Ex issues

[sailor bugg]

Heh the title makes this sound like it's about a bad thing…. well I guess in a way it is….. anyways….

So my current ex and I dated for about 9 months and broke up in May. It was a really bad break up; lets just say it ended up in me threatening to give her radiation poisoning :/. So we did our separate things for a while, she got a new bf. Then about a month and a half after she got her new bf he dumped her and she, now alone began reaching out to me to come hangout with her and sleep over and what not. I had made peace with her by this point and she's fun to be around so I hang out with her more and more. Slowly our relationship begins to get more romantic and we stay becoming intimate.

Now a few months have passed since we've started hanging out again and we're calling each other by our pet names, saying to each other how much we love them, hanging out everyday and sleeping over at her place every night, having sex every day and generally acting as if we had dent broken up and our relationship never went bottoms up.

I just don't want either of us to get hurt, which I can see happening when one of us finds a new partner. It's just hard because we both are so co-dependant on each other. So any ideas of what I should do?

 

[nAON]

Have a conversation with her and determine the terms of your relationship, if you're in one, if you're exclusive, etc.?

radiation poisoning

giz gos

 

[sailor bugg]

Have a conversation with her and determine the terms of your relationship, if you're in one, if you're exclusive, etc.?



giz gos

I just don't want to ruin it, like I don't want to make things awkward or anything because I really do love her.

Yeaaaaa…… I told her I was going to dissolve the americium-241 in a bunch of smoke alarms in acid, and then load it into a needle and wait for her to be out in the open and then I'd inject her. Yeaaa… I was really mad.

 

[dopemaster]

Kinda sounds like you are back together.

But seriously soon as you start calling her candy pants, sugar tits, and reffering to her as your main bitch you have gotten back together.

Its gonna be hard to set some boundaries at this point.

Are you attached to her? If not she might be to you. I don't see someone's feelings not getting hurt but the sooner you establish the nature of your relationship the better for both of you.

Maybe try to get some space.

From your previous comments maybe google uranium and leave the browser open...

 

[BZboo]

Hmmm...seems rosy now, but unless you deal with the underlying issues that caused you to threaten her with radiation poisoning then it won't be too long before shit gets crazy again. Every time I've started talking to my ex's again and thought things were cool it got fucking real crazy again and it was 10x worse.

 

[sailor bugg]

Kinda sounds like you are back together.

But seriously soon as you start calling her candy pants, sugar tits, and reffering to her as your main bitch you have gotten back together.

Its gonna be hard to set some boundaries at this point.

Are you attached to her? If not she might be to you. I don't see someone's feelings not getting hurt but the sooner you establish the nature of your relationship the better for both of you.

Maybe try to get some space.

From your previous comments maybe google uranium and leave the browser open...

Why google Uranium?

Me and my ex have ironed out all of our issues with each other and we get along great. It's just we're both very co-dependant so there in lies the issue.

 

[rhun]

If you "really do love her" then shouldn't you be together? Not officially being together could easily cause problems... what if she flirted with someone else? Or she stopped seeing you because she thought you didn't want to be with her?

And once you're with her, you can deal with any relationship problems. Like co-dependency.

 

[dopemaster]

I don't think you can really stop co dependency without ending the relationship all together.

I have tried to maintain relationships with a woman and we had the same doc and well it was always a back and forth of borrowing at best. At worst it was two fiends on a never ending mission working together until one lost their shit.

So yeah if anyone knows how to break a codependent drug relationship let me know.

This is why I try not to date women that use as much as me. If I do, I just put my shit in a safe and deny having anything to my name.

 

[mostly-human]

Relationships are a state of being, not a verbal contract. By that I mean, you're, by default, now in one with her. We all have relationships with everyone we meet, they just are. Yours however is not clearly defined, which can sometimes be a recipe for hurt. Communication, as always, is key to having a healthy one.

It sounds like it's time to grow some balls and have a good conversation about where you're at. You can't protect yourself from being hurt - saying things like "I really love her and might want to have another try, but I don't want either of us to get hurt" is just meaningless. You can't enter into a relationship and have some caveat that neither of you can be hurt by it. It's not the way it works. But you know what they say; it's better to have loved and lost...

So, if you love her, then lay out your hand on the table and give it your best shot, there's nothing you can do to guarantee it won't end in tears for one or both of you, but that is true of EVERYONE's relationships, it's the nature of the beast.

 

[sailor bugg]

I don't want to get back together with her at all, I mean like we dated already and it didn't work out so I really doubt it's going to work again. Even though we have both learned from our relationship and matured, we just amplify each others bad points when were together and it just ends up being so destructive. She's in rehab right now, and while she's been in there we talk everyday (I'm like the only person she talks to, she doesn't have a lot of friends, she's really nice/naive which leads people to use her a lot of the time and well that kinda sours a friendship/relationship) and the "i love yous and mushy lovey dovey stuff" has really gone up. And now she doesn't have anywhere to go after she gets out and nothings really been seriously said (just kinda been thrown back and forth by both of us), but I bet anything she ends up living in my apartment. I mean I don't mind if she stays here as she's about the only person I can be around for extended periods of time without wanting to kill them or myself.

I dunno maybe we'll end up together again for all I know, I know I won't push for that but if she did I'd probably be with her again. TBH I really don't know what she wants, I think she just wants to be loved, she has serious issues with needing to be with someone. Even if it lands her in a horrible situation, which it has quite a few times and for some reason I'm the one she always ends up coming back to looking for affection or whatever. Were best friends so I guess she just feels comfortable confiding to me.

 

[nuttynutskin]

If you let her back I guarantee you you'll be back in the same co-dependent toxic relationship in no time. I mean for fuck's sake you basically threatened to kill her. I think you should just wish her the best of luck but don't let her back to live with you. It wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved. That's my 2 cents.

 

[sailor bugg]

Heh it wasn't a serious death threat, I mean like I wouldn't have actually dosed her with radioactive material. I did research how to make the smoke alarms americium into a solution and such, but it was just because I was really angry. Once I calmed down I became more rational and phoned and told her I was out of line. Interestingly enough she came to me about a month ago interested in doing what I said I'd do to her to another person who fucked her over. Ahhh I know it's a train wreck waiting to happen, but….. I guess I'm just to…. I dunno….. I almost like the drama heh.