Am I kidding myself? I truly believe if I could source 120 tablets of my DOC instead of the 60 I am allowed it would remove me from my 20 days of every month of very dangerous drug abuse that is slowly but steadily slipping out of control. I will try to be short. Many years ago I was prescribed my DOC legitimately. At one stage I could get around 200 tabs a month but I slowly let it run out of control. If I could get 300 a month I would of attempted 300 piece of cake. The side effects were noticeable and I "confessed " to Doctor. I needed the scripts for legit pain but I was abusing them. We are now at 60 a month which works out to 2 a day. The Dr. goal was to get me off entirely. If I could function at 2 a day and live a normal life I was all for it. I use up my script in 10-14 days depending on the pain. The Dr thinks I am using 2 per day. The reality is I require 4 a day realistically.
I now self medicate from street and find myself constantly experimenting and mixing to tolerate the pain and addiction on the other days. As a example the last couple or few months to tolerate pain and probably treat my addiction I have purchased and used the following to get by. I have to use what is available on the street and find myself taking huge risks. My opiate tolerance is huge as you can expect seeing from the list. Percosets 5 mg, Tylenol 3s, Fentanyl 100mcg patches (rare find), Dilaudid, 20 mg oxycodone(they look homemade) coke1/2 gram a day, grey goose vodka, k50 morphine caps, mdma, zanax. These are just the ones that come to mind. Yes, I have had some dangerous trips. I can eat huge amounts of these since this has been going on about 6 months.
The logical thing to do is to approach Dr. and be truthful but I cannot get myself to do it. If he discovers I have been misleading him to still get the 60 I get I am terrified I would lose the 60. When I am on DOC I eat well, function great and pain free. When DOC is not there I am abusing myself horribly and spending huge amounts of money. I research everything I get closely (the research caused me to stop mixing Grey Goose or any alcohol in my mess) Sometimes and expessioly with the 20mg oxys nobody knows whats in them unless you made them. the 80mg greens of the same thing caused some real problems. All my others are legit pharmacy pills. The coke is fine and I know coke now.
I am real new to Bluelight. I will stop this post unless it gets some attn. It would take pages to tell my story and I am not sure anyone is interested or sees the position I am in.
The bottom line is I could function on 4 a day but I only get 2. When I have none days are surely going to kill me in the next year. What do I do. 90 in 90 yadda yadda yadda. Trust me trhe NN or NA just does not work for me. I legit require the meds for pain. If you can except that and offer advise I would sure appreciate it.
I now self medicate from street and find myself constantly experimenting and mixing to tolerate the pain and addiction on the other days. As a example the last couple or few months to tolerate pain and probably treat my addiction I have purchased and used the following to get by. I have to use what is available on the street and find myself taking huge risks. My opiate tolerance is huge as you can expect seeing from the list. Percosets 5 mg, Tylenol 3s, Fentanyl 100mcg patches (rare find), Dilaudid, 20 mg oxycodone(they look homemade) coke1/2 gram a day, grey goose vodka, k50 morphine caps, mdma, zanax. These are just the ones that come to mind. Yes, I have had some dangerous trips. I can eat huge amounts of these since this has been going on about 6 months.
The logical thing to do is to approach Dr. and be truthful but I cannot get myself to do it. If he discovers I have been misleading him to still get the 60 I get I am terrified I would lose the 60. When I am on DOC I eat well, function great and pain free. When DOC is not there I am abusing myself horribly and spending huge amounts of money. I research everything I get closely (the research caused me to stop mixing Grey Goose or any alcohol in my mess) Sometimes and expessioly with the 20mg oxys nobody knows whats in them unless you made them. the 80mg greens of the same thing caused some real problems. All my others are legit pharmacy pills. The coke is fine and I know coke now.
I am real new to Bluelight. I will stop this post unless it gets some attn. It would take pages to tell my story and I am not sure anyone is interested or sees the position I am in.
The bottom line is I could function on 4 a day but I only get 2. When I have none days are surely going to kill me in the next year. What do I do. 90 in 90 yadda yadda yadda. Trust me trhe NN or NA just does not work for me. I legit require the meds for pain. If you can except that and offer advise I would sure appreciate it.