• Welcome Guest

    Forum Guidelines Bluelight Rules
    Fun 💃 Threads Overdosed? Click
    D R U G   C U L T U R E

For over 4 years I have wanted to become a junkie and I dont get why

TheUltimateFixx said:
Sounds to me you either just feel empty for some reason or are a pathological thrill seeker - if the latter it's healthier to take up an extreme sport to get your kicks, if the former you have to look inside yourself and find out why you see no purpose for yourself in life.

I get part of the attraction ; I didn't wanna be a junkie exactly but once I ended up as one, there was a single-focus simplicity to that life which in a fucked-up way I miss.
I have a mind like a washing machine that just turns over bad shit constantly, I find the complexities and responsibilities of life often overwhelming, and in that existence there was none of that. I didn't have any identity crises, I knew what I was and so did everyone in the streets who looked at me with instant contempt. I didn't worry about what I was gonna do with my life, I knew what I was gonna do from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, and that was hustle money for heroin, score heroin, do heroin.

.... There's better ways to waste your time on this planet.

PS you got the *opiate-naive* thing the wrong way round. If it didn't do what you were looking for when you hadn't had opiates before, don't hope for any more from it. That's the best it's gonna get. Bloody hell 25 mg of codeine smacked me sideways, way back.
Click to expand...
very well said man
 
Allanford said:
thank you guys, I mostly changed my mind about doing h again.
Click to expand...
Good to hear. I was your age or a little younger when I started that journey with h. Took a decade to no longer be physically addicted to opioids. It's no life you want to live man, feeling sick most of the time except for those brief moments after scoring.

Plus, the condition of H being basically fentanyl in a lot of the world has led to it being an even deadlier habit than before.

I was fascinated by drugs and read everything I could about them from an early age, and started using everything early so you could say I kind of walked into it.

Only ones I can suggest to do recreationally are psychedelics or entactogens, like MDMA. All of the popular "hard" drugs will lead you to nothing but misery.
 
Allanford said:
People always say nobody just woke up and decided to become a junkie but Im different and I wanted to share this. Ive tried many drugs in hope I will immensly fall in love with that supstance and dedicate my whole life to it until I overdose and die. From hard drugs I tried meth, heroin and cocaine. Cocaine was great but not worth the price, meth just felt like speed on steroids with panic attacks and heroin at least came close but Its still not this insanely great feeling others seem to describe. Its been almoust 2 years since my heroin phase and Im thinking of trying again because I think the reason why It didnt have enough of an effect was because I was opiate naive when I did it for those 2 weeks. How is it possible that there can exist as big of a retard and a complete idiot like myself and is there a mindset I can adopt to not want to be a junkie anymore because deep within I know It wont end well because I just overomanticised and glamorised heroin use in my head. I fantasize daily about a world where everyone is constantly high and does everything in their power to "fight the evils of sobriety" and proudly injects hard drugs. Am I mentaly ill? Did anyone else ever experience this?
Click to expand...

You're not mentally ill. You're just too young to know what you're talking about. You haven't even finished primary brain development (ends at 25) and figuring out your adult identity.

There's no identity through drugs. They will just make the whole process harder.

Find yourself in a different way that won't destroy your body. Maybe you're just bored or trying to create some drama. You don't need to do that to find yourself. Choose a life of real accomplishments and peace.
 
somnilicious said:
There's nothing that a little heroin cant make worse. Like much worse. The lowest level of hell worse. Heroin sucks it ruined my life. It lied to me. It stole from me. I'm 3mths off methadone and never looking back. Thanks for the 25yrs I lost. Fuck you monteca and all your friends.
Click to expand...
25years mate i feel for you know what it feels like but what can we do never get those years back that's why I try on here to advise the young ones to not make our mistake nitzy hit the nail on the head
 
I know this is now out of topic but how am I supposed to find enough meaning or joy in ordinary life when I never did(not even in elementary school, it was always dull unless I played videogames or used other forms of escapism). At least I have weed, psychadelics, and ocasional stimulants, but you did talk me out of doing H again, thank you again for that, I was too close.
 
Also not that It matters now but smack here in europe where I live doesnt have fentanyl, it is highly cut brown but mostly doesnt contain fentanyl.
 
Drugs are for the weak i was weak too! Once your mind caves its all over.. never submit to being a puppet to drugs.. never let anything like that control you, as once they take grasp, its literally like a rusted nut that will never come off until its "cut" and what i mean by cut, is to cut the sh!t out and get your life together. There is nothing good that drugs bring, "nothing nada zip zilch " if if you enjoy that and being controlled then "do drugs" submit to them as they will control you 100% "without your consent " that is a science fact..
 
Allanford said:
I know this is now out of topic but how am I supposed to find enough meaning or joy in ordinary life when I never did(not even in elementary school, it was always dull unless I played videogames or used other forms of escapism). At least I have weed, psychadelics, and ocasional stimulants, but you did talk me out of doing H again, thank you again for that, I was too close.
Click to expand...
I don't know how many times I've heard the line, "Heroin is a lie." from junkies. Once you are hooked badly, you can never get that initial thing back. That's the best reason not to. Stick with drugs that have a better path back if you fall into the abyss.
 
Yup even when heroin was heroin that was an empty chase. Especially at your age.

It sounds like you are doing some soul searching about who you are as an individual. If you insist to seek insight through drugs perhaps a psychedelic single time use would be more helpful.

But you should seek who you are through healthy channels first, look into your family, learn about the culture you are from, try out a few different hobbies and find something that you truly enjoy and put your efforts into that.

Even Marijuana should only be enjoyed now and than......probably.

Now I am older and admit to myself some things are fucked and I need a bit of help.... You are too young to admit defeat quite yet! Keep searching for positives!
 
Allanford said:
I fantasize daily about a world where everyone is constantly high and does everything in their power to "fight the evils of sobriety" and proudly injects hard drugs. Am I mentaly ill? Did anyone else ever experience this?
Click to expand...

No need to fantasize about such a world because it is reality. I mean 25% of women are on antidepressants. Everyone drinks, smokes weed, or does prescription pills. I mean the percentage of the American population on some sort of mind altering drug has to be near 25% to 50%

I don’t hope that all of society falls into drugs. I hope most avoid it. But I hope that everyone that wants to get into it is allowed to do so legally and as safely as possible.

Have you tried pcp and ketamine? I mean they’ll destroy your body faster than the hardest of the hard drugs and kill you. Your mind will also be gone on pcp. Super addicting drugs imo. Definitely not "fun” in the easy sense like cocaine and heroin but so fascinating that the effects are addicting to experience despite not actually feeling that good..if that makes sense
 
When I was a teenager I thought the same exact way as you, and my wish became true and now I'm a crack addict and I fucked up my life beyond belief, I've done three 8 month stints in jail, I'm a Felon, no one in my family will speak to me, I've been in over 20 rehabs, many psych ward visits, detox more times then I can count, I overdosed and almost lost my life from Fentanyl, I've lost countless jobs, I've lost many friends, I've done things I never thought I would do and I spent the last 15 years of my life destroying myself. I got Hepatitis C from sharing needles, I've sold my body, I robbed people including family, I became violent while under the influence, I had a benzos and opioid habit, the list goes on and on and now I'm court mandated to a 12 month rehab and if I don't complete rehab I will go to state Prison for 4 years. Most of all I lost myself and couldn't look at myself in the mirror without hating myself for what I become. Be careful for what you wish for because if you continue your wish eventually will come true and you will beg God or some divine being to take it away and put a stop to it.

By the way it's all Fentanyl out there and being that you don't have a tolerance you might overdose and pass so please be careful. Not to mention when you are a junky people and society will look at you with disgust and will want nothing to do with you, they will see you as a waste of life and it's a horrible horrible feeling, it made me lose faith in humanity for a long time, I saw nothing good in the world when the entire time it came from me and my addiction. It's a shitty feeling
 
Last edited:
Not to mention being a slave to the drugs, using when you don't want to use, growing a tolerance and never getting the satisfaction you want from the high, always feeling like you need more and more, it becomes the most important thing, everything else goes out the window and you only care about getting the next one, having to take something just so you don't get sick, it's a horrible way to live and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. At a certain point the drugs stop working and it's no longer fun anymore like I said my drug of choice is Crack but I've done pretty much everything and they all stopped working. Everytime I use now while I'm high I'm feeling guilty about it, not euphoric but shitty. I had two years sober and clean and after I relapsed no amount of drugs and alcohol could take away the feeling of guilt and shame
 
I mean no one can really tell you anything that will stop you, but just take it into consideration that being a Junkie is not as cracked up as movies and the media makes it seem. Your not missing anything but pain and misery.
 
Allanford said:
People always say nobody just woke up and decided to become a junkie but Im different and I wanted to share this. Ive tried many drugs in hope I will immensly fall in love with that supstance and dedicate my whole life to it until I overdose and die. From hard drugs I tried meth, heroin and cocaine. Cocaine was great but not worth the price, meth just felt like speed on steroids with panic attacks and heroin at least came close but Its still not this insanely great feeling others seem to describe. Its been almoust 2 years since my heroin phase and Im thinking of trying again because I think the reason why It didnt have enough of an effect was because I was opiate naive when I did it for those 2 weeks. How is it possible that there can exist as big of a retard and a complete idiot like myself and is there a mindset I can adopt to not want to be a junkie anymore because deep within I know It wont end well because I just overomanticised and glamorised heroin use in my head. I fantasize daily about a world where everyone is constantly high and does everything in their power to "fight the evils of sobriety" and proudly injects hard drugs. Am I mentaly ill? Did anyone else ever experience this?
Click to expand...
I had a very romantic view about drug use as a teenager as well as my early twenties. You don’t sound mentally ill to me at all, just unaware what that world is really like. I didn’t like being around sober people either when I was younger but now I have learned the hard way what prolonged drug abuse does to your mental health.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top