Has MDMA changed the way my brain functions?

[HiManImDan]

Hey

So in 2014 I rolled a lot. I would gap the rolls out at the most 4 weeks and 1 week being the least, but often mostly every 2-3 weeks I used to roll. I also went through a holiday period where I rolled every 2-3 days for 4 weeks. After the holiday period, I still didn't notice a comedown and my usual dose of 130mg started becoming dull. 2 weeks after m holiday period, I decided to roll again but since 130mg become dull, I stepped the dosage up to 200mg followed by a 130mg booster. After this new dosage, the comedown became existant, starting the second day (either Monday or sunday) after I rolled and finishing almost entirely on the Friday. The comedown was depressing, I had a negative outlook on life as well as feeling as if the places I would go to everyday were a different place. My house, the school, even the local mall felt like a different place, it just gave me a different vibe. The comedown also had my mood going up and down very fast.

After the comedown hit me the first time I decided to keep a solid 3 week gap, or at least 2 weeks.
My tolerance went up and I decided I would try 300mg dose with a 130mg booster, which would completely fuck me up to the point where I wouldnt even remember bits of the night. I got a comedown as well obviously and it lasts a week this time.
I then waited 3 weeks and rolled on 300mg followed by 130 again, but I got no comedown? I got an afterglow?
The afterglow lasted 2 weeks and by the third week I started getting a comedown that lasted, well, until I took mdma again, stupid decision. The same thing happened, I used to feel better after I took mdma and have a 2 week afterglow. When the 2 week afterglow was finished the comedown came at week 3-4 after my roll and never really went away but kept dying down slowly over a feel weeks to where it was kind of non-exsistant. I decided to have a break for two months.

In this two month break I did notice that when I would blink and look at something there would sometimes be things in the corner of my eye or straight in front of me. Nothing big or detailed, mainly just a dot, line or colour.

I rolled after the two month break, which was new years and noticed the mild hallucinations become kind of detailed the day after my roll, only when I closed my eyes. Otherwise it would just be an item like a remote control on my bed that would look like it's there, but when I blinked again it went away.

It's the second day after my roll on new years and the hallucinations had died down, obviously being very much there while I was rolling and then a bit the day after. I don't feel too bad but I'll keep you updated.

So basically after all this, is it possible for your brain to adapt and/or rely on MDMA after frequent use?
And is hallucinations a sign of a chemical inbalance? (Low serotonin levels?)

Thanks

 

[CosmicG]

All I can say referring to the original question in the title thread is yes, repeated MDMA use like what you describe will most certainly change the way your brain functions. It has mine but you adapt and adjust naturally as humans will in any situation they may find themselves in. Don't worry things will get better, take a break for a while and take care of yourself! My best wishes.

 

[HiManImDan]

All I can say referring to the original question in the title thread is yes, repeated MDMA use like what you describe will most certainly change the way your brain functions. It has mine but you adapt and adjust naturally as humans will in any situation they may find themselves in. Don't worry things will get better, take a break for a while and take care of yourself! My best wishes.

Thanks for your response.
Is the mild hallucinations due to low serotonin levels or could it be the fact that I used to smoke pot every 2-3 days? I stopped smoking after my last roll, which was 2 days ago.

 

[MasterSplinter]

Splinters Thoughts (Withb MasterSplinter)

Hey

So in 2014 I rolled a lot. I would gap the rolls out at the most 4 weeks and 1 week being the least, but often mostly every 2-3 weeks I used to roll. I also went through a holiday period where I rolled every 2-3 days for 4 weeks. After the holiday period, I still didn't notice a comedown and my usual dose of 130mg started becoming dull. 2 weeks after m holiday period, I decided to roll again but since 130mg become dull, I stepped the dosage up to 200mg followed by a 130mg booster. After this new dosage, the comedown became existant, starting the second day (either Monday or sunday) after I rolled and finishing almost entirely on the Friday. The comedown was depressing, I had a negative outlook on life as well as feeling as if the places I would go to everyday were a different place. My house, the school, even the local mall felt like a different place, it just gave me a different vibe. The comedown also had my mood going up and down very fast.

After the comedown hit me the first time I decided to keep a solid 3 week gap, or at least 2 weeks.
My tolerance went up and I decided I would try 300mg dose with a 130mg booster, which would completely fuck me up to the point where I wouldnt even remember bits of the night. I got a comedown as well obviously and it lasts a week this time.
I then waited 3 weeks and rolled on 300mg followed by 130 again, but I got no comedown? I got an afterglow?
The afterglow lasted 2 weeks and by the third week I started getting a comedown that lasted, well, until I took mdma again, stupid decision. The same thing happened, I used to feel better after I took mdma and have a 2 week afterglow. When the 2 week afterglow was finished the comedown came at week 3-4 after my roll and never really went away but kept dying down slowly over a feel weeks to where it was kind of non-exsistant. I decided to have a break for two months.

In this two month break I did notice that when I would blink and look at something there would sometimes be things in the corner of my eye or straight in front of me. Nothing big or detailed, mainly just a dot, line or colour.

I rolled after the two month break, which was new years and noticed the mild hallucinations become kind of detailed the day after my roll, only when I closed my eyes. Otherwise it would just be an item like a remote control on my bed that would look like it's there, but when I blinked again it went away.

It's the second day after my roll on new years and the hallucinations had died down, obviously being very much there while I was rolling and then a bit the day after. I don't feel too bad but I'll keep you updated.

So basically after all this, is it possible for your brain to adapt and/or rely on MDMA after frequent use?
And is hallucinations a sign of a chemical inbalance? (Low serotonin levels?)

Thanks

Broham I can for sure say that you have changed your brain function for the forseable future. Me ive eatin beans and ive gone hard on multi day ultra bingers that led to some wid nights, but its effects on the memory tend to cause me to

So I would suggest you take a year or two off. while we dont know for sure about the neurotoxic effects of MDMA, we do know that serotonin depletion will cause irregular patterns in axon regrowth leading to long term depression and impaired cognitive function.

Try to get yourself together. Its a new year. You got a chance to gain some of your capacity back, but its going to be a very long time before you ever feel normal again. Quit while you can. It only gets much darker and scarier from here if you dont start recoverin

 

[Kl519]

Yeah, you can become psychologically "addicted" to the e high/roll. It actually took a lot of will power to quit for several years, with friends rolling around me and having easy access to it. Many times I had missed and craved for it, but after abusing it, the loss of its magic and waste of my money (I burned through my wallet many times and didn't even feel anything) kept me from rolling/trying to roll. Obviously, I learned my lesson.

Anyone can be psychologically addicted to anything that satisfies the "pleasure centers" in the brain.

However, mdma isn't considered an addictive type of drug because of the quick tolerance build up and ya, loss of effects after repeated use. I doubt it has any physical withdrawal symptoms, especially compared to actual addictive drugs like heroin, coke, nicotine, alcohol, etc.

Yet the fact remains that it can be addictive to certain people in specific situations, just like anything else.

 

[HiManImDan]

Thanks for responses, anyone else?

 

[BlueBull]

People get minor hallucinations for all kinds of reasons, even completely healthy, well rested and without ever having used drugs. Throw a psychoactive substance in the mix and yeah, you're going to have some residual effects, certainly at such doses. If I don't sleep for 2 days I start to notice shadows moving in the corners of my eyes. If I then drink coffee this starts to get worse. You have nothing to be worried about. I get it in the days/weeks after a high dose of MDMA and so do most of my friends, even after 6 month breaks. I have a friend that gets this when he smokes a lot of weed for a period of time, even when he's sober. Consider that your perception of reality is all just created in your brain. Any alteration to the functioning of your brain by taking a drug can have an influence on that perception for a while afterwards while balance is restored. Also when you start to use drugs, you become more aware of visual disturbances when sober as well, because you have experienced them while under the influence so you know what to look for. It's like drugs show you that humans can in fact hallucinate, so you instantly notice it when you're sober, while you might not have noticed them before.

I remember a few minor hallucinations from before my drug period, an example is a train that seemed to move from the corner of my eye, but was standing still when I focused on it. I was about 12 at the time

 

[HiManImDan]

People get minor hallucinations for all kinds of reasons, even completely healthy, well rested and without ever having used drugs. Throw a psychoactive substance in the mix and yeah, you're going to have some residual effects, certainly at such doses. If I don't sleep for 2 days I start to notice shadows moving in the corners of my eyes. If I then drink coffee this starts to get worse. You have nothing to be worried about. I get it in the days/weeks after a high dose of MDMA and so do most of my friends, even after 6 month breaks. I have a friend that gets this when he smokes a lot of weed for a period of time, even when he's sober. Consider that your perception of reality is all just created in your brain. Any alteration to the functioning of your brain by taking a drug can have an influence on that perception for a while afterwards while balance is restored. Also when you start to use drugs, you become more aware of visual disturbances when sober as well, because you have experienced them while under the influence so you know what to look for. It's like drugs show you that humans can in fact hallucinate, so you instantly notice it when you're sober, while you might not have noticed them before.

I remember a few minor hallucinations from before my drug period, an example is a train that seemed to move from the corner of my eye, but was standing still when I focused on it. I was about 12 at the time

Thanks for your reply!

The hallucinations are gone now that I have stopped smoking pot! Which is good!
I rolled on New Years eve and its 4 days later and I have noticed I've felt different. I felt paranoid walking home at night and depressed at points. I think this is good because my brain is not feeling normal after taking MDMA, whigh is good because a few months ago I felt normal after every time im used MDMA and bad when I stopped using it regularly. So my brain was kind of adapting and relying on it, well at least I felt like it.

 

[Kl519]

Yaa, weed definitely makes the e psychedelic. Hallucinations are always present, albeit they are minor visual and auditory ones. I've heard that weed or mdma alone can do that as well.

As for your last sentence, yeah that was true for me too. I was addicted to E, at least mentally, and I didn't feel normal unless I was on it. It passes after about a month of abstinence, but during that month I would always crave for the E high/euphoria/magic. Time, staying healthy and keeping a positive outlook will always help you get through it.

Looks like you're on the right track!

Yaa, the mods do a great job keeping things true and accurate on BL.

 

[HiManImDan]

Yaa, weed definitely makes the e psychedelic. Hallucinations are always present, albeit they are minor visual and auditory ones. I've heard that weed or mdma alone can do that as well.

As for your last sentence, yeah that was true for me too. I was addicted to E, at least mentally, and I didn't feel normal unless I was on it. It passes after about a month of abstinence, but during that month I would always crave for the E high/euphoria/magic. Time, staying healthy and keeping a positive outlook will always help you get through it.

Looks like you're on the right track!

Yaa, the mods do a great job keeping things true and accurate on BL.

This is the first time in a while that I feel happy about feeling like a complete loser! I Feel so depressed, demotivated and full of anxiety due to the comedown. I know my brain does not feel normal from the E which is good because before, every time I took E, I would buzz and the after the buzz I would feel normal for 2-3 weeks and then shit because my brain wanted more MDMA.

 

[Kl519]

Haha, you're not a loser. No one is in my mind. We're all just different, and the same at the same time!

But that attitude is the right approach. Don't let your anxiety hold you back, if anything try to make it one of your strengths. Then anxiety won't be such a bad thing as it's made out to be.

 

[Seattle_Stranger]

It's not over, my friend. I was in your boat a few years back. It seemed hopeless, I felt hopeless, life was very, very dark, basically the mirror opposite of rolling was every day life. Take some time off, and by time I mean years, just move on and forget about MDMA. I was in a place where for months and months and possibly years I would think about MDMA at least once a day. I still do at random here and there, for no good reason. My friend who used to smoke weed like crazy started rolling a lot, overdid it, got the hallucinations you said you got, and from that point forth he cold stopped smoking weed and never touched it again. Strange how that works, I didn't get that effect.

A few years later after my last very life-changing roll, I again tried some MDMA with the intention of it being a once a year, if even that kind of thing, and it regained it's place in my life. The magic was there, the comedown was non-existent, and the desire to repeat was small. I didn't roll again for over a year, and since then I've gone years between each roll, with the exception of very recently where I took some INSANELY high quality MDMA two time in a span of about 5 months. My biggest advice ever: DON'T EVER REDOSE!!!!! It's the difference between having a shitty comedown and having an after glow. On the MDMA I had recently, my first experience with it I dosed about 150mg, and then an hour later another 150mg, and then about and hour or so later, a big fat finger dip which could be any amount. I woke up feeling like absolute shit and felt like shit for the rest of the week. 5 months later on that same MDMA, I dosed ONCE on 150mg, and not only was the roll somehow more intense, but the afterglow lasted for 3 days!! Just goes to show!!

I have an unorthodox suggestion. Try having a deep, personal, introspective mushroom trip, not a heavy dose, just enough to break down the doors. I say mushrooms because they jive well with MDMA and most likely won't further aggrivate your symptoms like some other psychedelics could potentially do. Knowing what I know now about how mushrooms help me figure myself out, I really, really wish I would have tried it when I was walking through hell.

Best of luck man, stay strong and don't do any more MDMA or releasers of any kind.