Girlfriend is always moody when she has no weed.

[TheMagicCoder]

My girlfriend has a Cannabis problem and she will not recognise it. Right now I am honestly considering leaving our relationship because I can't handle with how volatile she is. And she can't even see it! It's now affecting our life, our child's life, and our money.

Bit of background info. We've been together 8 years. She's smoked Cannabis most times through our relationship. I noticed it was a problem when I went to prison 3 years ago and it's been the same ever since. I sold my off road bike, all my music production gear, to ensure she had enough money to pay the rent and get food. All was spent on alcohol and weed. While I was in prison she ended up in debt and in serious money problems because of cannabis to the point where she got evicted.

We buy half ounce each month. Mine lasts the month, and sometimes longer. Hers will lasts about a week and it's gone. She will smoke joint after joint until she has no more. When it's gone she will ask me for some, or scrape the grinder, or pick nub ends. She will do this constantly. If she doesn't get a smoke she she gets very emotional, and often times angry with me.

For example yesterday I'd just finished my exercise and was due to take a shower. She asked if I could go to the shop. I said "I'm shattered and sweating let me take a shower". She stormed out the house "F**k it I'll do it myself I am sick of this you don't care how I feel". She got very angry towards me verbally. I remained calm, but I did fuel the fire by telling her she has a fucked up weed problem and needs to sort it out.

We spent the day not talking to each other.

This happens often. When she's in these moods she doesn't realise she's in one and if she does she will not admit it has anything to do with weed. She did it just. She asked if she can sub a quarter until we get paid next week and I explained it's not a good idea because we're already over budget and I haven't even got paid yet.

Since I said it's not a good idea her mood went low. We ended up in an argument over something silly. When I said "this is because you have no weed" she hit the roof, got emotionally, and then started telling me how I don't listen to her. I fucking do listen! I just hate being moaned at, and shouted at, because she hasn't got weed. She doesn't understand I see her attitude change. If I gave her a bit of weed she would change to be very happy, overly happy. I see these changes in mood all the time and it pisses me off when she takes her frustration out on me.

There's been times when we've loaned so much weed that we can't afford to eat properly. She doesn't seem concerned by this. I am! Fed up of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. We've been distant recently because of her weed problem and she just doesn't see the problem. Sometimes she will admit she has one, but when she's fighting with me she will insist her behaviour isn't because she doesn't have weed and is my fault for "not listening to her" ... yet if she had weed she wouldn't be acting the way she does.

Any advice?

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I have a suggestion but you probably won't like it since it won't seem fair to you.

Try quitting for a while. Show her by influence that you don't need weed (at all) to be functional.
Especially if you're short on finances.
It will seem a lot more ridiculous for her to ask you to give/buy her some when you yourself aren't going to partake.

A couple's counseling session might help too.

 

[samm2]

haif-oz. each or half-oz. between both of you?

14grams divide by 2= 7 g./month or 14g. month ?

 

[swilow]

^I feel like he is saying 14 grams each. That's about what I smoke in 5-6 weeks.

I dunno, I think your missus definitely has a problem. Its one of those situations in which its really hard to do anything. She really needs to quit weed, even just for a while, and brea its hold over her. In my early 20's when I used to smoke bongs from morning to night, I used to get grumpy when I ran out of weed, sometimes even grumpy when I was simply running low, but I actually had something of a revelation; when I didn't have weed, I felt like life was simply tedious and was just waiting until I could smoke again, but when I did get more life didn't suddenly become this amazing thing. I realised that I was expecting weed to do something for me that it really isn't capable of, so I ended up quitting for a while, totally resetting my tolerance and also resetting my smoking habits. I've resumed smoking but have never gotten anywhere close to the level I used to smoke at, my tolerance has remained low and if I run out, I just get a bit sleepless and slightly bored. Weed is a pointless drug to get really obsessed and 'addicted' to, because at that level of smoking tolerance basically ensures it will do fucking very little (that you are aware of at least, it is still robbing motivation and all that) so it becomes this automated, rather costly and futile habit. If your g/f quits for a while- something like at least a month though I didn't smoke for nearly two years at the end of my 20's- she may see that pseudo-addictive behaviour as pointless and beginning focusing on your and your relationship again.

Its totally reasonable for you to make a demand of her here, too. You guys have a kid and her behaviour is driving you away and this will effect your child.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

^I feel like he is saying 14 grams each. That's about what I smoke in 5-6 weeks.

I dunno, I think your missus definitely has a problem. Its one of those situations in which its really hard to do anything. She really needs to quit weed, even just for a while, and brea its hold over her. In my early 20's when I used to smoke bongs from morning to night, I used to get grumpy when I ran out of weed, sometimes even grumpy when I was simply running low, but I actually had something of a revelation; when I didn't have weed, I felt like life was simply tedious and was just waiting until I could smoke again, but when I did get more life didn't suddenly become this amazing thing. I realised that I was expecting weed to do something for me that it really isn't capable of, so I ended up quitting for a while, totally resetting my tolerance and also resetting my smoking habits. I've resumed smoking but have never gotten anywhere close to the level I used to smoke at, my tolerance has remained low and if I run out, I just get a bit sleepless and slightly bored. Weed is a pointless drug to get really obsessed and 'addicted' to, because at that level of smoking tolerance basically ensures it will do fucking very little (that you are aware of at least, it is still robbing motivation and all that) so it becomes this automated, rather costly and futile habit. If your g/f quits for a while- something like at least a month though I didn't smoke for nearly two years at the end of my 20's- she may see that pseudo-addictive behaviour as pointless and beginning focusing on your and your relationship again.

Its totally reasonable for you to make a demand of her here, too. You guys have a kid and her behaviour is driving you away and this will effect your child.

This was a really good post. I especially liked the part where you said you discovered you were expecting to get something out of weed that it couldn't give.

 

[KneelB4Doom]

Find a women who doesn't have this problem. Plenty of them out there.

I smoke/vape an O a month by myself and if I ever run out its just a bummer. I don't treat people poorly just because I am not high at the moment.

 

[szuko000]

^ i dont think hes going to ditch his 8 year relationship because of that idea, thats like an 8 weeks in revelation.

I think anyone who smokes weed goes through a phase like this, though hers is a bit extreme. I go through periods of heavy use and in those periods i almost cant picture days without making all of my smoking times, I would smoke about 4-5 times a day about 2-3g a day. That always becomes unsustainable, usually through disruption in supply or higher cost, and the eliminate times until its once a day. Its normally annoying to do but enjoyable because i find waiting to smoke to be mildly challenging and then smoking becomes the reward.

Set an example by not smoking or smoking way less. As others have stated once you replace heavy use with occasional or moderate its really easy to stay there.

 

[herbavore]

Also, not to minimize the problem she obviously has with weed, but what about the alcohol? Does she also drink all day?

No matter which substance she has a problem with, her problems sound much deeper than whatever psychological hold her highs have on her. I hope for the sake of your child that you are taking the stronger parenting role. If she is as irrationally volatile with her own child as she is with you, this is not good. You cannot be expected to change everything but you can certainly be a stable and loving influence in your child's life. Good luck, it sounds very hard and the worst thing families in this situation can do is to get isolated in their own pain. Good for you for reaching out.

Do you think she would possibly enter into a "let's reduce our use together" pact?

 

[KneelB4Doom]

^ i dont think hes going to ditch his 8 year relationship because of that idea, thats like an 8 weeks in revelation.



Set an example by not smoking or smoking way less. As others have stated once you replace heavy use with occasional or moderate its really easy to stay there.

Meh. He says hes considering it "Right now I am honestly considering leaving our relationship because I can't handle with how volatile she is."

Why does he need to "set an example". You're talking like hes her father. By all means don't smoke directly in front of her and don't tempt her with it but really dude has to give up what he enjoys in life because someone treats him poorly?
Personally id rather a be with a women who is nice to me during the highs an the lows of life. People can change but you'll never change them. Unless you've mastered the art of inception and plant an idea so deep, so seemingly original she
decides she no longer wants to treat you like crap when she's momentarily out of the sweet sticky icky.

 

[szuko000]

^ I wouldnt lead someone off a cliff without jumping first myself, 8 years is a long time and its possible to give these things up with relative ease. You seem to be viewing the relationship as a one on one situation when generally couples surmount obstacles together that is part of the point of being in one.

How can you expect someone to stop doing a substance if you would continue to do it, that is just not going to happen. Its not being a "father" its being a leader you know taking control of the situation setting boundaries that type of thing, then if they continually get broken you can reevaluate

 

[KneelB4Doom]

^ I wouldnt lead someone off a cliff without jumping first myself, 8 years is a long time and its possible to give these things up with relative ease. You seem to be viewing the relationship as a one on one situation when generally couples surmount obstacles together that is part of the point of being in one.

How can you expect someone to stop doing a substance if you would continue to do it, that is just not going to happen. Its not being a "father" its being a leader you know taking control of the situation setting boundaries that type of thing, then if they continually get broken you can reevaluate

The cliff is being in an unhappy long term relationship right? If that is the case then I have climbed that cliff and jumped, then climbed the same cliff to only jump once more haha.

Just giving my advice. My uneducated guess would be if he stopped smoking weed she'll end up smoking when hes not around anyways, because SHE has a problem and people dont change unless they actually want to change. Which by what OP says she doesn't believe she has a problem. Now big homie in the OP doesnt get to enjoy his substance of choice after hard day at work. tsk tsk thats no way to live life man.

 

[szuko000]

The cliff is being in an unhappy long term relationship right? If that is the case then I have climbed that cliff and jumped, then climbed the same cliff to only jump once more haha.

No the cliff in this case would be smoking weed, you seriously think you can simply tell someone that its not right and then go behind their back and do it anyway? Perhaps its because all my long term relationships ended well and the issues cleared up that makes me believe people are capable of change, i had to quit dope and get on methadone before my then g/f would do the same. That is what i mean it does work out if they feel there is something to save.

For the record this is why i wont be getting into a relationship and dont really care for people anymore, too old to deal with other peoples issues.

 

[KneelB4Doom]

No the cliff in this case would be smoking weed, you seriously think you can simply tell someone that its not right and then go behind their back and do it anyway? Perhaps its because all my long term relationships ended well and the issues cleared up that makes me believe people are capable of change, i had to quit dope and get on methadone before my then g/f would do the same. That is what i mean it does work out if they feel there is something to save.

For the record this is why i wont be getting into a relationship and dont really care for people anymore, too old to deal with other peoples issues.

Oh okay misunderstanding. No I don't think you can go behind their back. I never said to lie to her and do that though lol.

I just don't see how this "look honey I don't need to smoke to be nice to you so you shouldn't need it to be nice to me" is going to fix the problem. Just sad to see people try and force people to be the way they want them to be.

 

[psy997]

I just don't see how this "look honey I don't need to smoke to be nice to you so you shouldn't need it to be nice to me" is going to fix the problem. Just sad to see people try and force people to be the way they want them to be.

You're taking an apologist attitude towards dependence on external circumstances, in this case smoking weed.

No.