.

Good sex takes practice. NO ONE is good at it first go!

Next time, just relax, take it slow, enjoy the experience as it is happening, and whether or not it is the next time or maybe the next one or even the next time after that, it will get better and it will feel amazing

 

[Ismene2]

Me too - nothing special. But I do feel if she had been wearing green waders and smoking a briar pipe then it would have been a whole other ball game. She would have got it six ways from sunday and twice on sunday.

 

[axe battler]

How did you feel about the girl? If it was just someone willing to fuck you and your attraction is minimal this can all make for a bad experience.
Also yes, her experience sexually coupled with your inexperience could make for an underwhelming experience.
Sex is great. You just need right girl!

Also you shouldn't watch too much porn and expect it to be like that!

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I remember my first time was certainly very awkward, yet was also amazing, but we were both very young and I was madly crushing on that girl at the time which certainly made it that much more amazing.

It's like using a drug for the first time. Often you don't do it right, often it grows on you and becomes better later.

edit: forgot, that was the 2nd time.. I forgot about the first because it was generally a bad experience for various reasons, I believe I've told that story here before.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

This is absolutely the common experience. It's very rare to have your first time be fireworks, but that's what everyone expects because that's how it's portrayed in fiction, that's the fantasy we're all sold, and the act gets massively over-hyped. Even if you love one another doesn't mean you're automatically in sync as soon as you stick the relevant parts together. Even when you're with someone you hugely desire, a lot of the time the sex will just be good rather than spectacular.

It's easier in fact to have a great climax masturbating, because you know exactly how you like every little touch and movement and what you require in terms of speed / pressure etc from moment to moment. And both men and women often feel guilty about this or like there's something wrong with them, because shouldn't sexual contact with a partner automatically be 'superior' to fiddling with yourself etc.
Another problem is if you get stuck on one single method to get off, which many people do once they found a way that reliably works. Then sex might feel underwhelming because you're not getting the same kind of stimulation in the same way that you're used to.

So one thing that is really helpful in making sex rewarding for both of you is to start with what you normally do alone, and share that. Like masturbating in front of each other, so you can see exactly how the other person likes to be touched, then switch to touching each other. It's a great way to get yourselves steamed up to the point where you're pretty much guaranteed to both come as soon as you start having intercourse. Or you might both 'complete the exercise', and then proceed to a more leisurely kissing and fondling session building up to a second round where you have sex.
Oral sex is also often more rewarding, especially for women.

Basically don't expect it to be like in films or porn, take time and have fun exploring each other's bodies in all kinds of ways, don't be afraid to ask for what you'd like / say when you don't like something, and don't think of penetrative sex as the be-all and end-all every time. Most of all don't consciously try to make 'the moment' happen, or waste attention during sex waiting for it to happen, because that's the best way to ensure that it won't.

 

[Shady's Fox]

First times are usually far more clumsy, anxious, and awkward than special.

It’s usually your 2nd or 3rd or 4th time where you aren’t so anxious and sort of know what you’re doing that things start to feel more special and fun.

yeah

is indeed boring plus is same as smoking. once you do it two per hours.. your lungs filters the tobacco levels anyway, so 10mg about 0.2 for 3 in let's say 2/3hrs mark, but damn 2.. at least take a 2hr break yo. at least even if ur bored anyhow, getting a blowjob first time is something i don't say.. i dont, is some it feels good to have her lemme adjust you just sit the fuck down and stfu but even then, second third.. FOR ME, isn't stagnating but boring more or less.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

First time always sucks.
But then you learn some skills.

I for one am looking forward To getting my cock In my Girls throat tonight and Hopefully both of us have orgams too

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

The best sex happens randomly without planning, build up or expectation. It just kinda happens with someone compatible who hopefully you've already slept with so it is smooth.

Sex is fairly overrated but that doesn't mean it isnt enjoyable. Opiates are over rated but still enjoyable. So are amusement parks and fancy restaurants. People talk them up so much that they'll never be as good as the hype but the experiences are still good.

We have to learn to curb our enthusiasm

 

[deficiT]

For most of my life I had dreamt of being able to have sex with a woman one day. When I was finally able to do it, it wasn't that special. I was a bit disappointed: this was it?

I was able to do it with a woman I love and care.

Have others here been disappointed after their first time?

I'm a bit late with these things, like the guy in the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. xD

Yeah, like n3o said, sex usually isn't spectacular at first. I mean, first sex with any one particular person isn't usually fabulous, but once you become closer to said person you start to understand their needs better, and they start to understand your queues better, and it can become great with time and effort. It's all about kind of understanding what you like and what they like. Try to not get worked up with nerves and stuff like that, which is easier said than done. I know I've had plenty of lackluster bones, but I also know I'm pretty damn amazing at times from all the positive feedback I've gotten from the ladies, probably the primary reason they stick to me Took a lot of practice and a lot of shitty sex to get there though.

Also, another thing some people don't realize, is that foreplay is VERY important. If you expect your partner to do something for you, you better be damn sure ready to do it for them. Reciprocation is the name of the game. Also lubrication, and condoms are important, for both preventing STD's and pregnancy. Don't make the same mistakes I did.

 

[Eligiu]

The first time I ever had sex it was apalling. I did really like the guy and had a long term crush on him throughout my teen years but he was godawful at sex. Not a sex god.

For foreplay he seemed to think just vigorously smashing his fingers in and out of my junk was sufficient, and didn't pay any attention to my tdick (what was at the time a clit before I transitioned).

By the time we were having sex he basically had to force himself in, and in some positions it just wouldn't work at all. I remember disctinctly that I didn't cum, and that it was pretty painful and I completely lost interest in sex for years after that.

I actually struggle a lot during sex these days because due to the effect of testosterone, part of my junk is larger than it used to be (so I have somewhat of a dick now) and in several specific positions for sex the actual physical contact between me and the other person, with the friction, can cause me to cum waaaaay too fast and since starting testosterone I am fully male these days and I'm one and done, there is no second wave here.

So these days I have to be pretty firm about not prefering certain positions and that also comes with experience. You may find the more frequently you have sex, the sooner you figure out which positions do and do not work for you.

For example I can't be on the bottom, unless it's the end of the hook up and they're really to finish.

I have to be either on top, or other positions that reduce friction. Otherwise I cum and then I have to actually just lie there while they keep going until they finish up, which for some guys can take ages.

I also switch between anal and normal sex depending on what mood I'm in.

When I have sex with cisgender women, in those situations I actually*prefer* to be on the bottom as if they are sitting on me. The friction in those scenarios is good, and in fact the only way I can tolerate sex as I don't particularly want them to stick fingers up anywhere.

I've had some really good sex over the years, including with other trans people (usually the best experiences) or gender non conforming partners. I'd rank gay men who were first timers as next, because it is a great experience introducing someone to having sex in a way they hadn't previously considered due to their sexuality and each gay guy I've been the first trans guy for they have noticeably enjoyed the experience immensely, and I do get happy about that because it means they will now consider other trans partners. I'm lucky, because being fairly attractive on a conventional level it can swing gay men towards experimenting with me, but I've never had one of them say they regretted it. After that I'd say gay men with prior experience with trans men, then bisexual men, then cisgender women. In that order.

Fortunately I'm lucky because I have Grindr, the hook up app to dominate all hook up apps. Sometimes it takes me less than 5 minutes to organise meeting up with someone. I do meet people numerous times if the sex is good and we get along well, but generally I enjoy the anonymity.

The ease of organising hook ups using grindr has meant that even being asexual I always have someone basically immediately available for my needs, so I'll basically go 3-4 months not opening the app before I just trawl it for some dick until I get a hook up.

Sex is weird and messy. People have their specific preferences. I've hooked up with a guy and had it fail spectacularly because I was far too autistic for him to understand and I threw him off because I was silent and made too much eye contact and he could not tell whether I was enjoying it or not, which turned him off. We both said that it was the most uncomfortable sex we had ever had.

So like, when you click with someone it tends to work out better. And you don't have to be long term partners or anything, just being on friendly terms is really good enough.

But also, open communication is the most important aspect. Being clear with your partner and telling them to be clear with you about what you both like and dislike. Explaining this to eachother. Discussing kinks. Just actually talking about what you want the sex to be like. If there wasn't enough foreplay, tell them that.

 

[Survival0200]

We can't really have spontaneous sex, because I have to take Viagra, so takes some of the romance away.

By the way, is it somehow wrong to be wanting sex? I'm obviously the one of us two who wants more sex than the other. I mean, I don't want her to think I'm some kind of sex maniac OR to make her think that I'm with her just for the sex. Some women complain that "men just want to have sex".

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

We can't really have spontaneous sex, because I have to take Viagra, so takes some of the romance away.

By the way, is it somehow wrong to be wanting sex? I'm obviously the one of us two who wants more sex than the other. I mean, I don't want her to think I'm some kind of sex maniac OR to make her think that I'm with her just for the sex. Some women complain that "men just want to have sex".

Not sure you age, but a graph may help.

Mens libido peak around 20, women 35

 

[AbbeyLee]

Did she have a loose vag?

 

[Keeloverandfly]

We can't really have spontaneous sex, because I have to take Viagra, so takes some of the romance away.

By the way, is it somehow wrong to be wanting sex? I'm obviously the one of us two who wants more sex than the other. I mean, I don't want her to think I'm some kind of sex maniac OR to make her think that I'm with her just for the sex. Some women complain that "men just want to have sex".

Spontaneous doesn’t mean romantic. I regularly plan sex with partners. Also I like receiving anal and prefer being clean, so I have to prepare (anal douche). That doesn’t make it any less romantic. Many people shower before sex, definitely planned and definitely doesn’t nix the romance.

Nothing wrong with wanting sex, and nothing is wrong with wanting less sex. It isn’t a gender issue in my experience. The goal is to find someone with a similar sex drive and a similar view of sexuality, if you don’t want a sexually imbalanced relationship.

If in fact all you want is sex and nothing else, that is also fine, but that is pretty hard to find in a female partner (there is a reason why there is no lesbian equivalent of promiscuous gay male saunas, and why sex clubs charge single men more to enter, and why prostitution mainly caters to men). I have had a few female sex-only partners and it never lasts very long. But that isn’t really what you are looking for, I gather…

As for the initial post, good intimacy has a lot to do with arousal. You say you use viagra… if it’s not indiscreet, why do you use that? Is it physical or psychological? Are you attracted to your partner? Is she attracted to you? It took me a lot of practice to get to where I am today, including learning how to find the right partners, but for me it was tons of fun even from my first kiss. However I have had “dud” partners, and if they had been my first experience maybe I would have had doubts in the beginning.

 

[Survival0200]

If in fact all you want is sex and nothing else, that is also fine [...]

It's not all I want, it's just one part of a relationship, I think. I just seem to want it more than my partner. That's also fine for me.

As for the initial post, good intimacy has a lot to do with arousal. You say you use viagra… if it’s not indiscreet, why do you use that? Is it physical or psychological? Are you attracted to your partner? Is she attracted to you?

I'm overweight and also on a lots of meds, so those play a role in having bad erections. Yeah, we are both attracted in a romantic way. I don't know how sexy she thinks I am. She's not super sexy, but sexy in a "girl next door" kind of way.

 

[Keeloverandfly]

Then it shouldnt be a problem if you show you love her otherwise.

ok so it’s physical/physiological it sounds like, for the ED.

As for sexiness, I believe there is a huge gap between the collective idea of sexiness (unfortunately moulded by images chiseled bodies and skimpy clothing in the media) and personal ideas of sexiness. My partner is not conventionally sexy (she is a big girl, with cellulite and busted veins on her legs and all the “imperfections” that come with being overweight) but I find her wildly cute and sexy, both physically and mentally. I have a few major physical imperfections as well, but she doesn’t mind at all. Sexiness can be so many things, and just like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. And we tell each other all the time how sexy and beautiful we find each other, in and out of bed!

 

[lonelyDude]

It's not all I want, it's just one part of a relationship, I think. I just seem to want it more than my partner. That's also fine for me.


I'm overweight and also on a lots of meds, so those play a role in having bad erections. Yeah, we are both attracted in a romantic way. I don't know how sexy she thinks I am. She's not super sexy, but sexy in a "girl next door" kind of way.

dont worry about looks dude.

be kind and gentle and most important listen.

chicks love to be heard and it you pay attention and spend the time to keep the relationship special (taking time away form everyone else for her) you will do well big small long short matters not.

love is caring not ripped abs and big tits.

I would take an overweight girl that loved me over a model that I just fucked any day.

you seem like a really nice guy dont sweat the small stuff it all works out in time.

 

[lonelyDude]

also the more you masturbate the harder it is with a chick to get off.

your hands are strong and hard a girl is soft and gentle.

it may be that years of pleasing your self has made it so you need a little to much "friction" to get there.

this also goes in time.

im not saying dont wank hell it never stopped me just it could be another reason and this will in time fix as nature intended it too.