Albion the Enchanted Stallion I found another bad movie that I wanted to complain about. The target audience is probably twelve and under. It is rotten compared to other movies in the genre, classics like Dark Chrystal, the Last Starfighter, the Never Ending Story, the Last Mimzy, How to Tame Your Dragon, or Brave.
It's a magic hero's quest/coming of age kind of story. It's about a socially awkward twelve year old stable girl who is carried off to the Land of Magic by a magic horse. The first fifteen minutes were promising. It sets up the story so you want to see what happens to the main character, the stable girl. The girls who own the horses bully her. Her father has a terminal illness. Then her boss makes her come in to work on Christmas because the horses need to be cared for every day, after all, and he will fire her if she doesn't show up.
She arrives bright and early and finds a strange horse, already saddled and unattended next to the stable. She cannot resist the temptation to ride him. She gets on, and the horse runs wild and carries her off to the Land of Magic. Soon after that, things start to go wrong with the production of the story.
The guide character is a ripoff of Princess Medina from Brave, except the Albion princess character isn't nearly as good. Her brother blunders into a scene, and he's annoying. I wanted him to go away. The sets and costumes looked cheap. The art sucked. The villain was a cheap copy of Baron Harkonan from Dune, complete with extreme obesity and boils. He was more skillful at being gross looking than he was at projecting a sense of evil.
No review of a bad movie would be complete without pointing out the problems with the accents. yes, it was a children's film, but even kids can pick up on something done so badly. every character from the kingdom, including siblings and parents had vastly different accents The Princess Medina clone had the accent from the movie Brave, something Scottish sounding. Her mother talked like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle or maybe she had a Romanian accent. Other characters had vaguely English sounding accents, all variations of the fictitious Hollywood British Accent I wrote about above. I'm upset that I wasted my bandwidth downloading it.