Family argument, need some advice.

[Meow1243]

My aunt and her son has moved in with my mother, brother, and I after she was evicted from her apartment. She had no where else to go and contacted my mother whom she hasn't spoken to in quite some time. She's been living with us for about three months now and august 2nd she received a $26,000 check for back pay from disability. The first two months she was borrowing quite a bit of money from me as she had the $1,000 monthly income from disability and $700 from her widow's benefits.

Being naive and overly trusting I never kept track of the amount of money she borrowed. I thought, "hey she's family, she seems like a good person, and she'll be getting a huge check soon so no worries, right?" Before she got her check she assured me that she would not only pay me back but also give me some more money so I could buy a car.

Well yesterday I asked if it would be okay if my dad took me car shopping. I didn't explain why (my reason being was that he is a man and honestly more intelligent than her so I would get a better deal) I just asked, thinking that she really didn't feel like taking me anyways and that it wouldn't be a big deal. She said yes and seemed a bit annoyed, but I really wasn't sure if she just wasn't feeling well and maybe that's why she responded the way that she did.

This morning I asked her to write me a check for $6,000 (what she had agreed to give me about a week or so ago) so I could go car shopping. She sighed and told me to find a car and then she would write the check. It was definitely obvious that she was irritated, so I just asked for the money that she owed me back. She wrote me a check for $2,700 which was way less than she borrowed. Like I said, I hadn't been keeping track but there was no way it was only $2,700. I gave her $700 cash, she depleted my savings ($2,200) and had been taking at least $100 from my weekly checks for about a month or so after my savings was gone.

I told her that she owed me more and she got very irritated, saying that I had hurt her feelings by asking my dad to take me rather than her. She said that she felt that I just wanted her money and didn't care about her. I explained that I didn't think that she would mind and had I known I never would have asked. After I very heated argument she wrote me a check for $3,500 (around what I thought she owed me).

I feel very bad for hurting her and never wanted to. I'm not a very sentimental person so I just thought that she wouldn't mind, I know now that that was insensitive of me. I don't know what to say to make her understand that I love her and that I'm not using her for her money. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JessFR]

Using her for her money? She used you for your money.

Honorable people repay their debts, to the best of their ability, in full, and forsake nonessential spending until they do, and most of all, do it without being asked.

Maybe you did hurt her feelings, it doesn't matter, it's no excuse for shorting you. You say she's paid you back roughly what she owed, I suggest just trying to move on. Preferably don't lend to her in the future, but if you do, make sure it's documented. Family is no more certainty of trustworthiness than anyone else IMO.

You didn't mean to upset her, you apologized for it, I don't see what more you can do. Claiming you're using her for her money when she used you for yours is complete bullshit. But regardless, you apologized, if she doesn't believe you that's her problem. You could have not lended to her at all.

That's my opinion anyway.

 

[RedRum OG]

Sounds like projecting. She sucked you dry. I mean she's getting 1700 a month and somehow still got over 3500 from you in a matter of a couple months? The hell does this lady buy?

She probably just didn't want to pay you back. And bringing up the car reminded her what she promised. People are all best buds and promises of extra favors when they want something. Things change very quickly when it comes time to pay the piper

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

If she was worried about you asking her for money then she she should not have borrowed money from you or offered to give you more than what she owed. Maybe she had no choice, well then she shouldn't be offended when she is asked to repay her debts when she clearly is able to.

Further more; if it was so important to her that she were to help you choose a car then she should have asked to come along with you and your father or spoke up and said something along the lines of "I was hoping to be the one to help you go car shopping!"
She instead decided to hold it in and let it brood and then lashed out later when you asked her for money. She can not expect you to know how she feels about a situation without telling you about it.

You really can't hold her to giving you any extra money; but you can certainly help the situation if you directly tell her "Don't worry about the extra money you said you would give me." EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT/NEED IT. Trust me you're more likely to get it and you'll feel better about getting it if you mend your relationship with your aunt rather than guilting her into giving you money that she promised.
Simply explain to her the things that I mentioned in the first 2 lines as well as telling her that you aren't holding her to her word.

If you taking the time to calmly explain these things to her doesn't help her realise that you care about her and not her money; IDK what will..

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Money changes people. That's just the name of the game. Sorry hun, but time will heal all wounds. You helped her out of a tough situation and she has paid you back. It's done.