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Fresh Starts and New Lives. The January 2015 getting and staying sober thread.

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Whats good everyone. Been awhile since Ive made it to this part of the forums. Its good to see alot of people getting clean and happy about it. And alot of people wanting to make a change. Ive always been one of those people that know alot of responsible users and KNOW that it can be done. But on the other hand some people just CANT use certian drugs without it destroying your life and ripping everything from it because you cant use it responsibly. Opiates have always been that one drug for me. Ive went back and fourth for 16 years now being addicted, chipping and struggling to stay sober. I was doing pretty good for awhile after getting out of prison this last year but I suffer from insomnia and am prescribed ativan. And on new years on this year I got depressed and ate to many ativans to try and just get to sleep. Long story short woke up not remembering anything but knowing I relapsed. So I binged for a few days and Im on 24 hours clean as of right now. Pretty sick and going through it. But at this point in life I know I cant use opiates. They destroy everything I can manage to put together and Im tired of it. So to me being sick right now is what I deserve for even slipping up and relapsing when I KNOW I CANT USE. It sucks, but it happens. Not gonna let it get me down, just get back on track and start rebuilding what I fucked up and trying to get back some of the shit I managed to pawn the last couple weeks before I loose it all since I didnt have much in the first place. Well Happy late New years everyone and congrats to everyone making it, good luck to the ones trying and you can do it to the ones thinking about it.
 
I'm looking at the calendar this morning and I'm now at 20 MONTHS "sans junk" (poly pill case)....

I really do understand that I'm one away from right back where I was (which makes me no better than the guy with a week but no worse than the guy with 24 years, either) BUT......... I won't lie, I'm cheesing right now thinking about it all.

For 20 months, I've been able to say "I love my life!" without it being a f*^kin lie! I'll always remember my grandma (may she RIP) as the one who granted me the motivation to do this. She was dying, I detoxed so I would be able to help her be more comfortable while she walked the hardest road she ever would.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I am so sad. I hope everyone else is ok
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What's on your mind man? I currently dont work so I'm always around to chat if you need it. Pm me if you need to, I know how shitty it can be locked in at home dwelling on what your going through just went through it in November.

My current situation is so bad because my previous employer entrapped me I to admitting something I didn't do by threatening to go to the cops to violate my probation if I didn't admit to it. And now he's extorting me for 15000 that's just the tip of the iceberg, which is why its so hard to sleep, and when I do get some sleep its ruined by nightmares. I use melatonin chamomille and dph to try and sleep usually. Hoping working out will tire me out enough to naturally sleep.
 
Don't be sad, C.H, you are an awesome human being. I wish you didn't live so far cuz I would come over to cheer you up in a second!! <3 But alas, I never have gas in my car these days... I need a freaking job!!

Day 4 <3
 
I just found out that one of my very good climbing friends has been taken by the mountain. He was so much like me, it has forced me to do a lot of reflection. I'm still here, and he isn't. It's a strange feeling. I guess I'm in a bit of shock, but I have been dealing with it so far without a relapse. rest in peace Juan.
 
^So sorry to hear that.♡

Relapsing wont bring anything positive and would be the last thing your friend would have wanted.

I hope you find some peace with this at some point, but to do this you need to work through it sober.
 
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Aww man... I'm so sorry to hear that wolfgang :( try to take solace in knowing that he died doing something he loved and is at peace now <3

I got some money today and came soo close to using it to cop... changed my mind at the last minute and am about to go spend it on weed and a couple Xanax instead before I can change my mind. Using extra money for comfort meds instead of heroin is definitely progress for me :)
 
xburtonchic said:
Aww man... I'm so sorry to hear that wolfgang :( try to take solace in knowing that he died doing something he loved and is at peace now <3

I got some money today and came soo close to using it to cop... changed my mind at the last minute and am about to go spend it on weed and a couple Xanax instead before I can change my mind. Using extra money for comfort meds instead of heroin is definitely progress for me :)
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Smart idea, weed and benzos definitely help, as long as you got no issues with benzos ofc.
I am sore as hell from working out chest is on fire from the burn but I love it, actually smiling for the first time since quitting a month and a half ago. Here's hoping I keep feeling good. Gotta go do community service tomorrow, nothing like working for free.
 
Pants man reaches 11 months as of tomorrow, one full year in a month.

One of my running buddies from highschool to the H days passed away last night. The needle took his life. He was 23 years young and one of the most beautiful people and talented musicians I have ever met.

For those of you that pray, please send prayers to his family and loved ones. I saw him a couple of weeks ago and we talked about everything we've been through, how it takes everything from you and some of it you sadly never get back. This time it was his life.

Love to you all, I know I usually just stop by once or twice here and there to say hello but god bless each and every one of you.

GMSP
 
^<3<3<3 Im sorry for your loss and that another person succumb to their struggle



On a brighter note GMSP is alive and well!! Amazing work on eleven months, thats no small thing there.. in fact its huge!

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So many people doing so well... man it really makes me smile and feel happy for everyone<3:)

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And one more 24 hits the books

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Got a job interview Friday, hopefully I get it need work. Hard to get interviews for jobs I actually want and am qualified for here in Florida if you don't speak Spanish.
 
I am sad because I am still suffering

I feel time is going by too fast

I can't have a normal night's rest

I live in fear and I hate myself
 
stay strong captain! one of the main reasons i get high is so that i dont have to worry about any "real" problems, anxieties, and worries. drugs take control of my life, and all my focus shifts to thinking, getting, and using drugs. i dont have to worry about relationships, my self-esteem, confidence, money, food, etc.. because drugs fill that void. everytime you start to get hard on yourself, show your negative thoughts who is "boss" and do something nice for yourself. i am guilty of this too, when do you ever give yourself a break? do you ever cut yourself some slack and celebrate who you are and how far you have come?? do you ever sit back and laugh about how ironically your life is played out, how no story has ever been told quite like yours?

i havent used heroin since december 26 (18 days) ! i have gotten drunk twice since then and it seems that i should not be drinking either. i always get a little too drunk and feel like shit the next day. really i am doing the same thing with alcohol that i do with heroin. i get tired of myself and just say fuck it, i dont want to think about my "real" problems right now. but the thing is, when i sober up, those problems are still right there!! also, it seems that once i get drunk enough, i start to think of heroin and start to get really depressed and hard on myself. life is such a bitch, but so inspiring too. i am so young and everything is so confusing, where do i go, who will i be, who am i? i guess the answer is it doesnt really matter. i really try to focus on life in terms of "action" rather than philosophical terms. it doesnt really matter what i think, more about what i do. i dont know what i want anymore though. i just wish i never started using drugs in the first place.
 
Thanks man

Congrats on your 18 days

I do try to celebrate

But I get really depressed a lot

And then I don't want to be happy

:|

I am so sad
 
Sorry to hear that Captain, you're a good guy and deserve to be happy.

All I can say is FUCK ETHYL-ALCOHOL.

I'm so done with it, 56 hours sober and the accute withdrawal is a nightmare even with 3mg klonopin, 2 grams gabapentin, 200 mg lamictal and absolutely NO DESIRE TO DRINK WHATSOEVER, which is new.

We need alternatives. The sad thing is if this were a cannabis friendly state I'd never touch the stuff. Ridiculous.
 
engineercchad said:
I'm looking at the calendar this morning and I'm now at 20 MONTHS "sans junk" (poly pill case)....

I really do understand that I'm one away from right back where I was (which makes me no better than the guy with a week but no worse than the guy with 24 years, either) BUT......... I won't lie, I'm cheesing right now thinking about it all.

For 20 months, I've been able to say "I love my life!" without it being a f*^kin lie! I'll always remember my grandma (may she RIP) as the one who granted me the motivation to do this. She was dying, I detoxed so I would be able to help her be more comfortable while she walked the hardest road she ever would.
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Congratulations. My brother said no to a twenty year coke/crack addiction about a year before my Dad died. It still makes me cry to think how happy that made my Dad. He didn't want to die, wasn't ready, but if my brother had still been using he could never have died without that being his major anguish.<3

@Smoky: congrats to you, too. I love the light on the hills round these parts.;)
 
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