Social Feelings of validation with girls

[ItsclearlyFake]

I met a girl and sometimes when we text, if too much time happens without receiving a text back from her I start feeling this pain-unworthiness-aloneness inside my stomach.

Then what I received the text, suddenly a feeling of amazingness and validation that I am 'enough' washes completely around me. Its amazing.

I am 27 years old and I remember that when I was 20 I met this girl I got obsessed with her, and this mechanism was the same. Horrible how much I suffered.

The sad thing is that my friends say to me that I´m an attractive guy and I´m handsome. That I deserve a good life.

But unfortunately it's seems due to trauma, or karma from past lives or who the fuck knows, I drag this brutal internal pain of unworthiness, precisely with girls. Do you think taking MDMA would help in solving this?

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I met a girl and sometimes when we text, if too much time happens without receiving a text back from her I start feeling this pain-unworthiness-aloneness inside my stomach.

Then what I received the text, suddenly a feeling of amazingness and validation that I am 'enough' washes completely around me. Its amazing.

I am 27 years old and I remember that when I was 20 I met this girl I got obsessed with her, and this mechanism was the same. Horrible how much I suffered.

The sad thing is that my friends say to me that I´m an attractive guy and I´m handsome. That I deserve a good life.

But unfortunately it's seems due to trauma, or karma from past lives or who the fuck knows, I drag this brutal internal pain of unworthiness, precisely with girls. Do you think taking MDMA would help in solving this?

This is called limerence. It’s not real love, it’s what that person represents to you.

“Limerence is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally attached to or even obsessed with another person, and is typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings—a near-obsessive form of romantic love.” That’s from Wikipedia

Basically, with this sort of emotional connection, you are playing out your attachment traumas from your childhood. You may have felt neglected or abandoned in some way, and that is manifesting in your adult relationships. Even if this girl were to give you all the reassurance in the world, it will never be enough as long as you internally still fear abandonment/feel unworthy of being truly loved for who you are. I would recommend you do some research on attachment theory and see if you identify with any of it, and continue working on yourself. Not tryna dissuade you from getting together with this girl, just be mindful of your own baggage that you bring with you into the relationship

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

mdma may help, may not

what also may help would be to make a start on validating yourself as opposed to needing to seek it from others

 

[MadHatterMike]

Oh man..I've had that problem in the past and all I can say is try to relax and think of it as no big deal in general sounds like your putting too much pressure on yourself and overdoing it. That's what I think anyways idk.

 

[ItsclearlyFake]

This is called limerence. It’s not real love, it’s what that person represents to you.

“Limerence is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally attached to or even obsessed with another person, and is typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings—a near-obsessive form of romantic love.” That’s from Wikipedia

Basically, with this sort of emotional connection, you are playing out your attachment traumas from your childhood. You may have felt neglected or abandoned in some way, and that is manifesting in your adult relationships. Even if this girl were to give you all the reassurance in the world, it will never be enough as long as you internally still fear abandonment/feel unworthy of being truly loved for who you are. I would recommend you do some research on attachment theory and see if you identify with any of it, and continue working on yourself. Not tryna dissuade you from getting together with this girl, just be mindful of your own baggage that you bring with you into the relationship

I am not 'broken' or 'inferior' to you due to 'trauma'.

Just so you know.

I am infinitely light and pure, you are not 'better than me' and I am not 'bad' because of whatever reasons of inventions as this things call 'limerence' .

I repeat: I am NOT a fucking bad human being for feeling what I feel and thinking what I think.

You are NOT better than me for not having 'limerence'.

How fucking easy you guys want to even dig us even deeper into the hole, further making identifying ourselves with guilt and shit. Now I have to feel fucking guilty for having 'limerence', or 'broken, or 'faulty' because childhood trauma or whatever.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I am not 'broken' or 'inferior' to you due to 'trauma'.

Just so you know.

I am infinitely light and pure, you are not 'better than me' and I am not 'bad' because of whatever reasons of inventions as this things call 'limerence' .

I repeat: I am NOT a fucking bad human being for feeling what I feel and thinking what I think.

You are NOT better than me for not having 'limerence'.

How fucking easy you guys want to even dig us even deeper into the hole, further making identifying ourselves with guilt and shit. Now I have to feel fucking guilty for having 'limerence', or 'broken, or 'faulty' because childhood trauma or whatever.

Dude, all the things you said in quotation marks, did I say any of those things about you? Nope. I didn’t. That’s something that YOU made up in your head. YOU came on here, made a post requesting advice, I gave you the best advice I know how to give. You don’t wanna take it, you can just ignore it…but instead, you’re posting all this stuff that you think I said. It really does say more about you than it does about me…

Perhaps YOU think you’re broken?

 

[G_Chem]

I am not 'broken' or 'inferior' to you due to 'trauma'.

Just so you know.

I am infinitely light and pure, you are not 'better than me' and I am not 'bad' because of whatever reasons of inventions as this things call 'limerence' .

I repeat: I am NOT a fucking bad human being for feeling what I feel and thinking what I think.

You are NOT better than me for not having 'limerence'.

How fucking easy you guys want to even dig us even deeper into the hole, further making identifying ourselves with guilt and shit. Now I have to feel fucking guilty for having 'limerence', or 'broken, or 'faulty' because childhood trauma or whatever.

Woah.. If ever there was some “nice guy” vibes, this is it. That extreme reaction combined with your desire for validation from the other gender, there’s some issues needing resolving. You asked for advice and you got it.

This post is purely a projection of your own insecurities. You yourself said you may have trauma in your OP yet bite someone’s head off soon as they try to give you an explanation.

I’d say MDMA will not help in this scenario and could make it much worse. That Oxytocin flood can leave you feeling lonely if you’re needs (however unrealistic) are not being met.

-GC

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

But unfortunately it's seems due to trauma, or karma from past lives or who the fuck knows, I drag this brutal internal pain of unworthiness, precisely with girls. Do you think taking MDMA would help in solving this?

1) Learn what Karma actually means, you use a word I suggest you actually KNOW what it means.

2) Past Trauma isn't an actual thing, it's an excuse used be Weak people.

3) MDMA won't help, try smoking MDPV instead.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

I met a girl and sometimes when we text, if too much time happens without receiving a text back from her I start feeling this pain-unworthiness-aloneness inside my stomach.

Then what I received the text, suddenly a feeling of amazingness and validation that I am 'enough' washes completely around me. Its amazing.

I am 27 years old and I remember that when I was 20 I met this girl I got obsessed with her, and this mechanism was the same. Horrible how much I suffered.

The sad thing is that my friends say to me that I´m an attractive guy and I´m handsome. That I deserve a good life.

But unfortunately it's seems due to trauma, or karma from past lives or who the fuck knows, I drag this brutal internal pain of unworthiness, precisely with girls. Do you think taking MDMA would help in solving this?

King: Who is your seventeenth guru?

Dattatreya: A prostitute. She knows that she doesn’t love her customers, nor do they love her. She waits for them, and when they come she enacts the drama of love, but she isn’t satisfied with the artificial love she gives and receives, nor with the payment she is given. Through her I realized that all humans are like prostitutes, and the world, like the customers, is enjoying us. The payment is always inadequate and we feel dissatisfied. Thus I determined not to live like a prostitute. Instead, I will live with dignity and self-respect. I will not expect this world to give me either material or internal satisfaction. I will find satisfaction myself by going within.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

2) Past Trauma isn't an actual thing, it's an excuse used be Weak pepeople.

Care to elaborate? I bet people with BPD etc would disagree...

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Care to elaborate? I bet people with BPD etc would disagree...

Why hold onto "The Past" as it's gone, what has happened is over with & the future never comes. All we have is the right NOW & nothing more.

People with BPD are mentally ill, I have dealt with a woman who liked me in a sexual way who had BPD, one day I was the best thing on Earth & the next day I was to blame for all her issues

 

[MadHatterMike]

Sounds like she didn't take her meds..stuff like that happens when I don't take mine for bi polar well when much younger anyways.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Actually, the best treatment for BPD is dialectic behavior therapy (DBT.)

Not only that, but it appears that BPD is something that people can “grow out of.” There is a fairly high suicide rate for these people, but if they survive to be older and receive treatment, they can cease to display any symptoms of this condition.

 

[amnesiaseizure]

Why hold onto "The Past" as it's gone, what has happened is over with & the future never comes. All we have is the right NOW & nothing more.

People with BPD are mentally ill, I have dealt with a woman who liked me in a sexual way who had BPD, one day I was the best thing on Earth & the next day I was to blame for all her issues, she was fucking nuts & should have been locked up in a cage.

I’m hoping the “should have been locked up in a cage” was a stab at humour. I work with people who’ve had major trauma in their lives and it’s not always the kind of thing you can just ‘keep in the past’. There are cerebral networks that will replay traumatic events over and over due to their intensity and it takes a certain approach to be able to deal with them successfully. Not something that all people can just do themselves without help. I don’t feel you’re an unsympathetic person from what I’ve read from you so no need to actively try and come across as one.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

There are cerebral networks that will replay traumatic events over and over due to their intensity and it takes a certain approach to be able to deal with them successfully. Not something that all people can just do themselves without help.

I disagree.

The Teachings of Advaita Vedanta is what is needed.

Actually, the best treatment for BPD is dialectic behavior therapy (DBT.)

As I said above.

 

[Dreamflyer]

Actually, the best treatment for BPD is dialectic behavior therapy (DBT.)

Not only that, but it appears that BPD is something that people can “grow out of.” There is a fairly high suicide rate for these people, but if they survive to be older and receive treatment, they can cease to display any symptoms of this condition.

I think that my last girlfriend had BPD. She would go from loving me, to hating me, back to loving me... and most of the time I didn't even understand what I did wrong.

One time she freaked out on me for "disrespecting" her by walking in front of her on the way to the car, when I was actually trying to be a gentleman by opening the door for her. When I tried to explain that, she said that I was "justifying" my actions and it turned into a two-hour argument.

One minute later, she was apologizing and begging me not to leave her.

For years I beat myself up trying to understand why I couldn't make her happy, until I watched a series of YouTube videos by Dr. Ramani Durvosula about BPD, narcissism, psychopathy, gaslighting, etc.

I'm not a psychotherapist so I don't have the credentials to say exactly what her issues were, but it was definitely a behavior that I had never experienced before.

It's a shame too, because she was a brilliant, beautiful woman with a lot of great qualities. I just think that she was her own worst enemy.

I hope she's doing well.

 

[axe battler]

I met a girl and sometimes when we text, if too much time happens without receiving a text back from her I start feeling this pain-unworthiness-aloneness inside my stomach.

Then what I received the text, suddenly a feeling of amazingness and validation that I am 'enough' washes completely around me. Its amazing.

I am 27 years old and I remember that when I was 20 I met this girl I got obsessed with her, and this mechanism was the same. Horrible how much I suffered.

The sad thing is that my friends say to me that I´m an attractive guy and I´m handsome. That I deserve a good life.

But unfortunately it's seems due to trauma, or karma from past lives or who the fuck knows, I drag this brutal internal pain of unworthiness, precisely with girls. Do you think taking MDMA would help in solving this?

I can relate to feeling this way. It could be this person is really special to you and natural insecurity kicks in when you're eager for a response. Xtcgrrrl really wasn't saying anything out of order at all by the way man, I thought she gave you some really sound information and didn't accuse you of being inferior or anything.
I get similar feelings if a woman doesn't text back for ages, not so much now but in my teens and early 20s, the wait could be guy wrenching. I'd be thinking "god I must have said something really stupid" and dwell and think she'd gone off me because of one text. Also some people are either just busy, don't pay much attention to their phone, or sometimes are thinking of the right thing to say for ages. We're all suffering bags of nerves as the end of the day

This is called limerence. It’s not real love, it’s what that person represents to you.

“Limerence is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally attached to or even obsessed with another person, and is typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings—a near-obsessive form of romantic love.” That’s from Wikipedia

Basically, with this sort of emotional connection, you are playing out your attachment traumas from your childhood. You may have felt neglected or abandoned in some way, and that is manifesting in your adult relationships. Even if this girl were to give you all the reassurance in the world, it will never be enough as long as you internally still fear abandonment/feel unworthy of being truly loved for who you are. I would recommend you do some research on attachment theory and see if you identify with any of it, and continue working on yourself. Not tryna dissuade you from getting together with this girl, just be mindful of your own baggage that you bring with you into the relationship

You learn sommat new every day! Really makes sense, as I'd feel this way when I was younger, and still do sometimes to a certain extent. Limerence is a good word, need to show off that I know it now by dropping it into a conversation somehow.

 

[HighTek4SexTek]

1) Learn what Karma actually means, you use a word I suggest you actually KNOW what it means.

2) Past Trauma isn't an actual thing, it's an excuse used be Weak people.

3) MDMA won't help, try smoking MDPV instead.

thank you for MDPV, I forgot how it make me attractive to all women around me !

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

thank you for MDPV, I forgot how it make me attractive to all women around me !

FFS LMAO

Spoken like a True Peeveert