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Found out girlfriend is using huge cucumber dido. what do i do?

I would just buy her a dildo and offer to help... That way you don't feel left out.
 
dopemaster said:
I don't think its that weird.

I knew a chick who used to use produce at uni.

I suppose she didn't want to own a dildo and she ate alot of vegtables.

She didn't use the biggest ones available as far as I knew/saw.
Click to expand...

This guy said his girl is using cucumbers 9-10" long and 6-7" around. Any guy with a normal sized dick would feel at least a little threatened and like I said, that is way too big for me. She must be satisfying her need for porno dick at the grocery store. I'm sorry for the OP, but this thread gave me a good laugh.
 
well...
you guys definitely cheered me up lol.
It has taken EVERYTHING in my being to not mention this to her. I know she will be mortified if she found out I knew. Holding onto this info and trying to push it to the back of my mind and forget about it has been hard. So much so that she now thinks Ive been acting weird.

I've chosen to believe that she grabbed that cucumber with the intention of trying to masturbate with it, gave it a try, the thing probably didnt budge for her. Which is when I came home, she realized what the hell she was doing and what would happen if i walked in on that, quickly threw the evidence in her bag and disposed of it when she felt the coast was clear.

Im going to treat this as an isolated incident and insist from now on that we buy only the organic baby cucumbers.
 
Let her masterbate in peace for fucks sake.

Problem resolved.
 
I believe it. I had a roommate i ncollege who was into water melons. I could never figure out why kept putting mellons in the oven until one day I walked past his open door and saw him making love to one. He had cut a hole in it. It turns out they are more comfortable when heated.
 
Haha People fuck that type of ham you find in a can. They warm it in the microwave and fuck it. Lots of weirdos out there. If you can only score with a ham or watermelon instead of a woman, you need to re-evaluate your life.
 
Stop feeling threatened by your discovery - it is actually a huge opportunity to take your relationship to a new level that few couples generally achieve. You have made a discovery about your partner that a lot of guys make a mess of (well, I did - this advice is from an experience I had with my then partner when was in my early 20's). You've discovered that your partner has a greater sex drive than you were aware of! Your cock is not the total solution to all her needs after all. That can be a crushing blow to a young ego but you need to get over that if you wish to really connect with a woman. The attitude that comes through shows a typical young male full of hormones and a need to dominate and control (which is the core concept to the definition of "ownership"). What do you want - a soulmate or an asset? If it's an asset, well don't bother reading anymore, your future is just going to be a little pinprick in the dark when you could go down another path with your soulmate towards a never ending incandescent adventure.

Don't let on that you know anything about your knowledge of the farm produce - you might be jumping to a false conclusion. Did you actually witness that thing up her pussy or are you making assumptions that she did based on your fantasy mixed with the smell of condoms and lubricant. The condom might have simply been used for hygiene, and lubricants used for external stimulation.
I would suggest that you think about taking advantage of your new intelligence for deeper bonding with her. What about planning an evening out (any excuse for a celebration will do, but no friends) - perhaps a romantic dinner at a restaurant then afterwards visit an adult shop that just happened to be on the way home (if there are any near you that are open late hours and go in, encourage her to try a few things on (lingerie, knickers, bodices etc.), show her a few toys (vibrators, dildos, and DVD's). Alternatively, just happen to go online at home with a glass of wine at hand and accidentally find an adult website that you accidentally found by typing error. Order something from the myriad number of retailers and warehouses that specialise in adult products. These are usually about a third of retail prices and just waiting for the arrival of your parcels engenders a horny mood in anticipation of playtime.
Also, while you are in the planning phase, go online and google "Tantric massage" have a look at some of the training vid's (Youtube) available. Also have a look at some of the other massage techniques (Japanese looks fun and a good full body precursor to the main event of tantric massage) and how to make her yoni happy. Importantly, you must be patient - a good full body massage (not deep muscle, just a methodical rubdown in a certain progression) can take between 1-2 hours, half an hour for the tantric. Again it depends on the girl too. These times are expectations for an ice queen, but it doesn't sound like that in your case.

Learn the basics and you can ignore all the spam and advertising crap on the internet offering to teach you how to make your girlfriend squirt and adore you forever (for a ridiculous fee).

You will find all types of people on this planet, each with similar core "survival" instincts - ie. sex - the urge to reproduce the species; yet each individual has different levels of drive and preferences. Some women can match the male with high levels of desire, but few respond to visual stimulation the way men do. But if (as your lady seems to) likes to masturbate and uses a cucumber, then what's wrong you taking her on a new path where you can participate in the play as well. You can have a wonderful afternoon just sitting on the lounge watching your favorite movies and mutually masturbating each other as foreplay before the best sex you have probably had.

Get rid of the preconceptions you seem to have about women and their sexuality - they are more varied than you can imagine. If you really want a long term relationship with her, then start treating her intelligently and imaginatively. Let her know she can confide her deepest dirtiest secrets and fantasies with you and that they will be safe in your keeping (ie. don't go bragging to your mates). Then start thinking about your own sexuality, return her confidences and let her know of your deepest dirtiest secrets and fantasies and you could be looking at a never ending honeymoon.

Good luck
 
FFS people can make out problem out of anything. Remember to not eat salad for a while to be safe.

I do have a huge dildo modeled after some afroamerican pornstar's willy and I use it quite often actually but I don't expect my partners to have as huge. I'd smack them to head with that dildo until they start behaving rationally if they would think they should have as big.

It is kind weird that some people do actually think that they need huge penis to please a girl but some have atleast started to understand that size means nothing when I let them watch while masturbating with a dildo smaller than their penis.
 
If she could fit something like that in her I think you would notice a difference.people talk so much about dicks size and not vagina size.i once stretched a girl by hand and when we had sex after it took awhile to go back to normal size
 
Have sex with the grapefruit, boom your even with her and hopefully you can both move past these tragic events.
 
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