Stimulants First Run with Methamphetamine

[Roachmon95]

I'm starting this thread for advice on coming off meth. I'm probably in no way special, but I really have no one to turn to. I have an extremely addictive personality, having my run with Opiates (3yrs), and pretty much every other drug. I've been doing this shit for two weeks, and I feel like my world has crumbled around me. I know its bullshit, and I don't want to be over dramatic. However, it all feels too real to me.

I really need to get this thing under control or I know it will take a hold of me. I have everything going for me right now too. I'm in school heading towards a great career (which I've completely blown of for weeks), a great girlfriend (who would probably leave me if she knew), A loving family. I could be doing so much more, but it seems like i've lost interest in everything. Even the meth isn't doing a whole lot for me. I've abused Amphetamines in the past, as i'm prescribed one. ever to this extent however. I've gone through 3 grams in 2 weeks and I just bought another sac last night.

I'm afraid of whats gonna happen on the come down. I'm pretty busy with school and work. I don't have time to sleep for a week or whatever. Plus I already have a hard enough time staying motivated as it is and i'm falling behind in school. I just don't really know where to go from here. Like I said, I have no one around me to talk about this. If anyone found out I was dabbling with this shit, I would be kicked out of my home, kicked out school (I'm studying for a profession that has a zero tolerance drug use policy), Have no girlfriend, I don't know what would happen. I'm already on enough shit as it is. I'm trying to kick subs, I take klonopin, vyvanse (which I've been avoiding), dependent on phenibut, and recently alcohol has been thrown into the mix.

I can already see the toll this stuff is taking on my body. I have a hard time sleeping and get really paranoid at night. As far as mentally, I don't want to do anything but more drugs. I can't find the motivation to study, or even do things that I normally enjoy. There's a million other things I want to say, but I don't think it will help the point i'm trying to make. Anyone whos been in a similar situation, please offer me some advice. I don't want this to become a bigger thing than it already has. At the same time, I don't want to feel shittier than I already do. I'm stuck. Any and all experiences, advice, anything is welcome. I can't let this take over.

 

[Mikeyboi]

But the meth down and fight on it may not be easy to quit but if you want to stop then sit thru the shit and you'll be okay in a month or so just stay busy with school, work, and your gf. Also talking to somebody about it can help

 

[Mikeyboi]

But if you're not going to stop you need to have some self control and use in better moderations.
Don't let it dominate your life.

 

[Roachmon95]

I want to quit. If I don't I won't be able to get a job and a whole slew of other shit can go down. I just don't know what to expect. I don't want to be less motivated than I already am to take care of my responsibilities. I don't have time to sleep it off either. At the same time I know everything I'm feeling is just going to get worse if I continue. It's like a double edge fucking sword.

Today was probably the first day that I didn't feel much of anything at all on it. I was just irritated, depressed, and bored the whole day. NOTHING sounded appealing, and I did a good chunk of the gram I just bought.

I seriously don't know what to do here. I need to hear others stories, and how they got out. Not being able to tell my loved ones makes it worse.

 

[4meSM]

The longer you keep doing it, the harder you will crash.
You need to take some time to sleep and eat, so given that you have a benzo prescription I'd just take a good dose of clonazepam and come down.
Even though you have been abusing it for 2 weeks, I think you'll be fine in a couple of days after coming down for good.
Don't trick yourself into thinking that you can't stop because of motivation issues, come on, a month ago you weren't doing meth.
Meth abuse can definitely have some neurotoxic effects so you can't keep it up forever. If you don't feel anything off a good chunk of a gram...that's a bad sign. Good luck!

 

[Loins Aflame]

I'll tell you my story.

I'm turning 39 next month. I have been addicted to meth for many years. First tried it way back in 1999 and did it regularly during early 2000. I did not become fully addicted until 2001. By then, I was already HIV + and beginning to spiral out of control.

I snorted nasally and anally inserted it daily for the next 5 years. I had 3 (forced) breaks from it during that time. The first was in August, 2002 when I flew to NYC and stayed for 2 weeks to visit my boyfriend at the time. The second break was when I returned to NYC in December 2002 for the same reason, again for two weeks. The other was when my dealer was arrested and, as a result, was off of it for a month. I experienced hardly any withdrawal symptoms during both trips to NYC but I did compensate by drinking heavily during those combined 4 weeks. I experienced awful withdrawals during that month-long break in 2004. It's hard to describe but it was like having a fever complete with body aches and a constant, dull pain deep in my abdomen. The pain was like the pain one gets in their belly when they get really frustrated only multiplied by 10. I was DESPERATE and spent many hours scouring my old baggies, my carpet, and my desk for shards. However, I was good at finishing every last grain of the stuff so all I could do is open and cut up my old baggies and lick them, then chew them until every last bit of chemical goodness was absorbed into my aching bloodstream. That lasted for about 3 days and although the cravings didn't go away, I eventually reached a point where I could actually think about and do other things. It was during the rest of that month that I realized just how much it had changed me.

It was as if I had stepped out of a nightmare and everything was clear again. Unlike most people, I had actually ballooned in weight during my use. I went on a diet and lost a lot of weight during that month. I rekindled relationships with my family, especially with my twin sister, who seemed to be overall much more happy during that time, as if I had gone away and suddenly came back. We lived in the same house.

Before that, I had become unemployed in the summer of 2003 due to frequent, severe meth induced anxiety attacks and manias. I wasn't fired but resigned when it just became too painful to call in sick yet again after having missed most of the week already. I remained unemployed for the next 5 years.

I don't think I could put into words the elation and excitement I felt when I finally got my hands on some meth after that month of sobriety. Nothing, not even the great strides of improvement I had made in all facets of my life and my body, could keep me from using again. Back then, the purity of the stuff was much, much higher than today and the high was so high, I was a ball of lust and pleasure and I wallowed in it, completely naked, for as long and as hard as I possibly could. It controlled me and I forgot all about the world outside.

June, 2006. I go on a routine stop for a refill. I notice through the screen door that my dealer's apartment looks as if an earthquake hit it with most of the larger furniture gone. In the middle of the heap is a pensive old man. I ask him if [Insert Dealer's Name Here] is around. He says, in a very agitated voice, that he has no idea. That he just up and left and took everything. I later figured out the old man was the landlord. I tried calling my contact to no avail. He had changed his number. I never found out what happened but I'm guessing he owed a lot of back-rent and went away to avoid paying it. I remember walking back to my car and saying to myself, "it's over." And, yes, the party was over for the next nearly 3 years.

That nearly 3 year hiatus was interesting, to say the least.

To be continued...

 

[gmlifer]

You should prolly start by flushing the drugs and deleting contacts. Then after some sleep surround yourself with people, like your girlfriend. You have already stated your are ready to quit, the next step is quitting. I'm a drug addict myself so I know it's way easier said than done but it is just that simple. You have to keep yourself in situations that won't allow you to use.

 

[Loins Aflame]

Before I continue, a bit of background.

I am male. I am gay. Like the OP, I also come from a very good family. My parents are still happily married. My Father is now retired and living a very comfortable life as grandfather to his 7 grandkids along with my Mother. I have 4 older brothers. 2 have a Masters degree in Education and are teachers. One of them is a mailman and the other is now retired, having worked for many years for a major newspaper. The latter two never graduated from college but have made a great life for themselves with financial stability. All but the one who worked for a major newspaper are married and own a house. I have 2 sisters, one is older and the other is my fraternal twin. My eldest sister has a college degree and was a teacher before quitting to be a stay-at-home mom to her three boys. She is happily married to an accountant. My twin sister earned her degree a few years ago and is a Special Ed. P.E. teacher. Like me, she is gay and has been with her partner for several years, who is also a teacher. We never went through the agony of being rejected by our family for being gay. They love and accept us for who we are.

Most would say that is impressive considering we are Hispanic. But my story is a lot more common in real life. It's just that the media likes to portray us a certain way making people believe my family is unique and different and a rare success story. Nah. But I must admit that I am proud of my family.

So who am I? What happened to me? I am certainly the black sheep of the family. Nobody in my entire family smokes or drinks. Nobody in my family has even entertained the thought of doing drugs. My parents' marriage is still going strong. My Father recently turned 80. My Mother is 3 years his junior. They are healthy. And then there's me.

Only one thing in this entire world could have completely altered my life to what it is now...and that's meth; the drug that the OP is trying to quit. Only he is at a point where I would give ANYTHING to be at right now. A point where there is a possibility of return. A point where he could step out of that nightmare and be himself again. It's a golden opportunity and it is gone for me.

Please, don't let it go away. I ache just thinking about the fact that you could quit before it all goes wrong because I no longer have that opportunity. And although I still have AN opportunity, it will never be the same again and I have lost too much that could never be regained. It isn't hopeless for me. I still have something that I hold onto in the hopes that someday I will be me again. You will know what that is by the end of my story.

 

[Roachmon95]

Would my script of vyvanse help with focus or fatigue at all? I have about enough to double dose the next 4-5 days due to not taking it.

 

[Mikeyboi]

It's going to be very very challenging without a doubt but put the meth down and taper off your other drug use if you want to stop conpletely and this will not be easy.

You need tons of self discipline and you're going to need someone to support you tell your gf and if you're serious about helping yourself then you can do it man.

 

[Roachmon95]

It's going to be very very challenging without a doubt but put the meth down and taper off your other drug use if you want to stop conpletely and this will not be easy.

You need tons of self discipline and you're going to need someone to support you tell your gf and if you're serious about helping yourself then you can do it man.

I really just want to get back to my daily vyvanse, klonopin, and bupropion. I can drop the alcohol cold turkey. I've been using it for maybe a week tops. I'm working on tapering the subs, which kind of flew off the handle during this meth thing. I'll taper the phenibut.

Can you describe to me what this whole "comedown" is gonna be like? I'm not trying to make excuses, but I almost never have a day off, and I'm behind on a lot of things. But then again, if I keep doing this meth im gonna ignore shit further.

I'm actually starting to feel very strange on it, depressed, yawning all the time. It's weird. No hallucinations, but the night has such an ominous tone to it.

 

[Mikeyboi]

I really just want to get back to my daily vyvanse, klonopin, and bupropion. I can drop the alcohol cold turkey. I've been using it for maybe a week tops. I'm working on tapering the subs, which kind of flew off the handle during this meth thing. I'll taper the phenibut.

Can you describe to me what this whole "comedown" is gonna be like? I'm not trying to make excuses, but I almost never have a day off, and I'm behind on a lot of things. But then again, if I keep doing this meth im gonna ignore shit further.

I'm actually starting to feel very strange on it, depressed, yawning all the time. It's weird. No hallucinations, but the night has such an ominous tone to it.

The come down or crash is basically what you're describing towards the end. You may have depression, anxiety, loss of work ethic or caring. You may have extreme cravings for meth which can be very distracting as your body may need to to function "normally" at this time but once again the best thing to do is just press through it and you'll be okay eventually it seems as if you have messed yourself up a little but it's not too late don't continue down the road you're on.

Whatever you're behind on take responsibility for your shortcomings pick them up and move on. It's not too late for you just stay strong m8.

 

[Roachmon95]

So today is the first day I'm off of it. Ironically, being off of it is making me feel off. I went ahead and took my normal prescriptions when I got up (Buproprion and Vyvanse). I've been avoiding those two drugs like the plague while using. Is it ok to take them as long as I'm not on meth?

I feel very foggy, everything seams sort of dreamy or spacey, and I feel flat out dumb on some level. I hope to god I didn't do any long lasting damage. I read up a lot on the neurotoxic effects of meth during the binge. Im now very frightened by it . I had a near psychotic episode last night, and that made me say fuck it. I still haven't flushed the rest of stash though, which is kind of fucked up. I haven't really had hardcore cravings however. Anyone Know how long this feeling of fatigue and dumbness may last? Any Ideas on things I can do to recover from here on out? Thanks.

 

[Mikeyboi]

That's your anxiety and fear of damage you probably did do some damage but it's probably not to the scale at which you think just stay clear and these effects will subside somewhat if not completely. I promise you're going to be fine you're not the first person to be worried about permanent damage. You should be okay.

If I were you I would lay of the scripts as well just for a bit.
Best way to get over the side effects is pight excersize healthy diet and steering clear of meth.

You'll be okay just don't touch the stuff.

 

[Mikeyboi]

The dopamine centers of the brain often recover fairly quickly so you should see improvements within a week but I guess it varies from person to person

 

[ShroomySatori]

You'll be okay if you stop. Use some benzos for the first few days if you can. I get a lot of anxiety on the crash, but I have pre-existing anxiety issues. It sounds like you are over-thinking this man and that's understandable, but if you stop now you'll be good for sure dude. I take the benzos when I crash because of the anxiety that comes along. It can take days to get it out of your system, but by then and with a few good sleep and healthy meals you should be fine. Brain damage I think is more of a concern for people who keep using that amount for years on end non stop.

I'd try and relax and if you are prescribed an amphetamine I'd take it while getting off this stuff. It will ease the crash in my opinion. I'm unsure about the ssri but I wouldn't do anything more abrupt to your body while you are crashing from this. And try to relax... you'll be absolutely fine and sooner than you think. Just don't use it anymore than you have man, that's all you can do. If you get the anxiety coming down then use some of your kpins if you have them around, and I'd def keep on the vyvanse while crashing and maybe even keep on it a bit, I'm not sure if you use it daily or not but I'd use it these next coming days as soon as the meth is out of your system (might take a couple days).

I'm not an expert as I mainly use opiates and chip with stims so it would be cool if others could chime in - but you'll definitely be fine man. Don't overthink stuff like brain damage and you got this, I'd definitely flush the rest though if you can. What if you got addicted, and I know you are already questioning this. If you can't flush it just don't get anymore ever again but you know that already. I use it sparingly and it is certainly an abrasive substance but two weeks man... just trying to reassure you that you'll be totally fine mentally. I hope you don't get the anxiety when you crash, it really sucks, and try to drink a lot of water. Good luck!

 

[Dresden]

I think you're in trouble.

 

[ccjazzy]

Not sure if this helps - but for me the control has come at the purchase point. Once I buy (no more than 2g) - I pretty much have to do it and change my routine to do it and get laid as much as possible while on it (not that there is anything wrong having sober sex - it's just a different experience). I've got a pretty complicated life and a very high position - so I'm a super discrete person. It's very easy to not make the "buy" decision - or sometimes it's made for me because I will not sacrifice my reputation for getting in trouble or getting desperate. ONE TIME I went to a guys house for a "party" and the guys there were really unappealing. I wanted to see if that would change with a hit and it didn't but I stayed and fucked a few of them in order to take as much as possible and then move on. All in all - it was pretty gross and I'll never do it again.

Also - because my life is very structured, there are times when it is absolutely not possible to buy. So - I don't.

I think what I'm trying to convey is "identify the point in your process where you have control and build up your decision making around that process point". It would be easy to say "quit" - but that's not helpful because it's a powerful drug - so I'm trying to offer something more realistic.

My personal worry is (1) I'm going to get unknowingly "known" for being a meth sex guy and (2) that sex on meth will dominate my sex life. I work hard to not have these two outcomes. Maybe that's another strategy "What will you absolutely NOT accept ?" and how do you measure that. Then - be honest with yourself about whether you are succeeding.

At the end - some people can't quit and you end up in a place for that. Without knowing you I can't tell what you social life is like - are your friends users ? Are you in a supportive relationship ? Career with a path to success ? Kids ? These are all positive predictors of structure in your life (get rid of the users). Healthy structure is very good. It's hard to use this drug too much and still keep your commitments to people.

You've made some good insights though in terms of wanting to stop. I guardedly say - you will get better. You can up the ante by telling all the people you care about what you anonymously told this thread - just a thought. Ready for that ? (I'm sure as hell not)

Good luck.