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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

Thank you for the article. I read it, didn’t like it but understand. I have also read other post, people that have CT methadone other than SoCal. Most have all the same symptoms I have, this is a very real thing.
Ive taken more OTC drugs than ever since quitting. My back pack rattles of ibuprofen, Lope, Tylenol.
there is no magic pill for PAWS. Time. I hope I have patience.
The article said 2 years. Wow. How fucking depressing.
Day 21
i slept with half a Xanax and 4mg of melatonin. I slept a solid 7 hrs. Could be because walked the dog a mile, cleaned house, cooked and I walked a good 5 miles at work yesterday, then visited with friends after work. Yep, I was exhausted, but that seems to be the norm. I absolutely HATE sitting around.
Did not take clonidine last night, woke with a small headache, much better. I’ll not take clonidine again. I had to give Blood pressure pump back, so I have no idea if it’s elevated. Doesn’t matter, the headache was BAD, I can not take clonidine.
The next question is trazadone. I took it in the past, had horrible experience. Made me extremely groggy, lethargic.
IDK if it’s doing the same now. I get very confused on withdrawal, or medication side effects.
my job pushed stress up a notch. I will have to contact labor board. They insist on a description of my absence. It’s none of there business. Period. Doc gave a note with days off and released with no restrictions and full duty. They have harassed me for a week now. They have given me till feb 1 to get this documentation.
i do not need this ATM.
 
I can say for a fact that these post withdrawls seem a tad more bearable than benzo. I never did shake those. I did not make it a year. I went 8 mo with little sleep and anxiety from Hell. Wish I would’ve read some on here. I had no idea. I also stopped the antidepressant at the same time. Why not I thought? This way, no more pharmacy. THAT was a huge mistake. 20 yrs of drugs stopped, even though it was a low dose, altered my head. Suicidal thoughts were constant. Depression was maddening. Blue Light is a eye opener. I understand why and how of chemical addiction. Wish I would’ve known last year.
 
Yesterday was a good day. Today wasn’t as good. Very tired and achy. I’m working though. Didn’t do anything else today but work. Looking forward to vacation in March. Jamaica, Belize, Grand Cayman. Sun, warm, sand, beach. A couple fruity drinks with umbrellas. Lol
 
Sounds like it's starting to ease up. It'll be gradual over the next 3-5 days.
 
Sleeping better but the ache and fatigue are gonna pull me under. Depression. Hard to be optimistic when hurting all day. I gotta find a happy place somewhere.
I called in sick today. No energy. I did not think I could push through today.
CJ........... I do not want to trade one habit for another. I’ve posted this several times about loperamide..... I do not have stomach issues but 8mg sure did help the other day. I did things, felt good. At this point, is using lope a good idea?
 
Keep using the lope. Worst case scenario you can taper off at the end but I really don't think that will happen. Your using extremely low doses. I think taking as much as you need is fine.

I'm sorry your feeling so poorly
 
Beginning to think the ache in knees, back and neck are part of life. Got to find a way to deal. Maybe being older and opiates for years has my pain tolerance down. IDK, the pain will make me catch my breath throughout the day. Found movement helps, sometimes a hot bath. I sleep on heating pads.
i do enjoy the clear head! More aware of the things neglected. I talk a lot. I mean ALOT when I’m around people. Noticed that not every little thing is of interest to everyone, lol. When I take a break at work, I want to be around others. I use to go sit in my car and pray no one bothers me. Same with being home. Hated when people came by. Honestly it had me extremely isolated. Glad I’m not in that place anymore. After 6 hrs of dosing methadone I would feel a big drop in energy. Although I haven’t gotten energy level back, I like the fact there is no drop off. It’s the same. I can do things in the morning as well as in the evenings with the same lack of energy. I do hope comes back.
3 straight days of sleep! Soon it will be Time to cut the Xanax. I‘ve taken .25 at night for sleep for past 23 days and sometimes during the day when anxiety was bad. thankful for that left over RX, plus a dear friend that had a few to add. Really tried to keep those benzos at bay.
 
It sounds like you made it! Congratulations. I always enjoy a success story
 
Wow you're doing so well Debbie!!!

I'm glad you're not so isolated anymore too, also happy you are sleeping better, please be extra kind and patient with yourself, you have gone through so much and I hope you are very proud of yourself as I am of you!!!!

Much love Debbie, you got this!!

Love and support your friend,
Ash.
Debbie Combs said:
Beginning to think the ache in knees, back and neck are part of life. Got to find a way to deal. Maybe being older and opiates for years has my pain tolerance down. IDK, the pain will make me catch my breath throughout the day. Found movement helps, sometimes a hot bath. I sleep on heating pads.
i do enjoy the clear head! More aware of the things neglected. I talk a lot. I mean ALOT when I’m around people. Noticed that not every little thing is of interest to everyone, lol. When I take a break at work, I want to be around others. I use to go sit in my car and pray no one bothers me. Same with being home. Hated when people came by. Honestly it had me extremely isolated. Glad I’m not in that place anymore. After 6 hrs of dosing methadone I would feel a big drop in energy. Although I haven’t gotten energy level back, I like the fact there is no drop off. It’s the same. I can do things in the morning as well as in the evenings with the same lack of energy. I do hope comes back.
3 straight days of sleep! Soon it will be Time to cut the Xanax. I‘ve taken .25 at night for sleep for past 23 days and sometimes during the day when anxiety was bad. thankful for that left over RX, plus a dear friend that had a few to add. Really tried to keep those benzos at bay.
Click to expand...
 
I really don’t think I could’ve done this without y’all..........it was a great comfort to come on this site. People are not sympathetic to someone in withdrawls. Thank you Ash and CJ.
 
That's what we do :).

I hope you hang around and keep us updated. Maybe share your experience with the next person going through nit.
 
Ok, I’ve slept for 4 nights. Ache in legs, bearable, headache bearable. Stomach issues all gone. Withdrawls are minimum.
now what?
how do I get over the feeling that I NEED something?
Went to a movie last night and it was hard not to take something, for whatever reason I got anxious that I would not be good company. That I NEED something to make me more, more of a person. Is that the weirdest thing? It was a very real feeling.
I’m not comfortable in my own skin. I got to figure this out.
any comments advice are much welcomed. Thinking on seeing a counselor/therapist maybe?
 
Yeah that's why addictions are hard to kick. The physical withdrawal is only the beginning. Now you have to deal with the underlying reasons you got addicted in the first place. I recommend you get into therapy. Try out some NA meetings, refuge recovery mertings, and rational recovery meetings. Try to find one of the three you like enough to attend somewhat regularly so you can build support with people who know what your going through.

Cravings are probably the hardest thing about quitting. Unfortunately there is no real quick fix to stop them. They will get less intense over time and you will figure out how to avoid what triggers you the most.

It's going to be a difficult journey. But if you can get through acute methadone withdrawal you can do anything!
 
We love you Debbie. I am so proud of you and I am here for you anytime, feel free to pm me too if you'd ever just like to chat.

Love,
your friend,
Ash.


Debbie Combs said:
I really don’t think I could’ve done this without y’all..........it was a great comfort to come on this site. People are not sympathetic to someone in withdrawls. Thank you Ash and CJ.
Click to expand...
 
Day 25
fatigue is the worst, lingering. Have no energy. Like wading in deep water. Depression not horrible but there. Trying to figure why I used. That maybe the reason for depression. Thinking of my past, ecspecially my childhood was not ideal.
It reminds me of being thrown in a tunnel with no light and hearing my mothers voice say hurry up. I can not see the way but I’m trying to get there. Proud woman, deaf but read lips. She could not hear me cry for help. She had a whole set of co dependency problems. Dad was a bigamist/alcoholic. He was married to the two, spend weekends at home thru the week with the other. I was told it was my fault they had issues. She had to attend to my needs taking away time she needed to spend with her husband. I stayed invisible. The fighting, physical fighting, the abuse. The screams. I was always scared.
how would anyone get over if it’s all you know? I’ve moved on. Left at 18. I did anything and everything. Took something to wake me up and something to put me asleep. Got pregnant and flunked out of college.
Ive tried several counselors, therapist through the years, they always lay out this elborate plan that cost lots of money. I do not understand how they can make the anxiety go away, make me feel comfortable in my skin. It’s always been there, and at 56 I don’t see it leaving.
 
I have insurance. My therapy costs 40 a week. Without insurance you could try to find someone who will do a sliding scale based on your income. Or you can just go to the support group meetings for free. It's just important to establish a network of people who know the struggle your going through.
 
Debbie. Thank you for sharing this process with all of us. Now that the drugs are gone, "now what?!?" I always felt like a square peg in a round hole. The substances started as a solution to round the edges off. I seemed to "fit" better. Eventually they became my only solution. For decades I had only one solution. After years I came to my own conclusion that the "solution" was no longer solving anything. 6 years, 4 months, and 28 days later the way I relate to the world around me has completely changed. And it continues to change. Nothing has had a bigger impact on my life than application of the principles behind the 12 steps.

The fellowship of a 12 step program has been an integral part of my recovery. The program itself is the 12 steps but, I need people to practice these principles with so that I can apply them in my life. It is much easier to live a principled life with people who I have a clean slate with. The fellowship offers me that clean slate. There are constantly new people coming in to my life who I have no history with, no preconceived notions, no judgments. Each new person is a new opportunity to be kind with someone I have not previously harmed. The principles of the 12 steps have allowed me to become more useful to other people. Helping others is perhaps the highest aspiration of the human heart and something I was completely incapable of when my only solution was to get loaded.

I have seen people get clean and stay clean many different ways. I have only experienced happiness, joy, and freedom through living the principles in the 12 steps. No matter what path you choose, be well, and share your experience with others.
 
Your mother had it all wrong, you were the child, "She had to attend to my needs taking away time she needed to spend with her husband"

Her priority should have been you, not your father that had the best of both families but made everyone else suffer.

I hope you know none if it was your fault Debbie, but I wanted to tell you anyway.​

You turned out to be a caring, kind, intelligent and very special person, despite your childhood.

Proud of you Deb, congrats on day 25.

Love, your friend,
Ash.




Debbie Combs said:
Day 25
fatigue is the worst, lingering. Have no energy. Like wading in deep water. Depression not horrible but there. Trying to figure why I used. That maybe the reason for depression. Thinking of my past, ecspecially my childhood was not ideal.
It reminds me of being thrown in a tunnel with no light and hearing my mothers voice say hurry up. I can not see the way but I’m trying to get there. Proud woman, deaf but read lips. She could not hear me cry for help. She had a whole set of co dependency problems. Dad was a bigamist/alcoholic. He was married to the two, spend weekends at home thru the week with the other. I was told it was my fault they had issues. She had to attend to my needs taking away time she needed to spend with her husband. I stayed invisible. The fighting, physical fighting, the abuse. The screams. I was always scared.
how would anyone get over if it’s all you know? I’ve moved on. Left at 18. I did anything and everything. Took something to wake me up and something to put me asleep. Got pregnant and flunked out of college.
Ive tried several counselors, therapist through the years, they always lay out this elborate plan that cost lots of money. I do not understand how they can make the anxiety go away, make me feel comfortable in my skin. It’s always been there, and at 56 I don’t see it leaving.
Click to expand...
 
I’ve heard of the 12 step program, I can see how having a higher power would feed the soul. Have mixed feeling going to a meeting. How would I fit in? What do they DO there?
@Jdfisse- you made the 12 step program seem like a haven. It would be great if I could somehow fit in somewhere. IDK about the 12 steps. Ive never looked into it. What is there to lose going to a meeting?
I have contacted NA here, through email with no response. IDK, finding a therapist isn’t easy either. I do have insurance.
Maybe it’s the drag of the days right now and was feeling way low, I’m embarrassed I wrote all that about childhood. I. Just. Can’t. Get. Motivated! Every task is a mountain. It seems pretty endless, the ache in joints became unbearable again at work. I took Imodium an hour into an 8 hr shift. 8mgs. Took all ache away. Felt normal for the first time in forever, but it’s not me. It’s the loperamide. I want to feel this way without.
Thank you Ash for the sweet words. You are always so supportive. How do you know the right words to say all the time? You have a gift.
 
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