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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Etizolam not working?

I've been having upper right quadrant pains (liver area) for 2 years and now other areas, what feels like kidneys. I feel so hopeless
 
I know the bad potential benzos can have but I'm starting to feel that a little pill is a lot easier on the body than when 15% of the bloodstream is alcohol
 
Dude that's right where my pain started!!! Right between my top right ab and the middle ab. Does the pain go away when u drink??? If so you may very well have what I have. Do u wake up in pain until u drink? Dude don't keep going like I did! I was mixing vodka with peptol bismo for relief, imagine making that kinda drink and the looks u get, lmfao!! Vodka bismol!!! Ohh man I was a sick fucker. But seriously dude u don't need insurance to go to the er, I didn't have any when I got sick but the kept me in the hospital for ten days until I checked out against drs orders, no meds no nothing. It was stupid but my mental conditions wouldn't let me stay. I thought people were trying to kill me and I ripped the Ivs out, blood squirting everywhere. Dude in the bed next to me was scared as shit lol
Dude I'd hit up the er bro. Be completely honest and they may just help u and they'll probably help u get Medicaid too...
Edit: I totally know what u mean about a pill being less harmful. It probably is but it's just creating a new problem. It's just like the old cartoon where it starts as a little snowball rolling down a hill and it just gets bigger and bigger as it keeps going. I can't urge u strong enough to hit up the er and be completely honest.
It's kinda like we punish ourselves by not getting help. I didn't see that at the time but looking back I think it was something like that. "Eh, I'm already fucked so fuck it", "what can the drs really do to help?", "fuck it I don't care anymore" those were a few of my thoughts at the time. The drs really can help, trust me.
 
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It's literally like the liver/gall bladder area but the pain isn't just in one spot it's sort of spread out, I get sharp pains to the left of my sternum as well. Of course it goes away when I drink alcohol it's a painkiller but without it, it's discomfort I feel all day! But I've been recently getting back kidney area pains as well as fatigue. It's poisen but I just can't stop. I'm convinced I will die soon if I don't
 
To give everyone an example of how much I drink almost every night, with my tolerance, is 6-8 tall cans of high abv beer. Platinum or fortune (6-8% ) Pathetic.
 
Dude look up "pancreatitis"! You have a lot of symptoms. The pain radiates to the back, all around your abdominal area etc.
dude I've been there and I know it seems hopeless, but it's not!! I can't stress that strongly enough. They will hook you up at the er dude. If it is pancreatitis it can be fatal, especially while your still drinking. Dude once you address this problem correctly your life will get sooooo much fuckin better dude. I said all the shit ur saying now dude, it's like listening to a tape recorded by me back then. Dude you really need professional help. The pain is probably bearable right now but it won't be for much longer. I know it's hard to act on this but YOU MUST!!! This is your life and your future dude. I fucked myself up so bad by waiting and waiting until it became unbearable and now I'm permantly disabled living on a $700 ssdi check. It's impossible to live like this dude. I gotta take oxy 24-7 and I only get enough to last 2 weeks, that means I gotta commit crimes to live! You don't want to live this life dude, please get help while help can still be effective. There is a point when it becomes permanent pain, the sooner u act the better your odds...
Edit: dude the 6-8 ice beers isn't the end of the road, it can get much much worse. At my peak I was pounding 1.75 liters of $10 vodka per day!!! Dude I'm begging you to love yourself and go to the er the next time u get an attack! When the pain peaks either call an ambulance or walk In. They take u more serious if u take the ambo ime. U don't need insurance. They WILL treat you.
 
I try and eat healthy on top. A lot of spinach salad, etc. Plus vitamins and milk thistle/liverite, A LOT of organic shit. I ponder that I could be worse without em
 
My liver was surprisingly ok, not perfect but nothing crazy. I thought that's what was hurting me because of where the pain was but that wasn't it.
They wanted to remove my gall bladder too but then they finally figured out that it was pancreatitis after 3-4 days. The nearly removed some shit that wasn't broken!!! Lol. But dude lately I've been in the er more often and they're talking about crazy surgeries and shit dude, don't let it get that far bro. They want remove my entire pancreas dude!!! That's pure madness but they say it's doable. Idk though :(
Handle this shit before u end up living a nightmare for the rest of your life dude. It's no way for anyone to live. Dude I'm 5'7 and I'm down to 105lbs cause It hurts to eat and massive never ending nausea, imagine weighing 105!! Dude I can't do shit!!! Muscles atrophied, all melted dude! Can't work, can't even walk up a flight of stairs without being gassed. When I walk to the store I gotta walk around armed because if I get robbed I can't really fight back. I gotta take a shit ton of risks in my everyday life just to be safe or feel safe. I live in a shit neighborhood. Dude you'll go to the we and they'll put an Iv on u and dope u up and boom, pain abates. It took me a shit ton of dilaudid but it finally worked. And they took good care of me dude, and I didn't have insurance at the time. They actually got me free care! Every hospital I've been to has a program like this. From there they got me on Medicaid straight away bro! Dude it's worth it.
Edit: bro, you'll only die by sitting there and not doing shit! You don't know how to live without the booze, dude I totally fuckin understand! U don't know wtf to do when u get out etc., u don't know how to act without booze, I know man. It's scary as shit but it's psychological dude trust me. Once ur in the hospital with some time to think and less pain and crazy guys on bluelight(lol) you'll think much clearer I promise. All it's gonna cost u is a bit of your time bro. When u get out they'll probably have everything all set up for u dude! Give it a shot!
 
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Sorry, I read all of your stuff and I'm so worried...I was asking if that is the official cause of you drinking so much like I do?
 
Well my drinking was me self medicating my psychological/social problems. It worked great for a little while(17-23) but it was all a facade. All a big front that I convinced myself of. I would've kept on going to if it weren't for waking up almost paralyzed by pain one morning. I called the ambo and went to the hospital.
There's always some underlying reason we drink I think and it only masks our inner pain I think. The drinking became a part of my image, without it I wouldn't be me I thought but it was just my brain tricking me into thinking that.
My life improved after I went to the er that day. It all fell apart later and I think the booze I used to drink affected me psychologically and brought about my full blast mental illnesses that I suffer from now. I really wish I would've went to the er sooner but I lived with that pain for awhile until I just couldn't even walk anymore. What a fool I was and now 13yrs later im still paying for it.
Dude I doubt your gonna die right now but if u keep going with the booze u will, that's a guarantee. And cold turkey may not be an option for u either bro. The er drs will really help u out with all this.
I basically dried out in the er for 10days so at least I was surrounded by drs in case it went bad and I had seizures and shit. Best decision I ever made even though it wasn't really a choice. The pain became too much so I didn't have a choice anymore..
 
Damn....I'm sorry man that sounds terrible :/ I hope the best for you...I drink cuz I love how it makes me feel. Confident, euphoric, sense of well being and motivation. Which isn't something I can get from, let's say weed, which 90% of my friends do and it's their medicine in the same way alcohol is mine. But alcohol is too damaging. It sucks :/ and now I'm worried about my health cuz of my own stupidity. Oi vey
 
Yeah man I liked the weed too. Booze was much more affordable and I could stay blasted all day for ten bucks and I've always been a cheap fucker so I went with booze lol. Weed didn't really fuck me up like booze, like with the stuff u mentioned confidence, image etc.

But I never really heard of any physical problems from booze except the extremes, cirrhosis, liver damage etc. and it was legal so I was just overconfident, ahhhh the folly of youth.
Dude you can't beat yourself up over it, it's done. All you can do now us ask yourself the hard questions. What do you want from life? Cause if you keep drinking your life is over, maybe not physically but it will destroy u mentally too. You would never think so but it really does.
The etiz is gonna get dangerous for u brother. You drink as a way if life so your baseline is probably about 3 beers, u feel just normal at 3 beers probably, not toasted like a normal person would be. Therefore your gonna end up using the beer with the etiz and yes, you probably can handle it at first. It will spiral though and it'll get outta control soon.
You gotta check yourself now while u can. Your head is brain is tricking you right now. It's telling u things will be better tomorrow and that this is temporary. If u don't get treated for your pain soon it will be permanent. Your acute pancreatitis will turn into chronic pancreatitis with will lead to various other addictions which will lead to a life of a different kind of pain and almost surely mental illness. Dude be good to yourself and get yourself checked out. It took them days to figure out what was wrong with me and they nearly removed all kinds of organs. If they can't figure it out mention pancreatitis. It's a tricky disease and it doesn't alway show up in blood work, sometimes all your enzyme levels are perfectly normal even though ur writhing in pain. Other times your amalyse and lipase(sp) will be 500x what it's supposed to be... It's really crazy man.
 
Late reply. Didn't drink all week I put all my focus on that. It sucked. Especially sleep. Just general discomfort the entire time. Good news is I've been approved for insurance this week so I feel hopeful in change for the better and more importantly, reversible damage. So in the mean time I'm just gonna take the weeks off drinking and when I do, try and limit myself in the amount. I don't think how often is the issue it's how much. Most of my friends (and family) drink as often as I do but not nearly as much. Idk how their tolerance doesn't go up but the amount it takes them to get shit faced is the amount I need just to start a buzz. They don't have any noticeable health problems. Ridiculous. I'd smoke weed instead if it didn't make my anxiety and paranoia skyrocket
 
I hear ya there hard. I guess someone's gotta pay the bill for all those that drink without a care in the world. I guess were just not lucky people lol. Eh, it is what it is.
Slowing down the drinking is a great idea , it certainly can't hurt. It's fucking hard trying to fill that time though. I basically just traded vices, IMO opiates are much easier on the body if used somewhat responsibly, much cleaner buzz too. It's better than killing myself I guess lol.
I had a few beers with an old buddy I ran into tonight and I'm paying for it now, it fuckin sucks man. I just wanted to be social, stupid fucking move. I don't know why I don't learn. I guess I'm just a weak fucker. Even with my life on the line I still have a drink about every 6 months so trust me your not alone, I don't really know why I do it cause I know what I'm gonna feel like but yet I still do it, fuckin pitiful...
 
Glad to hear you got insurance now. I got approved for Medicaid too. So set up a doctor appointment and be prepared to be honest. It was really hard for me when my blood work came back wonky with the liver enzymes. I had to tell the doctor about my problem drinking and I cried like a little girl. I was told absolutely no more alcohol since the hepatitis diagnosis. This is very new to me and scary. I also tried etizolam because I was afraid of having a seizure or bad withdrawals.

What resonated with me is when Cliffy said the one thing that made the upper right pain go away was drinking. That's exactly how it was for me for at least a year. Any sober days, I had this weird pain up there. So I would have some beer and it magically disappeared. My doctor gave me clonidine to take at night and I'm also seeing a psych doc who gave me some other meds.

I could go on all night with my story, but please don't be afraid to use this forum so we can share our experiences and feelings. When you said pathetic, that's exactly what I said over and over about myself. But I can't change the things I did, neither can any of us. There is another bluelighter here we were having a talk with yesterday. Maybe he can chime in too. We are here to help and get well, it will get better I promise!
 
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