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H Withdrawal Soon/Chronic Pain & Health Problems/We Can Do It!

I just wanted to help with your thread starting issue. On mobile site I have had the same problem with the "choose a prefix". That is because you don't see that option on mobile (at least on iPhone you dont).

So best thing to do is use full site rather than mobile to post.

Here is a link: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forum.php?styleid=51

For future reference the links to both mobile and full site can be found in the support forum in a sticky.


I completely understand as when I first tried to post I thought I was crazy... "Prefix? Where do I find a prefix !" And then once i saw it on full site, it's a drop down box to choose from. But it doesn't show on mobile. Weird. (I thought they had fixed it, but apparently not) ;)I


EDIT: also wanted to tell you to hang in there! Whatever your reason that got you to physical dependence (pain, fun, compulsion ) the physical dependence is the same awful miserable days of suffering. Pain makes it harder, cause those first few days/weeks you are so much more sensitive to pain anyway. I had pain every time I sat for the first 3-4 weeks where I had an old fractured tailbone. It hadn't bothered me in years.

You're doing great. Most times I detoxed were cause I hit bottom/broke/etc. The successful detoxes were always when I really wanted it. You have that desire. Just keep your mind occupied and don't magnify your symptoms by what you expect to feel like.

If you can, move around and get the blood flowing. That helps so much. Stay hydrated. And keep the positive mind frame--we can influence how bad we feel. Not saying you don't already feel icky, of course you do, but if you focus on every little detail you'll magnify them

You can do this! I had almost 9 years completely clean and relapsed. Had about a 2 year run. Got too caught up in it and all I wanted was to stop. Anyway i am currently about 2 years off shooting up opioids.

Just keep your goal in mind, and stay occupied.
 
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Oh thank you thank you!!!! Duh.... I actually have that link saved on my phone but not this tablet, I should've thought about that!

I was feeling crazy lmao,"I would LOVE TO CHOOSE A THREAD PREFIX if I could see WHERE AND HOW TO DO THAT!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!" lol

Awesome, thank you.

Peace.
 
Totally off topic.... But why not, I'm bored and in pain...

I used the search function trying to find info on this but there was nothing good.

Kurt Cobain....all you h heads out there, was the dose in his system enough to incapacitate him? Was he murdered?

So many fucking strange things about his death. I love him.

Anyone recall how the car had flat tires???? Wtf is that shit...???

Strange. Opinions please. Mmmmm hmmm your opinionnnnnn.....lol

Peace.
P.s. no hate. Please.
 
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ABetterWay said:
Totally off topic.... But why not, I'm bored and in pain...

I used the search function trying to find info on this but there was nothing good.

Kurt Cobain....all you h heads out there, was the dose in his system enough to incapacitate him? Was he murdered?

So many fucking strange things about his death. I love him.

Anyone recall how the car had flat tires???? Wtf is that shit...???

Strange. Opinions please. Mmmmm hmmm your opinionnnnnn.....lol

Peace.
P.s. no hate. Please.
Click to expand...

Did you just watch "Soaked in Bleach" on Netflix??? ;) I started watching it the other day when my w/d's were at their worst (minus this whole sinus thing you know about) but managed to fall asleep and missed the second half. Perhaps I'll watch the rest of it today.

So, how are you doing today? How's your dosages looking like? I read your thread from last year where you had an amazing run of what appears to be a good, full, four days off the ops. It was quite inspiring to read.

Hoping today is a better day for you than the last!!

-SK
 
lol no, I don't have netflix. I dunno man, I used to.....kinda like Courtney. When I was a teenager, anyway. As an adult, I've found her to be melodramatic, attention seeking, and frankly not too talented, though Live Through This was great, probably because of KCs influence lol. Though I do like the album Pretty On The Inside, too, I can see her limits. I used to almost idolize her, but I think really it was because she was banging Kurt lmao, who, I won't lie I would not have kicked him out of my bed lmao. Nope!

Oops, just took an accidental screenshot of that lolol....better delete that before my husband sees me talking about banging a dead guy haha.

Well, I just got some....was having a pretty miserable day today, had done the tiny last bit around 3am after debating it for a while, I was just in so much pain. My back. I hate that shit. The baseline pain comes before withdrawals set in, making a positive outlook HARD, but I do it. As best I can. I have been taking roughly 40-50% of what I used to recently, and am seeing that, while at first it took away wd almost completely bc my body was just desperate lol, now wd comes back a bit faster, so I will need to cut back. I need to make it a bit harder when I'm strong, and at the very least, not any easier when I feel weak.

This is rough, man. Even with taking it, I am not exactly well. I intend to do things around the house and end up lying about, moaning or twitching or doing those awful stretches that feel.....i dunno how to put it, but it's like this involuntary scream-groan comes out wiht it lol.

They just feel like I am so tightly wound, like I cannot stretch enough, not even close. I end up writhing around and either whining or laughing at myself to cope or both.

I do like to laugh. A lot. It saves me, really.

I will comment on your thread in a bit, I was glad to see you up and about, replying, you are doing GREAT. You've got a nice personality, and I can tell you are highly intelligent. If only that made things easier, eh? It doesn't, does it? lol

You in the USA? You write in words that make you seem kinda like you are american, but once in a while a phrase seems...not american almost. Of course, that could be that you are just intelligent and not spelling things with z's instead of s's lol.

I will check in with you in a short while, I am gonna let this tiny dose sink in before deciding if I *truly* need more for now...trying so hard to get barely by, to kind of make it gentler but not halt progress. Fine line. Literally lol. Snort!

TTyl, Peace. :)
PS Oh, the old thread where I wd quite well... I got very lucky, was not hit with the kind of pain days I am being hit with now, that helped A LOT. Only frustrates me more, bc it makes me see that if not for the fucking pain, really, I am strong enough to let go of the opiate beast, it is not compulsive for me, not that I would never fuck with it on rare occassions for fun.Ugh. Pain sucks. Peace.
 
Hey bud, good to see you post as well! You make statements regarding how nice of a personality I have, whereas you continue to post nothing but kindness to anyone that will listen ;) ... That's one helluva quality!

I was quite the Nirvana fan myself in the 90's (for frame of reference, I'll be 32 in a couple months, so I was still just a kid but loved my punk/grunge/alt). Nevermind was a huge part of my evolution as an appreciator of music, although it didn't really start clicking with me until the late 90's. Did you ever watch "Montage of Heck"? That was such an intimate window into the lives of Courtney and Kurt. I almost felt voyeuristic watching it. I'm gonna finish "Soaked in Bleach" today to find out how it wraps up.

I am a true blooded American in the mid-west from a small town but now live in the city suburbs. My paternal grandfather sailed over from Denmark, so I'm mostly Danish/Irish with other influences from my maternal side. I get trouble from friends often for using phrases and idioms that aren't stemmed from where I grew up. I really enjoy embracing most cultures I come in contact with and find valuable traits in almost all of them. I adopt words and colloquialisms from said cultures into my vocabulary on the regular.

I was tested out in third grade with a 142 IQ and placed in advanced courses from there forwards. In spite of that, I was a college dropout with a standing 4.0 GPA. I ended up doing other work where I could make money to support myself and ex-wife, rather than finishing college studies. After 6 years in what became a "dead-end" career, I went back to accelerated courses for IT systems engineering. Now I'm employed at a Fortune 500 company as a lead engineer (I still don't know how I managed to keep that together with my divorce and then increasingly worse habit. In fact, like most of us here, I'm feeling very grateful to even be alive after knowing what I did to my body over those years.

I truly feel for you and your struggle. Chronic pain is something that I don't believe can be comprehended unless you suffer from it yourself, in my humble opinion. I hope you can continue to see progress in your efforts and don't discount any forward momentum you may achieve. I'm admittedly feeling the "well, since I've got 4 days in and all my connects have re-upped, maybe I can give myself a one day break" thoughts going strong today. I instead went to the gym and got a strong workout in. Thoughts are still present, but I'll bury myself in some work for a while and see if they dissipate.

Ha, okay. That was a lot of sharing now that I glance over what I just wrote. I think that's enough for now :\

-SK
 
Stay strong! Thats incredible that you got a work out in, I'm proud of you! I'm still psyching myself up to go clean the kitchen lol.

But I'm off to do that now.I very much enjoyed reading about you here and on your thread as well. Youre interesting for sure. I have much to say about what you wrote, and will post a bit more later. I have to clean ui the house and run a fast errand, would like to do it before he gets home.

But I can't put off asking about I'd thing you said...remaining sister. My goodness, I'm so sorry...if it's not something you wish to speak of publicly feel free to pm me.

Of course, I totally, totally understand if you don't wish to talk about it at all, too.
Hope I haven't over-stepped by asking.

Ok...enough flopping around on my bed lol, time to get productive, clean house, errand, get dinner started.

Talk to you soon.

You are inspirational for sure, you have a great attitude, much empathy and compassion, and strength. A rare combination :)

Take good care of yourself, I'll be around in a bit my friend.

Peace.
 
Oh, snap!

Soaked in Bleach is on YouTube, in full!

This will be on in the background while I clean lol.

Sweet.

Peace.

Edit: Oh what bullshit! The search for the full SIB doc gave a result, showing the time of the video as well over an hour....click on it, verify age, takes you to a trailer! Blah.
 
So in regards to my sister, you are correct. I don't talk about it much. I reviewed my thread and the story is on page 2 of it. I'll go ahead and pm you a copy/paste of it so you don't have to go digging. I'm going to get a haircut, but I should be on here again later this evening. Good luck in your cleaning efforts!

-SK
 
How did I miss that? I read your posts...maybe I missed one then. You don't have to go dig for it, I will find it.

Enjoy getting a haircut, talk to you soon hon :)

Peace.
 
Glad to see everything is going well for everyone!

As for me, I took my morning 20 ( usually have 3-4 of them) and feel okay, also took a lyrica. The lyrica made me high and murmuring things that didn't make sense)... Now I'm sitting here kind of dizzy, but with no real WD symptoms except a leg that won't stop moving.
I have to be honest, I really don't know if I want this to be permanent . My bank account sure does. But sick as it sounds, I feel like it's part of my identity.
What will I do with all that time of not being bedlocked and couch locked ? Feelings I have to work through I guess. I'm a terrible housekeeper.
 
Hi, Bliss-

I understand how it can feel so daunting to know what the hell to do with yourself. When health problems grow out of control, life falls apart. And when it is chronic, not something that eventually heals and goes away, allowing you to get things moving in life again, it is now a mission to figure out how to live WITH and AROUND your health. And that is so verry hard. I could write a novel about that, but I am sure you already understand.

I had sat on the sidelines for a long time, feeling very insecure. I eventually got a job and was TERRIFIED. Now, granted, it was way more physical than I can actually handle, and that is why I had no choice but to quit last week. I wish I could have drawn it out a bit longer but I was very worn down and catching every illness that came around in addition to being in chronic pain etc. I was needing to take way too much heroin just to literally be able to physically do that job, and I was injuring myself badly as I truly am not equipped to handle that much physical activity.

BUT...

I did it. I will now look for something part time, less physical, that is more realistic, and am aiming to try to start a creative side business in the spare time. Honestly even pt is hard, my husband does nothing around the house at all, and I do all of the laundry, cooking, groceries, etc. But, I know my options are really, either find a way to eventually be my own boss, or file for disability. I have no insurance and have not been "building my case" so to speak, plus I would rather do something instead of disability if I can.

My point is, you can do more than you think you can.

Be wiser than me lol, don't do more than you can. So, it boils down to: You can do more than you probably think you can because it is easy to get demoralized while the healthier world of life speeds past, but know your limits and don't do more than you literally can.

You are doing great, and you will be OK.

Hugs

Peace.

Edit: I was also working 6 days a week.....oy.....
 
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Bliss, I know the feelings your speaking to. You do begin to feel like this is a part of who you are. Eventually, I hated that part of my identity though and began to resent myself for it. So I've spent the last 6 months fighting for freedom from it all. Definitely do have to retrain the brain to learn all over again how to enjoy other aspects of life that were abandoned by the soothing removal of all fucks given by the ops.

Good job on the cuts to your intake. I'm very intrigued by Lyrica. I have gabapentin (nerontin), but everyone seems to agree that Lyrica (pregbalin sp?) seems to have a much better punch to it. Since I don't use those drugs except for when I'm feeling really ill with w/d's or bad fibro flare-up, I don't worry about dependence issues that others complain about.
 
Hubby's off to a gaming tourney tonight so alone with the boys. Didn't want to cook. It was a big thing just to get decent enough for the drive thru. Whoa McDs sure raises their prices!

Anyway, I was actually approved for work disability plus cpp-D which you pretty much have to be dead to get... Been several years now, if I had a sedentary job I'd have to call in sick half the time and crawl in bed the rest of the time. I feel like I have something else that's not diagnosed

So I'm basically 3 day off a 160-220mg taper,,only 20 today and 3 lyrica, tonight I'll probably have some Imodium , and a benzo..I have only 1 pill left. I'm also not afraid of dependence on lyrica. It helps with op dependence but the high is not really pleasant, just somehow gets your mind and body off oxyneo .
 
Hey all,

I'm a chronic pain patient as well. My last 3 discs are almost gone; will likely have surgery in the future. The reason they didn't do a 3 disc fusion was due to my age (41 now). Ugh. I work full time, but come home and need to lie down for at least an hour. People who don't go through this just don't understand.

What I wanted to ask was why you had such terrible views of pain management here. I think it varies widely upon which part of the country you live in, and unfortunately, how you look. But my pain management experience has been awesome. My doctors and nurses really listen; I've been on almost every type of opiate/oid there is. I'm using oxymorphone right now, but was trying morphine again because of the ups and downs of oxymorphone. Unfortunately, it works best when insufflated, and I need to stop doing that. But the morphine isn't strong enough...going in tomorrow and will ask their opinions, and ask if I could try both for a month.

Anyhow, I hope everyone is hanging in there. Withdrawal sucks ass. IMO, neurontin helps, but Cymbalta made me gain 12 pounds over the course of a year! I've been told multi vitamins help, too.

Stay strong, and know there are others thinking about you guys.
;) Hugs and drugs.
 
Hi AnnaBanana,
I don't have a bad view of pain management clinics, in the past, shady PM clinics were set up like pill mills so a lot of docs don't like them... And then because of the bad rep and the DEA , pm clinics now have to be really anal.. Which some people don't like.
I'm in Canada so afaik we don't have oxymorphone (opana), or hydrocodone (norco). We only have codeine, Tylenol 3 & 4, oxycodone ir, oxy plus Tylenol = percocet (that's what they start people on), oxyneo ER, morphine, dilaudid. I think they have fent too but mostly for terminal people.
In Canada we can have refills on everything which is convenient.

What got my doc into prescribing me was actually when I asked for a referral to a pain clinic, he said he would take care of me. I told him all the docs and surgeons I see, after they examine me they can't believe I'm not on strong painkillers,, yet no one wants to prescribe anything. He just gave a knowing smile. In very lucky I don't have issues with him at all. My previous doctors were crazy.
I kind of recall hinting around a couple years ago and he said no. But I think him getting a copy of all my surgeries and exams and just getting to know me, the trust has been built.

I'm finding when I'm off, I am thinking more about my moms passing and crying more. SSRI have had me in a half daze and I quit 2 months ago, and oxy put me in the other half of the daze. Without it the days drag on forever. I need a hobby or something
 
Just wanted to pop in this morning to say I took my last lonely pill (20mg), woke up this morning with runny eyes and joint pain, that's about it... We will see how this day progresses . In the Arsenal is Ativan, lyrica, codeine CWE , and I can get more Imodium if needed as well . Also have Kratom but that doesn't seem to help . Anyway slightly encouraged that I don't feel like total crap this morning!
Hope everyone else is doing em well .
 
Hey all! How's everyone doing today? Last night I ended up consuming 40mg hydro. I didn't NEED to do that considering I went 5.5 days off everything, but I convinced myself I needed a one day break from the chills and whatnot. It's been a good 12 hours now since then and I feel back to where I was yesterday morning, so I don't think it was much of a setback as long as it stays an isolated incident.

In regards to pain management, I didn't really have a bad experience myself either. I think I was over-prescribed, but I can be a manipulative SOB when I really want something, and I really wanted those fat scripts then. I wasn't great at managing my meds for the whole month, so I can't really blame that on the pm doc.

Good job Bliss!! Hope the day stays fairly even for ya with what you have in your arsenal. I'll try to stay up on everyone's progress as I'll be home all day rather than the office.

Much love to you all!!

-SK
 
Glad to see you guys are doing relatively well :)

I awoke in really bad pain, my back, it's like it's in every cell in my abdomen, radiating everywhere...hoping it settles down a bit by moving around. Sl;eeping, was interuppted by pain a few times, it was a bit rough, and I am usually in much pain upon awakening from having laid down so long.

Bladder hurts a lot too.

It is very rainy here for days and I know that is not helping lol.

Been taking minimal dose I can manage, maybe later I will try to translate it into how much of a gram (not even close to a gram lol, I friggin wish lol) to make it easier to know where I am.

I have been taking up to a half gram a day. <<< (Edit: I mean, that was, WAS, how much I was taking up to in a day, not now. I live in NY and what I get is GOOD. )I am glad I refused to inject it though I have thought about it a few times. I don't actually have good veins to begin with and am a hard stick to those who aren't super good at what they do, anyway, plus am TERRIFIED and squeamish with needles, ugh, nausea, ooohhhh heebie jeebies and all that just thinking of it lol. I am a huge wimp at the doctors when needles are involved lol. So just snorting for me, thanks!

Anyway, gonna try to move around a little, then will respond to other threads as I have already read them.

PAIN BE GONE!!!! Didn't work.

Damn it.

Stay strong, everyone!!!!!

Peace.
 
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