In short, my dad is extremely unpleasant to deal with. He isn't overtly aggressive (well, not anymore, and those were just a few spurts), but he just ...doesn't get me. He doesn't seem to actually listen to what I'm saying. I've told him things he's forgotten 5 minutes later (no, he's not senile). He pretends to listen, something I've gotten good at too, unfortunately. But I digress. He used to be super passive-aggressive, and that passive aggression has just kind of been buried deeper and deeper into the ground. You can't see it or hear it, but you can definitely feel it.
Just in the little things he says and does, it's clear to me that his mental framework is too small to actually get me. I've accepted that, but he doesn't seem to. I say things like "You wouldn't understand," and he takes personal offense at it. He's projected his low self-esteem onto me, which I don't blame him for, I understand it, I have compassion for it, but I'm done with it. I'm done with doing the emotional labor for our relationship. I'm tired. I've tried so many things. Brick wall.
So I've stopped talking to him. It's exhausting, like quicksand to engage with him. And of course, he responds to the silence by trying to appeal to my sense of obligation, then pity. I feel like whatever I say to him will be interpreted the wrong way, so I don't say anything. I don't plan on being silent forever--only until there arises an opportunity for us to speak the same language, for us to actually get somewhere with some kind of communication. Otherwise it feels completely useless and a waste of time and energy.
Has anyone else gone through this? I don't hear of it too often, but a little. I wish there was another way. I am rarely the kind of person to "ghost" someone. I prize communication as an extremely important part of my life. I aim to be clear with everyone. But with some people, it's impossible. And unfortunately, one of those people is my dad.
