After only using for about 1 1/2 months I'm kicking my dope/coke habit. My last dose was Sunday at 7pm it's now Wednesday at around 11:41. I'm feeling OK besides being pretty restless and not being able to sleep. I had to leave work because I don't even have the energy to stand. This is my first and last time touching that shit sooooooooo not worth it. I'm here for all of you. We GOT this!!!! We are worth so much more than a 30 second rush
H Withdrawal Soon/Chronic Pain & Health Problems/We Can Do It!
- Thread starter ABetterWay
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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Welcome to BL!
ShroomySatori
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Yeah, I am really committed this time. It's the 3rd day so far.
Losing my mind in pain.
Losing my mind in pain.
AnnaBanana333
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Hey guys...so. They say insanity is doing the same terrible thing over and over again.
My med management appointment is next week (refill on Saturday). I have 8 pills left. I should take 1 pill a day (I've been cutting down, and going through withdrawal the last few days, but not too bad). But my normal dose is 4.
I'm debating whether I should cut myself off as much as possible, and take the few I have next Thursday/Friday because if I only take 1 a day, I won't have enough in my system for my pee test.
I guess I'm glad I don't have a connect? Ugh...
My med management appointment is next week (refill on Saturday). I have 8 pills left. I should take 1 pill a day (I've been cutting down, and going through withdrawal the last few days, but not too bad). But my normal dose is 4.
I'm debating whether I should cut myself off as much as possible, and take the few I have next Thursday/Friday because if I only take 1 a day, I won't have enough in my system for my pee test.
I guess I'm glad I don't have a connect? Ugh...
keeping
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hey rachel hun, how you doing this week? vis-a-vis the self-loathing, god more than you know. really happy that you've found subs to be helpful, they were my saving grace - i just don't see how people could taper off with methadone (but i think that's down to me enjoying it a bit too much lol).
worst part of the wd's for me thought is the insomnia, closely followed by the sweats: writhing in a pool of sweat in bed for three nights straight is enough to shake even the strongest of wills (and i had almost none to begin with ahaha).
big love to you too sasha dear, hope all's well with you
how goes the rattle Shroomy? has it started to even out or did you end up re-stocking.
don't blame yourself man, what you were doing required an almost inhuman amount on willpower. the occasional slip-up - as evidently painful as they may be - aren't something to beat yourself up over.
damn i wish i could smoke weed to relax like most people, sadly it's only the hardeer stuff that really does it for me. meh
anyway man, dw, you'll get past this, for sure.
ShroomySatori
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Worst part of withdrawal for me is feeling like my nerves are on fire, especially in my upper arms. There is a lot that is horrible about it though, I was in horrid rattling condition until today when I took a higher dose but I haven't stepped out of 12 hour dosing so I'm not binging again like last weekend. I plan on taking double what I was taking before and go down every 12 hour dose by 5mg over the next few days.
Yeah, I made my stash last every 12 hour dose until I picked, but the doses were so low that all they were doing was preventing the worst withdrawal symptoms, not even really. Still, it sort of kept me sane to have that little bit every 12th hour. I'd feel a little less shit for 2 hours twice a day/night.
Thanks for the support guys I'm really making an effort this time. I feel it in my bones that I just want to be done, with H at least. Going back to pills would be a huge step forward, I mean at a scripted dose. If I keep tapering this way I will get there. I am really not used to dosing every 12 hours and in between there is eternal fiending and awful physical symptoms. It's horrid, and I remember last attempt day 5 being the worse. It always takes me until the 10th day to start experiencing happiness again, but I think I'm a little deeper down the rabbit hole than I'm used to this time. I accept the suffering I have to endure though. I hope it doesnt last for much longer because it keeps me from being able to take care of myself. It's such a horrible feeling, this totally goes down as one of the most miserable experiences of my life. I know I will get through it though because I am So. Sick. of it.
Yeah, I made my stash last every 12 hour dose until I picked, but the doses were so low that all they were doing was preventing the worst withdrawal symptoms, not even really. Still, it sort of kept me sane to have that little bit every 12th hour. I'd feel a little less shit for 2 hours twice a day/night.
Thanks for the support guys I'm really making an effort this time. I feel it in my bones that I just want to be done, with H at least. Going back to pills would be a huge step forward, I mean at a scripted dose. If I keep tapering this way I will get there. I am really not used to dosing every 12 hours and in between there is eternal fiending and awful physical symptoms. It's horrid, and I remember last attempt day 5 being the worse. It always takes me until the 10th day to start experiencing happiness again, but I think I'm a little deeper down the rabbit hole than I'm used to this time. I accept the suffering I have to endure though. I hope it doesnt last for much longer because it keeps me from being able to take care of myself. It's such a horrible feeling, this totally goes down as one of the most miserable experiences of my life. I know I will get through it though because I am So. Sick. of it.
ShroomySatori
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Yeah. I think I should be feeling better soon. I raised my dose a bit after picking up because it was just a little too intense for me, so I am tapering down slowly. For these days I haven't been able to eat and even staying hydrated has been a challenge so I needed to tend to myself physically today. I ended up sleeping all day though after dosing and just waking up a couple hours before midnight, when I dose (noon x midnight). I was a little sick but it wasn't bad, just too lazy to do anything but I just dosed and I should have a productive "midnight shift" I guess you could say.
I've seen no improvement yet, so I'm going down in 5mg increments each time I dose back to the dose I was on from 50mg now. That should make it a little smoother, instead of feeling so braindead while being in so much physical agony that it leaves me bedridden. I accept whatever needs to be done. If I fail this time I'll try short term subs but will not become dependent on those. I really have a lot of strength this time, I am SO fed up of this. I'll take the back pain or at least go back to oxy's, when I was taking those orally it was never really a problem until I started getting H connects and slowly converting over. It feels really hard to go back to pills when I love rails so much. I just love sniffing my dope. When I shot it those 4 times over the past few months, I liked it too, but I didn't do it enough to form an attachment. I also threw away the 30 or so syringes and associated paraphernalia I had on hand. I don't have the opportunity to shoot it or I might have this week, since the much lower than average doses ruined my week and the withdrawal after binging for 3 days was fucking HELL. I'm glad that I had a little foresight for once, and threw away my syringes. It's when I was getting desperate that I would do it, but when I'm desperate I already don't have the energy to get out and get them and I'd probably miss. So I think I'm good now I was back and forth over that for a long time but now I want to lower my sniffing dose and I am very seriously committed to this train of thought.
All I have to do is not use so much, and only use specifically 12 hours apart. The weed makes me see things so clearly sometimes. That's why I keep my weed tolerance at zero for serious withdrawal attempts like this one (I'm really just giving it everything I've got). When I bring out the weed you know I mean business; I hadn't smoked since last September. I won't be smoking as much now that I'm opiated but I totally still will once a day late at night. I love weed and it helps me keep mellow when I am so high strung. I really missed weed this last time. If I quit I'll be able to spend like a tenth of what I'm spending on drugs now and be stoned every day. I don't like to get stoned more than twice a day or so anymore though.
This stuff has really messed me up but I hope to make a decently fast recovery. Once I get some momentum going and see some real results then I'll have incentive to keep at it (going into day 5, there is nothing yet, but I increased my dose today, it's still way lower I just have the dope now). I feel like I'm getting nowhere at the moment despite being in hardcore withdrawal almost all the time (for the past 4 days). It guess after so many years of abuse, the brain just can't reset itself so quickly. It has probably forgotten how to make those endorphins, and I think yoga will help once I have the strength (I slipped on my back the other day just before I started this withdrawal, and it really hurt, that's the worst fall I've had since I've had chronic pain... took me out all week but I couldn't do much anyway.
I hate wasting time like this, but there is no way I can function at all while rattling. I become so weak. Well my rail just hit me after about 20 min and I feel good. Might go for a midnight stroll around the neighbourhoods. Might make a snack first and smoke a bowl. Love my weed. It really makes times like this easier if I don't otherwise smoke, until I want to kick. I was able to eat some food, and drink a little water and although I still vomited, it wasn't as bad.I tried to accept what I was going through because there's not really any way to get past the suffering. I have to do it and I really should now so I think that I will. I'm really happy to be back on the reefer. Love my dope and my pot.
I've seen no improvement yet, so I'm going down in 5mg increments each time I dose back to the dose I was on from 50mg now. That should make it a little smoother, instead of feeling so braindead while being in so much physical agony that it leaves me bedridden. I accept whatever needs to be done. If I fail this time I'll try short term subs but will not become dependent on those. I really have a lot of strength this time, I am SO fed up of this. I'll take the back pain or at least go back to oxy's, when I was taking those orally it was never really a problem until I started getting H connects and slowly converting over. It feels really hard to go back to pills when I love rails so much. I just love sniffing my dope. When I shot it those 4 times over the past few months, I liked it too, but I didn't do it enough to form an attachment. I also threw away the 30 or so syringes and associated paraphernalia I had on hand. I don't have the opportunity to shoot it or I might have this week, since the much lower than average doses ruined my week and the withdrawal after binging for 3 days was fucking HELL. I'm glad that I had a little foresight for once, and threw away my syringes. It's when I was getting desperate that I would do it, but when I'm desperate I already don't have the energy to get out and get them and I'd probably miss. So I think I'm good now I was back and forth over that for a long time but now I want to lower my sniffing dose and I am very seriously committed to this train of thought.
All I have to do is not use so much, and only use specifically 12 hours apart. The weed makes me see things so clearly sometimes. That's why I keep my weed tolerance at zero for serious withdrawal attempts like this one (I'm really just giving it everything I've got). When I bring out the weed you know I mean business; I hadn't smoked since last September. I won't be smoking as much now that I'm opiated but I totally still will once a day late at night. I love weed and it helps me keep mellow when I am so high strung. I really missed weed this last time. If I quit I'll be able to spend like a tenth of what I'm spending on drugs now and be stoned every day. I don't like to get stoned more than twice a day or so anymore though.
This stuff has really messed me up but I hope to make a decently fast recovery. Once I get some momentum going and see some real results then I'll have incentive to keep at it (going into day 5, there is nothing yet, but I increased my dose today, it's still way lower I just have the dope now). I feel like I'm getting nowhere at the moment despite being in hardcore withdrawal almost all the time (for the past 4 days). It guess after so many years of abuse, the brain just can't reset itself so quickly. It has probably forgotten how to make those endorphins, and I think yoga will help once I have the strength (I slipped on my back the other day just before I started this withdrawal, and it really hurt, that's the worst fall I've had since I've had chronic pain... took me out all week but I couldn't do much anyway.
I hate wasting time like this, but there is no way I can function at all while rattling. I become so weak. Well my rail just hit me after about 20 min and I feel good. Might go for a midnight stroll around the neighbourhoods. Might make a snack first and smoke a bowl. Love my weed. It really makes times like this easier if I don't otherwise smoke, until I want to kick. I was able to eat some food, and drink a little water and although I still vomited, it wasn't as bad.I tried to accept what I was going through because there's not really any way to get past the suffering. I have to do it and I really should now so I think that I will. I'm really happy to be back on the reefer. Love my dope and my pot.
ShroomySatori
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Hey, I'm on Day 8 at the moment and I would like some questions answered please! I was abusing heroin severely. I would use as much as I could get and binge. The dope I was getting was extremely potent (I had a moderate oxy tolerance and I can take 400mg oxy in a day easily). My script lasts me a few days.
So Yeah, day 8. Worst is over but I'm still really uncomfortable. It's going to be drawn out because I did a 12 hour dosing schedule with 25 to 50mg doses all week on the twelve hour. I sensed the worst was over and dropped it. I am 30 hours in to no opiates at all now. I don't have them, I don't have access to them for a few weeks. I don't want to do them to get high since I started hitting shatter and herb again. That really helps by the way, a lot of shatter and a little herb at night to sleep.
I'm taking so long to reboot. My intention was never to quit cold turkey... Those oxy's I get... a 5mg oxy is nothing whatsoever like the heroin doses I've been doing, and after all this cold turkey time it should even get me a light buzz. I feel like I can keep taking them for pain management, because otherwise I'm simply fucked. Shatter isn't enough for my pain, and my life is just constant relentless non-stop pain. I know this gets better the longer I keep off opiates but it was horrible to begin with and doesn't seem any worse now, just the same. I'm going to reinstate with my script (I really should have someone hold them for me) and just chill, weed and shatter make me view this almost like a psychedelic journey through pain. Having a sheltered upbringing I was meant to be shown suffering and I think that it will affect what I do with the rest of my life.
I'm just wondering if I will relapse right away. I've never abused oxy's, ever in fact. I've taken 3 at once, but CWE isn't worth it and they are just too deter proof for me. If I could take 80 IR, I would, but I can't. If I want to keep a level head with weed I better keep it on the down low (funny how family notices weed use way easier than heroin use... I am simply the ultimate manipulator when I'm a junkie and I fucking deserve that title). Sure it never got THAT bad, at least not yet, but it could, and I would be dishonoring myself and my family. I have already lost a girl I truly love over this, I was so sure we were meant to be, and she ran away. It hurts fucking bad now that I'm sober but the weed helps. I need as much as possible.
So Yeah, day 8. Worst is over but I'm still really uncomfortable. It's going to be drawn out because I did a 12 hour dosing schedule with 25 to 50mg doses all week on the twelve hour. I sensed the worst was over and dropped it. I am 30 hours in to no opiates at all now. I don't have them, I don't have access to them for a few weeks. I don't want to do them to get high since I started hitting shatter and herb again. That really helps by the way, a lot of shatter and a little herb at night to sleep.
I'm taking so long to reboot. My intention was never to quit cold turkey... Those oxy's I get... a 5mg oxy is nothing whatsoever like the heroin doses I've been doing, and after all this cold turkey time it should even get me a light buzz. I feel like I can keep taking them for pain management, because otherwise I'm simply fucked. Shatter isn't enough for my pain, and my life is just constant relentless non-stop pain. I know this gets better the longer I keep off opiates but it was horrible to begin with and doesn't seem any worse now, just the same. I'm going to reinstate with my script (I really should have someone hold them for me) and just chill, weed and shatter make me view this almost like a psychedelic journey through pain. Having a sheltered upbringing I was meant to be shown suffering and I think that it will affect what I do with the rest of my life.
I'm just wondering if I will relapse right away. I've never abused oxy's, ever in fact. I've taken 3 at once, but CWE isn't worth it and they are just too deter proof for me. If I could take 80 IR, I would, but I can't. If I want to keep a level head with weed I better keep it on the down low (funny how family notices weed use way easier than heroin use... I am simply the ultimate manipulator when I'm a junkie and I fucking deserve that title). Sure it never got THAT bad, at least not yet, but it could, and I would be dishonoring myself and my family. I have already lost a girl I truly love over this, I was so sure we were meant to be, and she ran away. It hurts fucking bad now that I'm sober but the weed helps. I need as much as possible.
Sasha88
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Hi guys!!
Everyone have an ok 4th? (To those in the US)
i hope everyone else is hanging in there.
anyone hear from ABW? It seems like a while since she's posted. I know she got sick and maybe that's slowing her down.... totally understandable... but I thought I'd see if anyone had heard from her? I just wanna make sure she's ok. I may pm her, but I don't wanna bug her if she's resting and healing.
I really hope you guys are doing ok... thread got kinda quiet!
Be well!
sasha
Everyone have an ok 4th? (To those in the US)
i hope everyone else is hanging in there.
anyone hear from ABW? It seems like a while since she's posted. I know she got sick and maybe that's slowing her down.... totally understandable... but I thought I'd see if anyone had heard from her? I just wanna make sure she's ok. I may pm her, but I don't wanna bug her if she's resting and healing.
I really hope you guys are doing ok... thread got kinda quiet!
Be well!
sasha
keeping
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so shroomy mate, what were you asking?
i would try and give yuorself another week before you take any oxy just to make sure you're well out of the danger zone, especially with you slow clearance rate
and if you do have really bad pain and have to take some just don't take any the next day - if you must, take them, but it would be better to take them all at once than take 5mgs every day for a week cause then you'd be hooked again
i would try and give yuorself another week before you take any oxy just to make sure you're well out of the danger zone, especially with you slow clearance rate
and if you do have really bad pain and have to take some just don't take any the next day - if you must, take them, but it would be better to take them all at once than take 5mgs every day for a week cause then you'd be hooked again
ABetterWay
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Just checking in. Been a crazy couple weeks. I'm so worn down. Thank you Sasha :-*
I just went to the last page here, hopefully tomorrow will have some energy to read and respond.
Trevor, LA, how are you guys? I'm especially concerned.
How is everyone? Love to you all xoxox
I just went to the last page here, hopefully tomorrow will have some energy to read and respond.
Trevor, LA, how are you guys? I'm especially concerned.
How is everyone? Love to you all xoxox
keeping
Bluelight Crew
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glad you popped back in; we we're starting to get a little worried
i'm f9 personally - approaching financial ruin but at least the suns out
you well?
Rachella666
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Keeping, check inbox buddy, everyone, I'll be back later for a chat, love ye loads
ABetterWay
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So much love to you all.
Shroomy I'm so proud of you :-*
Edit please excuse my absence. Caught husbands on craigslist ads ....for me some photographic evidence and finally have some fucking power. Guess what? He's going to let me take my damn time storing my stuff and finding a way outta here. I have so much dirty dirt on him now. Thank god I've been refusing to fuck him. St first it was his whiskey dick but once in a while he tried and I refused. Thank god. Disinfecting everything, hiding my toothbrush, no hep for me thanks.
Not that id EVER EVER want to, and I'm not the type to, do that to someone but after the abuse and everything, I'll do whatever I have too to get out safely AND KEEP MY DOG.
Fuck that twat.
Haha mother fucker. Who's fucked now?
::-D
Shroomy I'm so proud of you :-*
Edit please excuse my absence. Caught husbands on craigslist ads ....for me some photographic evidence and finally have some fucking power. Guess what? He's going to let me take my damn time storing my stuff and finding a way outta here. I have so much dirty dirt on him now. Thank god I've been refusing to fuck him. St first it was his whiskey dick but once in a while he tried and I refused. Thank god. Disinfecting everything, hiding my toothbrush, no hep for me thanks.
Not that id EVER EVER want to, and I'm not the type to, do that to someone but after the abuse and everything, I'll do whatever I have too to get out safely AND KEEP MY DOG.
Fuck that twat.
Haha mother fucker. Who's fucked now?
::-D
BeachBum4u
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I don't usually post on threads regarding withdrawing etc. but I saw where Satori said he should maybe have someone hold his meds for him. Just thought I'd weigh in with my experience going down that road. Personally I have my wife hold (she has a little lockbox she uses just for this purpose) my meds and give me the next days allotment each night before she goes to bed. The only bad part of this arrangement is that occasionally she gets on a little power trip over the whole thing. And that really drives me crazy because I've voluntarily entered into this situation. I just don't need that shit! Now on to the good news of the whole deal. And this is huge, it is such an incredible relief to know that I will have meds when the last day of my script comes to pass. Nothing like the freaking out I used to do when I would constantly come up short days before I should. I do highly recommend doing this but understand it does require a willing partner who won't take from you, will always be there for you and hopefully won't trip out on you. It really helps if it's a spouse or parent. I truly wish everyone all the best!
ShroomySatori
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Thanks for the tip. I feel like I would be on too much power trip about it, so I would not do that myself haha. It requires a willing parter on my end too haha. It totally makes sense but I couldn't trust myself to behave myself, I'd probably tear to place apart looking for them. The only way would be not picking them up today and after acid trip a couple days ago that was just so intense, I'm still shook up myself and seeing colours on the screen, and it literally changed my life so I can't help myself today from taking them.
I tripped out so hard yesterday. I haven't tripped out that hard in all my life. Took 1400ug AL-LAD and there is no point explaining it. I can't, except it was the culminating point of my experience. I was in bed all day yesterday yesterday. I came to some serious realizations.
I get my oxy's today. I haven't taken opiates in a really long time like two weeks and I have to today. I was back and forth about it because I was so wiped out. After that trip when I became really wiped out, I became super wiped out. I'm seeing colours on the screen a couple days left. I am really shook up by this, it was one of the important days of my life that trip. I am taking a lot of oxy's later today after I get my life (fuck it, I can't control myself, I can't trust myself to behave myself giving them to myself, and I am seeing pink green and yellow on the screen still 24 hours later. I haven't eaten in a day. Realllllllly need to chiiiiillll the fuck out. 4 more hours until I can take those pills, my legs are still shaking and my back really hurts. Shouldn't have tripped so close to my tripping time but that's the way she goes.
Just an edit - I seem to be doing well. I took 125mg oxy yesterday (at least I counted, and at least it wasn't heroin) and I was going to do the same today. It's like I forgot about those few weeks, but then I began to remember. I have my pills laid out tomorrow. scripted dose. I should be good with it, after my acid trip all I want is a little energy, relief from depression and pain relief. I'm stocking up on benzos for the first time in ages instead of getting opiates. I got a lottt of benzos a few years ago and I have very few left. So I am doing that asap because I simply require them and I am going to do a really slow taper once I'm through with this shit. So that was around 3 times my scripted dose, I'll have to skip a perc here and there to make up for it. And also, I will have to take more percs than extended release on some days but it will always be scripted dose taken in parts. I am so convinced of this, it's just great. My back wasn't hurting all that much before the oxy and I don't really find oxy psychologically addictive like that, I find heroin obsessive. Oxy is just a little pill, it's not as fun as racking up and railing lines which I really don't plan on ever doing again. I'm really happy that I am actually doing this. It's always tomorrow, for fuckin everything in life. Not anymore. Tomorrow will be a great day.
I tripped out so hard yesterday. I haven't tripped out that hard in all my life. Took 1400ug AL-LAD and there is no point explaining it. I can't, except it was the culminating point of my experience. I was in bed all day yesterday yesterday. I came to some serious realizations.
I get my oxy's today. I haven't taken opiates in a really long time like two weeks and I have to today. I was back and forth about it because I was so wiped out. After that trip when I became really wiped out, I became super wiped out. I'm seeing colours on the screen a couple days left. I am really shook up by this, it was one of the important days of my life that trip. I am taking a lot of oxy's later today after I get my life (fuck it, I can't control myself, I can't trust myself to behave myself giving them to myself, and I am seeing pink green and yellow on the screen still 24 hours later. I haven't eaten in a day. Realllllllly need to chiiiiillll the fuck out. 4 more hours until I can take those pills, my legs are still shaking and my back really hurts. Shouldn't have tripped so close to my tripping time but that's the way she goes.
Just an edit - I seem to be doing well. I took 125mg oxy yesterday (at least I counted, and at least it wasn't heroin) and I was going to do the same today. It's like I forgot about those few weeks, but then I began to remember. I have my pills laid out tomorrow. scripted dose. I should be good with it, after my acid trip all I want is a little energy, relief from depression and pain relief. I'm stocking up on benzos for the first time in ages instead of getting opiates. I got a lottt of benzos a few years ago and I have very few left. So I am doing that asap because I simply require them and I am going to do a really slow taper once I'm through with this shit. So that was around 3 times my scripted dose, I'll have to skip a perc here and there to make up for it. And also, I will have to take more percs than extended release on some days but it will always be scripted dose taken in parts. I am so convinced of this, it's just great. My back wasn't hurting all that much before the oxy and I don't really find oxy psychologically addictive like that, I find heroin obsessive. Oxy is just a little pill, it's not as fun as racking up and railing lines which I really don't plan on ever doing again. I'm really happy that I am actually doing this. It's always tomorrow, for fuckin everything in life. Not anymore. Tomorrow will be a great day.
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BeachBum4u
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Hey Satori, the power trip I was talking about was on the part of the one holding the meds, not you or me. My wife will sometimes see the power she has over me and sort of holds it over me, if that makes sense. Also, if your pills were in a lockbox, you wouldn't be able to get to them regardless of how much you were jonesin'. Just thought I'd throw those thoughts out there. Take care all!
ShroomySatori
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Hello I am re-writing this to shorten / update it. I haven't done any H at all in about a month, I'm still using some oxy's. I don't really get physical withdrawal anymore as bad, but I get random symptoms that come and go when I am CT'ing. I will have to go without them for 2 or 3 weeks now. I used 80mg oxy daily for a week but there doesn't seem to be too much fallout from it. I didn't wake up sick and I just took a 10mg er oxy today since my back really hurts. There has been a lot of improvement... it has been sooooo long since I did any Heroin at least and it's a way bigger problem for me than tamper proof oxy's, obviously, since I had shot it a few times.
I'm getting some Norflurazepam just a solid sounding benzo to help with post-acute symptoms. I met a girl and she is amazing. She's a total fox and I'm really excited to hang out with her more. We had a ton of fun together. She is so fucking cute and oh I just want her so bad. I haven't felt this way about a girl since my last girlfriend which was over 5 years ago. She's curious about this dark side of me, I mean like I just took a chance and told her that I was recovering from this shit. She was really understanding. I couldn't hide a habit from her because she's that type of girl who really wants to get close and learn like every little thing about each other. She is so fucking cute and adorable I don't know how I lucked out like that. Man up get the fuck off the H that's how. Like ABW getting away from her husband and getting clean off dope too. I took a little oxy because I was nervous first having a little date with her so although I don't wake up dope sick anymore I'm still pretty physically dependent although I'm beginning to partake in activities without opiates too which is great. Mentally I'm definitely still hooked in that sense so that's the harder part these days. I can quit though... I can totally quit.
I'm really happy with my progress in life lately in general. I know I'm able to work even if I've been lazy with my career applications. There's more to life than that. I'm getting myself healthy, detoxing, I can get out of bed without opiates now! I'm starting to seriously research a solid benzo taper for me too, which is the logical next step after opiates. This girl is a dream and I hadn't had anything since my breakup last year so it had been a solid year and she was fucking amazing. We had a lot of fun and yeah I've just been a little dazed and confused since then. We talk all the time and I am interested to see how this plays out. In any case I will be accepting but yeah... I really like her a lot if that isn't obvious yet lol. She doesn't do much drugs but drinks and smokes weed. I met her when I was on a 10 strip of al-lad which was a wild psychedelic trip and she lives really close to me so yeah, this experience has brightened my recovery a little bit. I didn't really expect anything to come of meeting her and I can't even believe how this is going so far. Amazing, so that is my little update for now. I'm not physically dependent anymore but I'll def pop 3 percs sometimes and run out a week or two early each month. The point is to use them for pain and lifestyle enhancement not for a fucking addiction fulfillment. Using H as a painkiller just isn't even possible it is way the fuck too addictive at least to me. Popping a weak pill just isn't the same it's not as much fun and doesn't feel as good... but I still need them for really bad back pain sometimes.
Really proud of my progress feels weird how I was doing H so much before. I know for sure that if I did it even once, I would have a full relapse and also start shooting it... I just kind of know that's how things would work here. I can't relapse this time I really can't fuck up. Weed and psychedelics are great but opioids are evil. They are amazing for pain when respected but heroin is not for that purpose. It just feels way too good and comes in such an abusable form and tolerance rises drastically compared to pills.
All in all, had the best sex of my life so I'm sure as hell happy I didn't OD on that fucking H earlier this year or last year or sometime in the past 5 years because she was amazing and I wouldn't have been around to experience it. I could have die so many times and I'm an asshole for ever using it. From now on, yes I still use but strictly pharmacy pills. I wouldn't have been around for the DMT, or 10-strip acid trips I've had recently which have been mind blowing too! I got really close with my little bro this year too and we jam a lot of guitar now. Weed, psychs, sex... seems like I'm getting back to my good old hedonist self lol. I'm still recovering but I feel like I'm doing really well and I'm excited to try this hypnotic benzo and give myself a long break from the few other ones I normally take when I panic.
I'm getting some Norflurazepam just a solid sounding benzo to help with post-acute symptoms. I met a girl and she is amazing. She's a total fox and I'm really excited to hang out with her more. We had a ton of fun together. She is so fucking cute and oh I just want her so bad. I haven't felt this way about a girl since my last girlfriend which was over 5 years ago. She's curious about this dark side of me, I mean like I just took a chance and told her that I was recovering from this shit. She was really understanding. I couldn't hide a habit from her because she's that type of girl who really wants to get close and learn like every little thing about each other. She is so fucking cute and adorable I don't know how I lucked out like that. Man up get the fuck off the H that's how. Like ABW getting away from her husband and getting clean off dope too. I took a little oxy because I was nervous first having a little date with her so although I don't wake up dope sick anymore I'm still pretty physically dependent although I'm beginning to partake in activities without opiates too which is great. Mentally I'm definitely still hooked in that sense so that's the harder part these days. I can quit though... I can totally quit.
I'm really happy with my progress in life lately in general. I know I'm able to work even if I've been lazy with my career applications. There's more to life than that. I'm getting myself healthy, detoxing, I can get out of bed without opiates now! I'm starting to seriously research a solid benzo taper for me too, which is the logical next step after opiates. This girl is a dream and I hadn't had anything since my breakup last year so it had been a solid year and she was fucking amazing. We had a lot of fun and yeah I've just been a little dazed and confused since then. We talk all the time and I am interested to see how this plays out. In any case I will be accepting but yeah... I really like her a lot if that isn't obvious yet lol. She doesn't do much drugs but drinks and smokes weed. I met her when I was on a 10 strip of al-lad which was a wild psychedelic trip and she lives really close to me so yeah, this experience has brightened my recovery a little bit. I didn't really expect anything to come of meeting her and I can't even believe how this is going so far. Amazing, so that is my little update for now. I'm not physically dependent anymore but I'll def pop 3 percs sometimes and run out a week or two early each month. The point is to use them for pain and lifestyle enhancement not for a fucking addiction fulfillment. Using H as a painkiller just isn't even possible it is way the fuck too addictive at least to me. Popping a weak pill just isn't the same it's not as much fun and doesn't feel as good... but I still need them for really bad back pain sometimes.
Really proud of my progress feels weird how I was doing H so much before. I know for sure that if I did it even once, I would have a full relapse and also start shooting it... I just kind of know that's how things would work here. I can't relapse this time I really can't fuck up. Weed and psychedelics are great but opioids are evil. They are amazing for pain when respected but heroin is not for that purpose. It just feels way too good and comes in such an abusable form and tolerance rises drastically compared to pills.
All in all, had the best sex of my life so I'm sure as hell happy I didn't OD on that fucking H earlier this year or last year or sometime in the past 5 years because she was amazing and I wouldn't have been around to experience it. I could have die so many times and I'm an asshole for ever using it. From now on, yes I still use but strictly pharmacy pills. I wouldn't have been around for the DMT, or 10-strip acid trips I've had recently which have been mind blowing too! I got really close with my little bro this year too and we jam a lot of guitar now. Weed, psychs, sex... seems like I'm getting back to my good old hedonist self lol. I'm still recovering but I feel like I'm doing really well and I'm excited to try this hypnotic benzo and give myself a long break from the few other ones I normally take when I panic.
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