beautifullyfaded
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2014
- Messages
- 1
*****This is my first time to these forums. Please forgive me if anything in this thread has gone against the forum rules. I am just looking for honest feedback and advice. Thank you.*****
It was my weekend and it had been a seemingly long work week. I had 3 days off and for some reason had an urge to party hard. I wanted to go nuts. A friend of mine at work had responded when I joking said I was looking for some MDMA and said he could hook me up anytime. Since I had not had a hook-up for over 5 months, I was excited to have found something that was in the realm of partying that I wanted to undertake.
It was my Saturday and I was eager to have a good night with a couple friends. We picked up 2 grams of seemingly decent looking MDMA. We had a few beers that night to loosen up before the festivities would commence. At around 10pm we felt ready to go.
We portioned out about 1/3 of a 1-gram bag we had to split 3 ways. We dropped the usual method, which was to mix the white crystal-like powder with a bit of water and shoot it like a shot of liquor. It’s taste was unpleasant, a familiar sign of the consistency with our past experiences. We knew if it tasted sweet, it was garbage.
We carried on with our night, noticing that the build up was quite longer than past experiences but we were enjoying the feeling of slowly reaching the climactic peak, which for us (as I’m sure for most), was the best part of the night.
Suddenly we had random company show up at the house, an acquaintance more so than a friend. Someone we could easily share a few beers with but feeling the M building, it was clear we were not familiar and comfortable enough with this person’s presence to truly enjoy ourselves and let loose. Seeing as how our friend appeared to have no intention of leaving anytime soon, I faked a phone call saying that we had a party to attend to had to leave. It worked well enough and my buddies knew by the phone call what was going on. We did a walk around the block to make it seem as if we were leaving the house but looped around back home a few minutes later.
As we got inside, we felt as if we had our “buzz killed” and decided to drop again. As the night went on we continued to try and chase the high, never really seeming to reach the point we wanted to get. My jaw was fine after the first two drops by the third and fourth, things were getting gnarly.
At the time, things seemed fine but looking back now on the blurry memory of that night, it seems much more sketchy than I thought. We ended up dropping 5 times that night, splitting 2 grams 3 ways by the end of it. I only anticipated doing 400mg each that night at most so this was insane.
My jaw was clamping down hard. So bad that I was ripping the 4 pieces of gum I was chewing into tiny shreds unintentionally. When my jaw fully clenched down my teeth would chatter as if I was freezing cold. I was sweating profusely. By the time we called it a night, it was 7am and we had been rolling for nearly 9 hours. I went to bed feeling totally fucked. While trying to sleep, my body would suddenly jolt me awake or I’d suddenly be startled with pain, realizing I had just bit down on the inside of my check super hard.
After sleeping a short awhile, I awoke feeling like garbage. I still felt the remnants of being high, but not the good ones. I looked in the mirror. I still looked high and sketch. My eyes looked whack and my jaw was still biting down. It took me 15 minutes to take a piss. The inside of my mouth was all chewed up. It was disgusting and for the first time I ever, I felt like a sketchy crack head.
I knew we took too much the night before and with so many re-drops this was to be expected. I told myself to log some serious time before I did it again and just try and make it through the day.
Started drinking beer a few hours later. It was making me feel much better so I kept it going. I got borderline drunk with the same buddies that night but at around 11pm I suddenly got super tired and was going to go to bed when one of my friends jokingly suggested doing it again.
I had to be honest, I didn’t want to do it again and I knew this thought would be in our minds that day. Even still I was feeling so shitty the thought of anything making me feel better seemed appealing. So we made a call and got another gram. We promised ourselves to only drop once and then call it.
We got back home, split the gram 3 ways and waited. Again, the slow build up. We peaked a little while later. For me it wasn’t anything glamorous but I felt good for little while. I knew there probably wasn’t much serotonin left in my brain to begin with. I didn’t really have any jaw action that night and as quickly as I had gotten high, it faded just as fast. We parted ways a few hours later and I went to bed.
I woke up the next day feeling surprisingly better. It was the last of my 3-day weekend and so I went out to catch up on errands and do some grocery shopping. Being at home that night, I was making food for the coming work week feeling seemingly okay when suddenly this one particular song came on my playlist in the kitchen. What started as me humming the song enjoyably quickly turned into me choking up and fighting away tears. I was perplexed but found it difficult to resist the tears so I changed the song, wiped my eyes and went out for a smoke to try and gain some composure. Starting to feel a little off (or at least noticing what might have been there all day), I went to the liquor store to grab some beer to help ease these feelings.
I have a high alcohol tolerance and drink 10-14 beer if I’m partying hard. That’s without getting sick or passing out somewhere. After 4 beer that night I felt wasted and couldn’t bring myself to drink more. It took me most of the night to sober up. I couldn’t sleep until after sunrise.
The following day I expected to wake up feeling much better but instead found myself more fucked than before. Shortly after getting up I noticed I had extreme dizziness. I was super light-headed, had trouble keeping my balance and things seemed to be in motion. It felt like I had just gotten off a roller coaster. It felt like I had motion sickness and although I could feel the nausea strongly, I was uncertain whether I was going to hurl or not.
Not being able to see straight and having to grab onto walls for support thinking I was going to fall, made me call in sick to work and head out to the doctor. I got there and explained my symptoms (minus telling him about the MDMA) and he confidently replied: “You have classic, textbook vertigo” and gave me a prescription for Teva-Betahistine to treat the symptoms. He said it wouldn’t fix the source problem but would help ease the vertigo. I’ve never had vertigo in my life.
I got home and was hesitant to take the pills because I didn’t know if they would help considering I knew the vertigo was from the M. Instead I started researching online about other people experiencing vertigo-like symptoms post MDMA. The only solutions I found said the same thing: “Only time, healthy eating and exercise will help.”
Aside from the vertigo, I’ve been depressed the last few days, which I knew to expect. The different with this feeling and all the other times I’ve been bummed out after doing MDMA is this feeling is a nostalgic depression exactly alike in every way to a depression I had when I was 17-21 years old. I’m 26 now and have not been depressed in this way in longer than I can remember. In fact I completely forgot what it felt like to feel this way. I didn’t ever think it could happen again. The feelings are so old and strange and even though it’s been years since I’ve had them, feeling them again so strongly, it’s like they never left. I feel like every ounce of confidence, experience and positivity I’ve gained in the last 5 years has been stripped from me and now suddenly I’m this little kid again who’s terrified of the world and just wants to be alone smoking cigarettes on the back porch and smoking weed out of a beer can.
I can’t seem to shake this vertigo. The pills help slightly but not much. This depression is mind-boggling to taste again. I am optimistic that I can push through this because of the person and the mind-set that I have today. I cannot fall back into the nightmare of a life I used to know but I had to share my experience and ask this community for any advice, opinions or ideas that you might have to smooth these bumpy consequences I am enduring. I’ve casually done MDMA for years but to be so crippled by this experience, I can never and will never, do it again. Whether I’m perma-fucked or move past this experience, I will never be the same. It’s been 4 days since I originally dropped…in your opinion and experience do you think the vertigo and this strange nostalgic depression will fade? And is there a way to speed up the recovery process?
Thank you for your time.
It was my weekend and it had been a seemingly long work week. I had 3 days off and for some reason had an urge to party hard. I wanted to go nuts. A friend of mine at work had responded when I joking said I was looking for some MDMA and said he could hook me up anytime. Since I had not had a hook-up for over 5 months, I was excited to have found something that was in the realm of partying that I wanted to undertake.
It was my Saturday and I was eager to have a good night with a couple friends. We picked up 2 grams of seemingly decent looking MDMA. We had a few beers that night to loosen up before the festivities would commence. At around 10pm we felt ready to go.
We portioned out about 1/3 of a 1-gram bag we had to split 3 ways. We dropped the usual method, which was to mix the white crystal-like powder with a bit of water and shoot it like a shot of liquor. It’s taste was unpleasant, a familiar sign of the consistency with our past experiences. We knew if it tasted sweet, it was garbage.
We carried on with our night, noticing that the build up was quite longer than past experiences but we were enjoying the feeling of slowly reaching the climactic peak, which for us (as I’m sure for most), was the best part of the night.
Suddenly we had random company show up at the house, an acquaintance more so than a friend. Someone we could easily share a few beers with but feeling the M building, it was clear we were not familiar and comfortable enough with this person’s presence to truly enjoy ourselves and let loose. Seeing as how our friend appeared to have no intention of leaving anytime soon, I faked a phone call saying that we had a party to attend to had to leave. It worked well enough and my buddies knew by the phone call what was going on. We did a walk around the block to make it seem as if we were leaving the house but looped around back home a few minutes later.
As we got inside, we felt as if we had our “buzz killed” and decided to drop again. As the night went on we continued to try and chase the high, never really seeming to reach the point we wanted to get. My jaw was fine after the first two drops by the third and fourth, things were getting gnarly.
At the time, things seemed fine but looking back now on the blurry memory of that night, it seems much more sketchy than I thought. We ended up dropping 5 times that night, splitting 2 grams 3 ways by the end of it. I only anticipated doing 400mg each that night at most so this was insane.
My jaw was clamping down hard. So bad that I was ripping the 4 pieces of gum I was chewing into tiny shreds unintentionally. When my jaw fully clenched down my teeth would chatter as if I was freezing cold. I was sweating profusely. By the time we called it a night, it was 7am and we had been rolling for nearly 9 hours. I went to bed feeling totally fucked. While trying to sleep, my body would suddenly jolt me awake or I’d suddenly be startled with pain, realizing I had just bit down on the inside of my check super hard.
After sleeping a short awhile, I awoke feeling like garbage. I still felt the remnants of being high, but not the good ones. I looked in the mirror. I still looked high and sketch. My eyes looked whack and my jaw was still biting down. It took me 15 minutes to take a piss. The inside of my mouth was all chewed up. It was disgusting and for the first time I ever, I felt like a sketchy crack head.
I knew we took too much the night before and with so many re-drops this was to be expected. I told myself to log some serious time before I did it again and just try and make it through the day.
Started drinking beer a few hours later. It was making me feel much better so I kept it going. I got borderline drunk with the same buddies that night but at around 11pm I suddenly got super tired and was going to go to bed when one of my friends jokingly suggested doing it again.
I had to be honest, I didn’t want to do it again and I knew this thought would be in our minds that day. Even still I was feeling so shitty the thought of anything making me feel better seemed appealing. So we made a call and got another gram. We promised ourselves to only drop once and then call it.
We got back home, split the gram 3 ways and waited. Again, the slow build up. We peaked a little while later. For me it wasn’t anything glamorous but I felt good for little while. I knew there probably wasn’t much serotonin left in my brain to begin with. I didn’t really have any jaw action that night and as quickly as I had gotten high, it faded just as fast. We parted ways a few hours later and I went to bed.
I woke up the next day feeling surprisingly better. It was the last of my 3-day weekend and so I went out to catch up on errands and do some grocery shopping. Being at home that night, I was making food for the coming work week feeling seemingly okay when suddenly this one particular song came on my playlist in the kitchen. What started as me humming the song enjoyably quickly turned into me choking up and fighting away tears. I was perplexed but found it difficult to resist the tears so I changed the song, wiped my eyes and went out for a smoke to try and gain some composure. Starting to feel a little off (or at least noticing what might have been there all day), I went to the liquor store to grab some beer to help ease these feelings.
I have a high alcohol tolerance and drink 10-14 beer if I’m partying hard. That’s without getting sick or passing out somewhere. After 4 beer that night I felt wasted and couldn’t bring myself to drink more. It took me most of the night to sober up. I couldn’t sleep until after sunrise.
The following day I expected to wake up feeling much better but instead found myself more fucked than before. Shortly after getting up I noticed I had extreme dizziness. I was super light-headed, had trouble keeping my balance and things seemed to be in motion. It felt like I had just gotten off a roller coaster. It felt like I had motion sickness and although I could feel the nausea strongly, I was uncertain whether I was going to hurl or not.
Not being able to see straight and having to grab onto walls for support thinking I was going to fall, made me call in sick to work and head out to the doctor. I got there and explained my symptoms (minus telling him about the MDMA) and he confidently replied: “You have classic, textbook vertigo” and gave me a prescription for Teva-Betahistine to treat the symptoms. He said it wouldn’t fix the source problem but would help ease the vertigo. I’ve never had vertigo in my life.
I got home and was hesitant to take the pills because I didn’t know if they would help considering I knew the vertigo was from the M. Instead I started researching online about other people experiencing vertigo-like symptoms post MDMA. The only solutions I found said the same thing: “Only time, healthy eating and exercise will help.”
Aside from the vertigo, I’ve been depressed the last few days, which I knew to expect. The different with this feeling and all the other times I’ve been bummed out after doing MDMA is this feeling is a nostalgic depression exactly alike in every way to a depression I had when I was 17-21 years old. I’m 26 now and have not been depressed in this way in longer than I can remember. In fact I completely forgot what it felt like to feel this way. I didn’t ever think it could happen again. The feelings are so old and strange and even though it’s been years since I’ve had them, feeling them again so strongly, it’s like they never left. I feel like every ounce of confidence, experience and positivity I’ve gained in the last 5 years has been stripped from me and now suddenly I’m this little kid again who’s terrified of the world and just wants to be alone smoking cigarettes on the back porch and smoking weed out of a beer can.
I can’t seem to shake this vertigo. The pills help slightly but not much. This depression is mind-boggling to taste again. I am optimistic that I can push through this because of the person and the mind-set that I have today. I cannot fall back into the nightmare of a life I used to know but I had to share my experience and ask this community for any advice, opinions or ideas that you might have to smooth these bumpy consequences I am enduring. I’ve casually done MDMA for years but to be so crippled by this experience, I can never and will never, do it again. Whether I’m perma-fucked or move past this experience, I will never be the same. It’s been 4 days since I originally dropped…in your opinion and experience do you think the vertigo and this strange nostalgic depression will fade? And is there a way to speed up the recovery process?
Thank you for your time.