First time MDMA. Extremely anxious, paranoided and worried

[Intuitivejay]

Hello, I'm a 28 year old male and I did MDMA for the first time 2 months ago. About 3 weeks ago a undeniable worry/anxious/paranoia came over me. I can not shake the feeling and it has me terribly concerned that I did damage to my psychology or physiology.. I had a terrible experience the night I did it. Had to leave the party and felt like I was dying. I felt completely normal one month afterwards, but I've never felt these feelings before and they're undeniable.. Please if anyone can give me some insight into why I'm feeling this way and what I can do I would greatly appreciate it

 

[JWills20]

Hi there,

I can not shake the feeling and it has me terribly concerned that I did damage to my psychology or physiology

You can read a lot of scary stuff on the internet (idk if you've already done this) which might not necessarily be true. The problem with this scary information is that it can fuel your anxieties and 'trick' you into feeling anxiety. Reading about MDMA-induced 'brain damage' and 'neurotoxicity' will likely never help you to shake the feeling of anxiety you might have about it all. The thing with MDMA is that any direct 'damage' to the brain is unlikely to actually occur without very high dosing and serious abuse (as is done with the rat studies which tend to display this 'damage') and is therefore not that applicable to normal human usage. Especially one-time use like yours. Any anxiety you're now experiencing is far more likely to be a result of something else. Anxiety occurs in many people who don't take drugs and is not an indicator of 'damage'. The very thought of 'brain damage' is usually a sign of anxiety instead of the actual cause of the anxiety. So first of all I recommend not reading around online because it could cause more harm than it does good.

I had a terrible experience the night I did it. Had to leave the party and felt like I was dying

While negative experiences on MDMA aren't likely, it is possible to have a bad trip on the drug. However, it's also possible that you took something that wasn't MDMA hence the negative experience. Either way, it doesn't matter what you took because it's highly unlikely to be affecting you now and it's more likely that something else is causing the problem.

I felt completely normal one month afterwards, but I've never felt these feelings before and they're undeniable

Have you considered any other possible causes? Have you had recent experiences which could have caused high amounts of stress (perhaps work or family life?). What you experienced 3 weeks ago sounds kind of like a panic attack and these can happen entirely unrelated to drug use. Was the worry/paranoia gone after a few minutes of coming on? If so, you probably just had a panic attack and shouldn't worry too much about it.

TL;DR. It's unlikely that your anxious episode was anything to do with MDMA and you should just move in on life and try to forget about it

 

[augustaB]

Agree with above comment.
Do you perhaps have guilt feelings about taking a drug?

 

[Intuitivejay]

Jwills.. Thank you for your thoughtful response man! Really appreciate that . I found it very strange that I felt completely normal for a month afterwards. I did the mdma in Thailand. I was there for a month before I took it and the anxiety and depression set in about 10 days before my flight home. Yes, I have extreme stress with work. I've been an equity trader for 5 years and I no longer want to do it. I have no enthusiasm for it any longer, and the uncertainty of where I will make my money is troubling to say the least. Also, taking drugs is totally out of character for me. I never even drink, but I've kept an open mind about them from testimonials from people I admire

 

[Intuitivejay]

Also, the mdma came from the hostel owner that I stayed at and he does it every month. He and 3 others took the same stuff I took and none of them had adverse effects. So... yes I've definitely thought of other reasons to why this anxiety and depression is here. It's really such despair and hopelessness, it's disgusting emotions. Like I'm in a different consciousness.

 

[Intuitivejay]

Any advice ?