Found out fiance used to strip. Help!!

[diceroller1978]

I found out the other day that my fiance used to dance at a nude club. We've been together a little over a year. I'm 35 and she's 30. We were having a discussion about honesty and she confessed that she danced for 6 months at an all nude club when she was 25. She also confessed that she used to have a cocaine addiction in her early 20's and was using again while she was working at the club. According to her she never slept with any customers but would let them do extra things for tips (touching and sucking on nipples). She said it's something she regrets and would never do again. Also says she's totally clean and has been for 4 years. She currently doesn't drink or smoke (weed or cigs). I don't either. Aside from this she has a wonderful personality, is educated, an amazing cook, great in bed and of course, beautiful. I know I'm not perfect but I come from a very conservative family. I've only been to a strip club once for a friend's birthday. I've never experimented with drugs and have only been with 3 women before her ( 2 were long LTR's). I feel hurt for some reason and torn because I really do love her but don't know how to deal with that part of her past. Should I call things off before it's too late? I don't want to hurt her but can't stop thinking about it!

 

[aihfl]

The past is the past, just leave it be. It sounds like the positives outweigh the negatives. And as far as your "conservative" family goes, why do they have to know any of this?

 

[alasdairm]

I feel hurt for some reason...

why? she has a past and she's been honest with you. her past is not about you.

my opinion? she sounds absolutely amazing and i think you should find a way to work through it and spend the rest of your life with her.

alasdair

 

[Tubbs]

I mean she's not a stripper or on coke now. Also shows you don't gotta worry too much about her being insecure. I think it's a plus, No one else has to know.

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi Diceroller,

I am sorry that this information about your GF has been such a shock to you. You seem to be really torn about what to do about this situation. What is it about this that bothers you besides you feel hurt and what is that about? It will be much easier to work this through if you can identify exactly what that (those) thing(s) is (are). Do you think that perhaps you had her on a high pedestal and finding this out means she is not perfect and that hurts you? Just wondering. You readily admit you are not perfect, but perhaps you wanted her to be and felt she was. May be a place to start your thinking processes. It also might be helpful to remember (or know) that "conservative" people are not perfect either. If you cannot work this through on your own, get some professional help before you throw the baby out with the bath water, since the older you get, the more of a "past" people will have. More than likely, you will be dealing with this again with someone else if you break things off with her.

 

[Jabberwocky]

End of the day it's her past and not yours. She was entitled to do as she pleased back then as she wasn't in a relationship with you.

Same goes for you, you could of chosen to experiment with drugs or take on more risk but chose not to. It was your choice. People are entitled to do as they please when single

 

[BeachBum4u]

Samantha, if it were me I think you nailed it. I believe many men want to think their women are pristine and just waiting for us to bop along and sweep them up. It does kind of destroy that lady in our dreams. Not that any of what I mentioned is realistic or fair. I just think it's a sort of fantasy deal. I hope I explained myself OK here.

 

[Kittycat5]

You love her and she sounds like a pretty damn good woman. Im not sure why anything else would matter.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Leave this in the past, you are both in a relationship now together and as long as you are both monogamous, love each other, and have a wonderful relationship why do something drastic like break up and not get married like you planned?