fuck me if i cant

[mtu mwendawazimu]

starting 3 hr a day, 4 day a week rehab for at least a month starting monday

place is mad cool, lady who runs it w her husband mad nice

ive never tried rehab. i cant do this on my own, i guess.

thats the one thing about NA i hate.. saying im powerless.

ok fine people. im fuckin powerless.

i will post my thoughts n learnings here i guess.

why?

cuz i love you guys and i want to share how this has helped me.

 

[jasperkent]

Good luck!
I've done rehab and 12Step stuff many, many times. I actually got a lot out of it when I gave it a chance.
Take what you need and leave the rest.

(edit)
PS-- If you were totally powerless you wouldn't be making the decision to go to rehab, would you?
Take what you need and leave the rest.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i interpreted the powerlessness as having a very specific meaning. namely, we are powerless over the objects of our addictions. once we stop using for even a week or so, to use or not becomes a choice, but once you use you will lose that ability to choose.

anyway, good luck!! i'm glad you're feeling positive about rehab so far. i couldn't stop without rehab, i needed a lot of help for a very long time, not sure if anyone can really get into recovery on their own.

 

[yubacity]

Good luck with it keep positive

 

[Robi]

it only

Good luck!
I've done rehab and 12Step stuff many, many times. I actually got a lot out of it when I gave it a chance.
Take what you need and leave the rest.

(edit)
PS-- If you were totally powerless you wouldn't be making the decision to go to rehab, would you?
Take what you need and leave the rest.

it only works if you work it. i use to go to SAA, and wait outside for people "falling off the wagon"

 

[Robi]

starting 3 hr a day, 4 day a week rehab for at least a month starting monday

place is mad cool, lady who runs it w her husband mad nice

ive never tried rehab. i cant do this on my own, i guess.

thats the one thing about NA i hate.. saying im powerless.

ok fine people. im fuckin powerless.

i will post my thoughts n learnings here i guess.

why?

cuz i love you guys and i want to share how this has helped me.

you got this!!!!!!!!!!!! sounds like awesome supportive environment!

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Good luck!
I've done rehab and 12Step stuff many, many times. I actually got a lot out of it when I gave it a chance.
Take what you need and leave the rest.

(edit)
PS-- If you were totally powerless you wouldn't be making the decision to go to rehab, would you?
Take what you need and leave the rest.

totally - good advice - and being here will help me process what i think is good vs. not helpful, and get some input from yall, and help some or yall too i would hope. it costs 7500 a month i get covered from insurance so u all owe me at least 200 bucks

i interpreted the powerlessness as having a very specific meaning. namely, we are powerless over the objects of our addictions. once we stop using for even a week or so, to use or not becomes a choice, but once you use you will lose that ability to choose.

anyway, good luck!! i'm glad you're feeling positive about rehab so far. i couldn't stop without rehab, i needed a lot of help for a very long time, not sure if anyone can really get into recovery on their own.

okay, right, so when in the arms of addictions we are powerless. that makes me feel a lot better about the saying tbh

Good luck with it keep positive

thanks!

you got this!!!!!!!!!!!! sounds like awesome supportive environment!

it really really is, thus far. will keep this thread updated.

the lady who runs it has talked to me for a couple hours total on the phone just telling me how worth it it is, and she seems very intelligent. texts me all the time too.. and i can tell its an easy sell for her. because she lives by it and i can feel that.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

day one was good. a lot of people in very, very similar situations. you think you're good.. you think you've healed. that's when to watch out.

if you don't manage your negative emotions you will transmit them.

question your thought - 1). is this true? 2). is this absolutely true? 3). how does it feel now 4). how would it feel if I gave this feeling up

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

likin' the "reality" checks <- both me at once lol
best incentive to give in to sobriety?

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

6, yeah for sure. u tryna clean up or no? no judgement

day two was okay. group leader a young woman, not bad, great ass but not great a speaker.

uhm my strengths n weaknesses. creative, problem solver, resilient, but I'd like to be able to love others better.

and in regards to where I need improvement health wise it was mostly spiritually and psychologically.

starred - eat healthy, excersize, learn new things, express feelings in healthy way, talk about my problems, meet new ppl, ask others for help, recognize what gives meaning to my life, participate in a cause important to me

Bolded those that are spiritual and psychological.

b e z

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

recognize my trigger of being bored, thinking I'm "cured" - took the big step of blocking then deleting dealer contacts. like losing a loved one.

when approaching difficult situations, be calm but clear, use I statements, express how you feel, be respectful, use positive and soft body language.

we did a roleplay for this.. one person is trying to be calm and explain why they're mad, other one gives them a hard time. I cracked everyone up I had a full on back story n shit as to why my favorite ice cream was so dear to me, and how hurt I was that my partner ate it. being the difficult one.. I killed it lol. I made everything a You problem and kept bringing back to seem like it was my partners issue not mine.

took away that soft starts to issues can really help suss out the important details. no one will give you what you want if you come on hot headed. unless I guess you're literally scaring someone into obeying you which is cruel and only happens to select types.

also that when I'm difficult I'm not very understanding of the other person and I need to realize that they are feeling something that I need to try and feel too. empathy. I have it but sometimes forget to use it

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

cravings were bad yesterday cuz I worked from home and when I sat down I just remembered how that's the area that I used to use at. so when I had down time I had bad cravings. so, I blasted music and started dancing and lip syncing it helped a bit.

 

[Jabberwocky]

being bored is a huge trigger. and not having things to occupy you.

when i got out of rehab, in preparation they made me plan a timetable for 90 days. including doing 90 in 90 (i actually did more lol). the goal was to make sure i didn't have a minute free to think about going to score. i included gym, drugs services, meditation courses, but also but time for specific fun activities, i.e. drawing, playing my bass, leisure reading.

it was exhausting, well more than 2 full time jobs. but i did it. and i got through cravings cos the cognitive load of having to rearrange your entire day on top of disappointing everyone and having to get money (i had no control over my bank account, still don't have full control lol fml), just made it seem less appealing. like if you've got fuck all to do you might as well go score. if you are gonna miss loads of things you have planned, its different.

i honestly encourage anyone in early recovery to get something similar on paper. and stick to it as far as possible.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

right on.

my weekend always full with my girlfriend, and BL helps kill time, but I think I could incorporate like, pushups, reading stephen king, kitty time, meditation to start.

this program says they help create a plan when discharged so that's nice. and they have access to sponcers. I think a sponcer would help tremendously.

the more ppl I tell about recovery the more ppl I'd let down if I relapsed.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

take my 5 min a day I use to snooze my alarm to meditate n prayer. why the fuck not?

kitty be my higher power. she knows. set intentions. it's that simple. appreciate the little things, too.

 

[Jabberwocky]

take my 5 min a day I use to snooze my alarm to meditate n prayer. why the fuck not?

kitty be my higher power. she knows. set intentions. it's that simple. appreciate the little things, too.

that is a great idea!! i'm really shit at following through on those sorts of things. especially in the morning, would take me the 5 mins to work out why the fuck i had set it 5 mins earlier.

kitties embofy so many of the qualities we get told to emulate in recovery!!! though they come in distinctly lower power flavours too, one of mine pisses in the hall, shits in the middle of the lawn, does full operas at 3 am, attacks his elderly sister, and is scared of everything despite nothing ever bad happening in his life.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

yeah, only thing is she's not immortal. I may become polytheistic and believe in other sht like karma, spirit and mother earth.

either way, won't change how I pray

 

[Jabberwocky]

yeah, only thing is she's not immortal.

urgh i know. my older cat is nearly 14 and has arthritis, she can't get up the garden fence on her own any more.

i actually only realised today how bad it has gotten, she was wobbly just standing up, so i've phoned the vet and they are hopefully sorting her some painkillers on monday.

and like a fucking junkie i have already googled whether they are likely to be recreational (i dunno what it is yet but likely not thank fuck no temptation). i'm a complete piece of shit. i love that cat so much, we've been together through my absolute darkest days.

 

[nznity]

urgh i know. my older cat is nearly 14 and has arthritis, she can't get up the garden fence on her own any more.

i actually only realised today how bad it has gotten, she was wobbly just standing up, so i've phoned the vet and they are hopefully sorting her some painkillers on monday.

and like a fucking junkie i have already googled whether they are likely to be recreational (i dunno what it is yet but likely not thank fuck no temptation). i'm a complete piece of shit. i love that cat so much, we've been together through my absolute darkest days.

Dw chinup, don't feel so bad. My family can't get over the fact that I stole my mom's morphine and think I'm a piece of shit junkie for doing that. But I never really stole her morphine, it was just a box of morphine ampoules that got left after SHE PASSED AWAY, there was no way I would have grabbed those ampoules when she still was alive. They were gonna give away those meds anyway and I was already addicted to oxy at thst point that I actually needed em but my family don't get that and for them I'm a piece of shit scumbag junkie Despite 10 years have passed since that happened. And they wouldn't have found out if my rehab counselor wouldn't have pressured me to do it >.> it was a bad idea opening up about that, it was too much info for them. I should have told em errrthing except that.
Anyways, it's been too long I had already forgotten about it but u just made me remind about that incident.

 

[hylite]

urgh i know. my older cat is nearly 14 and has arthritis, she can't get up the garden fence on her own any more.

i actually only realised today how bad it has gotten, she was wobbly just standing up, so i've phoned the vet and they are hopefully sorting her some painkillers on monday.

and like a fucking junkie i have already googled whether they are likely to be recreational (i dunno what it is yet but likely not thank fuck no temptation). i'm a complete piece of shit. i love that cat so much, we've been together through my absolute darkest days.

Hey don't worry about it. Less is more.They don't know either. O.s. about dosages. They just know legal prescription scroll. Scroll.

Just split them in halves !! And yes I am damned serious.

But IF they are NOT safe PLEASE DON'T. But they are safe for a cat. Hmmm.

I am so sorry about your precious angel KITTY CAT. This is how they know that we suffer too.

It hurts us so bad Also but they only get 12 years, either way. . . ..

The good thing about medications are that they ALWAYS give out too much.
They don't know. Maybe if someone was on bl.light it could try to help somehow with awareness. Just wow.

Why should that cat have to be over drugged as well. It will appreciate knowing when it is in pain
and to be coherent enough to realize she can get stronger and heal or at least be able to have a chance
for some feelings and for some last good-byes so she won't be over drugged.

See how she overreacts or just reacts by starting her out with a half at first and whenever possible too if not a whole pill. Eww.
Medication should not be to the point where you have to over do it. The cat's body doesn't need to be stressed out even more.

Just see how much she needs that will be enough to help of an accurate measurement as possible. Work up to it if necessary.
Some days the pain might not be so bad. Maybe some days she will need a whole.

But the med's stay in a little body a long while, remember.

Remember she is already frail and weak and tired enough. And let her relax a little if she is going to wake up again. Please.

I am so sorry about your little angel. Ohgawd.

The reason that they have directions to take every six hours and so on is so that they can make more.
Yes, it's a serial number.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. There just really aren't any words. So