gone

[Gonegoinggone]

I have no idea where to go. What I'm doing. I hate that I can't even hide any longer that i have no idea where to go or what to do. i hate that it seems everyone around me is moving forward and moving up and i can't seem to get out of the quick sand. i hate that they hold it against me. they don't remember when i held them up. when i was strong. who is the hero for the hero? and here i sit. fallen and shattered. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of being awake. i'm tired of being paralyzed. it's all in my head but there's no stopping it. i was on top. now i remain here on the bottom. years of a spiral that never ended. never got better. the self pity swallowed me. the self loathing surfaced and my arms are heavy. i have no hope and have not feared death for a very long time. i don't ask it to come. wait for it, rather.

 

[armoredslug]

I know that it is hard. I know that every moment is a fight. I know that bottomless void, that darkness that swallows a person whole and doesn't emit light. But there is hope. I promise. Don't give up! Fight for the moments, fight for the light.
Change is incremental and progressive. The most potent (people may argue, I'm just speaking from my experience) catalyst for change is pain. Pain forces change. Thales said that one can never step in the same river twice. Change is the only constant.
Depression is intense - you need tools. One tool that I've used is to create a small, enclosed safe space, a really safe space and imagine, just imagine for like five minutes, that you are taken care of and totally safe. This is not a long-term solution, but it may buy you some moments of respite and it's an effective tool for growth if used in concert with concrete visualization and journaling. Anything that you can do with your resources to get you to a place where you feel safe and cared for by the earth, by the sun and moon, by the trees and birds, will aid you. I am wishing you the best with all of my heart.

 

[Painful One]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is let go.
Through the spiral~ through the pain~ there is something to gain.
I know. I have died and had a Near Death Experience.
I believe there is a way to find this thing, this spiritual light other ways.
Through the quicksand is one. Meditate.

Remember this my friend~ what seems like it matters in this life is an illusion.
Pain is progress. The only thing that matters is what you think of you and how you treat others.
Just treat them with love. No matter what they dish out, return love, silence, or compassion.

Look in the mirror. Do you know yourself anymore? Don't be afraid if you are looking into the eyes of
A stranger. It is time to get to know thyself. All you thought was you has been burned away.
Do not fear. It is going to be alright.