Hey guys
So, heres my 2 cents on the matter before you read it, im pretty sure all of this happened because i was unable to let go on all of my trips, i kept fighting the bad feelings instead of accepting them, i tried to find answers in a logical form, and i think im being punished for it. I have non stop deja vu, intense deja vu, its as if i'v lived this life before, and i just want it to fucking stop.
So, my first trip in April (2 tabs, 210ug of Voidrealm, i also smoked some weed with it) was really bad, i was having SERIOUS ego dissolution, and my friends dad (who knew we were tripping, i was 17 btw) said things before it went bad like "Someone tipped them off" and "You guys are on heavy shit, man, you dont realize whats happening!", i thought i was being arrested, like, i could see police, police lights, i could hear sirens, and everything, i could even see the cops badge, i had pissed myself because of this, as well. It wasnt fun, the beginning was, but not the mid-end, however, i wasnt actually arrested. After this trip, i felt fine, no bad after affects, just a really nice afterglow. However, during this trip, i had like, premonitions, of the next times i would do acid, like, well, you'll see what i mean.
About a month goes by, and i take it again, this time it was completely fine, but it wasnt Voidream (Which, if you dont know, is a really potent type of LSD from the deepweb) it was some random tab, but was tested as LSD, and, was a very nice trip. So i decided to try it again a few weeks later, this was one tab of Voidrealm (105ug) and the beginning was good, but, it started getting confusing and difficult, i went to my other friends house (i dont hang out with the other friend, anymore) and calmed down after a while, but i took a dab, and that made the trip really fucking intense, visuals were so surreal, and, i had intense deja vu this trip.
Its as if, i had tripped here and done this before, but i only got it after the dab, it was intense, like, i remembered it from the 1st trip, as if i was shown i would trip again, but i also had another bad trip here after the dab, and it again, involved police, i could see myself on the ground, freaking out after doing LSD, and i was explaining to my friend it felt like i was being arrested, but, as i explained it to him, it felt like i was saying that stuff to him in the "other reality" the police version.
I went home after a while, as i was asking him repeatedly to check for cops. and i went to sleep. After this trip, i had constant feelings of deja vu, it was mild so i could shrug it off, but it was noticable.
A month or so later (july 23rd, 18 now) i was at my friends house, and he out of the blue offers me a sliver of LSD, it was voidrealm again (real popular in our area) it must've been 40ug or so, and it was a spur of the moment type deal, but i took it anyway, thought i could handle it cuz of the dosage, but i then decided to take a few bong rips. And again, i was put in the headspace of the police, but, this time i felt like, i was back in the 1st trip, like, everything around me was a dream, and i would soon wake up in April, to police and shit, as if, the bad trip was real, and i faded into a false reality so i wouldnt have to deal with the fear. I dont know. Anyways i decided to go home at 2:30am and tried to sleep, i couldnt though, i was staring at the dimly lit objects in my room, and the bike against my wall looked vaguely like my dog, but, more grotesque, like, he was dead or something, then, my laptop screen came on, i turned to look at it and it shut off, i thought immediately that "Ok, mom checked on me" but, she didnt, after a while the screen came back on, and i turned to look at it, but it didnt shut off, thats when everything came to me "Oh fuck, i killed my dog" because of the image of my dog on my bike, but instead it was like he was bloody in my bed and i had killed him after going psychotic or something, i get up, shut the laptop, and try to sleep, but i cant now, so i go on tripsit.me to try t oget help, and it calmed me down a bit, but still was worrying.
The day after i was just, full of deja vu, its like, i have already lived, and im remembering my life as i go, but, sometimes, it feels like, when people talk, they're talking about me going insane, or tripping out, for instance, the day after my brother told me about one of his old dogs in virginia getting out and killing his ex's dog, i got insane deja vu from this, i swear i'v heard him say it before, in that same way, and everything, but, it also felt like he was talking about me "killing one of our dogs"
This was a month ago, on June 23rd and 24th, its now July 23rd and i dont know if im getting better or worse, but i think im getting slightly worse, i feel like, i saw my whole life that 1st time on acid, like, ive seen myself go down this rabbit hole of thoughts before, and i couldve avoided it if i let go, but, i didnt know at the time, i was afraid to, it feels like, the 1st trip is still happening, and all of this is a dream masked over top of it, i think i have PTSD because of this, smells, tastes, the colors red and blue, all remind me of the trip and put in the headspace of feeling like its still happening, im so scared because all of my bad trips were linked together somehow, its like, all planned out, i dont know, im just so scared, i hate this deja vu, it feels awful and its consuming my life, even this sentence feels repeated, its like i'v seen all of this happen on the 1st trip in April, and im scared that the bad trip happened, and im in a dream, i think its all my ego, but im not sure. I dont want to trip again, though for fears that this will get worse, and im still kind of young, plus i have a family history of schizoaffective disorder, it feels like i either went insane in another reality, or the 1st trip is still happening, or im in an asylum hallucinating everything, what can i do?
I just want all of this to fucking stop, its been 30 days since the last trip, and ive had never ending deja vu, feelings of being in a dream, and i went insane, or im in my 1st bad trip still, not the trip itself, but the bad police part, i can hear sirens sometimes, and it feels like people talking is about me tripping out. I just want this to end. Is this PTSD? or am i being retarded and overthinking? How can i fix this? even all of my thoughts have deja vu.
So, heres my 2 cents on the matter before you read it, im pretty sure all of this happened because i was unable to let go on all of my trips, i kept fighting the bad feelings instead of accepting them, i tried to find answers in a logical form, and i think im being punished for it. I have non stop deja vu, intense deja vu, its as if i'v lived this life before, and i just want it to fucking stop.
So, my first trip in April (2 tabs, 210ug of Voidrealm, i also smoked some weed with it) was really bad, i was having SERIOUS ego dissolution, and my friends dad (who knew we were tripping, i was 17 btw) said things before it went bad like "Someone tipped them off" and "You guys are on heavy shit, man, you dont realize whats happening!", i thought i was being arrested, like, i could see police, police lights, i could hear sirens, and everything, i could even see the cops badge, i had pissed myself because of this, as well. It wasnt fun, the beginning was, but not the mid-end, however, i wasnt actually arrested. After this trip, i felt fine, no bad after affects, just a really nice afterglow. However, during this trip, i had like, premonitions, of the next times i would do acid, like, well, you'll see what i mean.
About a month goes by, and i take it again, this time it was completely fine, but it wasnt Voidream (Which, if you dont know, is a really potent type of LSD from the deepweb) it was some random tab, but was tested as LSD, and, was a very nice trip. So i decided to try it again a few weeks later, this was one tab of Voidrealm (105ug) and the beginning was good, but, it started getting confusing and difficult, i went to my other friends house (i dont hang out with the other friend, anymore) and calmed down after a while, but i took a dab, and that made the trip really fucking intense, visuals were so surreal, and, i had intense deja vu this trip.
Its as if, i had tripped here and done this before, but i only got it after the dab, it was intense, like, i remembered it from the 1st trip, as if i was shown i would trip again, but i also had another bad trip here after the dab, and it again, involved police, i could see myself on the ground, freaking out after doing LSD, and i was explaining to my friend it felt like i was being arrested, but, as i explained it to him, it felt like i was saying that stuff to him in the "other reality" the police version.
I went home after a while, as i was asking him repeatedly to check for cops. and i went to sleep. After this trip, i had constant feelings of deja vu, it was mild so i could shrug it off, but it was noticable.
A month or so later (july 23rd, 18 now) i was at my friends house, and he out of the blue offers me a sliver of LSD, it was voidrealm again (real popular in our area) it must've been 40ug or so, and it was a spur of the moment type deal, but i took it anyway, thought i could handle it cuz of the dosage, but i then decided to take a few bong rips. And again, i was put in the headspace of the police, but, this time i felt like, i was back in the 1st trip, like, everything around me was a dream, and i would soon wake up in April, to police and shit, as if, the bad trip was real, and i faded into a false reality so i wouldnt have to deal with the fear. I dont know. Anyways i decided to go home at 2:30am and tried to sleep, i couldnt though, i was staring at the dimly lit objects in my room, and the bike against my wall looked vaguely like my dog, but, more grotesque, like, he was dead or something, then, my laptop screen came on, i turned to look at it and it shut off, i thought immediately that "Ok, mom checked on me" but, she didnt, after a while the screen came back on, and i turned to look at it, but it didnt shut off, thats when everything came to me "Oh fuck, i killed my dog" because of the image of my dog on my bike, but instead it was like he was bloody in my bed and i had killed him after going psychotic or something, i get up, shut the laptop, and try to sleep, but i cant now, so i go on tripsit.me to try t oget help, and it calmed me down a bit, but still was worrying.
The day after i was just, full of deja vu, its like, i have already lived, and im remembering my life as i go, but, sometimes, it feels like, when people talk, they're talking about me going insane, or tripping out, for instance, the day after my brother told me about one of his old dogs in virginia getting out and killing his ex's dog, i got insane deja vu from this, i swear i'v heard him say it before, in that same way, and everything, but, it also felt like he was talking about me "killing one of our dogs"
This was a month ago, on June 23rd and 24th, its now July 23rd and i dont know if im getting better or worse, but i think im getting slightly worse, i feel like, i saw my whole life that 1st time on acid, like, ive seen myself go down this rabbit hole of thoughts before, and i couldve avoided it if i let go, but, i didnt know at the time, i was afraid to, it feels like, the 1st trip is still happening, and all of this is a dream masked over top of it, i think i have PTSD because of this, smells, tastes, the colors red and blue, all remind me of the trip and put in the headspace of feeling like its still happening, im so scared because all of my bad trips were linked together somehow, its like, all planned out, i dont know, im just so scared, i hate this deja vu, it feels awful and its consuming my life, even this sentence feels repeated, its like i'v seen all of this happen on the 1st trip in April, and im scared that the bad trip happened, and im in a dream, i think its all my ego, but im not sure. I dont want to trip again, though for fears that this will get worse, and im still kind of young, plus i have a family history of schizoaffective disorder, it feels like i either went insane in another reality, or the 1st trip is still happening, or im in an asylum hallucinating everything, what can i do?
I just want all of this to fucking stop, its been 30 days since the last trip, and ive had never ending deja vu, feelings of being in a dream, and i went insane, or im in my 1st bad trip still, not the trip itself, but the bad police part, i can hear sirens sometimes, and it feels like people talking is about me tripping out. I just want this to end. Is this PTSD? or am i being retarded and overthinking? How can i fix this? even all of my thoughts have deja vu.
