Erections wont become full/last

[sandude]

I'm 21 years old, and noticed I've had issues with erections during sex since the age of 17. For the past two years or so, I've experienced discomfort in my dick, and have actually been to urologists due to other symptoms such as weak streams of urine. Basically I keep getting told I have nothing to worry about, though lately it's been suggested that I may have a recurring case of prostatitis, although I haven't recently had a prostate exam.

I started noticing in my relationship at 17 that while I did have a few great times, most of the time I would get anxious and end up losing it, being dissatisfying in the end. Lately, I'm in a relationship with a girl who is accepting of this, but here's my main problem: It seems that while even if I do abstain from masturbation for a couple weeks, and I become more sensitive, it IS easier to get harder- but I can't maintain it because I feel like I have to force my erections to get up, if I try to relax and breathe it just doesn't happen.

I'm trying not to hurry and rush things, and neither is she, so this is a good thing. But she can tell that I'm trying to force them to happen, because it "pulsates," I'm pretty bad with knowledge of anatomy but I feel like I can feel myself clenching my prostate in order to obtain an erection, if that even makes sense.

I guess I feel that it is a mixture of mental and physical issues, I used to obsessively masturbate while high on adderall for an unfortunate amount of my high school years, and seeing the changes of my veins become smaller and other spots that weren't there before after one session, the urologist said everything looks ok but I'm almost positive I've done a bit of irreparable damage because of this. I don't seem to be very good at google searches, so I was wondering if there was anyone knowledgable on this subject that could help me. Basically I fear my erections are manually gained, and that it seems impossible to have them naturally occur through arousal to the point of an erection that can stay up without my mental work. I know there's many factors and not one answer, I guess I'm just looking for hope, as I feel very much in despair because of this ongoing issue at too young of an age.

It's embarassing to me for some reason to see so many beautiful women but knowing in the back of my head that I can't be pleasurable, I do believe I have problems with constant fantasy and was also wondering what that may do physically to my libido too.. Maybe my problem comes from the objectification of women, I wouldn't doubt it but don't know how to end this cycle of sexual anxiety and general health anxiety intertwined.

 

[-=SS=-]

You say you had discomfort in your dick.. what do you mean by that exactly? It could be something completely benign and normal. I can remember a short period of time where I was having spasms in one of the muscles (IC, BC?) around that area and that was uncomfortable, felt like I needed to piss when I didn't.

Anxiety won't help you when it comes to arousal. I think most men have had times when they've worried about their sexual situation, I know I have. It doesn't help if you pressure yourself into believing you should be "instant on" at 100% erection at any given moment because you create an expectation that you need to fufill otherwise there's something wrong, when in fact there may be nothing wrong at all and your anxiety is getting in the way. I realized this when I'd had one small drink which took me out of my anxiety state, relaxed me, and I got the easiest hardest erection I'd had in some time. Don't use alcohol or something else to do this.. you need to nip the problem in the bud, which is your beliefs about the situation.

You didn't elaborate about your masturbation history.. compulsive to me means anything more than once a day, or using pornography every time. Porn can mess with your libido, especially if you're young and inexperienced because you wire yourself to that stimulus as opposed to the real thing. This can be reversed by taking an extended break from all sexual stimulation (google - "nofap").

 

[Pagey]

I think your best course of action is to go see your GP and talk to him/her about what next steps you should take - no advice you can be given here can replace that of a doctor and if you are concerned you might have done irreperable damage with stims it's probably worth seeing another urologist to get a second opinion.
Because stress clearly has something to do with your difficulty in getting erections it might also be worth seeing a therapist, or trying to figure out what the underlying causes might be, etc. I really would urge you to go speak to a doctor about this asap though.