Has anybody made a conscious decision to eliminate or cut down on sarcasm from their words/thinking? How did it go?

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Can you give me an example of a 'backfiring' situation, where it doesn't work for ya?

Sorry to butt in, but I hate when:

Y - "today I dropped my napkin on the bus and someone looked at me and I was like OMG"
M - How interesting, tell me more.
Y - "Okay! So then I dropped another napkin-"
M -

Or, someone legit playing me:

Y - "We should all use hover crafts"
M - "Totally. I'm sure you'd be a great pilot"
Y - "Really good point. I saw that dent on your car. You must be a great point of reference."
M - "Great connection. Because hovercrafts are so similar.
Y - "They really are. You just made my point."
M - FUUUUUCKKKK

 

[wareika]

My sense of humor can be incredibly dark sometimes, I think it's a survival instinct.

Even in my darkest days or moments, I will always laugh about it.

I reckon it could be a levitation Instinct. . . just guessing,juust guessin' .. .

 

[wareika]

Sorry to butt in, but I hate when:

Y - "today I dropped my napkin on the bus and someone looked at me and I was like OMG"
M - How interesting, tell me more.
Y - "Okay! So then I dropped another napkin-"
M -

Or, someone legit playing me:

Y - "We should all use hover crafts"
M - "Totally. I'm sure you'd be a great pilot"
Y - "Really good point. I saw that dent on your car. You must be a great point of reference."
M - "Great connection. Because hovercrafts are so similar.
Y - "They really are. You just made my point."
M - FUUUUUCKKKK

Heyhey,
Those sound like examples of another person's "unique & interesting personality disorder" interrupting, and you are watching the crash as a "strait" observer.

Which is hilarious of course, but what about your own nature rubbing up against the world, any points of friction?

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Heyhey,
Those sound like examples of another person's "unique & interesting personality disorder" interrupting, and you are watching the crash as a "strait" observer.

Which is hilarious of course, but what about your own nature rubbing up against the world, any points of friction?

Haha, I love the way you talk. No sarcasm in that whatsoever. Or that. Or that.

Hehe rub against world, friction, well to be honest I have a hard time knowing how I'm coming off, if I'm being inappropriate, etc.

 

[stardust10]

I don't mean to sound sarcastic but I do often irl without meaning to lol. Then like @Snafu in the Void when I try to be sarcastic it's taken as me being serious sometimes lol. I've made the effort to be less sarcastic to myself (inner dialogue etc) because i can be quite mean to myself that way e.g. "good one" if I fuck up etc
So yeh I'm more mindful of not using sarcasm to put myself down now and I prefer it

 

[wareika]

@Nurse Ratched you called me?

Good sarcasm makes people think.

I'm not nearly as sarcastic as I used to be. Instead of using it to mock, I now use it to highlight how ridiculous we're being.

Huh? Those seem pretty similar don't they? To mock, and highlight how ridiculous we're being.

Ok oops. I get ya i think. Mocking as you used to = personal
Ridiculousness of all = mocking in a collective sense.

Imho that doesn't jive with me totally anyway. Because it's always collectively ridiculous, whatever humans are doing as a collective. Just more mega-iterations of the original monkey, like loading up the same peice of toast with endless Jam jam jam jam peanut butter jam slather.
Thats a given at least, and thats why the 8 Fold Path or other models will reliably work/be relevant.

But what seems more variable & subject to whim & chance & the wind & all that are the individual bits and bytes & odds & ends, mutations, bits of grain, the smuggled gram here, the insterstellar fax there.

And i guess what im saying is that mockery on the micro scale might help jiggle a few of those factors. Maybe the odd bully needs to be torn down, if you're in the area and want to make a celebrity appearance teardown.

Just riffing, mi.

 

[wareika]

I don't mean to sound sarcastic but I do often irl without meaning to lol. Then like @Snafu in the Void when I try to be sarcastic it's taken as me being serious sometimes lol. I've made the effort to be less sarcastic to myself (inner dialogue etc) because i can be quite mean to myself that way e.g. "good one" if I fuck up etc
So yeh I'm more mindful of not using sarcasm to put myself down now and I prefer it

Yeah that's great, good for you. This issue was always going to involve intermediate steps (for any of us, whatever level of habit change is feasible or desirable), and that's a bite-size chunk i can maybe work for. :

 

[moonyham]

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I don't use it. And when I hear others use sarcasm I recoil. Gross.

I strongly suggest dropping sarcasm. It really offers very little but takes a lot. And ask yourself, when did being sarcastic ever help you? Probably never.

 

[wareika]

I honestly can't recall any specific examples... it happens so often I quickly forget about it.

But it's usually me talking about how bad/dumb something is, or some sort of strongly worded opinion of mine about something, but the person involved takes it seriously and sort of looks at me weird, when in reality I'm just making a joke.

It backfires by making the person think I'm weird or a very negative person. If anything, I am usually a very positive guy, even in the darkest situations.

I think i frequently end up in similar situations like that. Because you don't mean to cause grief - other people's values can just be radically different. Obviously excluding the prejudicial hate filled "ferris wheels" of humanity.

The other thing i relate to that i think you alluded to is, is disproportionate energy on certain topics. Like someone shows an interest in something, and you go head-over-heels into next level.

Sarcasm can cause jams in the value systems of others, in other words expose some problem-wiring in the system, not known previously. Naturally this will result in a mild shock to the bearer or structure. The technician that identifies that fault has performed a good deed. However if the building is not occupied it might seem like a Poltergeist or even an assailant.

Social training video:
Flammable materials: User Guide to navigating the Social Landscape Firetrap Death Hazard for the arson-prone cognitive style"

Springer episode:
"I didn't mean to cause brush fires how did i know you were made of such reactive flammable materials"

Book-turned-netflix-series:
"Their wtf meets your WTF: Harry & Sally meet the rest of the Human Genome"

Self-help smash:
"Phasing it out: Birthright Sarcasm: my own private Psychotherapy"

Tell-all about exiled Hollywood screenwriter:
"I"m just giving people jokes or poetry they didn't understand yet"

 

[wareika]

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I don't use it. And when I hear others use sarcasm I recoil. Gross.

I strongly suggest dropping sarcasm. It really offers very little but takes a lot. And ask yourself, when did being sarcastic ever help you? Probably never.

Saying "lowest form of wit" is also a form of repetition. Sarcasm can be a choice. It can be a coping style, and i reckon, also a deep cognitive style.

Look we all have different cognitive styles at a deep level. In any group of friends - a mix.

Maybe your friends are the same way & tend to have that "gross" reaction to sarcasm. My friends tend towards the weird humour type. Not always sarcastic, but it has leached into our bones by now. Probably cos of where i live, australia. Seems to be just what you do here.

 

[wareika]

And ask yourself, when did being sarcastic ever help you? Probably never.

Heaps of times. Mainly walking around, other people have problems of life filling their heads. I also got that chat but sometimes i got the sarcastic channel. My own comedy channel - sarcasm may not be the right word. But 40% of our subscribers are sarcasm-based subscribers.

Most fulfilling relationship ive ever had - if we weren't so sarcastic we wouldn't have ever met. Additionally that caustic humour helped sustain it.

 

[wareika]

Hi, whoa i've blathered a bit on this thread. I did wanna express some final thoughts since i'm relatively sober.

@Nurse Ratched: thanks. The description of your grandmother helped answer my question early, because right away I got the sense of a person with a lot of calm & grace in general. And in the way her sarcasm expressed itself. Silence, such patience.

I think maybe instead of trying to change a sarcastic nature the better long term medicine is to counter-balance it with life choices that increase self-assuredness & quiet nature.

Then it can be something less compulsive, more controlled and ultimately more playful & rich. Our sarcasm can have the best home in a consciousness where many other things are nurtured too. @ageingpartyfiend - so beautifully described.

Because i think sarcasm can easily instruct/teach without demeaning anything or being corrosive. A nice metaphor for sarcasm: that which sees around corners. I don't have that much knowledge of mythology, but that seems to hold nicely for the Mercury/Hermes-type archetype. Who was both a ruler of road signs, incurable trickster roadster & addicted to games in general. Sarcasm at it's best might be an image of a laughing loon sitting just around the corner bend.

But i would not have received these answers without first asking the question. I've lived long enough to appreciate this irony.

Thanks, and lastly i've been asking myself what is sarcasm anyway. Is it this thing or that style. But Mercury just flies off.

 

[wareika]

I honestly can't recall any specific examples... it happens so often I quickly forget about it.

But it's usually me talking about how bad/dumb something is, or some sort of strongly worded opinion of mine about something, but the person involved takes it seriously and sort of looks at me weird, when in reality I'm just making a joke.

It backfires by making the person think I'm weird or a very negative person. If anything, I am usually a very positive guy, even in the darkest situations.

I properly read this again. And wanted to lend my solidarity, cos i really relate. Folks would think i'm quite negative or spooky also, from things that i say.

Happens too quick. I got snapped at on a positivity youth camp once. Fuck knows what i did. I was a very polite-type kid. But i can totally believe i said something. Too much sweetness or cheesiness sometimes stimulates a great bile in me. And fuck the apologies anyway, it was probably a sincere effort to make friends.

 

[G_Chem]

Yes.

When I moved out west I learned quickly people take sarcastic remarks as insults. Where I’m from in the Midwest sarcasm is a way of life, everyone’s giving everyone shit. If someone gives you a little bit then smiles you can be certain they think alright of you.

Out west it was taken as insults, people would become very defensive. It seemed difficult for me to figure out how to interact. There’s kind of this tough guy attitude that makes for closed minds.

-GC

 

[Mysterier]

Context is key, and so much is lost, especially in this medium. Personally, I feel sarcasm lands better with some rapport and apt timing concerning the general populace.

 

[Dreamflyer]

Absolutely. I've always had a bad habit of speaking first and thinking later. I still do it at times, but I've gotten much better.

I always try to think that if someone had a problem with me, how would I want them to say it in a way that I took it as constructive criticism rather than an insult. This came in handy when I worked in management positions.

I could say: "If you're ever late again, you're fired!"
or I could say: "I was worried when you didn't show up on time. Is everything okay?"

We all get irritated at times and say things that we don't mean, but remaining mindful of it can make all the difference in the world... especially to the person on the receiving end of it.

 

[gordonliddy]

Sarcasm is for softies, stronger people would use a stronger approach.

Children resort to it because they have little facility with sincerity.

A joke is always funnier than a sarcastic quip, and sincere people are more intelligent than the sarcastic. That's the illusion of sarcasm. If sarcasm is so clever why do children resort to it?

Don't think that sincerity is easy - it's tough for a child (especially an adult child) to be comfortable in their own skin.