Have I messed up a friendship??

[skitsofrantik75]

I had a coworker that quickly became a very close friend. Nothing ever happened or even came remotely close. But as friends we did get quite close and now that I had to quit work (long story) we still email each other every few days. Back in the summer I asked her what her schedule at work was because I was running around a lot in town and would like to stop in and just say hey nothing more nothing less. That's when she quit emailing me as often, always before she would email me if we hadn't talked for a bit, but now the only time she emails me is if I email her first. She is not petty enough to let that stop her from emailing me, or at least Ididnt think she was. But im afraid I messed up probably the closest friendship Ive ever had. I know its a busy time of the year and she is busy anyway with three kids two of whom are into sports, but it seems like the communication has been broken. I don't know what to do, should I bring it up to her?? I don't want to seem needy, not to mention the fact my wife doesn't like us emailing, but I don't want to seem like I don't care about our friendship either or is there even anything to bring up?? I cant stress enough that nothing EVER happened to make my wife not like her or the fact we talk. I do understand where she comes from though she feels threatened but my friend and I are not like that with each other. I just need some advice

 

[mchtmstr1]

To be honest man I would just move on because if your wife doesn't like it and you keep talking to her it could lead to more and trust me you don't want to do anything you would regret, I've made that mistake but hey you live and you learn !

 

[Bearlove]

Perhaps she has a bf who thinks the same way as your wife! From your post - did you really have such a close friendship with her in the first place ? If you did surely you could have both spoken about this ?

 

[421]

Maybe wait for her to contact you and if she never does then I guess you know the deal? Well maybe you could say merry Christmas in a couple of weeks.

 

[skitsofrantik75]

Yeah she does have a boyfriend that feels the same way as my wife, that has never stopped us from talking before. I don't understand why it would now. We could talk about it sure enough but I don't want her to think I'm being needy. I have this thing about me that when I make friends with someone I'm there for the long haul. It takes a lot to shake my trust in my friends and I'm loyal to them to a fault. Like I said I understand her bf and my wife not
Liking us talking especially her bf she made him buy the same cologne as I wear, not that I think of reminded her of me or anything but because she liked the smell of it. I guess I'll just say merry Christmas in a couple weeks and just drop the comunication . the thing that hurts me about dropping communication is she told that I was probably the best friend she ever had and she always talked about me to her family. I believe her because she is not the type to bullshit anyone about how she feels. I mean she told me one day straight up "Timmy I love ya but your breath stinks". Lol. I had had garlic the night before.

Sorry for such a long post

 

[samnslumberland]

If you don't want to seem needy and you want to make your wife happy, STOP SPEAKING WITH THIS WOMAN.

 

[Seattle_Stranger]

...I know its a busy time of the year and she is busy anyway with three kids two of whom are into sports, but it seems like the communication has been broken. I don't know what to do, should I bring it up to her?? I don't want to seem needy, not to mention the fact my wife doesn't like us emailing...

...Yeah she does have a boyfriend that feels the same way as my wife...

Answered all your own questions right there, IMO. People evolve and change, and maybe she doesn't feel that same closeness to you as you feel to her. Perhaps she doesn't see making the effort to stay in contact with you as worth it. I personally have had "very close friendships" with women in the past, and I know for a fact that they feel way closer to me than I do to them, and over time we drifted apart and I'm perfectly OK with that, while I know for a fact some of them want to ask me WHYYYYYY did I stop talking to them what could they possibly have done so wrong etc etc...I've had the conversations.....it sucks having to explain. Sometimes it's easier to just sever the ties.

Also, you said you asked what her schedule is because you want to drop in and say hi, that's a red flag right there in her eyes. She probably thinks you're overstepping boundaries, showing up at a woman's workplace is very off-putting. She might have brought it up to her boyfriend and asked his opinion, and he may have assured her "Yeah, he wants you" and that sealed the deal. My lady has plenty of guy acquaintances, and she will occasionally ask me my opinion about something they said or did. If she's already unsure about something, and I confirm "yeah, it sounds like he's into you", she will usually just drift away, much like it sounds like your friend has.

Sorry brother, it's time to move on. Go make love to your wife and remind yourself why you have chosen her over all other women.

 

[skitsofrantik75]

yeah that's what I figured too. Oh well such is life.