Fear of losing control?

[malakaix]

Can someone explain this to me, is this a fear of commitment?

I am terrified of been trapped or locked down whether it's to a physical place, a person or debt. I am so afraid of this that i invest all my energy into ensuring that this never happens, it's created a lot of problems over the years.. i have no credit rating because the idea of taking out a loan and been in debt makes me feel physically ill. I have always worked casual jobs where i had the option to leave at any point if i so wish too.. i've had more one-night stands then relationships.. there was only one relationship where i fell in love with the girl and the issue of feeling trapped was non-existent, because i gave up control.

This is so ingrained into my personality that i can apply it to virtually any situation, i honestly think it's a fear of losing control.. in all of these situations i am able to maintain control by not allowing myself to fall into a position where i have no control and thus feel trapped.

Initially i thought it was my desire for freedom, but i think its more my desire for control that I've confused as freedom. Is there something i can do to deal with this, because its really negatively impacting my life..

 

[missmeyet?]

This honestly sounds like something that should be talked out in therapy...not something that has an easy answer. It probably goes back to something that has happened that causes you to feel like this so strongly.

 

[Tude]

You act like this is a bad thing. Debt is something that should be avoided unless absolutely necessary. I, too have no credit rating and PRIDE myself in that. I live within my means and am responsible. I help my parents and sister when they need money.

You should always leave yourself an out. Don't tie yourself down to a job, etc., because life is unpredictable and you may have to leave.

You view life realistically while many people live in the clouds. Don't denounce your clarity.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I think it can be healthy to a degree, but not if it's affecting your life negatively like mine being a control freak and all.

 

[alasdairm]

there are a million things over which you have no control. we can guess but you can answer the question with some introspection. try it.

alasdair

 

[thujone]

Can someone explain this to me, is this a fear of commitment?

I am terrified of been trapped or locked down whether it's to a physical place, a person or debt. I am so afraid of this that i invest all my energy into ensuring that this never happens, it's created a lot of problems over the years.. i have no credit rating because the idea of taking out a loan and been in debt makes me feel physically ill. I have always worked casual jobs where i had the option to leave at any point if i so wish too.. i've had more one-night stands then relationships.. there was only one relationship where i fell in love with the girl and the issue of feeling trapped was non-existent, because i gave up control.

This is so ingrained into my personality that i can apply it to virtually any situation, i honestly think it's a fear of losing control.. in all of these situations i am able to maintain control by not allowing myself to fall into a position where i have no control and thus feel trapped.

Initially i thought it was my desire for freedom, but i think its more my desire for control that I've confused as freedom. Is there something i can do to deal with this, because its really negatively impacting my life..

I hear that, I'm pay-as-you-go for life. I think eventually this has to be replaced by a desire to settle down. You can't grow roots if you're always trying to live free. If a fear of commitment creates freedom, what's that nagging voice about? Maybe what we perceive as a fear of commitment is really just a fear of taking responsibility; responsibility for debts taken to further ourselves, or for taking care of people we love but worry will hurt us in ways we can never prepare to deal with. I dunno, maybe I'm just spoutin shit now.

 

[malakaix]

Maybe what we perceive as a fear of commitment is really just a fear of taking responsibility; responsibility for debts taken to further ourselves, or for taking care of people we love but worry will hurt us in ways we can never prepare to deal with. I dunno, maybe I'm just spoutin shit now.

I think you're onto it. The more time i've had to think about this and what i constitute as freedom the more it seems more likely that it's moreso a fear of responsibility.