Mental Health Extreme Social Anxiety

[Crowsonator2008]

I've had Social Anxiety since I was 12, I've missed out on a lot of stuff in life due to this and have tried many medication(currently take prozac and Gabapentin) drink lots of alcohol, take opiates and benzos but cant get over this.Im 31 dont have a girlfriend( but get told that I'm very handsome)I'm just afraid I won't perform well sexually and be humiliated by this.I work Construction and every one I work with likes to talk shit, but I just feel out of place but still work hard just dont fit in and they even have thought I was gay which I aint( which it sucks being thought that I'm something I aint)because I walk funny and act uncomfortable.
If I dont get over this I think I'm going to end up OD'ing or drink myself to death trying to escape this shit...How do I get over this???

 

[Crowsonator2008]

Also I'm a big muscular guy and have been since I was 15 so it throws people off when I'm awkward .Chicks like it I'm just too awkward to pull any pussy lately

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I worked construction most of my life (iron-work/welding) and I never fit in with all the pussy talk... just seems people talk more about what they aint got or in want of. And that gay shit is their insecurities about themselves. I have confronted MFs why they always talkin about gay shit is that all they have to think about and it will usually stop.
I am pretty sizable (still ) and dont mind getting a beat down... or giving one. Fuck it.
Honestly (IMO) dont give it much thought. Go out and get used to mingling amongst the natives. leave the phone behind as this gives an advantage over most to focus and ability to respond in an appropriate manner as one is in the moment and not getting mind-sucked by the mobile leech. grow into yourself. Once one finds what one is capable of one has super-powers. Nahhhhhh... haha: But close. It's easy to manipulate one who is not grounded; one who has a sure foundation is another story..., eh? The particular anxiety one feels now will dissipate eventually. Forget about what others are doing and do you.
Peer pressure is bull shit, too. Man I never just blindly follow a crowd. I have been "different" all my life. Love the fuck outta that. Always solo. It is freeing to be you.
Please: Be you.

 

[Crowsonator2008]

Yea I ain't afraid to beat someone's ass.Its gotten me a trouble a few times so I guess I just need to be more quick witted and talk shit back.

 

[Crowsonator2008]

I worked construction most of my life (iron-work/welding) and I never fit in with all the pussy talk... just seems people talk more about what they aint got or in want of. And that gay shit is their insecurities about themselves. I have confronted MFs why they always talkin about gay shit is that all they have to think about and it will usually stop.
I am pretty sizable (still ) and dont mind getting a beat down... or giving one. Fuck it.
Honestly (IMO) dont give it much thought. Go out and get used to mingling amongst the natives. leave the phone behind as this gives an advantage over most to focus and ability to respond in an appropriate manner as one is in the moment and not getting mind-sucked by the mobile leech. grow into yourself. Once one finds what one is capable of one has super-powers. Nahhhhhh... haha: But close. It's easy to manipulate one who is not grounded; one who has a sure foundation is another story..., eh? The particular anxiety one feels now will dissipate eventually. Forget about what others are doing and do you.
Peer pressure is bull shit, too. Man I never just blindly follow a crowd. I have been "different" all my life. Love the fuck outta that. Always solo. It is freeing to be you.
Please: Be you.

Thanks for the advice bro, I didnt want to sound like a pussy just been feeling out of place lately

 

[LadyAlkaline]

"Please: Be you.
"

^^^ this. This this this.

I have had "social anxiety" my entire life. When I turned about 28 I totally embraced it. My husband and our immediate family know that I:

1) Hate all people, small talk, and fake niceties
2) Would rather get my leg caught in a bear trap and have to chew it off than socialize with someone I am not interested in speaking to.

You know what? They love me for it. I'm old, I am ornery as fuck, my most spoken phrase is "fuck them." Who asked you to make conversation with me? If you had kept your ass out of my bubble, I wouldn't be awkward right now because I wouldn't have to interact with your dumb ass.

I have been judged and rejected my entire life. It used to cut me so deeply, I had such a big heart and a bubbly disposition. Now I reject them.

At the end of the day, you'll realize that all of these people making small talk and being work friends and acquaintances don't even actually like each other.

Girls will dig on you man, just give it time. Accept that you're a shy, awkward person and embrace it. Love it. Don't apologize for being unique. An extroverted woman is going to come along and make you hers. I promise.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

yeah barking is an option if the energy is there to do this.
my MO is quiet til i cant take it anymore then take a bite.
people have no clue in general. leave them to their ignorance (i sometime cannot) as they will only drain your energy and anything else they can as they want what you have or they try to destroy it.
fighting is always an option and it can in fact lead to the ol' pokey... not optimal. however: once one busts open and blooms there really is no stopping the music.

... my most spoken phrase is "fuck them." Who asked you to make conversation with me? If you had kept your ass out of my bubble, I wouldn't be awkward right now because I wouldn't have to interact with your dumb ass.

hells yes! thats the ticket!

I didnt want to sound like a pussy just been feeling out of place lately

that outta place feeling is real. you are out of your element. one can master that element if one wishes... or master all. i kinda like that feeling as it reminds me that i am in fact an "outsider" and unique as opposed to the run of the mill bull shit shuckin and jive ass MFs. haha they wished.
i have never fit in anywhere but can fit in anywhere... if that makes any sense?
It's cool.
And genuine.
Real.

 

[LadyAlkaline]

yeah barking is an option if the energy is there to do this.
my MO is quiet til i cant take it anymore then take a bite.
people have no clue in general. leave them to their ignorance (i sometime cannot) as they will only drain your energy and anything else they can as they want what you have or they try to destroy it.
fighting is always an option and it can in fact lead to the ol' pokey... not optimal. however: once one busts open and blooms there really is no stopping the music.

hells yes! thats the ticket!


that outta place feeling is real. you are out of your element. one can master that element if one wishes... or master all. i kinda like that feeling as it reminds me that i am in fact an "outsider" and unique as opposed to the run of the mill bull shit shuckin and jive ass MFs. haha they wished.
i have never fit in anywhere but can fit in anywhere... if that makes any sense?
It's cool.
And genuine.
Real.

❤❤❤

Mother fuckin jive turkeys can hit the road

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

^Not sure what that means..

I know it sounds simple, but I'd just urge you to be yourself and not worry as much about what society says, and what sort of idea others have for you. You see? It's about being true to yourself and not to what others push you to be. They shouldn't factor into the reality of who you are. You're a person, and beyond that, unless you're a violent offender or are otherwise breaking some serious rules, feel free to ground reality in you.

 

[LadyAlkaline]

What is a jive turkey urban dictionary?

(US, idiomatic, derogatory, dated slang) A stupid person; an idiot; a chump.

 

[endlessnameless]

^Not sure what that means..

I know it sounds simple, but I'd just urge you to be yourself and not worry as much about what society says, and what sort of idea others have for you. You see? It's about being true to yourself and not to what others push you to be. They shouldn't factor into the reality of who you are. You're a person, and beyond that, unless you're a violent offender or are otherwise breaking some serious rules, feel free to ground reality in you.

Real nice advice.

 

[mojo4129]

I've had Social Anxiety since I was 12, I've missed out on a lot of stuff in life due to this and have tried many medication(currently take prozac and Gabapentin) drink lots of alcohol, take opiates and benzos but cant get over this.Im 31 dont have a girlfriend( but get told that I'm very handsome)I'm just afraid I won't perform well sexually and be humiliated by this.I work Construction and every one I work with likes to talk shit, but I just feel out of place but still work hard just dont fit in and they even have thought I was gay which I aint( which it sucks being thought that I'm something I aint)because I walk funny and act uncomfortable.
If I dont get over this I think I'm going to end up OD'ing or drink myself to death trying to escape this shit...How do I get over this???

I don't know how to get over that kinda anxiety but I deal with it myself and your not alone. When it gets really bad I won't leave my apartment for days.

 

[Phenpsycho]

I suffer from unresolved social phobia, and occasional bouts of total mental inertia when I get generalized anxiety fucking with me at the same time. I can't leave the house, pick-up my phone, check my emails, or even move to different rooms of my place sometimes when the anxiety creeps into my four walls. I was in a better place two weeks ago mentally, but I could feel the ship sinking. This happens frequently, but this time I was floored by it, so I feel it might take longer to mend from.

As for what helps me sometimes? Unrelenting hours of meditation when I'm in the state of mind where I can will myself to do so; when I get to the acceptance stage that I'm stranded mentally again, so I might as well practice mentally fortifying myself against the next time it happens, so hopefully it won't hit so bad. Simplifying the routine helps me out; I'll have a glass of water or tea by my side while I do 'mind work' as I call it, and get up just to do something nice for my pet or myself, like clean or self-care, having some food if I'm hungry. Eventually this will lower my anxiety and ground me enough to be able to at least resume leaving the house and hopefully direct communication via email, phone.

I find as I've gotten older though, the social anxiety I used to have has mentally formed a wall around me and other people. It's impossible to pass through it when I'm actually in-person around people, because the amount of pain I've felt as a result of trying to live my life to others standards, or even fit into a group of supposedly welcoming people like those at anxiety meetings or NA/AA meetings, is cemented in my head. I was also homeless for a bit when I was a teen, growing up as a bastard child who wasn't wanted by my parents, and some mugging and fucked up shit I won't get into transpired while on the streets.
This is all to say, my social anxiety grew into a survival instinct of some kind, telling me not to let other people into my world, or trust them, not even to be in their company unless necessary for survival purposes. Even benzos don't help me become less socially phobic when I've dabbled with them occasionally since getting sober, just to see if I really turned into a 'people hater' or it was just me being timid. All anxiolytics do to me now is make me feel more comfortable in my one-person-world, they don't give me that desire to connect with other people anymore. They get rid of the primal fear of doing so, but I still have no desire to waste my energy at nearly 30 years old doing things to make other people look at me as a friend. It's much better at this point in my life to focus on myself and do what I can to leave the world with some impressions that people will appreciate after I'm gone, even though I won't be alive to finally feel appreciated for my ambitions.

So what gets me through the day when my anxiety is at its worst(causing complete dysfunction) is grounding techniques and spending time caring for myself until I snap out enough to re-enter the outside world. Unfortunately, it seems some of us don't age out of social anxiety and it morphs into a phobia and dislike of people. For people like me, it helps to just work on my life projects and to keep the fantasy going that once I'm dead and gone my art or my inventions(some I hope to complete at least), will be appreciated. That for me is enough, I always just wanted to be appreciated, but I don't think I'll find anybody who will connect with me in this life. Even worse is I have have depression occasionally mixed in, so apathy and anhedonia makes me completely lose interest in making art or doing anything personally meaningful to me for long periods of time.

Tldr: The bottom line is if your social anxiety hasn't morphed into complete phobia; some exposure therapy and some medication might help push you to make some quality connections. Maybe even meditation and yoga type exercises on top will really put a dent in it. I have been on anti-deps and they've given me a false sense of connection to other people, benzos non-daily used to help me keep the desire and comfort going out with people, anti-psychotics in low doses have seriously slowed my brain down to the point where I could easily communicate with people as my mental faculties were so dampened, I couldn't think of any consequences to the actions/interactions I have with other people. It's rough having social anxiety over all other types imo, as it means you have barely any support network when things go wrong in your life or a crisis happens...people won't know or won't care, because social anxiety makes us social ghosts and leaves people with the impression we push people away on purpose.