• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Falling apart

CrumblingLove83

CrumblingLove83

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2014
Messages
3
Ok so me and my gf have been together for 5 years. The fire seems like it's gone and I'm lost. We don't have sex ever, maybe once a month around the time she starts her period. I try I do sweet thing send her flowers to work, edible arrangements, surpising her at work with lunch and nothin changes. I've cleaned the house cuddled every night, told her how I felt up front about it, nuthin has changed. And if I jack off she says things like I disgust her and I have a problem. I mean really, what does she expect me to do, is there something wrong with me because I don't sit and wait for that one time a month. It's wasn't like this in the beginning just the past two years. What should I do? When I do try to talk to her about it she gets an attitude and makes the comment like, it's always about sex. (Cause it never happens) I feel so unattractive, and unwanted. It's getting to the point that I get turned down so much I'm starting not to care. The thing that bothers me the most is she gets an attitude if I'm at the point where I feel like she doesn't want me, she's just horny. So I tell her no so she's gets an attitude and stomps around. But when I did that she says I don't care be mad, you'll get over it. Always about sex. What do i do
 
Okay let me get this straight.
She doesn't want to have sex. Occasionally you will have sex (about once a month).
You do sweet things for her.
She does nothing for you.
Relationships should be equal. One person should not be doing all the work. I mean, it's not all 50/50, but it certainly shouldn't be 95/5.

She doesn't seem like a great girlfriend. If I were in your position, I'd dump her ASAP. You're treating her VERY well. You shouldn't feel bad about yourself either. Just because one person doesn't appreciate you don't mean that no one else will. There are TONS of girls around. Yes, I know there is a lot of history in a five year relationship. Although not quite five years, I broke up with my ex after three years and that was a REALLY difficult decision. But things weren't right. Actually I was kind of in your situation. I was doing a LOT for him. I visited him (he never visited me), I was always super nice and sweet, sending him cute messages, dressing up sexy, surprising him with little gifts, etc. I even quilted a quilt for him (okay that may not seem like a lot but it was a lot of work and he was just going to university at that time). Anyway, he never reciprocated. We clearly weren't on the same wavelength. My fiance and I.... now we're on the same page. Sometimes I'll be scared to go to sleep and he'll stay up just so that I get to sleep. And it happens he other way around too.

ALSO
If you aren't having sex regularly, of course you're masturbating! I know my boyfriend masturbates. Ummmm.... why in the world would I care? He's not having sex with other people. I don't care if he looks at porn and masturbates. Maybe I didn't feel like having sex one day. Maybe I'm on my period. I certainly don't expect him to just keep waiting!!!

She also seems like an angry person. I don't know about you, but I don't like being around angry people.
 
"I'm starting not to care"
That's not true. You do care. You're just trying to convince yourself that you don't because this is hurting you. I'm sorry man. You have to move on cuz this isn't working for ya. If what I read is all true, you're too good for her.
 
Tell her you're done talking, shit either changes or you're gone. She'll either realize what she's taken for granted or you'll have made space in your life for an amazing new girlfriend.
 
I could be totally wrong but it's possible she's cheating on you.. unless she has a really low sex drive or is masturbating instead. The denial of sex save once a month plus holding it against you sounds to me like an attempt to put you down instead of her admitting to herself that she's essentially lying to you and herself.. which would make her a manipulative bitch as she's using your security whilst doing other stuff.

Could be totally wrong though, you know her and the situation obviously.
 
4 years is a long time. Is the relationship worth it to seek some sort of couples counseling?
Having a professional available in another environment for both of you to be heard and express your feelings and concerns might be helpful. Also, perhaps make a date, or a scheduled time outside of the house, to sit down and talk. Often one person wants to communicate when the other doesn't feel like it but if there is an agreement to both do so at a set time, there is no reason not to if both are willing to save the relationship.

Sometimes when things fall apart they fall back together…
 
-=SS=- said:
I could be totally wrong but it's possible she's cheating on you.. unless she has a really low sex drive or is masturbating instead. The denial of sex save once a month plus holding it against you sounds to me like an attempt to put you down instead of her admitting to herself that she's essentially lying to you and herself.. which would make her a manipulative bitch as she's using your security whilst doing other stuff.

Could be totally wrong though, you know her and the situation obviously.
Click to expand...

I don't think that's what is going on here. I was in a close to 4 year relationship where we didn't have much sex either. Part of it was due to drugs, but most of it was because I stopped being sexually attracted to my partner.

He wasn't a bad guy by any means but he wasn't the dominant one in the relationship and as time went on he become more needy and clingy with no interests outside me. Confidence is sexy. So is being assertive. He'd just complain about us not having sex but never initiate it.

As a female in a relationship of course we want to be equal partners but we also need to feel taken care if and like our man is in charge when the situation calls for it. Cleaning the house, gifts, etc are all nice things but they don't change the power dynamic in the relationship. If she's wearing the pants then who is she supposed to fuck?

I still stand by my initial advice, which was to tell her it's over. Because having him be decisive might make her look at him differently. But otherwise I don't see anything changing and in which case ending the relationship is the only course if action.

It may seem like I'm making a lot of assumptions here... But if what I said wasn't the case I don't think there would be an issue to begin with and he wouldn't be on here talking about it. And he sure as hell wouldn't be so whipped that he'd wait around for the one time a month she's on her period to fuck her. Wtf is up with that anyways?
 
llama112 said:
Okay let me get this straight.
She doesn't want to have sex. Occasionally you will have sex (about once a month).
You do sweet things for her.
She does nothing for you.
Relationships should be equal. One person should not be doing all the work. I mean, it's not all 50/50, but it certainly shouldn't be 95/5.

She doesn't seem like a great girlfriend. If I were in your position, I'd dump her ASAP. You're treating her VERY well. You shouldn't feel bad about yourself either. Just because one person doesn't appreciate you don't mean that no one else will. There are TONS of girls around. Yes, I know there is a lot of history in a five year relationship. Although not quite five years, I broke up with my ex after three years and that was a REALLY difficult decision. But things weren't right. Actually I was kind of in your situation. I was doing a LOT for him. I visited him (he never visited me), I was always super nice and sweet, sending him cute messages, dressing up sexy, surprising him with little gifts, etc. I even quilted a quilt for him (okay that may not seem like a lot but it was a lot of work and he was just going to university at that time). Anyway, he never reciprocated. We clearly weren't on the same wavelength. My fiance and I.... now we're on the same page. Sometimes I'll be scared to go to sleep and he'll stay up just so that I get to sleep. And it happens he other way around too.

ALSO
If you aren't having sex regularly, of course you're masturbating! I know my boyfriend masturbates. Ummmm.... why in the world would I care? He's not having sex with other people. I don't care if he looks at porn and masturbates. Maybe I didn't feel like having sex one day. Maybe I'm on my period. I certainly don't expect him to just keep waiting!!!

She also seems like an angry person. I don't know about you, but I don't like being around angry people.
Click to expand...

need i add more? no

well said
 
I think and hope she's not cheating, as much as she cries about wanting a child and what not. But I feel like why if we aren't having sex now. Then it will only get worse. If we had a kid I'd understand the lack of sex and intimacy. But we don't have kids so I don't get it. I am very aggressive when it comes to the bed room. I like being in control but at the same time I like to be taken control at times. I am by no mean unattractive. But I also think she feels unattractive, She has gain weight but I like it. I like thicker woman. I mean I don't look like it cause I stay in the gym but I do. I don't know what her deal is, I'm trying to understand it and be patience. But I have a high sex drive, and I don't want to step out of my relationship. I do love her and I was raise to believe that you don't just throw things away you work it out and figure it out, but I feel like this is a battle I'm losing completely.
 
Yeah buddy,this isn't wrkng for you. There's being in love, and loving someone, but it sounds like there's no friendship, no give and take. Five yrs is a long time, but so is the rest of ur life.

Be wise

F
Rtp.
 
CrumblingLove83,

Sorry you and yours are going through this. After speaking with her about this (which you must have done by now) how does she react? Does it get better for awhile and then return to distant? Does she deal with depression? Could be a libido issue and fixable. I know it may seem silly to suggest some Ginseng but the stuff does actually work for many people. There are various types and not recommended for anyone with hyper tension issues but other than that, the stuff might help. Takes about a month to work into the system and slowly increase sexual appetite.

I feel for you man. That's a spell of time to go without heavy vibes in the bedroom so to speak. You know, relationships go through stages (no kidding) that's not helpful is it. Um, you love this lady right? Do you two get out often and when/if you do is there a variation in spice or do you always go to the same places?

Sometimes, when two people are stuck in a groove it can do wonders to take yourselves out of the norm and into something totally different. Don't know what your budgets like but would a trip help? Is she nice to you all in all or is she simply shutting down and torturing you through her lack of affections?

Hugs, kisses, rubs, love, she still giving you some?

As someone above mentioned, I think =SS=, from what your saying, she is displaying some tell tale signs of guilt.
And to diss you for masturbating is simply poor form.
I think you've got some big decisions to make there man. If all else fails, you need to pull up your britches, grab some more self love and do what is best for you because, hey, we all need love and we need it to be as balanced as possible. Takes two to tango.

Hope it works out for you.
 
Last edited:
CrumblingLove83 said:
I think and hope she's not cheating, as much as she cries about wanting a child and what not. But I feel like why if we aren't having sex now. Then it will only get worse. If we had a kid I'd understand the lack of sex and intimacy. But we don't have kids so I don't get it. I am very aggressive when it comes to the bed room. I like being in control but at the same time I like to be taken control at times. I am by no mean unattractive. But I also think she feels unattractive, She has gain weight but I like it. I like thicker woman. I mean I don't look like it cause I stay in the gym but I do. I don't know what her deal is, I'm trying to understand it and be patience. But I have a high sex drive, and I don't want to step out of my relationship. I do love her and I was raise to believe that you don't just throw things away you work it out and figure it out, but I feel like this is a battle I'm losing completely.
Click to expand...

If the situation is as you describe then I think you need to try and make her feel sexy and desirable.
 
I've been in that exact situation but was married for 20 years and tried my damndest to make it work

I would be thrilled if someone would treat me that well
 
I TOTALLY understand this:

"It's getting to the point that I get turned down so much I'm starting not to care."

My ex got to that point with me, it seemed there was NEVER a good time to initiate sex and lovemaking. Too tired, too hurt, w/e card she pulled from her rejection Rolodex was. One of the last times I tried initiating, she snapped at me in a very shitty way, almost made me feel like a rapist or something. Hence the EX part.

Have a blunt talk with her about it, tho dont be pissed if nothing fruitful comes of it. as one poster above mentioned, it cant be 95/5.
 
I ft seems to me like she has no interest in actually being in a relationship with you, if she just wants to be your distant friend, that's fine but she should get out of your house and stop leading you on to believe that you two are really happy together. Maybe she is too much of a coward to leave you so she is waiting for you to dump her so she can play the victim card.. in any case; I've been been there done that, just got out of my 7 year long relationship with similiar issues along with psychological abuse..

Be honest, are you attractive? If you can't dump her yet and feel like you need to improve your image, maybe try focusing the energy you'd spend on her at the gym or some other physically demanding activity. Maybe go out and meet women; don't sleep with em.. just look around and see if you begin to feel confident in yourself.

This certainly doesn't sound like you're getting no sex from lack of effort.. surely many girls would enjoy your company.

Oh also did you mention if you have a job??
 
I was in the exact same situation u were in. Break it off before you get married or have a child. She's not worth the heart ache
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top