doubleheadedeagle
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2015
- Messages
- 140
I have been curious and really fascinated about entheogens and psychedelics in overall, but unfortunately I haven't had the chance of trying any
I really into self realization and exploring my inner self, I have tried of extracting some DMT from phalaris arundinacea but with no success.
I have ingested somewhere like 200 seeds of morning glory but afterwards finding out that those weren't the specie that contained enough LSA.
My only close to entheogenic experience that was really really amazing and life changing was a case, one night when I smoked some weed and meditated for 3+ hours, I fell into a trance state and maybe from the weed I don't remember much during the meditation, but it was as though I have found all answers to life as I have been given the chance of accessing the hidden Akashic Records, It was pure bliss and happiness, but for reasons that I don't understand at that moment I couldn't really know what I was shown, it was like some dreams that you can not put into words but without dreaming, without seeing any actual images, I just don't know how to explain it. Afterwards, one by one things began to make sens, I was able to see things that were right in front of my eyes but that I couldn't see them before, I started understanding the real power of friendship, love, the power of the things that can be seen and yet remain unseen.
I started seeing kind of shadows covering every object, which later I found out that those are the auras of those objects, I started understanding the power of will and determination, the power of belief and believing in yourself... But unfortunately, those things started fading off, the world began to come back where it was before and I started missing that time of pure bliss and great knowledge, I wanted to go back where I was.
Again I started meditating, but with no success, weed felt just empty, just a mind buzz with not any other pleasurable effects, and I would get very exhausted right after 1 hour of smoking it(Maybe it was from the very very high tolerance of weed, because at that time I was smoking from 15 to 30 joints a day)... rrk
And like a punishment from The Great Source, things just got worse, I started having social anxiety and mild depression, I became more and more introverted, I became a man with no objectives even that I have understood how much of importance does it have, I just couldn't find the motivation of doing anything productive, I abandoned my friend(or maybe the abandoned me) cuz from time to time I became stranger and stranger, I started having some fantasies that were not in harmony with common understanding and reason, and so on those fantasies developed into delusions, delusions that became stronger and stronger, I thought that someone with great knowledge and power sucked my energy "Maybe this is hilarious and things are to get more funnier, but unfortunately that was the way I felt and the way I thought", and this thought of the powerful person which consumed me, started becoming more and more frightening, and the fear developed into paranoia, the paranoia became intense and more intense every day that passed, after a very short time I became completely depersonalized and psychotic. Voices would wake me up in the morning, voices that shouted "WROooNG!!! WROooNG!!" maybe those voices tried to warn me that my mind was wrong and that those things are not real, but what I thought about them was that it was the evil spirit of the evil person who persecuted me mentally to gain my power and knowledge, my concept about them was that he were one of the powerful world leaders which with the evil powers and deeds of them were trying to lead people into materialism and into illusions of the world. (As Led Zeppelin beautifully described: the lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, And she is buying a stairway to heaven). For me this quote means that the world is full of things that try to deceive us of it's fake beauties...
And so the days passed, and I started to believe that my whole family is evil and are part of the plan to destroy me. I couldn't handle it anymore, the last day of this madness was one of the most horrifying and absurd of all... I didn't slept the whole night as I thought that my father was going to kill me in sleep. And there was the end of all what I remember... All what I know is that after some days I was in a mental hospital and that I was significantly calmer. At the beginning I used diazepam and olanzapine, after that only olanzapine when I was released they put me in a treatment with seroquel,zolpidem and depakine, those meds helped me very much but I just don't feel good with them, maybe those meds maybe the whole experience made me a complete different person.
This whole thing happened in a timespan of 8 months, and what I think why this whole thing happened is that I knocked on the door of The Great Source and ran away, and all this was about my ignorance of a shamanic way of living. As you may realize that all shamans in our society would have been considered psychotic, schizophrenic or delusional.
I really want to go back at the beginning and dedicate my whole life being a shaman, I want to go to south america and live with the shamans live an entheogenic way of life, connected for all eternity with The Great Source, and for no reason in the world I would not turn my back away from spiritualism.
rrk
I really into self realization and exploring my inner self, I have tried of extracting some DMT from phalaris arundinacea but with no success.
I have ingested somewhere like 200 seeds of morning glory but afterwards finding out that those weren't the specie that contained enough LSA.
My only close to entheogenic experience that was really really amazing and life changing was a case, one night when I smoked some weed and meditated for 3+ hours, I fell into a trance state and maybe from the weed I don't remember much during the meditation, but it was as though I have found all answers to life as I have been given the chance of accessing the hidden Akashic Records, It was pure bliss and happiness, but for reasons that I don't understand at that moment I couldn't really know what I was shown, it was like some dreams that you can not put into words but without dreaming, without seeing any actual images, I just don't know how to explain it. Afterwards, one by one things began to make sens, I was able to see things that were right in front of my eyes but that I couldn't see them before, I started understanding the real power of friendship, love, the power of the things that can be seen and yet remain unseen.
I started seeing kind of shadows covering every object, which later I found out that those are the auras of those objects, I started understanding the power of will and determination, the power of belief and believing in yourself... But unfortunately, those things started fading off, the world began to come back where it was before and I started missing that time of pure bliss and great knowledge, I wanted to go back where I was.
Again I started meditating, but with no success, weed felt just empty, just a mind buzz with not any other pleasurable effects, and I would get very exhausted right after 1 hour of smoking it(Maybe it was from the very very high tolerance of weed, because at that time I was smoking from 15 to 30 joints a day)... rrk
And like a punishment from The Great Source, things just got worse, I started having social anxiety and mild depression, I became more and more introverted, I became a man with no objectives even that I have understood how much of importance does it have, I just couldn't find the motivation of doing anything productive, I abandoned my friend(or maybe the abandoned me) cuz from time to time I became stranger and stranger, I started having some fantasies that were not in harmony with common understanding and reason, and so on those fantasies developed into delusions, delusions that became stronger and stronger, I thought that someone with great knowledge and power sucked my energy "Maybe this is hilarious and things are to get more funnier, but unfortunately that was the way I felt and the way I thought", and this thought of the powerful person which consumed me, started becoming more and more frightening, and the fear developed into paranoia, the paranoia became intense and more intense every day that passed, after a very short time I became completely depersonalized and psychotic. Voices would wake me up in the morning, voices that shouted "WROooNG!!! WROooNG!!" maybe those voices tried to warn me that my mind was wrong and that those things are not real, but what I thought about them was that it was the evil spirit of the evil person who persecuted me mentally to gain my power and knowledge, my concept about them was that he were one of the powerful world leaders which with the evil powers and deeds of them were trying to lead people into materialism and into illusions of the world. (As Led Zeppelin beautifully described: the lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, And she is buying a stairway to heaven). For me this quote means that the world is full of things that try to deceive us of it's fake beauties...
And so the days passed, and I started to believe that my whole family is evil and are part of the plan to destroy me. I couldn't handle it anymore, the last day of this madness was one of the most horrifying and absurd of all... I didn't slept the whole night as I thought that my father was going to kill me in sleep. And there was the end of all what I remember... All what I know is that after some days I was in a mental hospital and that I was significantly calmer. At the beginning I used diazepam and olanzapine, after that only olanzapine when I was released they put me in a treatment with seroquel,zolpidem and depakine, those meds helped me very much but I just don't feel good with them, maybe those meds maybe the whole experience made me a complete different person.
This whole thing happened in a timespan of 8 months, and what I think why this whole thing happened is that I knocked on the door of The Great Source and ran away, and all this was about my ignorance of a shamanic way of living. As you may realize that all shamans in our society would have been considered psychotic, schizophrenic or delusional.
I really want to go back at the beginning and dedicate my whole life being a shaman, I want to go to south america and live with the shamans live an entheogenic way of life, connected for all eternity with The Great Source, and for no reason in the world I would not turn my back away from spiritualism.
I just wanted to share this experience with you, maybe it was too long but I couldn't compose it in a shorter way. I would really please you all to not make fun of this or post anything that could make this wound more painfull.
Thank You All
Thank You All
rrk
