Recovery ENDLESSNAMELESS' Recovery Thread (Heroin, Smoked)

[endlessnameless]

So at this stage, I'm on Day 9. Over the course of those 9 Days I've been using Lyrica/Pregabalin 400mgs and Trannax 4-6mgs (max) and I can't recommend that combination enough.

Now my habit was relatively small, constituting a typical €20 bag a day but you're either on it or off it and if you know you know.

The method was: In the final week of November I began buying 100mls of methadone a week from a street contact. I took 20mls a day for a week, then 15mls, 10mls, 5mls, 5mls then stopped. That took me up to Christmas which is when I stopped the methadone. I bought some crap gear to have at Christmas and then got a prescription for pregabalin and began taking that 400mgs daily which cut the withdrawals by approximately 70%.

As regards the Trannax, I've been taking 4mgs of those for a while now due to the anxiety that would debilitate me when I'd wake up in Heroin withdrawal however as regards those, at day 9 all I'm noticing are chills and occasional hot flushes/mild sweats (the latter for which I have Ditrophan although I haven't bothered taking it). My stools are beginning to harden and Lyrica is helping my depression, anxiety and my appetite also.

I may edit this, however, thanks for reading and that's the Day 9 Update so far at 14:00pm.

 

[aphexia]

Well done dude!
As you probably know, it gets better everyday, you'll have a bad day or two along the way and the healing feels faster at first but you'll get strength back over time.... it does happen
Lots of fruit, veg & vitamins are good, I'm also convinced on Valarian Root Tea / Extract for sleep.

Find something that makes you feel something too, I found I couldn't focus on anything for a while but when you can, get back into some of the things you love, music, comedy, games (that was hard for a while), whatever can give you endorphins or bring a tear to the eye helps.

anxiety that would debilitate me when I'd wake up in Heroin withdrawal

Honestly I found what you describe here and the insomnia the worst thing about opiate detox (thankfully more so the first 2 times than last).
My experience was, waking up to a fast overwhelming dread, followed by panic and then an electric shock, I would at first try to go back to sleep only to have the same thing happen a few minutes later... I found that the best thing was to just sit bolt up and consider sleep is over..... Damned hard when sleep is the only thing that floats you out of the hell you are in

 

[endlessnameless]

Reached Day 12

At this point I'm sleeping fine. The only lingering withdrawal symptoms are chills and just cant get the heat into me. I get a knock on the door at 9:30am most mornings to order my mother a taxi to work, which at the beginning was a bitch but now it serves the purpose of getting me up. I'll sit bolt-upright like aphexia said above and consider sleep over. I then get up, put on the bluetooth speaker and blast music for hours and I get a real proper endorphin rush.

I'm drinking tea all day to keep warm and alert and smoking roll ups. Boredom is still a thing when the ps5 is occupied and I have to turn the music down but I bought a 1TB SSD so I'm going to slap Linux and Windows 11 onto it and dual boot so that'll keep me occupied. Sure, I could fire up the DAWS and whip out the S61 (its a MIDI keyboard - trust me its dope) but that has to be in my room/studio which is a bloody ICEBOX because the radiators not working. Anyway...

Does ANY one know ANYTHING that can help the chills? Time to layer up I suppose. Its not like the central heatings not on.

 

[aphexia]

That's awesome Endless, keep at it man.

Music is crazy right, really gets the emotions going again, don't get me wrong, it was fantastic high too but completely energizing being off drugs.

Don't know really know what to recommend for the chills but have you tried a hot-water bottle maybe?... opposite problem here, 95% humidity and 30'-35' C (86 - 95F)

Mentioning the S61 really makes me want to get the Novation Launchkey out..... I've been restoring an old guitar to give to my niece, she's determined to learn Master of Puppets lol (might be a bit of a stretch for a first timer haha) but it's spurred me to brush up on the song again.

If you like comedy, especially stand-up, that is awesome too.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 13
I drank a few bottles of beer last night with the brother to pass the time and to see if it would help the chills, and while it helped pass the time it had the opposite effect on easing the chills which is still a lingering issue.
Woke up this morning and felt very off (to be expected considering I don't bother much with drinking), chills were twice as bad, my stomach felt off (took a Motillium) and I had a bit of sore lower back which was probably due to how I was sitting last night coupled with too many pillows. Been the first day in almost a week that I've gone back to bed after waking up at 09:30 am which I won't be repeating tomorrow because it felt awful, but then again I was hungover.

Didn't take any Lyrica (ie the usual 400mgs I've been taking throughout the withdrawals) as they're running out and wanted to see how I got on without them for a day. Took 3mgs of Trannex as opposed to the usual 4mgs as I want to stop them soon too so that when I do book this blood test my system will come up clean of everything. Of course, there may be some trace of benzos that show up but not a large amount as I'll have stopped taking them by at least 7 days before I do that. I'm thinking of the week after next for the blood test. Fortunately, I can get a blood test done and the results back in 1-2 days due to my medical connections. As long as no opioids show up I'm happy enough with that, though the primary reason is to see what my levels are in general.

Hopefully the chills will wear off soon, I do recall them (and the odd sneeze but nothing severe) being one of the last things to go before - not to mention some days being worse than others in terms of mood and motivation towards the end, especially after having a good run of feeling really good for a few days but I get that my body is probably trying to give me one last nudge into scoring before it gets the message and I'm cool with that (in terms of my brain trying and failing to test and tempt me into submission, not with scoring). I have a lump sum coming to me on Friday and I'll be honest - I'm a little worried. No plans on running out and binging but still, as it moves closer to payday I'd be lying were I to say it isn't a concern. Hypothetically speaking, if the worst case scenario was to come about and I did try to score, I've heard there's nothing on the streets of Dublin anyway and what may be out there is utter dirt so it wouldn't do anything for me anyway, especially due to my ROA being smoked - despite having likely next to no tolerance. Anyway, less of that line of thought.

My plan for Friday is to treat myself to some new outfits and a haircut.

That's awesome Endless, keep at it man.

Music is crazy right, really gets the emotions going again, don't get me wrong, it was fantastic high too but completely energizing being off drugs.

Don't know really know what to recommend for the chills but have you tried a hot-water bottle maybe?... opposite problem here, 95% humidity and 30'-35' C (86 - 95F)

Mentioning the S61 really makes me want to get the Novation Launchkey out..... I've been restoring an old guitar to give to my niece, she's determined to learn Master of Puppets lol (might be a bit of a stretch for a first timer haha) but it's spurred me to brush up on the song again.

If you like comedy, especially stand-up, that is awesome too.

Thanks buddy, I sincerely appreciate the support from yourself and everyone else. Apologies if I don't come back and edit this to make more of a substantial response, just feeling a bit off today. Music is a must for me in recovery though. It certainly speeds up the whole endorphin production process - nothing quite like it in that regard.

The Novation Launchkey looks so dope man (any thoughts on the Ableton Push?). I was about to buy NI's Maschine MKIII at Christmas as my mother was giving me €200 towards it but I was terrified I'd blow the €200 on dope (not to mention feeling guilty taking so much money from her even if it was a gift) as I hadn't begun the acutes yet (not to mention not having the other €250-275 to put towards it) and I had just picked up a couple of €20 bags to see me through until New Years. She had to throw it down in front of me at the kitchen table to get me to take it, so initially I did and I held it in my wallet for about a week before she said she was running low on funds so I gave it back and said we'll leave it until more towards my birthday in April (as by that point I'll know exactly where I stand as realistically speaking, in the grand scheme of things 14 days is very early days).

 

[aphexia]

I drank a few bottles of beer last night with the brother to pass the time and to see if it would help the chills, and while it helped pass the time it had the opposite effect on easing the chills which is still a lingering issue.
Woke up this morning and felt very off (to be expected considering I don't bother much with drinking)

Very good if you don't, I definitely do think it slows recovery down at least, If I drink less, I feel better the next day.... guess the old days of "I'll be fine drinking tonnes" are over and yes, a hangover like this is fucking awful, it really knocks you back hey, I had one after a very stressful day... my mind was coming up with every answer in the book to go and score so I wanted to drown the bitch lol... didn't though thankfully.

Took 3mgs of Trannex as opposed to the usual 4mgs as I want to stop them soon too so that when I do book this blood test my system will come up clean of everything. Of course, there may be some trace of benzos that show up but not a large amount as I'll have stopped taking them by at least 7 days before I do that. I'm thinking of the week after next for the blood test.

Good idea getting off the Benzos, you've probably read the horror stories too, sounds horrible.
Good having the blood test for motivation too, as long as that evil little prick in the back of your mind doesn't say "well that's over, where where we" when it's done.

Hopefully the chills will wear off soon, I do recall them (and the odd sneeze but nothing severe) being one of the last things to go before - not to mention some days being worse than others in terms of mood and motivation towards the end, especially after having a good run of feeling really good for a few days but I get that my body is probably trying to give me one last nudge into scoring before it gets the message and I'm cool with that (in terms of my brain trying and failing to test and tempt me into submission, not with scoring).

I reckon I would have sneezed (snoze?) once a month before this now I'm doing it 3-4 times an hour... probably something to do with mucous membranes being dry for so long and overcompensating but who knows

Hypothetically speaking, if the worst case scenario was to come about and I did try to score, I've heard there's nothing on the streets of Dublin

That bitch in the back of the head can be very crafty when it wants something though, be careful of that

I gave it back and said we'll leave it until more towards my birthday in April

Good onya dude, very thoughtful, and hey, it's something to look forward to as well

Thanks buddy, I sincerely appreciate the support from yourself and everyone else. Apologies if I don't come back and edit this to make more of a substantial response, just feeling a bit off today. Music is a must for me in recovery though. It certainly speeds up the whole endorphin production process - nothing quite like it in that regard.

The Novation Launchkey looks so dope man (any thoughts on the Ableton Push?). I was about to buy NI's Maschine MKIII at Christmas as my mother was giving me €200 towards it but I was terrified I'd blow the €200 on dope (not to mention feeling guilty taking so much money from her even if it was a gift) as I hadn't begun the acutes yet (not to mention not having the other €250-275 to put towards it) and I had just picked up a couple of €20 bags to see me through until New Years. She had to throw it down in front of me at the kitchen table to get me to take it, so initially I did and I held it in my wallet for about a week before she said she was running low on funds so I gave it back and said we'll leave it until more towards my birthday in April (as by that point I'll know exactly where I stand as realistically speaking, in the grand scheme of things 14 days is very early days).

No, you're doing well posting that much!
Music is surprising hey, I kept thinking, why do I feel high right now, oh that's right, endorphins can actually happen naturally in some people haha.

I've heard great things about the Maschine and Native Instruments make some awesome stuff, I had their Komplete VST software years ago, bought the DVD's off ebay for $80 without a key but the ole Pirate Bay came to the rescue with a crack

Don't really know much about the Push, it's a Sequencer isn't it? I mainly got the Launchkey for laying down keys and drums, I had been watching a lot of loopers on ebay like Marc Rebillet and TAETRO, great fun

 

[endlessnameless]

Still doing well folks - I'll post a proper update in the morning, I've been very busy and I'm currently exhausted after cycling the guts of 12k this evening. Hope everyone is doing well too.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 25

I feel incredible. Pretty much all of my withdrawal symptoms are gone save for the odd spell of chills. I'm still taking the 400mg Lyrica each morning as they undoubtedly work wonders for both my depression and anxiety which I suspect is due to PAWS which hopefully I wont have to feel considering I have an 18 day supply of them left. In addition, I take 3mgs of Trannex if needed though not every day and I'm cutting down on them currently.

I'll likely edit this to expound upon how things went during the interim period since my last post. I hope everyone is safe and well and I appreciate you reading my thread and lending your deeply appreciated time and support.

 

[endlessnameless]

Endless had a slip-up. Very disappointed in myself. I'm going to go about the withdrawals (which should be minor as the relapse wasn't that long) the same way as before, 400mgs of Lyrica and 3-4 Trannex for the anxiety.
I recently passed an exam for a job I applied for and actually passed. The interviews will likely be coming up soon so I need to get back to where I was in that last post.
Have an interview regarding something else tomorrow (dreading that due to nerves/overthinking), have an outing with family for Easter Sunday then I'll start my Day 1 again and document how it goes.

Extremely disappointed in myself and feeling very down about the circumstances.
Anyway, I need to just look on the bright side. I'll renew my Lyrica prescription on Friday and judging by how the last time went, I should be ok in about 10-12 days. Like I said I'll keep updates...
Any words of encouragement appreciated.

 

[gordonliddy]

Endless had a slip-up. Very disappointed in myself. I'm going to go about the withdrawals (which should be minor as the relapse wasn't that long) the same way as before, 400mgs of Lyrica and 3-4 Trannex for the anxiety.
I recently passed an exam for a job I applied for and actually passed. The interviews will likely be coming up soon so I need to get back to where I was in that last post.
Have an interview regarding something else tomorrow (dreading that due to nerves/overthinking), have an outing with family for Easter Sunday then I'll start my Day 1 again and document how it goes.

Extremely disappointed in myself and feeling very down about the circumstances.
Anyway, I need to just look on the bright side. I'll renew my Lyrica prescription on Friday and judging by how the last time went, I should be ok in about 10-12 days. Like I said I'll keep updates...
Any words of encouragement appreciated.

You sound like you'll be allright. Anyone this committed to making it is surely on the right path.

 

[endlessnameless]

Thanks for your reply @gordonliddy
I'm certainly committed - I feel once I get into full time employment I'll have little to no chance of relapsing. That relapse over the last few weeks was largely due to being unemployed and having absolutely nothing to do. Went out with a friend, he said he got the best stuff he had in months and that the drought seems to be coming to a finish so I stupidly smoked a few lines and that was it - back to calling the dealer on pay-days,

Took 400mgs of Lyrica and 4mgs of Trannex this morning and I'm feeling alright. The interview this morning went perfectly - I don't know what the hell I was worried about. I strolled through the city centre and did not feel any anxiety at all so that was good.
I have to go out for dinner on Sunday so I'll have to pick up for that so like I said, Monday will be the official start. Day 1 again, but last time I was coming off methadone so that's why I'm expecting the withdrawals to be a little easier (ie not lasting 3 bloody weeks).

At least I'm up out of bed and staying productive. I might even go and renew my Lyrica prescription today, we'll see. It'll get me back out of the house again and I can cycle to the pharmacy and get those endorphins going.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 1: 12:45

Lyrica (400mgs) and Trannex (3mgs) is keeping me somewhat sane and productive.
Main symptoms ds are chills and sweats, not feeling too down. Kind of relieved to be back working on my sobriety to be honest. Phone is off because I dont want dealerls calling and as its a bank holiday I wont be getting calls about the interview.
I may feel worse tomorrow and worse again on Wednesday however I expect by the end of the week for symptoms to be tolerable. I dont expect there'll be any vomiting or diarrhea. I'd say chills, sweats and feeling miserable for the first 5 days but it should ease off then.

I spent all my money yesterday at Easter Dinner with the family so theres no possible way of my scoring when the cravings hit and I dont get paid until next Monday by which time I should be feeling well enough to not want to bother. My PC charger is on the blink but I'll keep updates as much as I can.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 2 - 17:45pm

Lyrica - 400mgs
Diazepam - 50mgs (20mgs wasnt cutting it)
Tylex - 240mgs (30x8) - I wont take that many in future, its just that I was feeling like absolute SHIT today and managed to get a prescription from a connect out of desperation.
Loperimide/Immodium - 4mgs

At this point the symptoms are manageable, but I realise thats due to the detox meds. I might need to take the same amount tomorrow considering days 3-5 are usually the peak of opioid withdrawal but once day five is over thats when I'll taper down. Planning on taping down the Diazepam by 5mgs tomorrow.

 

[endlessnameless]

Just entered day 3 but this isnt a documentation of how thats going, I'm just stating the fact. I'll document how I feel tomorrow when I wake up.
Going to hit the hay, listen to my Trauma Release meditation video on YouTube...should post that actually - here you go:


I know tomorrow (day 3/4 - the confusion is because I use an app {I Am Sober} which starts you at Day Zero) is going to fucking suck large fucking shitty poxy fucking balls but I won't die...as long as I wake up. Which I will.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 3 - 12:30pm

Lyrica - 400mgs
Tylex - 180mgs
Diazepam - 20mgs

The 20mgs of Diazepam seems to be doing the trick. I'm not so much taking it for anxiety as I am taking it to stave off possible Benzo withdrawal, as Lyrica works wonders for my anxiety once the initial dizziness/cotton-mouth wears away after 2-3 days. Never had a problem with that in the past but considering the amount of Trannex I had been taking over the past month or so it's better to be safe than sorry. Would the Lyrica potentiate the codeine? Because I seem to be feeling fine today. Cravings are still there but I'm not noticing any withdrawal symptoms at all. Now of course I realise that's likely the Lyrica taking effect as I find they do usually take a few days to lessen the withdrawals...

Of course, the gear I was smoking was absolute dirt but it was strong enough to give me mild-moderate withdrawals, as evidenced by my posts. I'll continue weaning the codeine down over the next week and see how that goes but so far so good. I don't want to claim I'm anywhere near out of the woods yet - I could wake up tomorrow in an absolute heap. I woke up at 6:30am this morning and couldn't believe I wasn't lathered in sweat.

Birthdays coming up on Monday...that'll be dangerous.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 4 - 15:00

Lyrica - 400mgs
Tylex - 180m
Diazepam - 20mgs

No withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. Some cravings (thankfully I've no cash). The days are fine, its the nights I dread to be honest but that will improve. Only 3 days away from a week.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 5 - 12:15pm

Lyrica - 400mgs
Tylex - 180mgs
Diazepam - 15mgs (havent taken them yet)

Feeling a bit flat. Slight chills. As I said I haven't taken the Diazepam yet but I suppose I should, starting to get a twitch in my eye. Going to bring the codeine down tomorrow.
Thankfully I've no cash because trust me, I'd be on the bike and over to the spot in 10 mins.
Waking up at 6:30 am every morning and getting up to start the day. In bed by 12.

Hopefully, it won't be long until I feel a bit happier. It's mainly mental now. Irritable. Bored of it all.

 

[endlessnameless]

Day 9 16:30

Lyrica - 0mgs (to see how I do - feeling fine)
Diazepam - 20mgs (they're starting to make me feel groggy, not nice at all).
Tylex - 150mgs (I was going to take any but for the fact I was hung over)

Birthday boy yesterday (not that type thank god). Can't believe I didn't relapse, I just had a few beers. I had €195 cash in hand to spare today and spent that ASAP in the city buying things l needed - skin creams, a new electric razor, PC charger, food etc. just in case I got any ideas into my head. No physical withdrawals, its a mainly a mental game at this stage. I'm rather fatigued physically and mentally but then again I did have a few drinks last night. Occasionally I'll get mini-bouts of the sweats/chills but nowhere near how it was on my last Day 9 at the top of this page.

Glad I got out and about in the sun; quality time with the mammy

 

[gordonliddy]

Thanks for the update.

Congrats on making it to day 10, here's a little something for you!

 

[endlessnameless]

Thanks for the update.

Congrats on making it to day 10, here's a little something for you!

Ah cheers buddy, I really enjoyed that. I remember leaving Nevermind playing on my CD player while I was going to sleep and after about 5mins of silence after the album ended, Endless Nameless comes on and almost sent me into cardiac arrest. Felt fantastic.


Day 10/11 - 18:00 (Cash Saved: €220)

Tylex - 180mgs
Lyrica - 400mgs
Diazepam - 10mgs

Sleep is touch and go - by which I mean I'll lie awake until about 4am and then drop into a deep state of REM sleep. I love the dreams though, last night was an incredible adventure. I found myself in an endless hotel that just kept going and going with all sorts of rooms and corridors with obstacles and what not. I recall I was to meet a girl there for dinner and I was feeling shallow in self-confidence and was pacing around the hotel going back and forth both physically and mentally, battling with myself over whether to use or not. I found myself outside at one point and came across several 'user buddies' who I knew I could either score from or could find out where to get some but I just nodded at them and passed them by.

Woke at 9:30am to a rap-a-tap-tapping upon my bedroom door - my mother no less, as I said if the weather was bad I'd call her a taxi for work. Did so and returned to bed for a further 4hrs (only because I knew my body needed it).
Woke at 1:30pm in a mad sweat.
Doom scrolled on Reddit for an hour waiting for them to fade - they wouldn't. Panicked. Popped the codeine dose and the Lyrica. Waited a further hour in bed and then they began to fade away. As a result I dont know if the sweats were due to the lack of codeine or Lyrica (or possibly neither), however I'll experiment with lowering the Lyrica to 200mgs tomorrow and the codeine to 120mgs.