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Friend crashing on my couch, need advice.

R

ruby2shoes

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 25, 2013
Messages
5
OMG! I'm completely lost as of what to do in this situation. 2 months ago, I get a call from a friends mom saying to come to the courthouse because...let's call him Ted, tried to kill himself and she's trying to get him admitted. So I go, at 11PM to the courthouse where his lawyer said they dismissed it, Ted needs a place to stay for the night. OK, I bring Ted back to my small home I share with my bf and kids. Ted crashes on the couch. Ted is mopey and constantly complains but does help with the kids and dishes. I assumed it was for a couple days, its two months so far with no end in sight. I've tried to bring up questions like what his plans are etc. He just gets all mopey and I can't take it. If I kick him out, he's homeless, no job, no car. Ted is eating all my food, smoking up our weed, even scraped bf's bowl while we were out. What would you do? Anyone ever have a couch crasher that just didn't get the hint...
 
Yes I did many years ago...it didn't end nicely. There is just no easy way to tell them to leave...someone always ends up pissed off (either you, by them staying or him by you asking them to go). I have no good advice, sorry. But I do feel for you.
 
missmeyet? said:
Yes I did many years ago...it didn't end nicely. There is just no easy way to tell them to leave...someone always ends up pissed off (either you, by them staying or him by you asking them to go). I have no good advice, sorry. But I do feel for you.
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^This.
 
you need to just be up front with him and let him know this isnt a permanent solution and give an ultimatum of some sorts. Don't kick him out right then and there as he'd probably just freak out, but honestly I kind of blame you in a way for letting it drag on for two months longer than you wanted

Where's Ted's mom at?
 
I would slowly teach him some stuff. Tell him he's not allowed to touch your weed. And convince him to get a job. It might seem heartless but if he doesn't do what I tell him to do, I'd kick him out.
 
He's 28...not a child. He was living in his mom's basement and had a job at a sub shop but lost it because he went to jail for trying to fight his roommate (I didn't know this at the time) His mom is done with him apparently. I've came to the conclusion he's pretty much burned every bridge he's came across. I flipped out on him today for making a sandwich. I'm just too nice and apparently a doormat.
 
Damn, if his own mom is done with him, what else can you say? At least get him to stop smoking your weed and eating your food. I mean, couch surfing is one thing, but he should at least pay for his own food if possible...and at this point in his life, he shouldn't be doing any drugs...intoxication is one of the great things money buys, not hospitality.

But I'd just suggest being a hard-ass to him - fuck it, if he ruined his relationship with his own mother, he shouldn't be surprised...the only reasonable condition you should let him be able to stay is if he starts paying rent...besides, the holidays are done with, you don't have to pretend to be nice anymore.
 
Well today I found out that there IS a homeless shelter, a fairly nice one in town. Also found that local churches help with finding living arrangements. The DHHR has an emergency cash/living you can apply for. I wasn't even doing it to be nice, its just been really cold out and I didn't want someone freezing to death to be on my conscious. Now knowing he has plenty of opportunity to get help getting back on his feet, all he has to do is swallow his pride, I don't feel so bad about giving him the boot.
 
Thanks for the advice. Like I said I'm just too nice of a person and I've been homeless, so I was sympathetic but you guys made me realize I wasn't the douchey one here. Awww! Group hug! No?...
 
You're not doing your own household any favors by bringing someone who has assaulted a former roommate around your children. While it's very kind of you to allow your friend who fell on hard times to stay with you, my recommendation is to ask that "Ted" leave at your earliest opportunity. It's a safety issue.

I can look up some resources for you to provide him with if you'll post your city and state as I don't think Greenlighters can send private messages.
 
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