General Heroin #19 v. Posting Between the Nods

[Jabberwocky]

I am pulling for you BBT. Me and you are almost in the same boat. I believe we are both 30+ in age and trying to finally leave this drug that has consumed almost half our lives behind. I was clean for a month and then used for 3 days. I have now made it another week and am struggling to stay sober. I have been using anywhere from once every couple of weeks to every weekend, sometimes I slip and use 2-4days in a row and I have to deal with the withdrawal again every time I do this but I feel I am making progress because my use has become more and more infrequent as I am slowly learning to enjoy life and other things are starting to take prescient over dope.

Every time I slip I gain new insight into why I use and I feel I am starting to gather new tools in my sober arsenal. I feel for ya man and I know how good that pink cloud can feel. I also know how dangerous and deceptive that period of sobriety can become but we just have to be strong and learn from every set back no matter how frequent they may be. Just don't let a set back become a run and always no matter what never look back...... only forward. We can do this..... Just never give up.

A message and motivational speech for myself as much as it is for you.

I'm 31 and been going at it since 18/19. sure, I did a few percs in highschool but once I graduated I got into 80's. the 80s hit Boston hard and I was selling them by the truck load; I eventually was using pretty steady but making the $$ and not realizing how much it would eventually cost to have this addiction. anyway, I ended up getting picked up by the feds after selling for 3-4 years. ended up going away for close to 2 years; came out clean, drug free and didnt touch anything for about 4-5 years. I just didnt have the same feeling I once did. well, I met up w/ some peeps I met on the inside and BOOM, before you know it I was "trying" 80's again. well, those 80's began to fade and the 30's took over. from there it went to sniffing dope which led to shooting dope.. same story as everyone else, right? well, the dope has been w/ me now for the last 4 or so years and it's been MISERABLE! had some runs in there when I'd get "clean" for a bit. the longest stretch I had was about 6-7 months when I was using bupe. I eventually fucked up and was kicked out of the program. well, just recently I winded my use down and switch to bupe and then went to nothing. only went 9 days clean and then used yesterday but stayed away today and feel OK. we'll see, tho. I am basically BROKE as fuck and have plenty of bills; being 31 and all I have rent, car, phone, job, life.. you know, responsibilities, so the dope isnt the #1 thing right now, although, its def. something I act as if its my #1.

we'll see, tho. I am TRYING here but not doing so well. although, its nice to be OFF the dope and the days I dont take it I dont feel "sick" like most of the days prior.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I wish all of you the best of luck trying to obtain sobriety. I know if it wasn't for methadone I would be miserable trying to stay away from dope.

I just cant pull myself to doing methadone; I cant picture waking u daily to go get my dosage. then again, I had no problem going to grab my dope everyday, right? although, that was on my own time, but usually the same time daily. I am just NOT a morning person, and I work everyday at 8AM, so I cant picture getting up earlier just to go get my done. ugh!

 

[tomatalli]

That has to be expensive and hard to hide from your family.

It is hard and yes it's very expensive I have no money for anything else. Idk what I'm gonna do ahiut my track marks in the summer people are already starting tov wonder why I always wear sleeves x

 

[Welderman]

I just cant pull myself to doing methadone; I cant picture waking u daily to go get my dosage. then again, I had no problem going to grab my dope everyday, right? although, that was on my own time, but usually the same time daily. I am just NOT a morning person, and I work everyday at 8AM, so I cant picture getting up earlier just to go get my done. ugh!

I am really dedicated to staying clean so I make it work and it's not hard to get up a 1/2 hour to and hour early for work. If I got counseling then I gotta make it earlier. Of course having a month supply of suboxone would be even easier but that don't work for me.

It is hard and yes it's very expensive I have no money for anything else. Idk what I'm gonna do ahiut my track marks in the summer people are already starting tov wonder why I always wear sleeves x

Get some crazy tattoos that cover all of the spots you shoot at.

 

[RaZkaL86]

Speakin of "battle scars"....anyone know of or hear of any good lotions or scar hiding medicines?? Mine look atrocious....have one that looks like a mini- volcano or a big dot that can be seen without too much trouble....

 

[Effect]

Topical Vitamin E

 

[Jabberwocky]

Speakin of "battle scars"....anyone know of or hear of any good lotions or scar hiding medicines?? Mine look atrocious....have one that looks like a mini- volcano or a big dot that can be seen without too much trouble....

can you post those scars? I want to see.. wondering how bad mine are compared to others. my arms are covered in tattoos so it helps out. also, I get hit w/ a pin monthly because I am still battling cancer (only stage 2 and been battling for 3 years and winning the battle) and get blood drawn monthly and usually have a pin in me when there. I always have the woman looking at me like I am a whackjob due to the lumps, bruises and track marks she sees. she obv knows I am a junkie but it goes w/o saying.

 

[porkchops]

And the nurses are like where? And he goes, uh, work! And the nurse was like Sir, you dont have a job. Shit was so funny he just stood there didnt know what to say then bitched to go see his counselor.

hahaha got a legit smile going, love this type of nonsense

 

[tomatalli]

Get some crazy tattoos that cover all of the spots you shoot at.

My family would kill me

 

[MMT]

Speakin of "battle scars"....anyone know of or hear of any good lotions or scar hiding medicines?? Mine look atrocious....have one that looks like a mini- volcano or a big dot that can be seen without too much trouble....

I've used my wife's make-up and have also mentioned pumice stone that's used to 'sand' down calluses.Any drug store chain usually carry them in the skin care section.But skin colored make-up works great in a pinch.

 

[Jabberwocky]

will someone post pics of their track marks.. I would but I have tattoos all over me.

 

[tomatalli]

Anyone ever work third shift? I fry donuts over night even after a few months of it I'm still not used to it and I'm always tired. I get $12 an hour so I guess it's better than most jobs I could get

 

[Welderman]

Anyone ever work third shift? I fry donuts over night even after a few months of it I'm still not used to it and I'm always tired. I get $12 an hour so I guess it's better than most jobs I could get

I have worked 3rd shift currently I work 2nd shift. The shitty part is I get off work at 2:30 am and the clinic don't open till 4;30Am. So I sleep in my car while I wait for them to open.

Tomatalli it usually takes at least 2 weeks to get used to a new sleep schedule for me any way. Sometimes it is hard to fall asleep when the sun comes up but I like to watch the sunrise though.

 

[subotai]

sometimes I read shit and want to drive into the middle of the Appalachian Mountains with a bunch of dope and just clean fucking house

then I remember I dont know anyone out there

but itd probably be cool

 

[tomatalli]

I have worked 3rd shift currently I work 2nd shift. The shitty part is I get off work at 2:30 am and the clinic don't open till 4;30Am. So I sleep in my car while I wait for them to open.

Tomatalli it usually takes at least 2 weeks to get used to a new sleep schedule for me any way. Sometimes it is hard to fall asleep when the sun comes up but I like to watch the sunrise though.

I've been at this job for about 2 months I'm probably tired all the time cus I'm always high

 

[ohshea]

I just cant pull myself to doing methadone; I cant picture waking u daily to go get my dosage. then again, I had no problem going to grab my dope everyday, right? although, that was on my own time, but usually the same time daily. I am just NOT a morning person, and I work everyday at 8AM, so I cant picture getting up earlier just to go get my done. ugh!

Youre making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Its only for a few months. I get 14 takehomes now so go twice a month. Considering other options (rehab, subs, cold turkz, keep using) its a relatively simple method that doesnt ask that much of you, just make an appearance. I mean, people will do what they gotta do to get clean.

Toma: yea ive worked third shift at a hospital cafeteria. Never got used to it. Sometimes i would work doubles and put the seats down in my suv and sleep til next shift and shower in the locker room. I think humans arent meant to get up before 630am and are definitley bot meant to be nocturnal.

Do you smell like fryers when you get off work? I worked at weinerschnitzels when i was 15 and would always grt home a sticky greasy mess.

As far as trackmarks: womens concealor people! A tube ofit that looks like chapstick is 99cents. I carry one w me everywhere. Makes em disappear in a flash. Also, always put suncreen on them. Sun exposure prevents scars from healing seamlessly. I had surgery on my back and have a scar from my neck to above my buttcrack and a six inch scar along my pelvis from a bone garft. My back never gets sun and over the years its barely even noticable.

 

[Welderman]

I've been at this job for about 2 months I'm probably tired all the time cus I'm always high

The right ammount of dope would keep me up almost wire me. But if I did just a bit too much I would be sleepy. Some people never get used to shift work. One doctor I had would give me adderall and Ritalin and that helped a lot.

 

[ohshea]

^haha yea theres a fine line between the energetic euphoric buzz and noddin out. A fine line to walk my friend, could never quite get it right, especially in times when i shouldnt have been noddin and just want a lil buzz!

 

[Tommyboy]

I would sometimes think I would get less depression if I started shooting because snorting was so damn expensive. And that's where my depression came from was when I was spending $1100-$1300 a week on the shit. I was always just too scared of needles and the couple times I came close to shooting (because I was with someone who would do it for me) I was still to scared of OD'ing. Now looking back I am grateful that I some how never ended up using that needle. Just outta curiosity for those who did start off snorting and then to banging, I know when you start injecting you ultimately don't need to use as much or as often, but do you eventually make it back to the amount you were snorting? Or are you always able to use less than that. I'm curious because when I was at my worst, I was doing 4 bags just to get the morning sick off, then 2 bags every couple hours to keep the sick off, and then at night after work when I wanted to actually get high and nod, I would have to do 6-8 bags at once to really get a good nod. At that time, you wouldn't believe how fat and long of lines I could do in one breath. And I can't imagine ever being able to shoot that much dope with out OD'ing.

Yea it's basically a week before you are shooting the same amount or more than you were sniffing. That's because it doesn't last as long so you end up shooting up twice as often so you may start out doing half the dose but since it's soon being done twice as often it evens out. Then your tolerance continues to climb just like it would with any other ROA.

wow that dope was goooooood! nah, it wasnt that good, and it was also yesterday, but yes, the relapse did happen. why? ehhh, I made up many reasons but in reality its because I wanted to get high. do I regret it after a mini 1 week run of sobriety? sure, why not! I didnt use today but took my last shot last night around 8PM. so its only been 24hrs but I feel OK.

oh well, I dont care. now maybe I can go 2 weeks and then shoot again. and then go 3 weeks and shoot again. and then go 4 weeks and then go again. and then 5 weeks and then go again. wow, this is soooo fucking easy, huh!? I dont know how you people dont just get sober, because its just soooo easy that you'd have to be a complete MORON to not get SOBER ASAP! I'll just NEVER understand how you piece of shit junkies get addicted to this stuff because it's so easy to NOT USE and be in COMPLETE CONTROL!

anyway, if any of you took that last paragraph serious then you are a moron. but yes, I shot a gram yesterday and so far I am OK today. why did I use? because the sick addict in me just wanted to shoot thinking it would hit me harder than it did last since it's been a week w/ nothing in me. well, much like last time I thought this, the same thing occurred.. NOTHING! I shot the .5 and was jammed (yes, Boston here). about 5hrs went by and shot the rest. I slept the best I've slept in.. in.. well, a week! other than that everything is the same as always and I am sitting here today THINKING of scoring again but backed out of it due to me being a broke fuck. also me getting a cuff yesterday was another reason I used as an excuse to pick-up.

so yes, put it in the record books.. I went a full week w/ NO DRUGS! well, weed.. but thats NOT a drug, right?

now tonight I will sit here and watch the The84Draft on NBA TV and just think of the money I gave away yesterday. but at least I slept nice.

thank you all for the support and kind words spoken.. you are all GREAT!

I still don't understand how you can bang a gram after a week clean. I've yet to be able to do that while actively using, so that's part of the reason why.

Speakin of "battle scars"....anyone know of or hear of any good lotions or scar hiding medicines?? Mine look atrocious....have one that looks like a mini- volcano or a big dot that can be seen without too much trouble....

Make sure that you get them checked out if they are getting worse or are abscesses. I would hate to see another member here lose an arm.

 

[Welderman]

^haha yea theres a fine line between the energetic euphoric buzz and noddin out. A fine line to walk my friend, could never quite get it right, especially in times when i shouldnt have been noddin and just want a lil buzz!

I wasn't good at walking that line either. Lol